(Well, it's snowing like the dickens here, so I stayed home from work, meaning I can post this ending now. This is a pretty long chapter. I got a little carried away with the snark--I think I missed writing it. LOL! Anyway, without further ado...)

MORE THAN JUST PRETTY FACES

By TIPPER

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CHAPTER SIXTEEN: HOME

Elizabeth charged up the stairs to the bay, taking them two at a time. She needed an explanation for the strange orders Teyla and Sheppard had given her, not to mention the way their jumper had practically exploded out of the wormhole before the automated system took over, stopping it dead in the Gateroom. She almost heard imaginary tires screeching to a halt, and half expected to see skid marks on the marble floor. It had taken a couple of techs with fast hands to make sure the wormhole disengaged immediately behind them, and she knew there had been some damage to the Gate's systems as a result. Still, she had heard the tension and fear in SGA-1's voices…and particularly noted Rodney's lack of input on the same…and had not hesitated to make the order.

Sheppard had sounded incredibly tired when he'd thanked Elizabeth after they were through, waving weakly from the jumper window and telling her he'd see her upstairs.

The jumper was down and open when she reached the bay, and Beckett was wheeling an unconscious Rodney away on a stretcher, calling out orders to his people. He nodded at Elizabeth as they barreled past her at the entranceway, telling her nothing except that it was serious...and that he was on it. Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon were being helped down the plank by other members of Carson's med team--all three members of SGA-1 were moving stiffly and tiredly.

As she watched, wheelchairs were wheeled over, and all three sank into them without protest, even Ronon.

Wow, she thought, that's a first. She approached Ronon first, as he was the closest, and winced at the horrific bruise covering a large part of his face. She opened her mouth, but he forestalled her with a raised hand.

"I'm fine. Ask Sheppard."

And with that curt statement, he was rolled away. Elizabeth nodded. Nice to know some things never changed.

She walked a little further, and nodded to the med tech holding onto the handles of Sheppard's chair. He let go, and she sidled in, taking control. The colonel's head was leaning forward, resting heavily on one hand, eyes closed.

"Colonel," she greeted softly, pushing him off and heading him towards the infirmary.

He flinched slightly, startled by her voice, and sat up a bit straighter.

"Elizabeth."

"Care to enlighten me as to what happened?"

"It was an ambush," he replied tiredly. "Wraith."

She hissed, pushing a little harder to catch up to Teyla, who was ahead of them, being wheeled along by one of the nurses.

"Is that all?"

"No. Ran into another one of those energy creatures."

Elizabeth's eyebrow lifted, "Really? There's more than one?"

"Yeah. Wasn't a good morning, Elizabeth."

"No. What happened to all of you?"

"Too much." He rested his head back on his hand and closed his eyes again.

She nodded, not speaking again when she noticed his breath evening out into a faint doze, and pushed him the rest of the way to the infirmary in silence.

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"They're all going to be fine," Beckett told Elizabeth, looking behind him at his four slumbering patients. He'd purposefully arranged them with Rodney in the middle, knowing that, as he was the worst off and likely to be the last to wake, the other three would want to all be within visual range of him, to make sure he was okay.

"What happened to them?" Elizabeth asked, repeating the question she'd asked Sheppard nearly half a day earlier. The colonel, and all of them, had fallen asleep almost immediately upon landing in Beckett's care, and, so far, hadn't woken up fully yet.

"Well," Beckett looked down at the charts in his hand, "their blood work is fascinating, I can tell you that. They all four of them had trace amounts of different viruses and bacteria and other substances in their blood that they didn't have before, things that, had they been at higher levels, could have done some serious damage, if not killed them. For one, there was evidence of something poisonous in Rodney's bloodstream, which his body is finishing breaking down now, but in a normal situation, would have been deadly. And I found faint amounts of hallucinogenic substances in the other's blood. Then there's the bacteria and viral infections they apparently fought off..." He shook his head, not hiding his amazement.

Elizabeth's eyebrows were raised high. "But…they were barely gone five hours."

"I know," Beckett glanced at her, eyebrows lifted way up. "But none of it was there this morning, when I cleared them to leave. Still, like I said," he shrugged again, "It's all just trace amounts. I wouldn't even have seen it except that the Ancient diagnostic equipment is highly sensitive to these things. And, by tomorrow, their own immune systems will have taken care of whatever is left."

Elizabeth blew the air out of her cheeks, then nodded. "Well, what else?"

"Broken bones, bruises, contusions, some nasty strains that will stay with them for a while. Honestly, it was amazing any of them were still moving. Rodney also showed signs of trauma from CPR." He shook his head. "It's truly shocking more damage wasn't done. He's lucky. They all are."

