Memories of a Life Gone By pt. 19 Desires

The autumn sun shone brightly over the temple as Koryuu suddenly shot up from where he was lying. He looked around the temple and saw nothing but the autumn scattering of leaves and heard nothing but the low chanting of monks in the hall. He looked down at his clothes and felt his forehead in a panic. The chakra... He thought, feeling nothing but smooth skin instead of the small bump that the chakra had once given him. Something here is strange... Koryuu could not put his finger on it, but he could feel something strange about his surroundings. He looked up towards the mountains with a spec of longing in his pondering gaze.

"Koryuu, what are you thinking about?" An old familiar voice asked.

The man that seemed to be his master stood tall and proudly before him. Large violet eyes looked the man up and down, not finding anything out of place.

"Nothing, Master," Koryuu replied. "... I'm just trying to listen..."

"Listen for what, Koryuu?"

As I thought... Koryuu thought, finding it odd that his Master had not once again explained the voices in need as he had always done before.

"Master, why did you rescue me from the river?" He suddenly asked.

The older "man" laughed.

"You expect a man of the order to not help a child in need?"

The look in Koryuu's eyes turned into a glare.

"You're that stupid fox aren't you?" He snapped as he snatched the fake Sanzo's collar. "Get me out of here before I do something that even I might regret!"

Miyuki pulled out of the illusion quickly shuddering in fear. What am I doing? She wondered, feeling the pangs of guilt pull at her nerves. She looked at Goku and Gojyo still sleeping in the back of the jeep. Her silver eyes looked at Gojyo's sleeping face longingly.

Goku felt a sudden fatigue sweep over him as the white light blinded him. Somehow, someway, he felt his unconscious seem to become pliable. Slowly, the blinding white light began to fade, giving away to darkness. In the darkness, he felt unwanted memories begin to surface. The darkness of the mountain. The faces of four, seemingly unfamiliar men. The face of what was child of his age. The pain in his heart.

"What is it you desire most, Goku?" She asked, breaking through the memories of the young boy's past.

Behind fluttering eyelids, a familiar but unknown figure of a fox with long dark hair appeared. The chains on her hands and ankles jangled as she walked towards him.

"I want nothing," He smiled.

Gold eyes that matched his own stared at him confused.

"If you so wish it I can take all this sadness away from you," The old figure replied with a smile. "I can make your past disappear..."

"... What's in the past is in the past. I'm living in the present now, and there's no use going back and changing what's already been done. You do bad things; you make mistakes; you learn, and go on. There's no use in dwelling in it."

The gold eyes that were looking down kindly on him slowly faded into a soft silver shade. Goku looked up to her with a wide, warm smile, reminding her of something buried deep in her unconscious. Slowly, she backed away, her body oddly warm as though she had been outside in a warm spring sun. Sun? She thought to herself as the warmth flooded her body. She turned fleeing the illusion. Miyuki looked back one last time, surprised to find a very young child waving at her the chains on his wrists clanging softly as she faded away.

Miyuki looked at the sleeping boy as she tried to figure out what had surpassed. I didn't even cast an illusion.... How...? She wondered. She leaned on the side of the jeep, feeling the sense of pointlessness wash over her. Her heart panged with guilt, and her shoulder throbbed with pain.

"You know it's pointless to pursue something that will end up being pointless in the end..."

She turned to find Gojyo's red eyes staring at hers. Pulling out a cigarette, he casually began smoking.

"But it looks as though you're a little late in realizing that... Maybe it's not about what we want, but it's about what you really want isn't it?"

The frog in her throat would not let her reply.

"How..." she tried to ask.

"You really think I would let you pull such a trick on me? Though you probably got lucky with the others, I'll be the one getting lucky with you, thank you," he widely grinned in reply.

A small smile lit her face, slightly surprised at how he could make such a statement in a time of crisis.

"Be truthful, Miyuki-chan," he began. "What is the one thing you desire the most?"

