Summery: Lorelai comes back to Stars Hollow with her 18 month old daughter after being gone for more than two years. The story chronicles the new chapter of Lorelai's life with flashbacks to what brought her there. LL, Post 6.1.
Disclaimer: I wish I could come up with something cute to say in my disclaimer, but I'm sleepy. I swear by my Luke's Diner Sign that Gilmore Girls is not mine. Hey, I kinda rhymed. Yikes...bikes!
Assumptions: This story takes place a little more than two years after 6.1. No long-lost daughter, aka April,for Luke (let the Hallelujah Chorus ring from sea to shining sea). No Paul Anka. No romantic entanglements with a certain namless individual (cough, Christopher, cough) whose character has officially burned all my faith in him after the season 6 finale.
Too Late, Baby?
"And it's too late, baby, now it's too late.
Though we really did try to make it."
- Carole King, "It's Too Late"
Chapter 1: Home Again
I won't be happy till I see you alone again
Till I'm home again and feeling right
- Carole King, "Home Again"
The blur of passing trees. The whooshing noise made when her tires made contact with the asphalt. The faint scent of old fast food drifting past her nostrils. The bitter trace of coffee still on her tongue. The feel of her fuzzy leopard steering wheel cover between her fingers. This was the thrill of the road at its best.
Lorelai Gilmore had never been one to like taking long road trips. She never took them as a child. Her parents always flew first class to every vacation destination. She could remember sitting engulfed by a big blue chair, nose pressed against the airplane window, imagining what it might be like to dance on the clouds. Now, only two road trips stuck out in her adult life. Only one of which was enjoyable. Rory had been there. That was probably what made the difference. The second one she took alone. The white lines to the right of her dragged on, seeming to trail into infinity. She hated thinking about that trip now. It was rash. She was scared. She needed to run. She made a mistake.
Lorelai felt encompassed by silence and darkness in Rory's empty room. It felt like a bottomless pit. Even when Rory went to Yale, it never felt completely devoid of Rory's stuff and overall presence. She would be home on the weekends. But now, Lorelai wasn't so sure. Rory was gone. Lorelai felt betrayed. She knew better than her parents that Rory would need to go back to Yale on her own. Nothing the three of them could do would convince Rory now. Lorelai so felt naïve by thinking that she could get her parents to stand by her side and help talk sense into Rory. It would never have worked, she knew that now. Hindsight was hindsight. Rory was her mother's daughter. She needed to make her own way. And Lorelai had never felt more helpless. She had gotten the water bottle out of the fridge in order to get rid of the lump forming in her throat, but so far, it only made her feel worse.
She was supposed to be happy. She was engaged after all. Engaged to a man that she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Without Rory, the joy of the situation was not present in the form that it should be. She should be jumping up and down and screaming. They should be browsing wedding magazines and deciding on colors, dresses, flowers, invitations and cakes. The three of them should be spending time together, like a real family. But, life didn't work out the way it was supposed to be. It never did. A sob escaped. She could do nothing to keep the tears from escaping her cloudy blue eyes, just like she could do nothing to point Rory in the right direction. Rage swelled in her fingers. She flung the water bottle against the wall and cried into her hands. The door slammed. Luke's voice.
"Full moon! Moment's here, let's go!" She furiously attempted to wipe any evidence of her sob fest from her face. It would probably all be in vain. Luke would know. He always did. So, she got up and met her fiancé at the door.
This trip was different. That thought was clear in Lorelai's mind. Before, the last time she drove across the country, she had been heavy with anger, gloom, loneliness, and despair, and the trek seemed endless. If she hadn't reached the ocean, she would've kept driving. Now, it was completely different. Her heart wasn't burdened. She felt free and even happy. She took a different route. She made countless stops along the way. A national park here, a tourist trap there, a mall stop every time she felt that the clothes in her suitcase were becoming stale. Lorelai didn't know when she would get this opportunity again, so she decided to go wherever the road led her. Her U-Haul trailer happily trudged behind her, pulled by her new Jeep Liberty. It was red. Bright red. A color she always wanted for a car but never dared to get. This was a new chapter of her life, even though she was going back to where she started. This trip was bringing her back home. Probably for good.
The kelly green road signs she passed along the way became her best friends. Grand Canyon National Park- 12 miles. Las Vegas- 40 miles. Colorado State Line- 2 mi. Mount Rushmore- 30 miles. Chicago- 15 miles. Mall of America- next exit. Canadian Border- 3 kilometers. Philadelphia- 115 miles. Hartford- 20 miles. Stars Hollow- 3 miles. Her heart leapt at the last one. Exhilaration seemed to ooze out of her pores. An antsy desire to keep moving pulsed through her veins and surged in her hands and legs. She turned up the CD. She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. She couldn't wait to get out of the car. Lorelai glanced in her rear view mirror. The sleeping baby snuggled in her car seat brought a smile to her face. This little girl had brought her the feeling of home in the two years that she had been away. She was Lorelai's reason for hanging on. Why she didn't succumb to depression when her life didn't go as planned. The main reason why she was returning to Stars Hollow. She was like baby Rory, who had inspired her to start a life of her own. Two daughters. Two very different outcomes. Two very different periods in Lorelai's life.
