Ah, Valentine's Day, the day of love and sidebars and pink things and all that stuff. The day when chocolate sellers and flower vendors make a killing and girls expect to be showered in expensive gifts, while boys anticipate that they'll be broke by the end of the day. But such is the price of love in this commercialized world; true love can't be bought, but a diamond ring might be a good enough bribe to fake it.

The holiday had hit NTAG as well. Jeran was, for once, not running from Nimras; the two were walking down the halls together as friendly as could be. Leah had admitted to her crush on the Phantom Orange Shirt Guy. As for everyone else, they were just sharing the love.

Or at least, sharing as much love as Rabid Shadow Meepits had to offer. A small, dusty Feepit tore through the halls, screaming loudly as a single RSM chased him.

Meep looked up. "How on Neopia did he manage to escape from the pit? Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter." She walked over to the RSM and scolded, "Bad Rabid Shadow Meepit! It's Valentine's Day. Go apologize to Sage. And give him this," she added, handing the RSM a small rose.

The RSM trotted up to Sage and pressed the blossom into the Feepit's paw. Sage stared at the flower, not knowing what to think. "Th-thank you," he stammered, eyeing the RSM self-consciously. "I… um… thanks, but… I…"

Pow! A tiny fist struck the Feepit in the nose. Sage fainted. The RSM walked away, satisfied.

"Oh, poor little Feepit. Here." A burst of magic engulfed Sage, and he transformed into a shiny pearl. Belle smiled. "Isn't he pretty?"

"Ooh, yes," Nut said, floating over. She strung Sage into a pearl necklace and clasped it around her neck. "I'll wear him to the next watery party."

"I'm a piece of jewelry?" Sage stared at himself in horror. "I don't feel that this is a dignified position for a man to be in!"

"Why not? One of the greatest honors a pearl can have is a place in a necklace. Just think how much you're worth now!" Nut smiled and bobbed off.

A White Weewoo flew in through an open window and fluttered over to Nut. It dropped a pink envelope sealed with a red heart in her lap, winked, and sailed off.

Nut's eyes brightened. A mysterious valentine letter… Could she have a secret admirer? She carefully separated the red heart seal from the paper, taking care not to damage the envelope, and pulled open the flap with such force that a long rip appeared in the pink paper. The Purple Kiko lifted out the enclosed message. Taking a deep breath, she read the words written on the paper.

"Because you placed in the top 3, a piece of artwork has been added to your Inventory and you have been awarded 200 Neopoints!" Nut gasped. Her heart started to beat faster. Someone thought I was one of the top three valentine candidates in all Neopia? And they sent me a piece of artwork—no doubt lovingly crafted with their own hands—and a gift of money! Could a mysterious valentine be any sweeter?

Luau came floating over to the love struck Purple Kiko, holding up a piece of pink paper. Nut looked at it and gasped. "You got the same letter I did! Who do you suppose our shy admirer is? Whoever it is must be a male Kiko/Belle doll, since both of us Kiko/Belle dolls have gotten this message. Keep an eye out for—"

Luau looked at her quizzically. "Um, these are form letters. TNT sends them out to everyone who places in the World Challenges every hour, remember?"

"TNT? I never would have thought!" Nut gasped. "To think that The Neopets Team themselves would start sending valentines to Neopians… and yet we're not allowed to put romance in the Times! They're breaking their own rules!"

"What makes you think these are valentines?" Luau asked, staring at her notice.

"Well, obviously! Can't you see the color of the paper? And the little heart-shaped seal?"

"Valentine's sidebar Neomail icons," Luau reminded her.

"Oh… nerts."

At that moment, Leah came flying up to the two Kikos. "Who got a love letter from TNT? I want to see!" she exclaimed.

"They're not really…" Luau began.

Leah grabbed the pink paper from Nut's fins and read the letter with intense interest. When she finished, she bounced up and down and exclaimed, "Do you think the Phantom Orange Shirt Guy wrote those? Ooh, do you think he did?"

