Authoress: This is manga canon; so it may not make much sense to people who've only watched the anime. And it contains spoilers all the way up to the fifth book of Matantei Loki Ragnarok.
Ever since that day when she had first wandered into the strangely familiar ruins, a huge, gaping loss had gnawed incessantly at her from the inside out; so deep within, that she had no idea how to even begin healing it. And it rankled, throbbed with a burning urgency which she could not quell, and yet, could not ignore.
But over time, she discovered that as long as she was by his side, it eased the painful restlessness... And so, she stayed close to him, as often as she could.
It seemed to please him, the way she would make up the most transparent excuses to stay around the agency - around him - as long as propriety would allow. Everyday, she would park herself obstinately in his study, protesting adamantly when he reminded her about the time; and everyday, he would shake his head ruefully at her, before smiling indulgently.
She loved his smiles, for their hidden gentleness always managed to soothe the ache that was threatening to rip her into pieces.
In recent days, she had taken to bringing her school assignments to the run-down house that doubled as their operation base. After all, she reasoned smugly, this way, she got both help on her schoolwork, and a convincing defense for her all-too-obvious reluctance to leave him.
Of course, that was exactly what led to her falling asleep at his house, her face buried in the book before her... Till a raging thunderstorm roused her with a start.
"Where...?"
There was a dark silhouette by the window, etched in deep shadow by the lightning crackling in the night sky. At her groggy question, it turned, and she saw that it was none other than the blond detective she had met a mere few months before.
"Loki-san...?"
Noiselessly, he stepped away from the window, and into the golden glow of the lamp beside her. "You've woken, I see." There was a distinctly amused note to his voice, and she flushed with embarrassment as she recalled where she was.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to... What time is it? Papa's going to be so worried..." Hastily, she picked up her books, her fingers fumbling with the languor of sleep. A book slipped from her lax grip, and she winced instinctively as it fell with a thump onto the floor.
Before she could slide off the couch to retrieve it, however, he had stooped to do so. "Here." With a mischievous twinkle in his sky-blue eyes, he continued, "I took the liberty of informing your father that you were... indisposed, as well."
The only words she could manage in response to that were a mortified, "Oh dear."
He chuckled softly in agreement.
After stuffing her books haphazardly back into her bag, she stood to leave. "I'm sorry for falling asleep... Good night, Loki-san, and thank you for telling Papa for me."
"... Would you like to stay here tonight?"
Her breathing developed a hitch. What? "Loki-san!"
"It's a little late for you to go home, Mayura." His voice was reasonable, smooth... and infinitely appealing.
She whipped her blazing face around to look at him, glad for the cover that the darkness afforded her. "But..."
"Well, if you want to get yourself completely drenched..." He smiled beguilingly at her, his eyes and expression proclaiming absolute ingenuousness. An angel's countenance, which enticed and warned, at the same time.
A single look out of the window decided her. "... Are you sure it's okay?"
"Fenrir can stand guard for you, if you're worried."
"Worried about wha... Oh." Not even the dimness could conceal her blush this time.
His eyes laughed at her affectionately, even as he ruffled her hair in a deliberately condescending manner. "Joking aside, I do have a guest room, you know."
"Of course I do!" she retorted weakly, lifting a fist to punch his arm in retaliation. He caught her fingers deftly in his, and raising them, pressed a courtly kiss to the back of her hand. "Then, will you stay?"
Despite the teasing quirk in his voice, there was... an unusual air of loneliness about him, and she found herself wanting to assuage that quiet sorrow. So, after hesitating for just a moment more, she nodded. "Thank you so much, Loki-san."
He did not release his hold on her, but shifted his hand so that their palms rested against each other, his fingers light yet strong around hers. "Come."
She never understood how he could command her with a simple word or glance. Perhaps it was just the compelling mastery which shrouded him, or the easy confidence that was part of his very character, or the certain knowledge that she was safe under his protection... But, be it as it may, she followed him as trustingly as a pup would its owner.
Outside the door to the guest room, he stopped, and let her hand go free. "Good night, Mayura."
All the mysteries of the night pooled within his fathomless eyes, and Mayura felt giddy as she gazed directly into their piercing, blue depths. There was no fear, though; there was never fear, not with Loki. Only questions which swirled maddeningly inside her, and which she knew she would never dare to ask.
Wrenching her eyes away from his, she murmured shyly, "Good night, Loki-san."
He laughed, and with a final pat on her head, swiveled to stride off to his own room.
The sight of his back receding into the black obscurity left a hollow disconsolation in the middle of her, and she waited till she could no longer discern the blackness of his frame from the inky shadows, before she finally entered her own room.
VAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVA
For the second time that day, she was jerked rudely awake; this time, by the silvery luminance streaming in through the window.
