AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is "slash," for those of you who believe that giant robots from outer space can have true gender and can therefore have anything like a "same sex relationship." Otherwise, it's just good, old-fashioned, sweet, happy, fluffy puppy love. ;) It was written because…Well, because Dinobots need love, too, dangit! And because Frostbite has a thing for challenging herself to write unusual pairs. So, there we go.
Oh, and it won't make much sense to you unless you've read Nightwind's other Dinobot stories ("Vigil" and "Art in Me"), both of which can be found on
So, with those "warnings" in place, off we go…
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"Sludge make picture for you, Grimlock."
Grimlock was at his desk in what had once been known as the Romper Room but was now called Dinobot Headquarters. It was a huge, cavernous room built into the far side of the same volcano that housed the Ark, separate yet accessible. Over the years, Grimlock had made it a daily habit to study all the activities, both important and trivial, that went on with the Autobots and Decepticons. He'd just begun to go through that information for the day when Sludge had come up behind him and proudly leaned his newest artistic creation against the computer screen directly in front of Grimlock.
Grimlock picked up the picture and simply stared at it for a few minutes. It was truly an incredible piece of art. On a square piece of scrap metal, Sludge had engraved a delicate and highly detailed picture of two fleshy, Earth-born dinosaurs. It was done with his usual impeccable eye for realism, movement, dimension, and anatomical detail, but it wasn't just an engraving. Sludge had recently developed a way to mix together several translucent oily substances of different consistencies and then layer them onto an engraving in different combinations and thicknesses, so that the combined oils refracted light in different ways, emitting different iridescent colors. And the piece that Grimlock held in his hands at that moment was quite stunning, so much so that it was hard to take his eyes off of it. He tilted it this way and that, watching the lights dance and play off the iridescent rainbow colors of the piece while Sludge watched him expectantly, excitedly.
"Thank you, Sludge," Grimlock finally pronounced. "This one is real good."
Of course, Grimlock thought that all of Sludge's artwork was good. True artistic talent was an extreme rarity among Transformers, and it made Grimlock swell with pride whenever he thought about the fact that, as far as anyone knew, a Dinobot was the only Autobot on Earth blessed with such a gift. Especially considering that it was this particular Dinobot who was so blessed. Prior to the thoroughly unexpected discovery of Sludge's talent, just about everyone – aside from his fellow Dinobots, of course…usually – had looked down upon Sludge as extremely stupid and particularly worthless because of that so-called stupidity. Now…Well, now they knew something of Sludge's worth. Perhaps his gift was not one that the Autobots had looked for when he had been created – They had only wanted powerful warriors who could intimidate the most powerful Decepticons – but that only made Sludge's gift all the more special, as far as Grimlock was concerned. He had great talent, and of all the Dinobots, Grimlock was especially proud of him. In fact, if anyone happened to be foolish enough to enter into Grimlock's private quarters, they would see hundreds of pieces of art that Sludge had created, all hanging from floor to ceiling in precisely aligned rows on all four walls.
Of course, Grimlock wasn't the only one who had benefited from Sludge's remarkable abilities. Sludge had drawn, engraved, and even sculpted something for nearly every Autobot in the base, whether they liked it or not, whether they had asked for anything or not. In addition, word had spread amongst the humans of his unique style and never-before-seen techniques, and so he now had a slowly-growing list of private commissions to fill as well. But even with all that, even though Sludge was slowly becoming a renowned and in-demand artist amongst Autobots and humans alike, Grimlock still managed to find himself on the receiving end of much of the artwork that Sludge produced.
And of course he knew why that was so…
As if he was reading Grimlock's thoughts, Sludge suddenly reached around and hugged Grimlock from behind, happily announcing, "Sludge love Grimlock so much."
It wasn't at all an unusual gesture or an odd thing for Sludge to say. Ever since their creation, just over four years ago, Grimlock had known that there was something special between him and Sludge. He simply chose not to explore all that that "specialness" entailed. At first Grimlock hadn't been quite sure why he felt so…intimidated. He had told himself that he just didn't want to show any favoritism toward Sludge, that such a thing wouldn't have been fair to Slag, Snarl, and Swoop. But eventually, Grimlock had come to understand that that wasn't the real reason that he avoided exploring his emotions with regard to Sludge. In fact, he'd eventually figured out precisely what that real reason was.