"I have no idea," Nut said.

"He does all that game stuff! He could have!" Leah cried with mounting excitement. A dreamy look came over her face. "You're so lucky!" The dreamy look was quickly replaced by a jealous look, however. She turned to face the two Kikos and yelled, "Hey! Why does he send love letters to YOU two and not to ME? I'M the one who spent hours stalking him so I could give him a valentine card! I'M the one who ran him down and totally mauled him in the games room! I'M the one who went to all that trouble—and all YOU did was win a World Challenge! It's not fair! Just because you two play games and I get my money from restocking, the Orange Shirt Guy likes you better than me! He's… he's biased towards people with slow Internet connections! IT'S NOT MY FAULT I CAN RESTOCK SEVENTEEN MVCs IN A WEEK!"

Leah stormed out of the room. Luau and Nut looked at each other and shrugged.

Nut sighed as she trudged down the hall towards the NTAG ocean. She changed into her Belle doll form and dove in. No secret admirer. No gifts. Nothing but a misleading sidebar. What a Valentine's Day this was.

"Where's my male Belle doll in shining armor come to rescue me from the depths of being unloved?" she asked, trying to look like a tragic mermaid.

"Hey! I'm a PEARL!" Sage exclaimed. "A PEARL!"

"I'm glad you've come to appreciate your form."

"That's not what I—"

Before Sage could finish, he found himself falling off of Nut. He landed in the silt on the bottom of the ocean. Staring up, he saw no sign of the Belle doll that had been wearing him. Instead, he saw a peculiar lumpy brown doll with fins.

"It works! It works!" a squeaky voice exclaimed with glee.

Nut stared at herself, and then at the potato that was laughing at her from the bank. "What did you do to me?" she exclaimed.

"I'm learning transformation magic from miss Belle," the potato replied. "I learned the spell for turning things into merdolls of myself! You are now a merpotatodoll!"

"I'm a what?" Nut cried.

"You're a merpotatodoll! You're simply beautiful! So lumpy and dusty! And your eyes are stunning!" The potato chuckled happily. "Now I can go about changing all of NTAG into merpota—"

"Yum." A hand swept the potato up off the ground and bit a chunk out of it. "Raw potatoes are pretty good," Mashy said contentedly.

"Honestly." Nut frowned. "Where was I? Oh, yes. I don't have a valentine. If only some kind guy would—"

A handsome young Kiko suddenly charged into the room, carrying a large bouquet of flowers. He looked around quickly, his cheeks turning a deep red. "Er, um, e-excuse me, is there a girl named Nut here?"

"Yes, that's me."

The Kiko blinked, staring at the bumpy brown tuber that was swimming in the water before him. Stitches held its plushie sides together. The creature batted her many eyes at him. He stepped back, looking highly disturbed. "Er, never mind. Bye." He turned and rushed away.

"Honestly!" Nut said with a frown. "Am I never to have a valentine?" she mourned.

"What's with the drama?" Sage asked.

Nut glared at him. "It's a subtle hint."

"You know," a voice came from above, "my new puppy doesn't have a date either."

Nut looked up and met the eyes of Nimras. "Well, it stands to reason. I mean… he's a puppy."

"And you're a merpotato," Sage muttered.

"MerpotatoDOLL!" Nut corrected.

"Furry valentines are the best kind," Nimras said with a grin.

"Are you suggesting something?" Nut gave the Lupess a quizzical look.

"Well, Jeran and I could use someone to babysit Puppy while we go on a date. I mean… you two would be perfect for each other!"

"Hold on. You want me to go on a date with your puppy?"

"Why not?" Nimras grinned.

-------------------------------------------

"I don't recall agreeing to this." Nut stared into the canine eyes of the furry valentine that sat wagging his tail in front of her. He towered above the merpotatodoll.

"Jeran and I should be back sometime tonight, late. Have fun!" The two Lupes headed for the door. "I trust you not to completely destroy my NTAG room, Nut. After all, you're a responsible… merpotatodoll. Right?"

