Sometimes I confuse myself. It's not something I make a conscious effort to do. Maybe God never intended my brain to be used for anything useful. It's like my mind has a mind of its own – and that scares me, because if it does, I have an alien form living inside my head and making decisions for itself and not me.

Imagine a cart balanced on the top of a hill. Now imagine giving that cart just the tiniest push – just a tap with your pinky finger – and it starts rolling down the hill. It gets faster and faster until finally it flies off the cliff at the end of the hill and goes shooting through the air, like some crazy wooden bird.

This explains my thought process (although I'm not sure I've ever actually experienced the flying off the cliff phase).

I was sitting in my room – if you could really call it that – and my thoughts were naturally centered on Aleron. Although some of the boys from the village would have sworn otherwise, I really am a girl, and as such, I was very preoccupied. Aleron had kissed me. Only on the cheek, of course, but I'd clearly felt his warm lips pressed against my cheek. I'd felt the heat that rushed to the area, outlining the exact spot we'd touched for several minutes after. And when I'd returned to camp, I had to run and find a looking-glass to make sure I didn't have a large burn in the shape of Aleron's lips scarred on my cheekbones.

I didn't. That made me feel somewhat better.

Still, I wasn't sure how to handle his attentions. I'd nearly made up my mind to ignore him and act as if nothing had happened between us. Then my mind began to make up its mind. It's really quite sad that I had such little control in my life.

This isn't who you are, I told myself.

Who cares? my brain said. You know you're attracted to Aleron. You've never had someone to watch out for you, and he could do that.

And thus had begun the crazy rolling-down-the-hill-out-of-control affair. I thought of Aleron's gruff features – his dark hair, his strong jawline, the way he always looked completely serious. And yet somewhere inside I could see the vulnerable part of him, the part that didn't believe in his leader's cause.

Just as I had decided to strangle myself with the bedsheet and save myself all this trouble, the door flew open. Aleron stood in the opening. I was completely shocked.

"You forgot to knock," I said, stunned.

"Forgive me," he replied.

"It wasn't really that big of a deal, I wasn't dressing or anything . . ."

"Not for the door!" he said. "Forgive me for earlier. I shouldn't have . . . it wasn't my place."

My face fell. I cleared my throat.

"Yes. Well." I couldn't think. "Just see it doesn't happen again."

He nodded, then spun on his heel and marched out the door.

Well, I'm glad that's taken care of, I thought.

Are you really? my mind's mind-of-its-own asked. And then, like the traitor he usually was, my heart began to ache.

"Tell me about Aleron," I said later as Elwyn refilled my pitcher of water. She didn't turn to look at me.

"He's my father's right-hand man," she finally said.

"I already knew that, Elwyn, give me a little more."

Finally she turned around.

"Lyda, you need to understand something," she said. "People around here generally have two sides to them – except my father, perhaps. Many of these men are or have been married. They're good fathers, and they're good providers. There are always exceptions, of course, but as a general rule, they're not evil men. But they come here, hoping to help with a cause they agree in. They want to unite the two kingdoms. They're idealistic. Most aren't educated. They commit horrible crimes because they're told that it has to be done in order to secure a healthy future for their kingdom."

"Aleron's married?" I asked, stunned. It was all I could think to say.

"Of course not, Lyda, try to keep up!" Elwyn said, her characteristic impatience showing through. She sighed. "What I'm trying to tell you is that people sometimes have two sides. It doesn't mean that one side is true and one side is false. It just means that you have to be careful."

"Careful of what?" I asked.

"I have to go. Another day." Elwyn shook her head and hurried out the door.

I was confused. Was Elwyn defending Aleron, telling me that he had two sides – a side that worked for her father, and a side that loved me – or was she saying that he acted as if he cared for me but really he was a terrible person? I didn't know what to think.

I'd never observed him around other people. I didn't know how far he was willing to go to help the king of Rembold. And surely he didn't know of Elwyn's father's plan! Surely he wouldn't abandon the entire countryside to be terrorized by dragons! He wasn't capable of such cruelty, of that I felt positive.

But what did I really know of Aleron? How had he come to unite himself with these men? Why wasn't he happily married, providing for his wife and children? He was certainly old enough.

I felt a chill run down my spine. It seemed perhaps I knew much less than I thought I did.