The night was still, silent; fresh, with the bracing chill that comes after a storm has passed. For a moment, she stared at the unfamiliar ceiling in dazed confusion. Then, as it came back to her in disconnected clumps of understanding, she clamped her eyes shut resolutely.
She never knew that silence could be so keen.
Finally, when it became clear that sleep was not planning on reclaiming her any time soon, she sighed and sat up. Shivering at the rush of cool night air, she got out of the bed, the springs creaking at the sudden alighting of her weight.
Bare-footed, she padded over to the window to stare up at the brilliant moon, large and beautiful and so radiant in the sable-black sky.
The sheer perfection of it sharpened the great void inside her, contrasted it, made it so pronounced that it twisted despairing knots within her.
It hurt.
Profound sadness. Why? What was missing?
A pair of warm arms slid around her, drawing her to an equally warm body. "What's wrong?"
Mayura blinked, to find her cheeks wet with tears she could not remember shedding. "Loki-san?"
Gently, he turned her around to face him. Again, he repeated, "What's wrong?" His thumb came up to stroke away the trails of moisture; and, for some incomprehensible reason, his tender touch only made the tears fall faster.
Biting her lip in a valiant attempt to keep it from trembling betrayingly, she shook her head mutely, his hand preventing her from turning away when she tried.
He held her closer, his gaze fixed fiercely on her. "No, you're not alright, Mayura. Now, tell me what's wrong."
It was part command, part entreaty, and she could not refuse him. "I..." She broke off to take a deep breath, and to reorganize her jumbled thoughts. Helplessly, a little laugh bubbled up her throat, through the strange hurt. "This will sound silly."
"Let me be the judge of that, Mayura." Firmly, he tucked her head beneath his chin, stroking her hair comfortingly.
The position was intimate, and - unquestionably - terribly improper... But oddly enough, not the faintest twinge of self-consciousness hampered the moment. Just as surely, as though they had been lovers for decades, instead of friends of months, she put her arms around him and surrendered herself to his reassuring embrace.
"I... don't really know. But... it feels..."
He waited patiently as she struggled to put her tangled emotions into words.
"Something... isn't there. Something very, very important... Something I should - must - know, but don't, not anymore. Like... like... I've lost something, Loki-kun."
While the honorific had slipped out in an instant of unguarded reflex, the sound of it clicked neatly into place, a welcome homecoming. And, although it was far from being the last piece of the puzzle, a thawing warmth blossomed from inside her body.
Experimentally, she tried the name again, savoring it on her tongue. "Loki... -kun."
Deep emotion flickered in his beautiful eyes, before he kissed her for the first time. "Mayura." Her name was breathed out, softly and passionately, against her mouth. "I was wondering when you would revert to that."
Mayura spared a second to flush at the light brushing of lips, before lifting a puzzled gaze to his and searching his smiling face. "Revert...?"
"Shh. It's alright, Mayura. You needn't think about it anymore." His hand had come to rest on her back, and he rubbed the area between her shoulder-blades in small, circular motions, the contact relaxing.
Still, she pressed, needing to know. "Revert?"
He simply smiled, the ghost of an old sadness in his features, before he laid a chaste kiss on her forehead.
Had the room not been bathed in the surreal moonlight, had his eyes not looked so impossibly lonely as they did, she doubted she would have taken the bold liberty she took right then. Greatly daring, she reached up to caress his jaw, watching her fingers flit uncertainly over clean-shaven skin. "... Did... I say something bad?"
There was a shake of his head in the negative, and a touch of his lips to her palm. "No."
"Thank goodness." Timidly, she leaned her forehead on his chest. When he did not resist, she turned her face so that her ear was pressed to the spot just above his heart, feeling the thumping of it in her own body. His grip about her tightened, and she settled closer into him, allowing herself to drown in his steady heartbeat, seeking his strength. "Loki-kun..."
Almost immediately, she made a second, astonishing discovery... That, when she was in his arms and he in hers, the corroding acid of the emptiness became a distant memory, irrelevant, powerless.
She was vaguely aware of his hand playing lazily with the pink locks of her hair. "... Will you... call me Loki-kun from now on?"
There was an unfamiliar pleading in the request that belied the undemanding nature of his voice. A fervent intensity that was most unlike his normal, laid-back self... Quizzically, she looked up at him.
The light fell full on his face, and he made no attempt to avert his face from her.
Her breath caught in her throat.
Loneliness still eddied in the clear cerulean, but even more than that, a stark happiness. Eloquent, and strong, and directed at her.
In a tremulous clamor of ecstasy, she knew that she had brought him that happiness.
And she longed, so very much, to be able to give him the same joy that he had given her.
"Mmm." Loki-kun. The ring of it in her mind fit like a key in a lock, lodging itself till she could no longer imagine calling him in any other way.
"Good." Then, he bent his head to methodically kiss away the rest of her tears, disregarding the heat that flared in her cheeks. To her surprise, it felt... good, and right, for him to soothe her pain in such a way, and her eyes drifted shut under his soft ministrations.
