"Gra-anger."
"Yes."
"I've got a secret."
"We've all got secrets, Malfoy."
"Ha. Mine's better."
"Hmm."
"Mine could shatter you're pretty little world."
"Malfoy, I don't have time for games."
"Oh, you have time for this one, little mudblood."
"…"
"…"
"Do you not ever wonder how long you've got until we grow tired of your taunting and decide to put you out of your misery, ferret?"
"Every day, pumpkin."
"…"
"Was that better?"
"No. Go to sleep."
"Don't you want to hear my secret?"
"Malfoy… are you drunk?"
"Fucking pissed. What you gonna do about it?"
"Where did you get alcohol from? You're a prisoner, who the hell gave you… firewhiskey!"
"Pinky. Nymphamadorea or something."
"Tonks?"
"She's my cousin, you know."
"She gave you firewhiskey?"
"Yeah."
"This is so unfair… bloody Ron not taking his bloody shift when it's scheduled. And what do I get for being bloody kind? A drunk Malfoy. I don't believe this."
"Don't mutter in company, Granger. It's bad manners or first sign of madness or something else anal bitches like you should care about."
"Shut up, Malfoy."
"Make me."
"Don't tempt me, ferret."
"…"
"…"
"I've got a secret, you know."
"So you've said."
"A big one."
"…"
"It'll rock you're sorry little arse."
"Malfoy, you seem to forget you're the one behind bars, and I am the one with the wand."
"Ever seen a Horcrux, Granger?"
"…. What?"
"A horcrux. You know H. O. R. C. R. U. X. or K,S… No, 's definitely X."
"Malfoy, what are you talking about."
"They're pieces of soul, Granger. Ripped up and hidden where you don't think people will look-"
"I know what they are, Malfoy! How do you know about them?"
"I know lots of things, Granger. Not feeling quite so high and mighty now are we?"
"Malfoy?"
"It's Mr Malfoy to you, Granger."
"Malfoy. What else do you know about horcruxes?"
"I know you're looking for them."
"And?"
"That you can't find them."
"And…"
"That you destroyed the snake… but it wasn't the last one."
"A- And?"
"I know where it is."
"You know where to find it?"
"So do you."
"I- Wh- No… I don't, Malfoy."
He snickers. "You've known since you were eleven years old."
"Malfoy, you're not making sense."
"See! This is why the Dark Lord should have kept me! See! He's kicked out the most dangerous thing in his whole fucking army! 'Cause I know. I know, Granger, I worked it out. And even He doesn't know. He thinks he's only got seven and he thinks that they're all safe."
"Malfoy. Please, what are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about the eighth. Or the seventh… No. Seventh horcrux, eighth piece of soul."
"It definitely exists?"
"Have you ever seen a horcrux, Granger?"
"Malfoy! Don't change the subject!"
"I'm not. This way you get to work it out yourself, makes the sharing of my secret a little more fun. That way you've worked a bit for it. Yeah?"
"What?"
"So, have you ever seen a horcrux, Granger? (And play along. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know – you have to work it out, you know?)"
"…Yes. Yes, Malfoy. I have seen a horcrux."
"What did look like?"
"There were several… Inanimate objects… apart from the snake."
"And what did they have in common?"
"What? They, they all had pieces of Vol- sorry, You-Know-Who's soul in them."
"Yeah. And…"
"And. And I don't know, Malfoy! They all looked different!"
"But they had something else in common, didn't they?"
"What? No. They didn't."
"Then how did the soul go in?"
"With magic?"
"Fucking hell, Granger, you haven't got a clue. Cleverest witch, my arse."
"It's not my fault! You're the one that's drunk and not making any sense!"
"Fine. We'll take a different approach, shall we?"
"Okay."
"How is a horcrux made?"
"The soul is ripped with the murder of another person, most cleanly with an Avada Kedavra curse, which is the preferred method to create a horcurx, or 'soul vessel' as they were called in their early days of creation."
"Talk like a fricking dictionary why don't you, Granger."
"I'm just answering your question, Malfoy."
"Yeah. Well go on."
"The separated piece of soul is then inserted into an inanimate object with a spell believed to be linked closely to the Avada Kedavra spell itself. Dark Magic of some sorts."
"Do you get it now?"
"Get what?"
"My secret, Granger?"
"No! I don't, Malfoy. And I seriously doubt you've got anything of any use anyway. What would you know about horcruxes?"
"My family-"
"Oh, 'your family'? We all know how much Dark Arts the lot of you get up to, Malfoy, it really isn't necessary to remind us every other sentence."
"My family, Mudblood. Has the very collection of books Tom Riddle used to make his first horcrux. And I've read them. So sit down and shut up, muggle bint. I know more than the lot of your little 'resistance organisation', fricking Order."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I though you were smart enough to see I was telling the truth. To work it through yourself and see the logic behind it. See, Potter would accuse me of stirring and go off to give a pep talk or something, Weasel would go off the deep end and throw things, but you, you Granger know how to take a hint, or I thought you did. Managed with Professor Lupin, didn't you?"