He was, quite simply, afraid. And he was afraid on several different levels, too. Most prominently, he was afraid to admit that he felt differently about Sludge than he did about the other Dinobots because he thought that such an admission would make him appear weak and vulnerable to anyone who might find out that he harbored such feelings. And Grimlock, of course, feared any appearance of weakness and vulnerability perhaps more than anything else in the world. So, he avoided thinking about his feelings for Sludge. When such thoughts would arise and threaten to overwhelm him, as they occasionally did, he distracted himself somehow. Usually, he succeeded in that distraction; sometimes he failed spectacularly, resulting in him temporarily staying far, far away from everyone, Sludge especially, until he felt that he could control himself, until he could regain his command detachment.
Sludge, on the other hand, apparently felt absolutely no compunction whatsoever about voicing his feelings for Grimlock. And over the past two years, Sludge had become increasingly expressive of those feelings, as well. He was never pushy or rude about it, nor did he ever seem to take offense when Grimlock gently deflected his affectionate gestures. But neither did Sludge give up. And when he felt a need to express his feelings, Sludge was always just as he was being at the moment: sweet and honest and completely open, not at all fearful of what anyone else might think about his emotional state. Grimlock admired Sludge's ability to just be himself, and at times he fervently wished that he could emulate that ability, that he could have that complete, unselfconscious freedom. And of course Sludge's affection for Grimlock was very touching; it tended to put little tiny – and, to Grimlock, disturbing – chinks in Grimlock's emotional armor. He felt…confused…about what he should say and do in response to Sludge's gestures and overtures.
So now Grimlock looked up from the beautiful, shimmering picture in his hands to the other three Dinobots sitting in various places around the Great Room of their headquarters. It being the end of the day, they had all been present to hear Sludge's simple-hearted yet painfully candid proclamation, and they were now no doubt waiting to see how Grimlock would respond to it. Snarl was off alone in his corner with his nose buried in a data pad. He didn't really look up, but Grimlock could tell that he was no longer paying complete attention to the words on the pad in front of him, that he was instead covertly peeking over the top of it at Grimlock. With an inward sigh, Grimlock's gaze slid toward Slag, who, just moments before had been deep in concentration over one of his many strategy games. He was now, of course, staring across his game pieces and right at Grimlock, with a neutral though somehow expectant expression on his face. And then, of course, there was Swoop. There was always Swoop. He'd put down the medical book he was studying and was aiming a bright and happy grin in Grimlock's direction.
They all knew, of course, how Grimlock was really feeling, no matter how hard he tried to hide it from them. In fact, Grimlock realized that they had probably all known from the very beginning. They were the Dinobots, after all, a group apart from everyone else, and whether they liked it or not, it was becoming increasingly apparent that they could easily detect what was going on with each other. Of course, part of that sensitivity arose simply from living together in close quarters for so long, since the day of their "birth". But the larger part of that sensitivity, as far as Grimlock was concerned, was that each Dinobot truly cared, in his own way, for the others. True, some were more sensitive than others. Swoop, for instance, was and always had been extremely empathetic, which had naturally driven his interests toward the medical field, where he knew that he could be useful, where he could help others in need. Slag, on the other had, was naturally extremely non-empathetic; he had to work very hard just to be slightly compassionate toward anyone. Yet even Slag with all of his lack of empathy could pick up on the emotional states of the other Dinobots. Including, of course, Grimlock's subtle affection and not-so-subtle instinctive protectiveness toward Sludge.
Even Grimlock himself had to admit that the caring he felt toward Sludge was something very different than what he felt toward any of the others. With Sludge, it was far more than just a commander's concern for an individual under his command. It was far more, even, than concern for a friend. It was…It was more than Grimlock wanted to think about at the moment, for fear of losing control, of breaking down in front of everyone. So he chose to respond as he always responded when put into the particular situation that he was now facing.
"Thank you, Sludge," he said quietly. "I know."