She walked to his side and stood on her tip toes to place a kiss on his cheek.

"I suppose as the heroine of this story I should say that I want to be with you forever, but that's just too unrealistic and cliché. But how about I say I want to be with you for a long time? Though it already feels like I've been with you forever..."

Her smile grew as his did. After receiving a nod in understanding, she turned to leave as the others began to stir.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and fix my mistakes..."

Gojyo nodded as he watched her rush up the stairs. Quickly, he and the others prepared for battle.

As Miyuki rushed up the stairs, she felt the energy of the earth flowing faster and upward through the castle. Suddenly, she stopped. She shuddered as she felt a surge of energy whirl up from the first floor. Hakkai-san... She snapped herself out of her daze and continued making her way up the winding stairs and numerous rooms in the tower.

In the distance clonking boots began rushing up the stairs trying to find their respective destinations and battles.

Outside, four other familiar figures stood just outside the castle and prepared to go in.

"It truly is Kenren! How's it feel to see your Megumi working for us and not you?" the man snickered.

"What? Who the hell is that?" Gojyo retorted, the two names barely registering in the time of crisis.

The door slammed open. Hakkai leaned against the door and looked at the scene worriedly.

"Is it already over?" Hakkai panted, bloody and bruised.

"You're late..."

Hakkai nearly collapsed.

"Hey now, you okay?"

"Well, I got serious for the first time in goodness knows how long... Gojyo!"

"What?!" he cried as he turned back to his opponent in surprise as the red beads wrapped around his arms.

"I no longer have enough strength to stop you, but I'll never allow you to pass through here! The Curse of Kaizai!"

"Get the hell off me!" Gojyo swore as he pushed the blade of his shakujo into the god's neck.

"You're already too late. My Curse of Kaizai has already been cast. It's a spell that forces you to fight a past you can't escape. It'll never become undone, even upon my death. You shall die again Kenren Taisho! And we'll get your lover and the others too!"

The god burst into dust leaving only his dying voice behind as Gojyo looked around the room in angry determination.

"Whatever! My name's Sha Gojyo!"

"Gojyo..." a deep woman's voice whispered.

"That's right, my name is..."

Gojyo gasped and spun around, hearing a long dead voice that he had tried hard to forget. In the shadows, stood the unforgettable figure of a woman who he had expected to be past on for quite some time. He stood frozen as the figure continued to call out to him.

"Gojyo... Gojyo... Gojyo..."

"... Mom..." the grown man whimpered.

"We've been waiting," Zenon grinned eagerly as Sanzo and Goku barged through the door.

Memories of the past began to flood his vision. The bloody days of living in her home replayed in his head up until the tragic end.

"Shut the hell up! You're only an illusion!"

The woman went flying. When she landed on the floor, blood red flowers began to bloom and spread out from underneath her. Making another often remembered memory replay itself in Gojyo's head. What the heck is love anyway? Not like I want it or anything... he thought, as he remembered a younger version of himself carry flowers back home. Just that, Mom was always crying so..

He watched once more as the young boy tried to give his mother flowers that had come from the local flower vendor. Despite the dark and shabby surroundings and despite the wound on his head, the young boy's smile light up the dim surroundings and did its best to cheer up the distraught woman.

Really? My what a nice, blood red color!

The words rang in his head as he watched again his mother slap the bouquet out of his hands and proceed to beat him. He would cry and beg for her to stop but to no avail. The pain and confusion in his heart surfaced once more. Why would a man like my father leave such a beautiful woman? What am I doing wrong? His younger self would always ask as he begged for the beatings and harsh words that flowed from her mouth to stop.

The love that I couldn't attain. The vision that vanished in a sea of blood.

"Gojyo!" Hakkai cried.

"Stop! Stop! Stop it, Mom!"

With one bullet, Sanzo sent the chandelier falling right on Homura's head.

"You certainly leave no time for me to lower my guard," Homura retorted as he suddenly appeared behind Sanzo in a flash.