Elizabeth nodded, then walked over to assess their condition herself. Her flagship team look pale and bruised, but also peaceful. Smiling softly, she sighed and turned away, noting the dimming of the lights around her evidencing that night was upon them. As she passed Carson, she gripped his arm warmly in thanks, then left.

She knew he would call her tomorrow when they were awake.

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McKay woke slowly, languidly, emerging from a deep pool of sleep like a cat stretching out of a nap. He felt oddly good…

Which meant he had to be on drugs.

Listening to his surroundings, he heard the soft beeping of the monitors, the quiet conversation of two people off to one side whispering in order not to be heard, and the occasional shift of someone under over-starched sheets.

Then the smell of antiseptic hit his nose.

Oh yeah…he was home. And in the infirmary.

Thank God.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, tipping his head slightly to peer out at the room. His sticky eyelids fought the movement, but his stubbornness won out, despite the bone-weariness beginning to register across his frame. Around him, everything was dark, lit only by a handful of lamps.

Nighttime.

Shifting his head, he looked over at the neighboring bed, and saw Sheppard's head poking up out from under the sheets. The colonel was sleeping on his side, the white infirmary sheet covering him almost completely, but the shock of thick, brown hair peeking out over the top was both unmistakable and inimitable. He smiled, then turned his head, looking towards the bed on the other side of him.

Teyla was lying on her back, her hair spread over the pillow, her face turned away from his. She looked comfortable…except for the cast on her left arm. The sight caused him to frown a little, trying to recall how that had happened.

It annoyed him when nothing came to mind.

Still frowning, he pushed up a little on one arm, wincing a little at the strange pressure he felt in his chest and the stiffness of his neck, and looked across the room to the opposite side. The massive, dreadlocked lump snoring away on the infirmary bed directly across from him answered his final question.

They'd all gotten home.

He settled back on the infirmary bed, closing his eyes and smiling softly. He gave into the weariness then, and felt himself drifting back once more into the gentle arms of sleep.

As he fell, a sudden, final worrying thought touched him.

Hang on…why were they all in the infirmary again?

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When he awoke a second time, it was to laughter.

He snarled, blue eyes opening to glare blearily at the source of the laughter, which, as the pupils focused and cleared, turned out to be Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon, all three still wearing white scrubs and sitting next to his bed. The lights were on full again. Sheppard was sitting, legs dangling and swaying back and forth, on the bed next to McKay's, while Teyla and Ronon were both sitting on chairs they had pulled up. Teyla had her left arm in a cast, while Ronon sported a bandage over one eye, making him look a little piratical. Sheppard said something else to them then, the gist of which McKay wasn't quick enough to catch, and all three erupted in laughter a second time.

It was like nails on a chalkboard! Couldn't they see he was trying to sleep here?

"Hey," he mumbled out, both eyes open now and squinting angrily at Sheppard opposite. "Stop having fun. Trying to sleep here."

Sheppard heard the mumbled, but, frankly, unintelligible words, and turned to look at him; his annoyingly perky smile, if possible, grew even wider.

"There you are! About time you woke up. You are awake this time, right?" he asked cheerfully, sliding off his bed and limping stiffly over to McKay's in order to better examine the scientist curled up on his side. When the blue eyes narrowed in annoyance, Sheppard grinned and bumped the edge of the bed with his hip. "Beckett said he thought you were just being lazy. It has been almost two days, you know."

McKay sneered in return, not really listening, and shifted in order to turn over and put his back to them, but Sheppard decided right them to hit the button on the bed to lift the head up more. McKay slid down on the slippery sheets as it rose, emitting a pitiful, "Gah!" as he did so. His ribs hurt spectacularly as they caught, and he hissed, pressing a hand to them.

"Whoops," the colonel said, letting go the button when the bed was pretty much all the way up, "sorry 'bout that." There was no apology in the tone, however. And the smile was way too smirky.

McKay glared full on, eyes wide open and awake now, panting a little as he resettled himself.

"You're a jerk, Sheppard," he said once he was somewhat comfortable again.

"I know," came the happy reply, eyebrow arch in obnoxious mode. "Aren't I just?"

"How are you feeling, Rodney?" Teyla asked, standing up so that she could move and sit on the edge of his bed. McKay frowned a little at her presumption, then moved over to make room for her to sit cross-legged, sighing in resignation. As he did so, he remembered his feelings from the night before (or was it the night before that?), and found himself frowning now for a different reason.

"Stupid," he answered finally.

