I can't believe it, but it's finally come. The final chapter of 'I Don't Want To Feel'. I'm feeling kinda sad, because I've had so much fun writing this, and hopefully you've enjoyed reading it. Also, I'm hoping this chapter is good enough for all you guys; cause I really do want to end this story well. Thank you to everybody who has read this; whether you've been with me from the beginning, or whether you just found the story today...thank you, thank you. So here it goes; final chapter. And for one last time... please review.
I Don't Want To Feel
Epilogue
--
And you never would have thought in the end, how amazing it feels just to live again.
--
Harry sat by the large window, all by himself, watching the sun set slowly beyond the horizon. It was the most peaceful he had ever felt in his life; and the first time he had not felt lonely. His eyes turned to scan the dark, empty room that surrounded him, and he smiled slightly. Finally, being alone felt right--not depressing in any way. He turned back to the beautiful view outside his home, admiring the way the reddish light hit the trees in the forest beyond. For the first time in years, Harry was completely free; free from people, war and regret.
He didn't look back at his past with a frown anymore. He barely ever looked back at his past.
He clutched the piece of parchment in his hand, glancing down at it every once and a while. He had received the letter a few days prior, and had read it secretly non-stop. Smiling at the crumpled parchment, he unfolded it and began to read once more.
HP,
You are probably wondering how you got out so easily. Don't think I'm losing my touch. I watched you leave that day; I must say I underestimated you--you got what I was trying to say quite quickly. I hope you understand how important the rest of your life is; to both you and I. You have the second chance that I never received. Do not dwell in the past; do not dwell in dreams. There is still the present and the future; and it's all there for you. I will probably never see you again; both you and I understand why.
Remember what I told you. Take advantage of your time.
Take care of my dragon.
LM
Harry quickly folded the paper again as arms encircled his waist from behind him, and a chin was rested on his right shoulder.
"What are you doing here in the dark?" Draco Malfoy whispered, and it was only then that Harry realized the sun had almost disappeared.
"I was watching the sunset."
"You do that everyday."
"It was quite beautiful today." Harry whispered, smiling as Draco tightened his grip around his waist.
"It looks the same everyday, Harry. It's just the sun."
"Not to me. To me it's a symbol of another day gone; and another day to come."
"You've become way too philosophical, you know that? What happened to my daft Scarhead?"
"He never existed. You made him up."
"I guess so." Draco sighed, letting go of Harry and sitting next to him. "What's wrong?"
"Wrong? Nothing's wrong. Everything is perfect."
"You always seem so sad when you're watching the sunset."
"It just reminds me of so many things."
"Such as?"
"Death."
There was a long silence.
"Why are you thinking about that?"
"It's all around me; us."
"Harry--don't think about that. All we have is the present ,and the future; and it's all ours."
"Someone told me that once." Harry whispered, smiling at Draco.
"He must had been smart--because he was right." Draco smiled back at Harry, and Harry leaned forward and hugged Draco.
"I love you, my dragon."
Draco raised his eyebrow slightly, but said nothing more. All he did was hug Harry back.
Harry entered the kitchen of Grimmauld Place to find Draco sipping a cup of coffee, staring at the table.
"Draco, it is 8 o'clock in the morning. What in the world are you doing awake?"
"I couldn't sleep anymore; I kept thinking."
"Thinking?"
"I feel like something's wrong but I can't figure out what."
"Why didn't you wake me?"
"You looked so peaceful; I didn't want to disturb you."
Their conversation was cut off by someone arriving by floo, and strolling into the kitchen. One Remus Lupin, holding a newspaper.
"Ah, awake I see. Good. There's some news." He threw the newspaper down on the table in front of Draco, and watched as both Harry and Draco leaned over to read it.
Voldemort dead! Death Eaters collected; and a tragic suicide
"It's about time." Harry muttered, commenting on the long struggle of convincing the Ministry that the Dark Lord was gone for good. Remus nodded, but did not take his eyes off of Draco, who was staring at the newspaper silently. After a few more moments of silence, Draco quickly pushed his chair back and fled the room.
"Draco?!" Harry exclaimed, utterly confused, and made to run after him.
"No, Harry. Leave him." Remus spoke up, sounding quite sad. He sat down on one of the chairs around the kitchen table, and stared at the article. Harry, still confused, began to read the rest of the article.
It was at the line: 'Lucius Malfoy commits suicide' where he suddenly felt neauseated and had to stop reading. He quickly looked up at Remus who was watching him intently.
"I honestly did not expect that reaction, though it did cross my mind."
Harry opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. 'I hope you understand how important the rest of your life is; to both you and I.'
In horror, Harry realized that his eyes were clouding over.
"Harry?" Remus whispered, reaching out to him. "I know you told me never to bring it up again; but what did happen at the Malfoy Manor?"
I will probably never see you again...
"I--I--" Harry started, his mind spinning.
Take care of my dragon.
"I need to talk to Draco." Harry whispered, quickly getting up and walking swiftly towards the kitchen door. "I--thank you, Remus." He added, and disappeared out the door, leaving Remus extremely confused.