"I don't see how that's relevant, Malfoy."
"You will."
"Bu-"
"Describe the first horcux you saw, Granger. In detail."
"I- This… God, Malfoy. It was a ring, and I'm only humouring you because you'll scream the house down if I don't, and it had a black stone which was cracked down the middle."
"Ah-ha!"
"What now?"
"Describe the second one."
"It was a locket. Found in this house eventually. It was a bit scratched up, but it had an S for Slytherin carved into it."
"And the scratch?"
"What about it?"
"Similar to the crack in the ring?"
"Erm… The glass on the inside was broken…"
"Would you like to trace the line of that break in the air for me, Miss Granger? And don't look at me as though I've lost my mind, all will become clear, I promise."
"It was just a clean zigzag… Like that."
"Of course it was. And was there a mark like that on the cup?"
"Well… it was chipped, which was odd as it was made of metal… but I didn't notice the shape."
"The snake?"
"The snake was just a normal snake."
"But what about its skull?"
"I never saw its skull, Malfoy. It was burnt to dust."
"Of course it would have been. But its skull was cracked or scratched or whatever, just like the cup."
"Ri-ight…"
"And what about the others?"
"All the same I suppose, but they were old… and isn't that just part of the incision spell? It would make sense, the soul would have to get in somehow."
"Yeah, we're getting there aren't we, Granger. All is not lost just yet."
"I'm not quite sure I see which direction this is headed in, Malfoy."
"No, you wouldn't. Too naïve. But you will see."
"Malfoy…"
"Granger. Describe Harry Potter."
"What? Look, Malfoy, I really don't have time for these games. Just tell me what you want to tell me."
"It's more fun this way. Now tell me. What's the Boy-Wonder really like?"
"I'm not doing this any more, Malfoy. I'll go get you a sobering potion and something to help you sleep."
"I don't think you will, Granger. Is it true Potter is a parselmouth?"
"You know it is, he set a snake on you, remember?"
"Of course I remember – that's not the point. It's if you remember."
"Well, I do, so get on with it."
"And he has these dreams right? Like in the History of Magic exam. He knows when the Dark Lord is doing something bad."
"Only sometimes. He's not psychic."
"But there's definitely a link there? Yeah? He can see the Dark Lord's mind every now and then."
"Yes…"
"And that scar…"
"What? What about it?"
"Funny zig zag shape, isn't it?"
"Yes, but-"
"Bit like that ring, and cup and snake's skull?"
"I see where you're going with this, Malfoy, and it's not funny."
"Only person to survive a killing curse? Do you know why that is, Granger?"
"Malfoy, stop."
"Survived because his mother loved him? Right?"
"…"
"And the spell bounced back?"
"…"
"Into the Dark Lord. Joining them? Is that what happened, Granger?"
"Yes, that's what happened."
"Piece of the Dark Lord in him? Is that what they explain it with, the mind link and the snake talking? The Dark Lord left an imprint?"
"Yes…"
"And Potter didn't die, but the Dark Lord was driven out of his body? Do you know why that is?"
"No, no I don't ,Malfoy, but I really think you should stop right there…"
"Do you know how difficult it is to use a human being as a horcrux, Granger?"
"Malfoy, stop!"
"You don't? Well I'll tell you. The book says it's best not to even try, because it'll blow your soul right out of your body, that's what the book says."
"This isn't funny."
"No. I don't suppose it is,"
"I'm going to go get-"
"How much does little Harry Potter want to beat the Dark Lord, Granger?"
"…"
"Would he die for it?"
"…"
"Because that is what it's going to take."
"Shut up, Malfoy."
"No. I speak only the truth, Granger. Ha. Reformed me already, speaking the truth and nothing but, sad story for a Slytherin."
"Shut up."
"Why? Because you don't want to think about it?"
"Shut up."
"Has no one else worked it out?"
"Stop it."
"No one at all?"
"Malfoy…"
"Looks like you'll have to tell them then, doesn't it? How are you going to break the news?"
"Shut. Up."
"Say it with me now, 'Harry Potter is the-'… Granger, look at me. You're not speaking."
"Shut. Up."
"Harry Potter is the Seventh Horcrux. See. It's not that difficult is it?"
"I hate you Malfoy."
"Oh I know, Granger, but now there are no more secrets. Doesn't that make you feel better?"
"I hate you."
AN: Yeah, I know it's not the most original idea, but I rather like it. From my point of view it would be the best way to end book 7. (The Harry-horcrux not a drunk conversation between Hermione and Malfoy… Just to clarify.)
If you've read it, please review it.