This fic is dedicated to: all yinna who was in love, but hate to remember; the depraved masses; college students with one year to go and no brain cells left; and the peanut gallery.

The Shinobi's Guide to Drama
By Kaori

"I thought we were safe when we went three months without anything completely absurd happening." Said Neji as he surveyed a small sheet of paper with distaste. What was that saying? "Don't kill the messenger" or something like that? He was seriously considering doing it anyway. "Why us?"

"Why not us?" shrugged TenTen. "Think about it. Konoha is hosting the Daimyo's birthday party all we're being asked to do is help put on a play."

"We're shinobi, not actors."

"Being shinobi sometimes requires some acting. Besides, who says we had to do any acting?" the kunoichi pointed out. "Our mission directive says that we help. We could be doing the costumes, props, or just working the curtain and lights."

"I still don't like it." Muttered Neji. TenTen gave an exasperated sigh.

"Is there anything you do like?" Neji muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "torturing Lee and annoying Uchiha".

"Neji…"

"Let's just go."

Now many of you were wondering why Lee has not added his two cents and a nickel to this little exchange or why Gai isn't chiding Neji for his "un-youthful" attitude. You see Gai and his Mini-me are out on a special training journey at the moment (courtesy of Tsunade who didn't want them anywhere near the village for fear of utterly horrifying the Daimyo) and probably won't be returning until long after the festival is over. So let's forget about those two for the time being and skip over to the Hokage's office.

"Tsunade-sama, why are you doing this? Wouldn't it be much simpler to hire actors?" Shizune asked.

"I would think it's obvious why I'm doing this."

"You gambled away almost all of the money in the entertainment budget and used the rest to drink yourself into a stupor when you realized what you'd done." Was the flat response.

"You needn't have put it quite that bluntly, Shizune." The younger medic-nin sighed and rolled her eyes. They wanted this woman to be Hokage, why?

"I'm probably going to regret asking but what play are they going to be performing?"

"I have absolutely no idea. I decided to let the actors decide what they were going to perform."

"Excuse me Tsunade-sama I'm going home to hide under my bed."

Sakura was excited. A festival in honor of the Daimyo's birthday was going to be held in Konoha and not only was she invited to the party, but she would be performing in front of the Daimyo himself! She let out a high-pitched squeal of joy causing several people in the restaurant to look at her oddly. Her companions were not as enthusiastic as she was. Obviously their pink-haired friend had not been paying attention during their last so-called B-class mission. Never mind the fiasco that was their vacation.

"The second someone tries to get me into a dress I'm going to run off and become a nukenin." Vowed Sasuke. Sakura didn't seem to hear him but Naruto certainly did.

"You know you liked it."

Ten minutes later Sakura noticed they were fighting but it was much too late and all three of them were kicked out of the restaurant.

"See, this is why I said we should go out for ramen." Pouted Naruto. "Ichiraku-han never kicks us out."

"That's because if he ever did he'd go broke." Sasuke muttered, peevishly. "Anyway be grateful because I was just about to hand you your ass."

"Ha! That's what you think Sasuke-teme!"

Sakura toned the two of them out in favour of grandiose dreams of stardom.

All over Konoha, the village people (Y.M.C.A! snicker sorry I couldn't resist) were talking excitedly about how grand this festival was going to be, who had been invited, who shouldn't have been coughNarutocough, and the performance being put on by the rookies. A certain group of jounins was taking bets on how long it would take before the play turned into a complete ignominy and how long Gai and his student would be crying over missing the festival.

If anybody had been paying attention at all, they would have noticed the strange absence of any rats in the village during the days leading up to and the day of the festival.

All the world's a stage and Konoha is standing on the trap door to chaos.

And thus it begins? What kind of play will the twelve disciples put on for the Daimyo? Is Shizune really going to hide under her bed? Stick around! The circus is just beginning!