"We're almost home, Kakers." She said to the sleeping girl. Kakers or Kate, as she was officially known, stirred slightly and sighed, but continued to sleep. For a girl who doesn't like to nap, the road sure makes her tired. I should take her for drives more often.
Kate and Rory were both similar and worlds apart. Both were happy babies who were innately attached to their mother. Rory, however, could be moody and even bratty at times. Kate had a streak of independence, something that hadn't shown up in Rory until she was much older. She was also more daring, sometimes scaring Lorelai to death. Kate was stubborn, wanting nothing in her way when she had set her mind to accomplishing something. Something she had picked up from both her parents. The differences were also seen in the two girls' appearance. Rory had been bald when she was born and then grew patches of dark hair, looking just like Lorelai. Kate had Lorelai's beauty and general appearance, but was a toe-head with spiral curls. It was funny; Kate came out of the womb with a mass of jet black curls. Black turned to red later, and red suddenly changed to white-blonde. Lorelai had been shocked by this at first, but she learned that her 18 month old still managed to surprise her every once in awhile. Probably got that from her father. Lorelai had known him for over a decade and he still could floor her with things she would never expect. Most of the time, she could see more of Luke in Kate than she ever saw of Christopher in Rory.
Brushing thoughts of Luke aside for now, Lorelai pulled onto the exit, feeling her foot grow heavy. She felt the need, the need for speed. She made brrrr noises with her lips, which usually hurled Kate into a fit of giggles. This baby was easily amused. Instead, Kate blinked awake and looked around. She was hardly ever grumpy when she woke. She looked into her daughter's eyes. That was clearly Gilmore blue.
"Hey there, sleepy head."
"Hi Mommy," Kate murmured while rubbing her eyes, fascinated by the world around her. She was starting to talk in two word sentences now. Lorelai was happy that she could finally pass on the gift of gab to her youngest daughter. If she was anything like Luke, she would pick up on ranting and keep Lorelai amused for years to come.
Lorelai decided to take the long way through Stars Hollow to her old, but soon to be new again, house. She chose to drive by the Dragonfly first. It was definitely a sight for sore eyes. She had missed it. She felt proud when she thought about all the work she put in to make it happen. She felt sad that being on her own banished her from her dream for two years. She felt uncertain that things hadn't gone her way while she was gone. Hell, she wasn't even sure that Michel would back down to let her run the inn again. Maybe they could attempt to be partners. Michel deserved to be a partner after everything he had done over the years.
"That's Mommy's inn, Kakers. That's where Mommy is going to work."
"Mia?" Kate questioned. In her mind, Mia and inns were automatically associated.
"No sweetheart. Mia's inn is in California. Our old home. This is our new home."
"Oh," Kate stated in her sweet voice. 'Oh,' had quickly became a favorite word of Kate's
She turned the Jeep and made her way toward the center of town. Some things never changed. Then again, maybe not. Al's Pancake World was painted lime green. Taylor must've had a conniption.
"Doggies! Woof woof." Kate squealed with glee, pointing outside of the window. Sure enough, the lawn around the gazebo was filled with cages of dogs and cats. Banners read 'Connecticut Humane Society. Adopt a pet today!' Kate was definitely Lorelai's daughter.
"Oooo, puppies. Look at 'em Kate. Look at that one. He's so cute. And kitties. What do kitties say?"
"Meeoooooow, meeooooooow."
"Good girl."
"Go Mom-my?" Lorelai saw Kate point out the window. Her daughter had already mastered the pouty face. Lorelai hesitated. She could see the diner sign. It wasn't a good idea to stop yet. She needed to see Luke first.
"Uh, no hon. Let's go to the house first. Maybe Rory can take you later."
"Wowy!" Kate screamed, hands thrown up in the air. She absolutely adored her older sister.
"Yeah, Rory is meeting us at the house later. We are going to go to the park."
"Oh." Kate continued to look out the window as Lorelai maneuvered out of the town square and through the residential streets. Kim's Antiques. Sookie's house. Taylor's house. Kirk's mother's house. The Forrester's house. "Mommy," Kate spoke up, then gestured. Chubby fingers formed a bud and she pressed the tips to her mouth, "Hungwee."