"Yeah, sure. Have a nice time at the movies," Nut said.

The door closed. Nut turned to Puppy. "Well, you and I are alone now. What shall we… um…"

A large wet nose was lowering down on Nut. Sniff. Sniff. Class of object determined. Food: positive. Puppy grinned and opened his mouth.

"YAGH!" The merpotatodoll jumped up and ran across the room, with Puppy barking joyfully in pursuit. Nut raced into the kitchen. Finding herself cornered against a wall, she dove into a nearby garbage can and began yelling, "Nice puppy! Good boy! Go over there, please!"

The sound of the door handle turning met her ears. Nimras's voice entered the room, "I forgot my wallet."

Puppy barked excitedly, pushing against the garbage can. It toppled over, spilling banana peels and plastic wrappers all over the kitchen floor. Nut's eyes widened as she saw Nimras coming into the kitchen. The merpotatodoll glanced up and saw a wallet sitting on a counter. "Why don't you look for your wallet in—in your room or something?" Nut cried desperately.

"But I can see it's right here." Nimras picked up the wallet and looked down at the trashcan lying on its side and the garbage scattered over the floor. "Oh dear, I hope you clean that up."

"Of course," Nut said, embarrassed. She wet a Kleenex and began scrubbing up the floor with it, while evading Puppy's playful attempts to catch her in his mouth.

Nimras returned to Jeran, who was standing by the door, and said worriedly, "Do you think they'll be all right alone together?"

Jeran shrugged and cocked an ear towards the kitchen.

"Don't track the mess all over the floor!"

"Woof!"

"Don't eat the garbage, either!"

"Woof, woof!"

"And DON'T EAT ME!"

"WOOF!"

"ARGH!"

"I guess they'll be fine," Nimras said uncertainly, heading out the door.

In a corner of the kitchen, Nut was brandishing a large wooden rolling pin. Puppy jumped at her, a wide smile plastered on his face.

Nut raised the rolling pin to block him. His teeth met the wood. Nut drew it back and countered his next strike in the same manner. The two dueled across the kitchen floor, the merpotatodoll on the defensive with the rolling pin and Puppy lunging with his teeth bared.

"Hiyah! Hoy! Hup! Ha!" Nut spun around, twirling the rolling pin swiftly to block Puppy's dives at her. "HA!" She held the pin out in front of her as a shield.

Puppy sunk his teeth into the wood and began dragging Nut along by the rolling pin.

"Hey!" Nut cried, struggling to regain control. Puppy pulled her all over the kitchen.

CRASH!

"I just cleaned that up after the first time!" Nut moaned, looking at the tipped over garbage can.

"Excuse me, I forgot my keychain." The front door opened again.

"Agh!" Nut bounced along through the air, clinging to the rolling pin as Puppy went running towards Nimras.

The White Lupess eyed her grinning puppy. "You be a good boy and treat your date nicely, all right?"

"Woof?" Puppy cocked his head at Nimras.

"Yes, that's right." Nimras glanced into the kitchen on her way to get the keychain. "Remember to clean up all that spilled garbage, by the way."

Nut banged her head into the wall.

"All right, well… have a nice time," Nimras said as she exited through the door.

When she was gone, Puppy looked at Nut, panting happily. Nut frowned. "Okay. You're going to be a good boy and not try to eat me… right?"

Puppy yawned.

Nut decided to try another tactic. She clasped her fins together and said, "Oh Puppy, be my valentine!"

Puppy's eyes brightened. He wagged his tail and headed out of the room.

"Finally," Nut muttered to herself. "Now I can clean up that trash without worrying about being chased." She headed into the kitchen to deal with the mess there.

"Woof."

Not long after she'd begun the task, Nut looked up and found Puppy standing in front of her, carrying a fresh rose in his mouth. He dropped it at Nut's fins and trotted off.

"Why, thank you, Puppy," Nut said in astonishment. She looked at the rose for a moment and then turned back to her work.