"Stupid?" Teyla repeated, looking surprised.

"Now that's a new one," Sheppard said, his expression matching Teyla's. "Why?"

McKay settled back, looking up at the ceiling, then over again at the three people watching him. They all looked very curious, honestly wanting to know what he meant. For some reason, that made him smile a little self-consciously.

"Well," he said, lifting his hand to brush at the bandage he could feel on his neck, "to be honest, it's because I…I can't remember…how we got here." He looked at them speculatively. "I feel like I should know, but…" he shrugged, wincing a little at the pull on his ribs.

"Oh," Sheppard said, nodding. He left the side of McKay's bed and returned to his own, hopping up onto it, then hissing a little in pain and reaching around to press a hand to his back.

"Still hurting?" Ronon asked.

"Yeah. Gonna feel that strain for a while," the colonel replied.

"Yeah," the former Runner nodded, stretching a little and looking like he was working out a massive knot in his neck. "Me too."

Rodney frowned, staring at both of them, his expression demanding explanation. Teyla smiled pityingly, and, leaning forward, patted his hand.

"Rodney," she said, "what is the last thing you remember?"

"Um," McKay frowned, looking down. Then he snorted, "Actually, the last thing I remember is Ronon setting my leg," he noted the cast he now wore, shifting the limb a little, "but I don't know why my leg had to be set. Or where we were when he set it, other than it was hot and, well...hot. I…" his frown deepened, "I think I recall a meeting about going to M1J-162?"

She nodded, "M1J-162, yes, that's correct. We met and—"

"Then we went," Ronon supplied, cutting her short. Teyla gave him a glance, but didn't seem bothered by it.

"Yes, we went," she agreed calmly. "It was a jungle planet. We flew in by jumper, then set out to find the native people."

"Weren't they friends of yours?" Rodney interrupted, eyebrows lifting in curiosity.

Teyla pursed her lips, and something dark crossed her eyes. After a moment, she nodded. "They were. They are not now."

"They sold us out to the Wraith," Ronon stated unreservedly. "Probably thinking that the Wraith would leave 'em alone otherwise. Fools."

Rodney's eyebrows rose, and he looked back at Teyla. Her eyes were downcast, staring at the bed covers. He hated that look on her; it always made him unhappy. Like seeing a cowed panther—it was unnatural. He gave her a sympathetic look—well, as sympathetic a look as he could.

"Galaxy's getting uglier," he offered, clearing his throat a little. "People do what they have to, to survive. Some people make the wrong deals." He lifted his hand, and this time, patted hers, the motion a bit stilted. This really wasn't his thing. "I'm sorry about your friends, Teyla."

That startled her, and she looked up, blinking at him. He frowned, not quite understanding why she would be startled. What? He could be sympathetic, couldn't he? He wasn't that much of an ass. No one deserved a Wraith culling, no matter who they were. He frowned, annoyed at her reaction. Suddenly, Teyla's eyes softened, and she smiled.

"You're a good man, Rodney," she said, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. "Thank you for reminding me of that."

He snorted, bristling a little and pulling his hand away, "For reminding you that I'm a good man? Well, thanks a lot. I can be—"

"No, no," she interrupted, her voice even softer, grabbing his hand again, "for reminding me to have compassion, and for seeing the world differently than we do. Thank you."

Still confused, he looked over to Sheppard and Ronon, but neither one had any expression. Their faces were completely blank.

"What?" he asked. "Am I missing something?"

"The Wraith attacked us on the planet," Sheppard said, "and the villagers helped them. As we were crossing a rope bridge across a ravine to get back to the jumper, a villager got you in the neck with a blow-gun dart. You fell off the bridge, into the river." There was no smile on his face, and his eyes were very dark and cold. "You nearly died, Rodney. And the villagers were the ones who would have killed you."

McKay stared at him, blinking slowly, absorbing this. He'd nearly died? He glanced at Teyla and Ronon, and saw similarly grim expressions on their faces. Damn…it must have been bad. Teyla's grip on his hand tightened a little.

He turned back to Sheppard, and lifted his eyebrows. "But…," he offered slowly, "obviously…I didn't."

"No," Sheppard agreed coldly, "you didn't. But compassion is not something I'm willing to offer those people right now."

Ronon grunted in apparent agreement, and stretched his neck again. Rodney just grimaced.

"Oh," he said, not sure how else to reply to that. "Okay." He licked his lips, looked up at Teyla, then down at the bed covers. After a moment, he frowned again.

"So, okay...I apparently fell into a river…." He said, brow furrowed. He looked up again, "Um, how did you get me out?"