As he said it, Grimlock's gaze slid back, for some reason, toward Swoop, who he saw was suddenly staring in apparent exasperation at the ceiling, his mouth moving as he said something that Grimlock couldn't hear to whomever might be listening up there. Out of all of the Dinobots, Swoop seemed to want…something…to happen between Grimlock and Sludge the most. He'd sensed the "signals" arcing between the two of them and he more than any of the others – including Grimlock himself – understood exactly what those "special feelings" meant. He'd even gone to the extent, a while ago, of giving Grimlock some information on what it meant to be bonded with another Transformer.
After reading the material, Grimlock had vehemently decided that it was not something he wanted to do. Ever. With anyone, much less with Sludge. Not only was the entire concept of it hard for Grimlock to understand, but it had looked a bit frightening, as well. Grimlock had decided that he'd rather face down the entire Decepticon army single-handedly than bond with Sludge or anyone else. After all, one of the things Grimlock valued most was his privacy, the fact that, among other things, he could think whatever he wanted to think about anyone else and they'd never be able to know what he was thinking. So when he'd read that bondmates eventually came to forever share one another's thoughts and feelings, he immediately imagined Sludge literally stomping around in his head all the time, and the thought made him shudder to his core for a number of reasons. One of those reasons was that he knew he'd eventually get frustrated with the entire situation. But more importantly, Grimlock feared that such frustration would lead to anger…and he could not bear even the thought of ever being angry at Sludge. So Grimlock had convinced himself that it was better for Sludge and himself if he just maintained the status quo, if he continued to sublimate and ignore all of the feelings that he knew he had for Sludge but that he was afraid to acknowledge.
"OK, Grimlock," Sludge was saying, meanwhile, smiling happily as he released Grimlock from his hug. Seemingly content with Grimlock's habitual diffident response to his affections, Sludge returned to the cluttered, messy area of the great room that everyone called The Studio.
Grimlock watched him go, debating whether or not to say something else to Sludge's retreating back. But when the urge to say something became almost overwhelming, the old fear returned and, to distract himself, Grimlock turned his attention back to the beautiful engraving he still held in his hands.
It depicted two dinosaurs, a tyrannosaur and an apatosaur, both standing in a swamp eating plants. The tyrannosaur was stroking the brontosaur's neck, and there was a beautiful sunset in the background, with fluffy clouds tinted iridescent shades of pink and orange hanging in the sky. Of course, everyone – including Sludge – knew that the real tyrannosaurs had been carnivores…but ever since Cliffjumper had played a particularly mean-spirited prank on Sludge involving some rather graphic images of tyrannosaurs killing, ripping apart, and eating apatosaurs, Sludge would stubbornly draw only vegetarian dinosaurs.
An almost imperceptible growl emerged from Grimlock's throat as he remembered how frightened and upset Sludge had become because of that "joke" of Cliffjumper's. Sludge had genuinely believed for quite a long time after the "joke" that Grimlock was going to kill and eat him, no matter how many times Grimlock had assured him that he wasn't going to do so. It had taken a long while to gently undo the damage done to Sludge.
On the other hand, Grimlock recalled with satisfaction, it had taken Ratchet a week to undo the damage that Grimlock had done to Cliffjumper, as punishment for upsetting Sludge so badly. Even Optimus Prime's remonstration with Grimlock after that incident hadn't dimmed Grimlock's satisfaction with his actions…
After all, Grimlock knew that the other Dinobots could easily take care of themselves. It was impossible to offend Snarl; he genuinely didn't care what others thought of him and because of that, he was difficult to hurt, both emotionally and physically. And most people seemed to be afraid to mess with Slag, for fear that he would pound the living daylights out of them. Besides which, he had started to make actual friends outside of the Dinobots, within the close-knit circle of strategy gamers who resided at the base. So he had the support of others outside the safe circle of the Dinobots and, in some cases, he'd won respect even from individuals like Cliffjumper. And Swoop… Everyone just seemed to like Swoop on an almost instinctive level, and so they likely wouldn't want to hurt him. Besides which, he was smart and could certainly give as good as he got if someone decided to tease him or play a joke on him.
But Sludge… Unfortunately, to some of the more idiotic Autobots like Cliffjumper and his cronies, Sludge was nothing but a big, easy target. True, Sludge had once been Slag's target…but Slag had grown up over the last couple of years. The Autobot idiots hadn't grown up and didn't seem to have any intention of doing so any time soon. So in response Grimlock felt deeply driven to protect Sludge. Of the five Dinobots, he was by far the slowest to learn proper language skills and appropriate social etiquette. The others, including himself, had worked hard to integrate themselves into normal daily life within Autobot Headquarters, and were learning and improving with every passing day. Sludge, on the other hand, still struggled with learning even the most basic of concepts unless those concepts had something to do with art.
