Title: Three Men And A Little Theoretical Astrophysicist

Author: ReganX

Rating: PG/K+

Spoilers: Set towards the end of Season Two, so anything up to that is fair game.

Summary: "How can somebody so small and so sweet possibly cause so much trouble?"

Feedback: Feedback is more than welcome, flames are not.

Disclaimer: 'Stargate SG1' and all the characters associated with the show belong to someone who isn't me. As I doubt that the owners would be willing to trade their rights for some magic beans that aren't in any way magical, this is not going to change at any point in the foreseeable future.

Author's Note: I know that there are probably more 'SG'1 get turned into kids' stories out there than you could shake a stick at, but I figure that one more can't hurt.

Prologue

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Colonel speaking. We have now arrived at P4C-656. Please keep your seatbelts fastened until the 'gate has come to a complete..."

"Wow!" Daniel cut across Jack's narration. "Look at this place."

After almost two years of traveling through the stargate, SG-1 had seen more planets than any of them, with the exception of Teal'c, would have thought possible until a few years ago and quite a few of them could be described, with no injustice, as less than pleasant.

P4C-656 was an Eden, from the warm summer weather to the scent of the trees and flowers, to the lilting some of the birds. According to the MALP's data, there were even a few millennia old structures nearby to keep Daniel amused. It looked like a paradise.

Which probably meant that something especially nasty was waiting to bite them in the butt, Jack mused silently.

To say that SG-1's missions had a tendency not to go smoothly would have been an understatement of considerable proportions.

Jack was bored.

Having determined that there was no threat in the immediate vicinity and that, if there were any locals, they were pretty far away from the stargate, he had been unable to come up with a valid reason why Daniel should not be allowed to explore the Greek style temple they had found a few kilometers from the 'gate, much as he would have liked to, and when Carter had voiced a request to collect samples of the local plant life for study back at the SGC, he had resigned himself to a long wait while the team's two scientists amused themselves.

He knew that he should probably have been counting his blessings but the truth was that while Goa'uld attacks were not pleasant, far from it, at this point he would have welcomed the diversion.

At least, he reflected, he could be grateful that this was just an overnight assignment - before two hours had passed, he knew that a week or more on this peaceful, idyllic, boring planet would kill him.

SPLASH!

Jack, together with Teal'c and Daniel, whose examination of the temple's exterior was abruptly abandoned, reached the side of the rock pool within a minute, a split second before Sam emerged, coughing.

"Geez, Carter, I know this place is boring but you don't have to drown yourself for our amusement." Jack quipped as he reached out a hand to help her out of the water. "You alright?" His voice took on a more concerned note.

"Yes, sir." She assured him, determinedly suppressing a cough. It felt like she had swallowed about a liter of water but that discomfort was nothing compared to the embarrassment she was feeling. "I'm sorry, sir - I slipped while I was getting a sample of that plant." She indicated a small cluster of blossoms growing in a niche above the pool. "It's similar to a family of plants on Earth that have antiseptic properties and..."

"That's nice." Jack cut his 2IC off and nudged her in the direction of the temple, picking up her abandoned pack and thrusting it into her arms. "You can tell us all about it after you dry off."

He wouldn't put it past Doctor Fraiser to break out the biggest, scariest needles in her possession for his post-mission check-up if her best friend caught pneumonia or something on his watch.

"Yes, sir." Abashed, Sam headed towards the privacy of the temple to change her clothes.

Once she was gone, the long-suffering Colonel fixed Daniel, SG-1's worst offender where misadventures were concerned, with a stern glare. "You decide to follow Carter's shining example and liven up the trip with another accident, and I'll have Hammond issue leashes for all off-world scientists."

He considered it a minor miracle that he wasn't as bald as an egg yet.

Despite the peace of the planet, Jack was far too well-trained a soldier to even consider dispensing with the team's usual night watch routine and he had drawn the first watch himself.

After two uneventful hours, he rose and stretched, ready to sleep. After another couple of minutes, he began to feel slightly worried.

Carter should have come out to relieve him at the end of his watch, she was usually prompt about reporting for duty.

Inwardly praying that his friend had simply overslept, he moved over to her tent and gingerly lifted the flap. All he could see was the cocoon of a sleeping bag and a glimpse of blonde hair peeking out of it.

It was with some misgivings that he folded back the cover to reveal a peacefully sleeping face.

"Aw crap!"

Of the twelve SG teams, SG-1 had the dubious honor of having the worst record for getting into trouble on missions. Fortunately for them, they also had the best record for getting out of trouble, or they probably wouldn't have survived their first year of 'gate travel.

It was probably just as well the Jack wasn't aware of the betting pools that had formed to predict the next disaster that would befall his team.

General Hammond had a tidy sum running on whether or not they would manage to finish off another Goa'uld within a year.

Given their history, the sound of the alarms warning of off-world activation and Siler's report that it was SG-1's IDC signal, almost a full twenty-four hours before they had been due back, the general's trepidation was understandable.

"Open the iris!"

Teal'c and Daniel emerged from the stargate unharmed, but the somber expressions on their faces were far from reassuring.

Colonel O'Neill followed a moment later, a small, struggling form in his arms.

"Where is Captain Carter?"

Fully occupied with the kicking, shrieking figure in his arms, Jack didn't respond to the general's anxious question. As soon as the 'gate was safely disengaged, he gratefully set down his burden.

A little girl, perhaps four or five years old, with long blonde hair, stared around the Gate room with wide blue eyes. Her gaze fell on General Hammond and, after studying him for a minute, her face lit up with recognition and she dashed down the ramp towards him.

"Uncle George!"

"Sam?" Gaping at the little girl in astonishment, the general bent down to pick up the frightened child, rubbing her back soothingly for a few moments before glaring at her unfortunate teammates. "Would one of you mind telling me what the heck happened?"

TBC.