Shortly, Puppy returned with another rose. He continued to bring Nut roses all the while that she was cleaning up the trash. By the time she had finished, there was a pile of bright red roses lying before her, and Puppy was grinning at her and wagging his tail.

"I'd better find a vase for these," Nut said, amazed at the puppy's behavior. She moved forward, staring at the roses—and not paying attention to where the trashcan was.

CRASH!

Nut slapped her forehead.

"I'm back again! I forgot my plushie," Nimras said, walking in through the door.

Nut looked up. "Your plushie?"

"Yes, I bring him everywhere with me." Nimras grabbed a plush toy and headed back out the door. "Say, you still haven't cleaned up that junk in the kitchen."

"GAH!" Nut screeched.

Nimras looked at her quizzically and ducked out the door.

Shortly, a muffled shout was heard from outside, "MY ROSE GARDEN!"

"Since when do you keep a rose garden?"

"Jeran planted it just for me this Valentine's Day! I was going to treasure the roses forever! How did they get all dug up?" Nimras asked sadly.

Nut pointed to Puppy.

Puppy lifted a paw and pointed it to Nut.

"HEY!" Nut exclaimed. Puppy grinned innocently at her.

Nimras glared at Nut. "If you weren't dating my puppy, I'd take a cheesegrater to you. But I'll give you another chance. Goodbye, now." The door closed.

Nut groaned and turned to Puppy. He had taken a seat at Nimras's dining room table, which was set for two. A bowl of dog food was positioned at one end. At the other, there was a plate of mashed potatoes.

The merpotatodoll sat down at her place, sighing. This was a date, after all, and it wouldn't be complete without a romantic dinner.

The door opened once again. "Oops, I just realized I forgot my teabag!" Nimras came walking in, seeming to have forgotten about her roses.

Nut jumped up. "Are you making excuses for coming back in to check on us?"

"Of course not."

"Why do you need to bring a teabag to the movies?"

"Not everyone likes soda with their popcorn, you know." Nimras grabbed a teabag and waved as she left. Nut shook her head.

It was then that she noticed how short she was as a merpotatodoll. Her head was nowhere near the tabletop. She couldn't possibly reach her food.

Nut grabbed a bucket from the kitchen and set it on her chair. Puppy watched with interest as she filled it with water. Nut jumped into the bucket and bobbed to the surface, making her level with the tabletop. She reached towards the plate with her food on it.

"Oof!"

"Ergh!"

"Erf!"

Her merpotatodoll arm length wasn't nearly as long, either. Nut stared at the food sitting a couple of feet across from her, trying to think out the problem.

Sensing her plight, Puppy leaped across the table and knocked the plate of potatoes into the bucket, covering Nut with mashed potato mush.

"AGH!"

Puppy grabbed Nut and began licking her.

Nimras walked in again. "Sorry, I forgot the lucky suction cup that I always bring to the movies."

"You ARE making excuses!" Nut cried.

"Oh, of course not." Nimras watched Puppy licking the mashed potato-covered merpotatodoll that he held above a large water-filled bucket sitting in one of the chairs.

"WILL YOU JUST LEAVE?" Nut screeched, her face turning red.

"As soon as I find my lucky suction cup…" Nimras walked into the kitchen. "Hey! There's still garbage all over the floor here!"

"AAAAAGH!"

To be continued…

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Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed it, though this is mainly just a setup for the rest of the date. To mimic Sage's words, I thought you'd rather have a seven-page chapter now than a fifteen-page one later…

Leah: It looks more like seven-and-a-sixth-page chapter to me.

Yeah, and not enough humor in it, either. Sorry it was lacking a bit in laughs.

Leah: I thought it was funny!

Sage: Yeah, and you thought it was FUNNY when I was being savagely attacked by Rabid Shadow Meepits in the last chapter, right?

Leah: Of course.

Sage: … I thought it was funny too.

Leah: Great, let me throw you back in that pit now so I can finish counting the Meepits.

Sage: NO!