"Sludge is missing something," as Swoop had put it, out of the blue, a few months before.
"What is missing?" a startled Grimlock had asked. "Maybe Wheeljack can fix."
In response, Swoop had only shook his head slowly and cryptically answered, "No… No, Wheeljack can't fix it. What Sludge needs, only you can give."
Unfortunately, Swoop had been very serious when he'd made that statement. And Grimlock, after a moment's thought, knew exactly what Swoop had meant by it. The Dinobot leader had turned away from Swoop in a huff, but before he could take even one step, the insightful medic-in-training had caught Grimlock's arm.
"And what Grimlock needs, only Sludge can give," Swoop matter-of-factly stated.
"Me Grimlock not want…no…I do not want to talk about that stuff, Swoop!" Grimlock had replied angrily as he'd jerked his arm roughly out of Swoop's grasp, his frustration causing him to stumble over his words. "You leave me alone. Mind your own business."
But even as Grimlock had turned to leave, there had been a small, quiet, yet insistent part of him that immediately acknowledged that what Swoop had said was true. There was something that Grimlock needed, but exactly what it was, he had yet to figure out. All Grimlock knew was that, ever since their creation, he had always felt an inner need for Sludge. It was something completely foreign and irrational to Grimlock and, as usual when it came to thoughts and feelings that threatened his emotional control and detachment, he made sure to keep it well hidden and did his best to ignore the feeling. But with the combination of his bad acting and Swoop's natural empathetic discernment, it eventually made his stubborn defiance of the truth pointless…
With a long, drawn-out sigh, Grimlock brought his attention back to the beautiful picture he held in his hands. Carefully, lovingly, he reached out and propped up against the computer screen in front of him again. He knew it was a picture of him and Sludge, of how they were supposed to be. Sludge could see it clearly, so clearly that he could render it in a work of art. He was just that way in general; somehow, Sludge could just see things in a way that no one else could, with a clarity that made it such that Sludge didn't seek confirmations or rational explanations of what he saw and felt. He just saw. And then he usually expressed exactly what he saw, sometimes in works of art, sometimes in simple, honest, artless words. And this time Sludge, in his open, guileless way, had seen the truth…and Grimlock knew that Sludge was trying to convey that truth to Grimlock in the only way that he knew how to do so. All along, Grimlock had been trying desperately not to see the truth; now, it seemed he could not avoid it.
With a heavy-hearted sigh, Grimlock tore his gaze away from the picture and looked toward Swoop again who, judging by expression, Grimlock suddenly knew had been watching him all along while Grimlock had fought with himself. Grimlock also knew – and he figured that Swoop probably knew, as well – that he was giving in. Suddenly, he was just…tired of the pretense, tired of the guilt, and tired of giving in to the fear. As he watched, Swoop's expectant expression transformed itself into a peaceful one, as he watched and read Grimlock's own face. Swoop smiled and nodded slightly, as if to say, "It's OK, Grimlock. Go ahead."
And for once, Grimlock had to agree. It was OK. He nodded back at Swoop and turned around to see Sludge busily working in The Studio on the other side of the Great Room. Yes, he knew that it was finally time. Sludge had been so patient, so willing to give Grimlock the time he needed to sort things out for himself, to his own satisfaction. And as Grimlock walked toward Sludge, he felt more and more confident that what he was about to do was the right thing. As he slowly approached Sludge, it felt as if a heavy burden was being lifted from him with each step he took towards the busily-occupied Dinobot artist. By the time he reached Sludge, Grimlock realized that he no longer cared about fear, about the effects of bonding, or about what others might think of his strength…or lack thereof.
Grimlock stopped, stood still for a short moment behind Sludge, and then hesitantly reached out and rested his hand on the artist's shoulder.
"Uh…Sludge?" he said hesitantly.
Sludge stopped his drawing and turned around to face Grimlock, an expression of innocent expectation on his face.
