Chapter 1

I went too far and now he knows

Ed's P.O.V.

It had been at least two months since Al's death and the more time goes by the more pain I seem to feel inside. I can't even seem to remember any of the times when I was actually happy, they all seem to be just faded memories now. I sit alone in my room, looking down at my flesh arm and the blade in my metal hand. I always seem to find the blade in my hand when I get depressed, I sometimes don't even remember picking it up in the first place it just happens to be in my hand at these moments. I sighed and brought the blade up to my flesh arm and slowly added pressure sliding it across. I winced slightly but the pain faded quickly and turned into relief as I mad another slash across my scared arm. I stared down at my new cuts gave a small smile of relief that my depression was gone, for now anyways. I watched as the blood dripped down my arm onto the floor. But my peace didn't last long as someone knocked at my door which made my head shot up to look at the door.

"Fullmetal open the door I know you're here" I frowned as I knew who was there, that man was another cause of my depression I would get. I quickly hid the blade in my pocket and slide down my sleeve covering my many cuts. I got up slowly walking towards the door, unlocking it I opened it u to face Roy Mustang.

"Yes?"

"You haven't come out of your room in a week and everyone is worried"

"Why?"

"Because it's not good for you to stay locked up all the time and have you even been eating."

"It's really none of your business"

"I'm your superior and it is my business"

I wished Roy would just leave, he shouldn't care whether I eat or take care of myself. I have nothing to live for anyway I will probably end up dieing soon anyways.

"The last time I ate anything was two days ago, now will you leave me alone?"

"Ed you need to eat it's not good to starve yourself"

"What do you care for anyway?"

"Because I don't want to see you starving yourself "

"Starving myself is the least of my worries"

"Do you want to go with me to the cafeteria and eat?"

"No I'm not hungry!"

Once I had said that I didn't want to answer any more question so I shut the door in his face and locked it. Luckily he left and I was alone once again in my small dark room. I laid down on my bed for a while not even noticing the tears streaming down my face. I tried to sit up only to fall back down feeling dizzy and my head started hurt. It was then that I realized that I had forgot to bandage my cuts on my arm. I tried to get up only to fall back down as pain shot up my arm; I must be too weak from the blood loss. I sat up as best I could and lifted up my sleeve to look at my cuts. They were still bleeding a little but not much anymore; my whole arm was stained in my blood that had covered my arm. Up to my wrist and elbow. I knew I wouldn't be able to get up if I tried to stand so I would have to stay in bed and rest in till I had enough strength to stand. I just hope no one decides to come by while I'm like this. I laid there in total silence in till finally drifting to sleep and entering my nightmares that plagued my sleep every night; I was convinced by now that nothing could stop these terrible dreams from coming.

I awoke with a jolt and in a cold sweat; I looked around the room and then memories of my nightmares flooded back into my head. I shook my head trying to get rid of this memories of my dream. I stopped and looked at the clock, it was 9:00 a.m. and I knew that if I didn't leave my room today that Roy would most likely come back again. I looked down at my arm to see it was covered in my dried blood. I slowly got up and wobbled to the bathroom, I was still a little weak but I could walk at least. I got into the bathroom and washed my arm off in the sink and pulled out my blade cleaning it of the dried blood. I didn't bother bandaging my cuts because they had stopped bleeding and there was really no need to anyways. Once my arm was cleaned I put the blade back in my pocket and pulled back down my sleeve, heading out of the bathroom. I grabbed my red coat and unlocked my door shutting it behind me heading down the hall. I felt a little lightheaded but kept walking and whenever I would pass someone they would give me a weird but I tried to just ignore them and keep walking. I got to Roy's office and knocked lightly on the door but oblivious it was loud enough for him to hear because I heard a 'come in' and opened the door. I slowly made my way and shit the door softly behind me and walked up to his desk. Roy looked up from signing some papers and looked at me with a look of surprise.

"I'm here to pick up my missed paperwork while I was out"

"I can't believe you actually left your room; you must be feeling better?"