"... Mayura, are you going to sleep on me?"
Crimson snapped abruptly open to meet amused sapphire. "I am not!"
He laughed, the merry sound echoing in the air. "Silly girl." Pausing, he cupped her face in one hand and regarded her seriously. "Mayura. I want you to stop thinking about... what you just said."
"But, Loki-kun..." Her protest was halted by his finger on her lips.
"I'm here now, Mayura. It doesn't matter anymore."
She wanted to complain that that didn't make the least bit of sense, that the festering wound inside her had nothing to do with him, but realized that the words were true. He was here, by her side... And that really was all that mattered.
Tilting her face up to give him a quivering smile, she saw his head dipping, and made no move to avoid the inevitable.
This time, their kiss was slow, thorough, unhurried; as though they had all the time in the world to affirm their bond. He took his time, exploring her mouth with his warm tongue, stealing her breath relentlessly to give her his own; and blissfully, she closed her eyes, falling naturally into that most perfect of kisses which he led so tenderly.
She hoped that it would last forever.
Eventually, when they parted, their faces were flushed and their breathing uneven, but they smiled at each other. His eyes were filled with a brightness that thrilled all the way into her soul to curl her toes with delight, and at that look, her insides disintegrated into rich, molten gold which pulsed headily in her veins.
For this moment, just for this single moment, she had been born.
He threw back his head to laugh the exultant laugh of a rejoicing man. "By the gods, I really should set Fenrir on guard at your door tonight."
There was a devilish fire in his sapphire eyes, and her face flamed at their blatant teasing. Lifting her chin abashedly, she assured him, "You won't do anything to me, Loki-kun."
"Really." He inclined his head in mock surprise. "Should I take that as a... challenge, Mayura?" The smirk curving his lips was wicked, deeply sensual, even as his gaze trickled slowly down, lingering far too long on areas where it had really no business to be lingering upon... Involuntarily, she shivered, just the barest tremor; but it was enough to tinge his smile with a knowing satisfaction.
She lifted one hand and smacked his arm. "Mou! I just meant that... Well... I trust you."
"Ah." He considered her, his expression dark and brooding.
Thrown off-balance by the sudden change in his mood, she blinked. "Loki-kun?"
"Do you really?"
"Really what?"
"Trust me." He curled his fingers around hers, and brought them up to his lips. "Say you do, Mayura."
"I do, Loki-kun." And it was a promise, freely given.
"... Ah." He pressed his teeth gently into her knuckle, then let her hand fall. He would have released her as well, had she not wrapped her arms about him and hung on as though he was a lifeline.
"Will you... will you stay till I'm asleep?" Don't leave me alone.
He gave a quiet laugh, and then buried his face in her hair. "You really are determined to test my resolve to its limits, aren't you?"
She blushed furiously, guessing what he meant - not even she could be that innocent - but kept her arms where they were. Burrowing into the fine fabric of his shirt, she inhaled deeply, taking his warm scent into her lungs, feeling it chase away the cold's sinuous hold on her being. "... Please?"
At the supplication, he gathered her into the secure circle of his arms, cradling her as carefully as he would a new-born babe. "Silly child." A gentle kiss was smoothed to her forehead, before she found herself clinging to his neck as he lifted her swiftly off her feet. "Loki-kun!"
He only laughed again, and three quick steps later, her back met with the soft mattress. Seating himself on the edge of the bed, he brushed her hair out of her eyes with such tenderness that her heart nearly broke with the sweetness. "Fine. Now go to sleep, Mayura."
She stuck her tongue out at the long-suffering tone he affected, then smiled and touched his fingertips as they left her face. "Loki-kun?"
"Yes?" His voice was low and rich and possessed of such understanding acceptance that her eyes grew damp all over again.
She entwined her fingers with his and pressed them to her cheek. Closing her eyes, a contented sigh rose from her, a soft sound infused with fulfillment. "Stay with me?"
One day, she knew, she would continue her search for answers. Some day in the future, when the void grew too great, or the nagging pain too harsh... But, for now, this was enough. More than enough.
And so she slept, cocooned in their love, sheltered by his presence.
Unconscious, she was unaware of the vow whispered into her ear.
Always.
VAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVA
Authoress: So. Anyone who hasn't read the manga, but has stuck all the way to the end (How many here? XD ), and is utterly confused... Feel free to PM me for an explanation. There'll be spoilers, though.
It's also highly likely that there'll be a one chapter sequel to this, that centers around these scenes, only from Loki-kun's POV. :3
And it's probably a little OOC. Manga!Mayura is more astute than anime!Mayura, though, so... Could I possibly write it off as that? -shifty eyes-
Till then... I hope you liked the LokiMayu fluff! XD
Disclaimer : Matantei Loki Ragnarok and its characters do not belong to me.