A/N: This is the first of my Soul Calibur Humor Fanfics. Enjoy! Leave feedback!
"I want to have a child."
Kilik nearly gagged on his sandwich, coughing violently as he leaned over to relieve his throat. Quickly, he regained composure and continued eating his sandwich like nothing was wrong. Even his expression remained placid.
"Kilik, dear."
He kept eating.
"Kilik!"
The young man returned his wife's stare—well, more like glare, since Xianghua was glowering daggers at him, her hands on her hips and her hostility emitting from her body language. Kilik gulped. Uh oh…I'm in for a good beating now.
The anger in Xiangchua's face suddenly melted away. She flew at his legs, clinging to them as she cried.
"I want to have a baby! I want to have sex and be pregnant and have a baby!" She screamed insistently, moving Kilik's leg as she did. Kilik rolled his eyes and tried to ignore his pleading and hysterical wife, but her screaming was interrupting his once peaceful lunch.
"Whoa!"
His legs were pulled out from under him, the chair falling back as his rear end struck the ground.
Kilik's eyes widened in horrow.
NOOOOOOOO!
His poor sandwich followed almost in slow motion. The bread separated as the meat tumbled first to hit the dirty, dirty floor (why wasn't Xianghua trained in cleaning?) before the lettuce and tomatoes slid from underneath the bread.
Thwap!
And there was Kilik's precious sandwich, lying on the floor in a heap of nothing.
Tears sprang to Kilik's eyes as he stared in horror at the sandwich.
No…Ten seconds has passed, too!And Xianghua was still yelling to have a baby.
Kilik put his head in his hands, trying not to show his tears.
"I want to have—"
"OK!"
Xianghua quit her squabbling and stared at her husband's back.
"I'll do it if you make me another sandwich—WITH EVERYTHING ON IT!"
His wife smiled, and nodded, getting up and going towards the kitchen. Kilik picked up his fallen casualty—his dirty sandwich—and whimpered. He saluted its greatness. One bite had sucked him in, so it had served its purpose.
Crossing his legs on the floor, Kilik cradled the sagging sandwich, looking expectantly at Xianghua, who had disappeared into the kitchen. Aw, well, he was getting an even better comrade—once again, another sandwich—so he had nothing to worry about.
Maybe I should bury this one…Xianghua's head popped into his vision and Kilik looked back, his eyes smiling. Suddenly, Kilik's smile faded, and he stared at her sad face. "What?"
His wife reddened. "There's no more lettuce."
Kilik raised his hands up, forgetting about his fall comrade—the sandwich—as his head lifted towards the ceiling.
"NOOOOOOO!"
Xianghua managed a wiry smile. "But there's cabbage…"
Maybe I can salvage this comrade—the sandwich.
Please review! Thank you! If you liked this fanfic, check out the second fanfic in my Soul Calibur Humor Fanfics, Gypsy Mirrors. It features Talim, Cassandra, and Talim's funny parents.