"Yes, Grimlock?" he answered.
"I…Uh, well…I…" Grimlock murmured helplessly before clearing his throat and saying more confidently, "Grimlock loves Sludge, too."
Smiling radiantly, Sludge reached up and gave Grimlock's hand, which was still resting on his shoulder, an affectionate pat.
"Thank you, Grimlock," he said, his voice almost purring with contentment. "I know." And then Sludge turned back to his project and began working again.
"OK, Sludge." Grimlock answered.
Suddenly feeling very light on his feet, he let Sludge do his work as he made his way back to his own computer terminal. To an outsider, the simple words that he and Sludge had exchanged would have seemed few and probably insignificant. But to a Dinobot, volumes had been spoken.
Grimlock chanced a quick glance at the other Dinobots, in order to gauge their reactions to what they had just seen. He noticed that Snarl was trying valiantly to hide his face behind the small data pad he held, but Grimlock could have sworn that he heard something that sounded suspiciously like an "Awwwwww" coming from Snarl's corner of the room. Slag, meanwhile, was grinning widely as he pretended to study the strategy game laid out in front of him. And Swoop… Well, it was quite clear that Grimlock had made Swoop a very happy Dinobot, indeed…
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Grimlock lay awake in his quarters with Sludge, still sleeping soundly, snuggled contentedly next to him. So much had happened in the twelve months since Grimlock had admitted his feelings to Sludge. Looking back, Grimlock just then realized that Swoop had been entirely right when he had informed Grimlock that only Sludge could give to Grimlock what he'd needed and vice versa. For instance, through their bond, Sludge was able to give Grimlock an ability to be much more patient with the Autobots. He remembered just a year before, when frustration and, sometimes, outright anger seemed to be the only emotions he could feel when dealing with the Autobots. Now, more often than not, he regarded the Autobots and their various oddities with nothing but…amusement. In addition, Grimlock was able to communicate his thoughts and ideas to the Autobots much more clearly now, without becoming angry with them when they didn't understand his thinking. Grimlock knew that it was Sludge's own endless supply of patience and his ability to always see the brighter side of life that he was drawing upon in order to accomplish these things, things which, prior to his bond with Sludge, had been utterly impossible. He knew that he could not have done any of those things without Sludge's gentle, ever-present help.
And there was so much more, too. There was the companionship, the closeness, the security of being able to share with someone else deep thoughts and emotions that he'd never realized were present within him. He had grown so much and in so many ways over the past year. That had been Sludge's gift to him. That had been what Sludge had wanted to give Grimlock all along. And Grimlock felt, now, that he had been stupid to resist the offer for so long.
Affectionately, Grimlock reached over and gently stroked the artist's torso. Sludge had changed, too, of course. Although he was still a slow learner and probably always would be to some degree, Sludge now had a confidence and a stubborn tenacity that he'd never had before. It was obvious that he now felt safer, more secure. Most of all, because he could directly help Grimlock, Sludge felt useful, which had been his goal all of his life, a goal which could not have been accomplished without Grimlock's input. But Sludge now felt that he had something important to give to the world…and now, because he had accomplished one thing he'd always wanted to accomplish and because he had a safe place and a safe mate in which to dwell, he also had the confidence to go out and pursue other goals, goals which he hadn't known that he'd had. So Grimlock would forever be Sludge's refuge from a world that was still often cruel to him and that was usually quite beyond his understanding. In fact, Sludge had taken to calling their bond "The Safe Place." And it was indeed a very safe place for both of them.
On the outside, to the Autobots and to the rest of the world, Sludge and Grimlock were the same old Dinobots they had always been. They were always learning, growing, and improving, of course, but otherwise they appeared to be the same Grimlock and Sludge that they had always been. In fact, with the exception of the other Dinobots, no one else knew that the bond between Grimlock and Sludge existed. Grimlock intended to keep it that way.
Sludge stirred and wrapped his arm around Grimlock's waist, interrupting Grimlock's wandering thoughts. The Dinobot leader took a moment to savor the mysterious yet utterly singular intimacy he and Sludge shared. And as Grimlock prepared to return to his sleep cycle, his last – and very comforting – thought was, Everyone out there will forever know me as just Grimlock, leader of the Dinobots, but Sludge will always know so much more…