Author's Note: I don't own anything. Wish I did. Wouldn't it be fun?

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"Hello?"

"Juuuu-Lee..."

"What'ya want, House?"

"I'd say you, but I don't think you could handle a man like me." Greg House could practically hear her eyes rolling on the other end of the phone line.

"In your dreams." Julie grumbled. "He's busy, it's his day OFF!" She practically barked into the phone.

Greg grinned maliciously, "If it weren't a medical emergency, you know I'd not be calling...but as it is, would you please put him on the phone?"

"This can't wait?"

"No. Duh. Hence the word 'emergency!'"

"He's in the gym, hang on..."

(The gym! Ohhh, this is gonna be good...) The mischievous mind of Gregory House was working overtime.

"What!" The voice of his friend came over the receiver.

"Why Dr. James Wilson...are you working out?"

"Yes, what is it. Julie said there was a medical emergency."

"Really...you don't have to do that, you know. I already think you're hot." House held back a laugh.

"I'm not doing this for you..."

"It's that blonde thingy again, isn't it. You're buffing up for her! Bookeeeping, right? Jimmy...baby, you're already pretty, you don't need a hot bod to..."

"HOUSE!" James Wilson was red in the face, not just from ending a vigorous run on the treadmill, but with frustration at his friend.

"What?" No matter how hard House tried to play innocent, no one would ever believe him.

"What's the damned emergency?" Wilson was toweling off his face and neck and could already sense the tension forming.

"I'm out."

"What!" Wilson dropped his towel in disbelief.

"I'm out. You need to write me a new script, the pharmacy is refusing to give me a refill. I need a fix, man."

"Good Lord, House. I'm not your 'dealer.'"

"Yes, but you love me anyway. Get over here and bring your prescription pad with you."

With a frustrated sigh, Wilson asked "Where are you?"

House grinned. (That's a good boy.) "In the clinic."

"Hiding out in an empty room, reading Entertainment Weekly and sucking on a Tootsie Pop...right?"

"Whatever do you mean?" House quickly pulled the sucker out from the side of his cheek. "I'm laying here, in pain...I can't function this way! I can't even..." He groaned, "I can't even get up!"

Wilson grimaced. "Whatever. I'll be there in 15 minutes."

House grinned from ear to ear. "You're my hero, Dr. Wilson."

"Shut up, already. I said I'd be there."

"You're so hoooooooot." House said in a sing-song voice.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy burst through the door, a scowl upon her face and her hands now firmly placed on her hips. "NO phone sex in the clinic, House!"

"Uh-oh." House made a pouting face and spoke into the phone. "I've gotta go, Baby...but thanks, that was the best..."

"HOUSE!" Cuddy hollered.

"HOUSE!" Wilson also hollered.

"What...?" Once again, House failed to look anything resembling innocence.