Mia had insisted that Kate should learn baby sign language after watching a program on the Today Show. Something about babies with deaf parents learned to communicate faster because babies could use their hands before they could vocalize. "If Katie Couric said it, then is must be true," were Mia's exact words. She bought a book. She practiced with Kate for hours. MOTHER, EAT, GRANDMOTHER, BABY, DRINK, HOME, ME. Lorelai's contribution had been POOP. Mia wasn't too happy about that, but it made Lorelai laugh when Kate caught on. She also tried to teach her COFFEE and PIZZA, but they were hard signs to simplify for baby hands. Kate still used her signs every once in awhile, but now preferred to vocalize.
"Oh, I'm sorry sweetie. I didn't even realize it was lunch time. When Rory gets here, we'll go get something to eat." She was met with silence. "Almost there." She still had that antsy feeling. Lorelai was pretty sure Kate was getting it now too. She sped up.
"I'm worried about you," Luke confessed while he and Lorelai lay in bed together one late night. She was in his warm arms, their legs tangled under the sheet. He knew she wasn't asleep. He knew that she hadn't been sleeping well for awhile now. He knew she had been a little overly emotional lately. He could always tell when she was crying, even when she fought so hard to hide it. He knew Rory's departure had hit her hard. Hell, it hit him hard too. He was going to be her step-father, after all. It had been a month since Rory left.
"What?" Lorelai asked, turning on her side to face him. Panic pulsated through her limbs. Luke always knew.
"I'm worried about you," he said with his normal soft, gruff, bedroom tone. Luke's fingers reached up and tucked a stray lock of hair away from her face.
"I'm fine."
"No you aren't."
"I'm-"
"Don't say you're fine. I know you aren't." She dipped her chin down as she tried to avoid eye contact with him. Luke's eyes had the ability to hypnotize her thoughts and make her confess things that she was not expecting. She wasn't ready to talk. She couldn't even wrap her own mind around what had happened with Rory. She needed Luke to be her release, not her constant reminder. Luke sighed as he watched more hair escape from behind her ears and tumble across her face. "I want you to be able to talk to me about this," he continued.
"Talk about what? I have a great Michel story that I was saving for a rainy day, but if you are extra nice to me, I might give you a few hints."
"Lorelai."
"Alright, impatient one. Keep Michel, doughnuts, split pants, and a shiny man thong in mind for later. I need to work on my Michel voice a little more.
"I want you to talk to me about Rory." Lorelai's seemingly excited mood quickly changed to somber. She had tried to change the subject. Luke wasn't going to back down. She sighed.
"I can't."
"You won't."
"Okay…I won't."
"Then I'll talk. I know when Rory left, it hit you hard. You wanted Rory to stay at Yale. You want Rory to have the chances that you didn't have. You probably feel like you worked hard for twenty one years for nothing. Twenty one years to have your daughter go behind your back and betray you. I also know that you want her to go back to Yale herself." Lorelai turned on her side to face away from Luke. She didn't want to talk about it. She wasn't ready to talk about it. "Lorelai, this is tearing you apart. I can see it. You miss her. This whole house reminds you of her. This town reminds you of her. Hell, even our engagement reminds you of Rory. I can't just stand by and watch you crawl closer into yourself everyday. We're getting married. I want you to be able to talk to me about this." Luke took a breath and waited for Lorelai to respond. She shifted in bed a bit and met his gaze. She felt like she was on the verge of tears again.
"You think I don't know all of this," Lorelai snapped, but immediately felt guilty. Luke was trying. She hadn't said much to Luke about the whole Rory situation, and he hadn't pushed her reasoning until now. She should have told Luke, even if he already knew what was going on inside her head. They were getting married. Once, she had withheld things from Luke and she ended up alone and heartbroken. Lorelai felt that she needed to learn to put her entire trust into her fiancé, even if that had always backfired with her previous relationships. "You're right," she said, hoping it would make up for her last insensitive comment.
"You should go away for awhile," Luke suggested after a few moments of silence.
"Excuse me?" Of all the things swirling in her mind of what Luke could've responded to her, this was not one of them.
"I think you should go away. Get out of town. Think about the Rory situation. Try to come up with a course of action. Do, uh, girl stuff." Lorelai smiled slightly. She reached for Luke's hand and laced their fingers. He brought his hand to hers and kissed it softly. "I just think it will be good for you. You can clear your head. Maybe even get some wedding stuff done. I think it might really help clear your mind."
"Where would I go?" How could she possibly label him a loon when he was being so sweet?
"I don't know. Um, well, there's a place I know in Vermont. I think you might like it for a few days. I could give them a call if you want."
" Vermont sounds nice. Can't remember the last time I was there. Ooo, wait, I remember seeing Billy Idol on the slopes when I was 14. That was a day."
"Please don't sing White Wedding."