"Actually," a wry smile lifted at Sheppard's lips, chasing away some of the darkness there, "We didn't. We all sort of...accidentally fell in after you. We just got really lucky and the river spat us out a little further down."

"Um," Ronon raised a hand, "You fell accidentally. I let go."

Sheppard gave him a look, then shrugged. "Whatever."

McKay raised his eyebrows, "Okay. So…then what?"

"Well," Sheppard shifted back to get comfortable, "Then, after we, out of the goodness of our hearts, gave you CPR and saved your life, Teyla found the hidden back entrance to the Ancient Outpost…."

"What?" McKay perked up immediately, "How?"

"How do you think?" Sheppard replied quickly, smirking. "The same way you would, of course." The darkness was completely gone, replaced by amusement at Rodney's total mystification at that answer. "Now, don't interrupt. Anyway, we got inside, found another energy creature…."

"What? Another one? How did—"

"...Which I nicknamed Blobby. The Ancients were studying it in the outpost there. Oh, it was a medical and biological research facility, by the way. Anyway, Teyla and Ronon managed to wake Blobby up with a well thought out finger poke…." Over in his chair, Ronon lifted a bandaged finger, and smiled. Meanwhile, Sheppard continued. "And we sent Blobby after the Wraith who were trying to blow open the door to the outpost…."

McKay's jaw was just dropped now, listening to all this with wide open eyes.

"Blobby destroyed a mess of darts, then disappeared. Meantime, we shut the door to the outpost again and powered up the facility…."

"You powered it up?" McKay blinked, "On your own? Without me?" Amazement, and a hint of jealousy, tinged his tone.

"Well, you were there," Sheppard replied dismissively, "just over Ronon's shoulder most of the time, unconscious. Like a lump. You need to lose some weight, by the way. Strained Ronon's muscles something fierce, according to Beckett. Seriously, you're lucky we were kind enough to lug you around. I tried to convince them to leave you in the river, but Teyla and Ronon were adamant you might still be of some use. Anyway…"

McKay emitted a tiny whimper, which Sheppard gleefully ignored, pretending to be oblivious.

"So, then we climbed up through the facility to get to the far entrance. Unfortunately, it was blocked by cave-ins, so Teyla cleverly found us another way out, and I configured the crystals on the door to get the transporter working…."

"You configured…?" McKay glanced at Teyla and Ronon for confirmation, and they nodded back.

"And we found ourselves in a working decontamination room, which we powered up and it leeched the poison from your system…."

"Poison?" McKay squeaked. "Decontamination?"

"And then Teyla and I went to get the jumper, which, by the way, Blobby was hovering over."

"Oh God," McKay breathed, completely flabbergasted now, "what did you—"

"Well, we reasoned it couldn't find the jumper with the cloak on unless it was fully powered up, so, to distract it, we dialed the Stargate…."

"You reasoned…Wait, the Stargate? Are you insane? But—"

"Which we shut off as soon as Blobby went for it. Meanwhile, I took jumper flying to new heights and speeds, expertly scooping you and Ronon up, then cleverly leading Blobby straight up into the atmosphere to where three, count them, three," Sheppard held up three fingers for McKay to see, "Wraith cruisers were in orbit around the planet. Blobby ate them up, like a starving dog scarfing down a steak dinner, and then we came home. Smooth as silk, the whole operation."

Finished, Sheppard simply grinned smugly, his eyes sparkling.

McKay was, for the first time in a very long time, completely speechless.

Finally, after some nervous swallowing, the scientist gave a half-hearted smile. "Huh," he said, "Well…sounds like you, uh, managed, um, pretty well….without me."

"Yeah, well," Sheppard flexed an eyebrow, "We're more than just pretty faces, you know, McKay."

McKay offered a crooked smile in return, "So you are."

"Although Colonel Sheppard," Teyla noted quietly, "is being a little less than honest, Rodney."

"Aw, Teyla...don't," Sheppard whined, though he was still smiling. "You'll ruin the moment! I've been dying for a moment like this!"

She gave him a look, then turned back to McKay. "The thing is, Rodney, we could not have done it without you."

He frowned, confused by that. "Huh? But I thought you said I was unconscious?"

"You were. But you were still there." She smiled warmly.

"Yes," McKay stated slowly, not understanding her meaning, "I know that. I was there, but I was unconscious." She rolled her eyes slightly, then sat back. He frowned at her, "What? How could I have helped if I was unconscious?"

"She means," Ronon said, leaning forward on his chair, "that a lot of what we did to escape, we learned from you."

