Because I ultimately feel guilty for never updating here.

This is inspired by crossover crack. A series of drabbles entitled The Tragedy of Neji, Prince of Denmark.

I think you'll all figure out who everyone is. (To start with, Gai Polonius. :3) And it'll probably help to watch Tale of L33t's version of Hamlet. XD

inspired by laur&jamie crack.

Neji turned the corner and smacked into Gai.

He normally heard Gai's boisterous voice before he could actually spot the man, and that point would turn the other away to avoid precisely the exchange which was occurring this very moment. Unfortunately, a mind deep in thought often forgets about the outside world and these things do happen. And so Neji crashed into a wall of green robe and heavily muscled flesh.

"HELLO NEJI. HOW ARE YOU?"

He blinked up at the man slowly, his brow furrowing and his rage dissipating. He had been contemplating the best manner in which to dismember a member of the family.

"Room temperature."

Gai's smile was too bright for this particular morning and the young man felt like covering his eyes. It was too early for this. He needed tea.

"ARE YOU GOING TO BE REMAINING HERE FOR A WHILE LONGER, OR WILL WE BE SHEDDING TEARS OF JOY AND MISERY AT YOUR FAREWELL PARTY?"

No one would be shedding tears except for Gai, Neji was sure, but he knew better than the correct the large green specimen. He'd get it into his brain that Neji felt he was unloved and then there would be a huge debacle as Gai attempted to prove Neji wrong.

(Hinata might shed tears, but as they fell so often, their significance and meaning were almost completely done away with.)

And here was Gai, waiting patiently for his response. No pointed look would be obvious enough for Gai, so Neji sighed and pushed a strand of hair into his cloak. "There will be no party."

The sun was about perpendicular with the window they stood next to, and without quite meaning to, both of them glanced toward the light. They squinted and looked away, the strength of the sun's rays too much for them. Despite their appearances and egos, they were both human, and their eyes were delicate.

"SEVEN YEARS."

Neji knew exactly what Gai was referring to. "Yes. Today."

"HE WAS A WONDERFUL MAN, YOU KNOW. A STRONG PILLAR OF MARBLE AMONGST THE MORE SANDY REPLICATES. YES, YES, HE WAS TRULY A LOSS TO THIS COMMUNITY. THE NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH WILL NEVER BE QUITE THE SAME WITHOUT HIS STEADY ATTENDANCE. HE LIKED TO MAKE PAPER AIRPLANES, IF I AM RECALLING CORRECTLY. HE AND YOUR UNCLE WERE EXPERTS AT THE EXERCISE. THEY WERE MOST DEFINITELY MASTERS.

"DO YOU SHARE THEIR EXPERTISE? YOU DO SEEM TO HAVE NIMBLE FINGERS AND LONG NAILS ARE CERTAINLY GOOD FOR SUPERIOR FOLDING TECHNIQUES."

The moment was gone, and the sun had risen just that little bit more. Neji straightened his black cloak and pulled up his hood, feeling safer now that his forehead and eyes were covered in shadow. As if he wasn't Neji any longer, now freed by the inability to be named or labeled.

"No, I do not." If the neighborhood watch were the only people who treasured his father, was there a point to his charade of mourning? No one else was playing. "I should be--"

Gai reached out and grasped Neji's shoulder with a hand that was too big for his body. His eyes were soft with empathy and the promise of tears. Pathetic. "WE ALL MISS HIM."

But not enough to avenge him.

Neji nodded and pulled away. Gai let him, and watched him walk down the hall toward Hinata's room.