"Draco?" Harry called out quietly as he opened their bedroom door. He peered in to find Draco sprawled on their bed, staring up at the ceiling. He stepped into the room, closing the door behind him, and making his way towards his lover. "Are you okay?"
"He's dead." Draco stated blankly, his eyes never leaving the ceiling. "Gone."
"Yes." Harry whispered, gently sitting down on the bed, a few centimeters away from Draco. "Are you surprised?"
"No. It makes sense; he's a coward."
"Draco..."
"Why else would he kill himself? He didn't want to give himself to the Aurors; he was too damn proud."
"Exactly. Wouldn't you do the same?"
"NO! I am not like him. I would never...ever..." Draco exclaimed, breathing heavily. His eyes met Harry's for the first time. "...Hurt my own son."
"How do you know he doesn't regret that?"
"Lucius Malfoy does not regret." Draco stated coldly, turning his gaze back towards the ceiling. How Harry wished he could tell him otherwise. But he couldn't and he wouldn't. Draco would hate him. Instead, he just allowed him to talk. He allowed himself to listen. "And Lucius Malfoy does not feel. He never did."
"But you feel bad." Harry whispered, reaching out to touch Draco, who flinched away.
"Yes." He whispered, "I feel awful."
Harry's hand stayed suspended above Draco's, not wanting to get the same reaction as before, but desperately wanting to hold him. Make him feel better; make him feel loved.
"He never loved us." Draco whispered, moving his arms into a crossed position over his chest; almost as if he was hugging himself. "We were always just there...like all he needed us for was to continue his stupid name. To produce more and more Malfoy's. And you know what? We were proud...so proud. But so naive."
Through all this, Draco never realized that he kept saying 'we'. But Harry knew exactly who he was thinking of, and who he was talking about. It was the boy whose face haunted his thoughts and his dreams; it was the blonde's beloved older brother... the one best friend he had lost so young and so early.
"Still, he loved him more. I know he did. I tried so hard to make him love me, Harry. I really did. But he was so cold; he never cared. Why do you think I ended up being the way I was? The way I am?"
"Look where that led my family." Lucius' voice echoed through Harry's mind as Draco continued talking, and Harry felt torn. He knew exactly how Lucius felt for his son; his only son, and was sad that both he and Lucius would never be able to say anything to him.
How he longed to tell Draco how much Lucius regretted everything. But he knew he couldn't...the past was the past. There was no way of changing it. He was gone.
"No father could hate his son completely, Draco."
There was a long silence after Harry's chosen words, one in which Draco finally reached out to take Harry's hand.
"He was no father of mine." Draco whispered, and Harry, his heart wrenching in his chest, lay down next to his love and took the crying boy into his arms.
Once again, Harry sat and watched the sunset. But this time, he wasn't alone. Next to him sat the only person he had ever truly loved with all his heart. They sat in silence, their hands clasped together, their shoulders touching.
"I think I finally understand why you enjoy doing this so much. It really is beautiful."
"And relaxing."
"And significant."
"And so poetic."
Draco grinned at his lover, and leaned his head on Harry's shoulder. "I think our whole relationship has been one tragic poem."
"Why, how sappy of you, Draco Malfoy."
"It's true though. We've been through some tough times..."
"...And near-death experiences."
"But we've made it through everything. I guess that means we're meant to be."
"Ew, you are sappy."
"Harry, I'm serious."
"I am too."
Silence.
"Will you be with me till the end?"
"There is no end."
"No, there isn't." Harry whispered, turning his head to kiss Draco on the forehead. "I think I did tell you I'd love you forever. Even when you're all wrinkley and grey."
Draco wrinkled his nose in disgust, but didn't say anything. Instead, he turned his head to Harry's and kissed him full on the lips. Harry snaked his arms around the blonde's neck and kissed back passionately. When they broke apart, they kept their foreheads and lips slightly touching.
"Forever." Draco whispered, smiling again against Harry's lips. "I think I can do that."
"Yeah, well, you better. I'm never leaving you."
"Even when I'm wrinkley and grey, are you sure?" Draco questioned, repeating what Harry had said before. Harry smiled widely at him, but didn't say anything to answer. He just kept staring into Draco's beautiful eyes.
And that was how time past; with grey staring into green.
"Thank you." Harry whispered, kissing Draco lightly one more time.
"For what?"
"Showing me how to feel again."
Draco, unable to stop grinning, crashed his lips on Harry's, pulling him in tightly, as if to never let go. Harry hungrily kissed back, feeling Draco's wet cheeks as he stroked his lover's cheek. Soon, neither was sure which one of them was crying anymore.
They just kept on kissing; feeling what they had kept inside of them for so long.
And in his hand, Harry still clutched a piece of parchment. A different one, however. One that he had received just a couple of hours before.
The second, and last, note he would receive in the elegant handwriting that had once been Lucius Malfoy's. A note that contained only two words:
Thank you.