McKay's eyebrows rose way up, absorbing that for a moment. Then he smiled lightly. "Really?"

Ronon shrugged, "Yeah."

McKay grinned suddenly, proud. "Well, that's something. Always knew I'd be a good influence on people. I'd have made a great teacher...if I didn't hate teaching so much. And students. I don't like students. Or other teachers. Or, really...the whole academic community. Still, clearly," he grinned at them again, "I'm a good teacher."

"Sure," Sheppard nodded, "Soon we'll be able to go on missions without you along at all."

That froze McKay's smile on his face until, abruptly, it disappeared. Eyes wide, he blinked ferociously. "What? Wait…you're kidding, right? I mean…." He looked around at their amused expressions, and the realization that they were teasing him hit. He scowled. "Oh, ha ha. Pull one over on the suffering, barely cognizant scientist. Oh yes, very kind. You really had me going there." He shook his head, "For a moment, I really thought everything Sheppard described actually happened."

"Oh," Teyla said, shaking her head a little, "No. It did happen, Rodney. He told the truth. But…" she tilted her head this way and that, "he left out the parts where he nearly drowned trying to get into the entrance I found because we couldn't use your hand-held scanner to scan to see if something was there, or our inability to power anything up before discovering the energy creature was there, which might have given us more warning of its presence, or our inability to shield what we were doing from the Wraith, or how we could not operate the doors at the top of the facility, or—"

"What's she trying to say is," Sheppard interrupted, pulling their attention back, "is…you might've come in handy...some...not much...but maybe."

McKay stared at him a moment, then smiled, all smug. "So…you do need me."

"Yeah," Sheppard conceded, somewhat unhappily, "I guess we do."

McKay's smile became a full grin.

"Ugh," Sheppard said, looking at Teyla in exasperation, "See? That's what I was trying to avoid! But no, you had to go and make him feel better…"

Teyla gave him a tsk-tsk look, "He is hurt, Colonel."

"But I had him in the palm of my hand!" he replied desperately. "We could have lorded this over him for weeks!"

"It would've been nice," Ronon noted.

"Oh, please," McKay said, "You wouldn't have been able to keep it up. For one thing," he pointed at Ronon's hand, "I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have actually touched the energy creature."

"Blobby," Sheppard reminded.

"Blobby," McKay agreed.

"Sheppard's the only one calling it that," Ronon noted for McKay's benefit. The scientist shrugged.

"Yeah, not surprised."

"I did come up with the dog analogy, though," Sheppard said, pointing a finger. "That was all me."

"That was very clever," Teyla admitted.

"Dog analogy?" McKay said.

Sheppard quickly outlined the analogy and how he used it to lead Blobby to the Wraith Cruisers, and McKay arched an eyebrow.

"Huh," he said, when the colonel was done.

Sheppard's eyebrows lifted. "Huh? What does that mean?"

"Nothing, nothing," McKay waved a hand. "Don't worry about it."

"No, really, what?"

"Just...it's not quite right."

The colonel growled, "What? Which part?"

"Blobby's range is not affected by things like atmosphere. It's attracted to the closest power source it can sense, that's powerful enough to draw its attention. Had you just powered down the jumper completely, it would have lost interest in you, sought another source, sensed the Wraith Cruisers orbiting the planet, and gone after the Cruisers on its own. Once it was feeding on them, you could have picked me and Ronon up pretty easily, using the HUD to keep an eye on the creature, and we could have just gone home then."

Sheppard stared at him. It was not a nice stare.

"Oh," McKay said, blinking rapidly under the force of it, "But...your idea was good too. Much more exciting. I'm sure your flying was amazing. Real edge of your seat stuff." He smiled weakly.

The colonel's eyes narrowed.

"McKay?"

"Yeah?"

"Next time, I'm leaving you in the river."

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The End!

Hope you liked it! Thank you all so much for your reviews! I know this wasn't a particularly plot heavy story, just action, but I wanted a pure team story, where they all had a meaty role. Of course, I'm aware Rodney's unconscious for most of it, but, and I think you picked up on the theme I was going for, he's still very much there.:)

I just want to thank NT, who named Blobby for me early on (she has a habit of naming my stories and OCs fun things. She calls Bioluminescence, "Glowy" and refuses to call The Eledgias anything but The Mainland, LOL!) and who patiently betaed this, and I want to thank you guys for sticking with it, despite all the burps over the last couple of weeks. Jesape, you'll see I did amp up the CPR stuff a bit—that was totally thanks to you—and everyone else, thank you for the encouragement and the confidence boosts! Very much needed and appreciated!

Tipper