"Just shut up and give me the papers so I can leave"

Roy just looked at me for a minute then looked down and picked up some papers handing them to me. Once I had them I walked out the door without another word said I headed for the only quiet place, which was the library. I went into the library and sat down at a table in the back and started to look through the papers. I didn't have much it was mostly just about my previous mission so it wasn't anything hard to do, the only other paper work he did was when he used to help Roy with the paper work because sometimes he would be bored and help him. I was so lost in thought I didn't if realize I had finished with my paper work, I shook my head coming out of my thoughts and looked to the clock. It was almost 11:30 so everyone should be on lunch break so I wouldn't run into anybody if I left. I got up with the papers in my hand and walked out of the library and down the hall, luckily everyone was already at lunch so now one was in the hall. I got to Roy's office and went in not bothering to knock knowing he probably wasn't there, I sat the papers on his desk and turned around to leave only to see him standing in the doorway.

"Done already?"

"Yes"

"Oh" he turned around and shut and locked the door and walked over and sat on the couch.

"Come sit down" he said pointing to the seat next to him. I eyed the seat wondering if I could trust him and why he was acting so strange all of the sudden? I glanced at the door and back to Roy, just what was he doing?

"What? I won't bite."

I slowly made my way over there and cautiously sat down next to him.

"What do you want?"

"I want to know why you've been acting so strange lately, you barely have come out of your room and you're constantly depressed."

"You would be acting strange too if you watched your only family get killed right in front of you!"

"Ed I know it hasn't been easy for you but you can't stay like this forever Al would have wanted you to go on with your life not to be depressed and starve your self.

Why does he even care what happens to me and what I do to myself? It's not like he cares I know he doesn't why is he even bothering me.

"Why do you even care? It's not like what happens to me has anything to do with you. I just want to be left alone, why doesn't anybody understand I don't need help from anybody!"

I stood up to leave but he grabbed my flesh arm tightly, I winced at the pain but kept turned around so he couldn't see my face.

"I'm not letting go in till you tell me what is wrong." He gripped my hand tighter and the pressure was making me dizzy from all the pain shooting through my arm. I could tell that his grip on my arm was making it bleed again and I had forgot to bandage it. I struggled to get away but didn't really have the strength t pull away from him.

"Let go!"

"No"

"Please" I whimpered.

"Just tell me what's wrong" he said in a concerned but serious voice.

I couldn't take it anymore my arm was in pain and my head was throbbing with a headache. I didn't care at this point whether he knew or not I just wanted him to let me go!

"Ed"

"I CUT MYSELF OK NOW WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I finally pulled my arm away and I had tears pouring down my face, I got to the door but it was still locked and only Mustang had the key. I turned around and slid down sitting on the floor with my back to the door and pulled my knees to my chest sobbing. I sat there for a minute before my sobs were stopped by a hand on my shoulder and I soft voice.

"Ed"

Oh great now he knows and he's going to yell at me doing something like this, he might even send me away to some mental hospital. I looked up at him with my tear stained face wondering what he was going to do next.

"Ed I'm sorry"

And before I knew it he pulled me into his arms and has hugging me, I was in totally shock and didn't dare to move not really knowing what to do by his sudden action.

"R-Roy" I whispered and that made him pull away to look at me.

"Can I see your arm?" He said calmly.

I sniffed and looked up at him and nodded, holding out my arm, I looked away not wanting to see the look on his face once he pulled up my sleeve and I heard him gasp at what he saw.

"Ed...why?"

"Because I have nothing in my life anymore and this is the only way I can get rid of the pain and suffering I feel"

I started to cry and again and he pulled me into another unsuspecting hug and that silenced me.

"But you do have someone in your life"

"And who's that?"

"Well...me"

He pulled away from the hug and lifted my chin and before I could do anything our lips were connected. I sat there in totally shock not moving as he started kissing me, once my mind grasped what was going on I leaned into the kiss and started kissing back. Once we pulled away I just stared at him with wide eyes at what we had just done.

"Ed...I love you"

Author's Note: Well how was that! The next chapter will be up as soon as I can get to typing it. I know this first chapter took a while but it always seemed like I never felt like typing it but now I have finally finished so I hope you liked it! Please Review! I love reviews!