"Oh, come on Luke…it's a nice day for a…white wedding. Come on it's a nice day to…START AGAIN!"
"Jeez. Are you done?"
"Yeah." Lorelai paused and searched Luke's face for the expression that always comforted her. "You would be okay with me leaving like that for awhile."
"I'm the one that suggested it. Like I said, I think it would be good for you. I don't like seeing you like this."
"Okay, then… I'll go. Do you want to come with me? It'll kinda be like a pre-wedding honeymoon. A new moon? Don't know the proper terminology."
"Tempting as that is, I think it would be better if you did this alone. But, you can call me."
"Deal. I guess I could leave on Tuesday, because my inn schedule is pretty clear after that. I need to talk to Sookie, though."
"I already talked to her. She thinks it's a good idea too. Suggested the place in Vermont."
"You are very sneaky Ethan Hunt."
"One of my many facets," Luke said with a smirk. He lowered his body back to his original position and felt Lorelai cuddle into his arms. They were still holding hands. He kissed her goodnight and dreamed about taking Lorelai fishing in Vermont.
Lorelai pulled up to the front of her old house. Her new house. Everything that was old felt new again. She felt her breath catch in her throat. Suddenly, she didn't want to be out of her car anymore. Memories of when she last left this house flooded her mind. The night Luke confessed that he was worried about her and thought she should go away to clear her head. The day she left. Luke's arms around her. Jeep packed to the brim. Luke making sure that she had emergency provisions. The ominous feeling that gripped her heart as she waved goodbye to her fiancé.
"Looks like I'm all set." Lorelai stated triumphantly as she placed her purse and CDs in the passenger seat. There was no way she was forgetting her CDs this time. Luke lay under her car. He seemed to be checking the tires.
"When was the last time you got these rotated?"
"Um, probably…Mamablamabama."
"Lorelai! You're supposed to get them rotated every 5000 miles."
"Yeah, well, I dare to be different." Luke got out from under the car and brushed the grass off his flannel. Lorelai caught the spots he missed on his back, winking at him when she brushed his ass.
"Well, despite the tires, the oil is checked, the windshield wipers are replaced, and I got you a new air filter. Your Jeep's ready."
"Well, I guess that means I'm ready to go." She suddenly didn't want to go. Maybe not suddenly. She had been dreading her departure all morning. She felt nauseous.
"Got the directions to the inn in Vermont?"
"In my purse. Are you sure it's not a B and B?"
"I asked the guy three times, and all three times he assured me that it wasn't. Still feeling sick?"
"A little, but I think it's just nerves. I don't think I've ever taken a trip by myself before. I wish you would come."
"We've had this conversation already. You need time by yourself."
"I have a bad feeling," she confessed, surprising herself. Luke pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead.
"You'll be fine. I put coffee and a 7-up in your cup holder. I put a bag of my coffee and a mug in your suitcase. Saltines in your purse."
"You're looking out for me," Lorelai said, smiling sweetly.
"Kinda my job." He lifted her chin and kissed her softly. They held each other close as the kisses became deep and tender. They pulled apart reluctantly. Luke took her hand and led her to the driver's seat, opening the door for her. She grabbed his hand through the window.
"Take the I-48. Less traffic."
"Yes sir, Navigator Ned."
"Come home soon."
"Tomorrow?" she asked innocently, fluttering her eyelashes.
"Jeez, give it a few days, will you?"
"Are you trying to get rid of me?"
"No," he said with a sigh. He didn't want to be without her for a few days, but he knew this is what she needed to do. Being away would help Lorelai. "If I wasn't convinced that this is the right thing to do, I would ask you to stay."
"Alright, I guess I'm off then."
"I guess you are." Luke leaned in and kissed her on the lips, then forehead and let go of her hand. Lorelai started up the engine. "Drive safe."
"I will, hon. I'll call you when I get there." Luke nodded and picked up his hand to wave.
"Bye Lorelai."
"Bye Luke," she responded, backing out of her driveway. Lorelai hesitated slightly before shifting into drive. Giving her house and Luke a once over one more time, she shifted and pulled away. It didn't take long before she had left Stars Hollow behind and cruised on the freeway. She took a saltine out of her purse and hoped it would calm her stomach down. Damn nerves.
"Mommy?" Kate questioned. They had been sitting in silence for about three minutes. The car was off. Silence.
"Here we are sweetie. Home."
"Oh," Kate said. Lorelai sat a few moments more then unbuckled her seat belt and stepped out of the Jeep.
A/N: So, I have officially revamped the first three chapters of this story in order to inspire me to continue writing. I am really having a hard time getting motivated to write the remaining eight chapters that I have in mind for this story. Blame the season 6 finale, it's worked for me so far. Thanks for reading reviewing, great reader friends. I will try harder to find my muse.