Ah a visitor! Right this is my first fan-fic so it might well be rubbish, I wanted to write something serious but decided to test the water with this stupid humour story. Any way this plot is entirely encased within the 9 days before the Cell games and Cell is the only Dragonball Z character to appear, the rest are all made up and are NOT based on real people what ever you might think, honest.…
The Cell Games
Cell stood calmly in the middle of his ring, the essence of confidence. It was all so close, all that Dr Giro had work for, all that he had worked for! Just nine days and he would get to crush the z warriors live on TV, then he would destroy the world, evaporate the worthless human race and complete Dr Giro's Revenge and then ,and then, well he hadn't quite got that far yet but he was sure he would think of something. For now there was nothing to do but wait.
Four hours later Cell was beginning to get board of twiddling his thumbs. So he did a bit of pacing up and down to fill the time. After he had managed to prove that the least amount of steps it took him to cross his ring was twelve he was board again. After so staring into space he decided the time might pass a bit quicker if he had a tick chart to mark off the days, so he set about making one in the corner of his ring.
Cell was so busy with his chart he failed to notice a car pull up (this was quite an achievement considering that it was a really big car and tick charts really aren't that interesting). Cell didn't notice two large men get out of the car either, in fact he didn't notice them until they were right behind him!
"Excuse me Mr Cell" one of them said, Cell didn't bother to turn round
"Like my tick chart?" he asked. The man paused and looked at the chart, the android had drawn a vertical line on one of the pillars of his ring with a piece of coal.
"It looks more like a tally chart to me" he said, the android paused and took a step back to get a better view,
"Yes," he said, "I guess I does, and in that case I really should have marked it at the end of the day not the start you kno…" something clicked in the androids brain and he swung round to face the two men. "What are you doing in my ring!" he demanded "the Cell games aren't for nine days yet and I won't fight anyone early"
"Why not?" asked one of the men
"Because then no one would see it," Cell replied in a tone he reserved for idiots and Vegeata, "and if I fought lots of fight angst anyone who turned up before the Cell Games then it would dilute the importance of the actual event"
"Oh that makes sense" said one of the men "I doesn't matter any way cause we're not here to fight"
"Then what do you want" Cell snapped impatiently
"Our boss wants a word" the man replied.
"Well he can't have one" Cell replied "I'm far to busy with this chart"
"He says it will only be quick"
Cell sighed with the air of an android that has many crosses to bear, "fine" he said "lead me two him"
The men obliged and lead Cell the car parked by his ring. As they approached Cell absentmindedly wondered if it would explode when he got close. "As if that would destroy me" he thought but you never could underestimate the stupidity of humans.
To Cells disappointment the car didn't explode, instead a short man with messy white hair and sunglasses got out and ran over to shake his hand.
"Cell, Cell," he said far to happily for Cell's liking "It's great to finally meat you, you are Cell right?"
"Yes I'm Cell" the android replied a little, no considerably taken a back by the friendliness of his greeting "and you are…"
"Ernie Becclostone at your service" the short man declared proudly.
"Really" said Cell who wasn't particularly impressed, "And how do you intend to serve me?" he asked in a tone that implied that this better be good. Ernie, apparently un-phased continued the charm offensive,
"Well I saw your Cell Games announcement on the World News." He said, and continued with genuine enthusiasm "I was really impressed with the whole idea, A fighting competition to decide the fate of the world, what an event!"
"Yes I was rather pleased when I thought of it" said Cell proudly, "I just can't wait to see the world cower in terror at my evil majesty."
"Hmmm" said Ernie "Yes I imagined you would like that, so it's a shame it won't happen."
"Come on," said Cell, "You saw my power on the TV, are you seriously suggesting that someone could beat me?"
"No of course not" Ernie replied, "it's just no one will care" Cell tried to resist the temptation to laugh,
"I'm going to destroy the planet" he bellowed impressively, "People are going to care"
"No they won't" Ernie replied dismissively "they'll just assume it's global warming of terrorists with weapons of mass destruction."
"But" argued Cell, "I made a dooms day announcement and everything, just like in the movies and comics!"
"You did," consoled Ernie, "But terrorists and global warming have been in the papers a lot more than your dooms day announcement. And your announcement was too far in advance, nine days is a long time."
"Fighters need time to prepare" Cell replied defensively "And who says nine days is a long time it's barely more than a week!"
"The papers will," Ernie declared, "You can't expect them to print the headline, "Android going to Destroy World" nine days in a row, they need more of a story then that!"
"Fine" declared Cell defiantly "I shall declare I'm going to destroy the whole Universe then!"
"Could you do that?" asked Ernie suspiciously.
"No" said Cell quietly "But no one from earth would be able to check, and my Cell Games would still be a success!"
"Er quiet" Ernie muttered before speaking up. "Before you try that perhaps I could help. I'm in marketing you see," he explained "and I think that if we worked together we could make the Cell games a bid success without resorting to lying"
"Isn't marketing just discreet lying" retorted Cell upset that a mere human had questioned his plan.
"Of course not" Ernie replied "it's elaborate telling of the truth!"
"What's the difference?" Cell asked.
"Not much" Ernie replied "but the important thing is, are you up for it" Cell paused; he had the sneaking suspicion that he was being coned into this.
"I'm a perfect life form Ernie" he declared "I only accept the best"
"Naturally" said Ernie "don't worry about that I've worked in this industry for years, I market Grand Prix racing you know."
"What" replied Cell "Those boring events in which 6 billboards drive around a circuit in the same order for 2 hours!"
"Yup!" Ernie replied "And only the World Cup, Super Bowl and Olympics get larger TV audience and they don't happen 20 times a year!" Cell nodded, he had to admit he was impressed. "Now" Ernie continued "With your amazing event and my marketing expertise we can make the Cell Games the biggest event in the history of the world, and you a very rich android!"
"Wait a sec" said Cell, "I know what happens when marketers get involved, they fiddle and change things until the whole thing is just a one big money making business. You're not going to do that to my Cell Games!"
"Of course not" Ernie replied "I just thought we would put up a few stands for spectators, maybe some advertising boards, negotiate TV rights and get you to do a bit of promotional work to keep it all in the public eye."
"That's all?" Cell questioned suspiciously,
"That's all" Ernie confirmed.
"You're not going to change anything else?"
"Absolutely not!" Declared Ernie.
Cell paused and looked back at his ring. He supposed it wasn't really spectator friendly and rather dull. He did want the Cell Games to confirm his superiority to an entire terrified world not just the Z warriors and Ernie had implied he could do that. At the very least it would give him something to do other than twiddle his thumbs for nine days. With a sigh he turned back to Ernie,
"Very well your hired" he said "You can market the Cell Games"
"Excellent" Declare Ernie excitedly "you're not going to regret this Cell. Just sign here….and here…and here…here…here…here…here…here…here….and here…and here……."
I hope you liked it. Any way I've put up more than one chapter to start with but if you want to Review now go ahead, I'd like to here any suggestions you have, but be gentle as it's my first story, thanks.