The Chronicles of Quagmire

(oh!)

Family Guy theme song.

At Quagmire's house.

Quagmire is sitting on his couch watching porn.

" Gigity gigity gigity gigity goo." Said Quagmire

Doorbell rings.

Quagmire walks over to answer.

Peter is at the door.

"Hey Quagmire, you son of a bitch," said Peter.

Studio audience laughs.

"Dammit, I thought the cops arrested those bastards in our second season."

"Well, I don't know Peter, but I've been arrested for...well... you see were I'm going with this." Said Quagmire. " Oh!"

Studio audience laughs.

Peter takes out nuke and throws towards screen.

Explosion.

"Hehehehehehe, stupid people."

Peter leaves Quagmire's with a copy of his porn.

Quagmire sits back on his T.V.

Pink smoke comes out of his crotch area.

"What the hell?" Said Quagmire.

A genie forms

" Ah, ah , god I can't believe what is down there! I mean, how can you do that every single hour? Oh God," said the genie.

"What about last week, I only did 'that' every day," retorted Quagmire.

The genie scoffs.

"Anyway, back to the script, oh and by the way, don't miss 'Bird on a Wire' Tuesday night on TBS Superstation." said the genie.

" Mittens shut up," said Quagmire.

The genie begins telling Quagmire about his past.

"You see, Glenn, you were born from two of the world's most famous porn stars. Your mother screwed everyone she saw and your father was famous for saying googity googity googity gig. That's why you're a sex pervert."

"Oh God!" Said Quagmire.

"And your parents died by a drive-by while screwing each other."

"Oh God!"

"And your dad came back to life for five seconds to molest Jessica Simpson"

"That one is also sexual"

"Anyways Quagmire, your destiny is to rape 10 million girls... at once."

"Done," said Quagmire.

Sorry it was so short, part 2 will be out soon. Please review this story and my other story Bob and Dexstrang ( under Games)

thanks... gigity gigity gigity goo!