A loud screech filled out he room as Hakuryu tried to dive in for an attack.

"Whoops!" he chided himself as a fast hand caught the dragon's neck. "You're going to stay quiet!"

Hakuryu went flying into the wall, chains wrapping around his body before he could fall to the ground.

"Hakuryu!"

"You too!" Homura cried, gripping Sanzo's throat in a vice like grip and sending him too flying into the wall.

The world grew black before Sanzo's eyes as the chains wrapped around him.

"Your opponent is over here!" Zenon cried as he and Shien attacked.

"Longer nyoi boi!"

"He's... gotten stronger..."

Homura smiled.

Zenon aimed the gun right at Sanzo's head.

"Bye bye..." he said coldly.

Before he could shoot, the wall suddenly blew in. In the dust, stood Kougaiji glaring at Zenon and Shien.

"I've come to return past favors," he sneered. "I don't like being on the losing end forever."

"Lirin-chan is here too!"

"Please fight back, Gojyo!"

"I know!" he cried back in reply as the illusion continued to beat him with his own weapon. "Dammit!"

His eyes stopped as he saw the silver stream of glistening tears fall from his mother's eyes. With this distraction, the illusion knocked him into a pillar. Gathering what was left of his strength, Hakkai prepared to fire an energy ball. He let it loose only to watch as it simply passed through the woman's body. That's not right! Gojyo's mother was a normal demon! My attack should be effective! He thought. He turned to find Gojyo. He sat motionless against the pillar as the old thoughts of uselessness and confusion overtook his mind.

"Gojyo!"

Because my mother would always look at me and cry... because he would see the shadow of the man she loved in me... because she would see the phantom visage of the other woman who bore me and cry... If my death would make Mom stop crying, I thought it was okay.

"Are you going to make me do it again, Gojyo?!"

As she rushed up to the last leagues of the tower stairs, her thighs burned, and she nearly collapsed at the top as she saw what Homura was about to do.

Memories of a Life Gone By: Romancing the Memories pt. 18 The Descent

The wind howled outside the shutters, making Li Touten's men shield their faces and duck from the gale. It sent the sound of their clanging shields and swords soaring through the breeze. Her ears twitched at the sound. Briefly, Homura's eyes darted towards the window and returned to his book nonchalantly. Thoughts of a new world continued to run temptingly through his head.

"Ooh they've come armed have they?" Kenren commented amusedly as he adjusted his gloves.

Konzen snorted, turning towards the direction of the sound with the others.

"They're probably just trying to get us out," he sneered bitterly.

"Still, should we show them our faces?" Tenpou added.

Megumi looked up at Tenpou's words and turned back to watching Goku as he restlessly slept. Tenpou turned to them.

"Konzen, Megumi will you look after Goku?" he asked, immediately receiving a nod from her.

"Take care," Konzen said quietly.

Meanwhile, Goku's panting began to flood the ears of the remaining, worried occupants in the room. Goku… Konzen thought worriedly, making Megumi look slightly in his direction as she heard it. He doesn't show it, but he really cares for this boy… She said to herself. A small smile grew on her lips.

"… Konzen Douji…" Gojun broke the tense silence.

"What?" was the terse reply.

"I suppose this is the first time we've talked to each other…"

"I've never had anything to do with the military…"

"Then why are you setting yourself against the army now? If you hadn't opposed them to protect Seiten Taisei, your rank would've guaranteed you concessions. And you Megumi, you've always been in the background until now."

"Was I in the background or just being ignored by all of the heavenly beings?" she retorted.

"It's just that I don't like what I don't like… No matter how big the other side seems to be…"

Konzen picked up the dry compress from Goku's head as Megumi replaced it with a fresh one. From his book, Homura looked up at Konzen with admiration glowing in his eyes and grin on his face.

Kenren and Tenpou flung the windows open and looked down on the masses in the courtyard.

"You called us?! Here we are!" Kenren cockily called out. "Hheerree'ss Johnny!"

"You're showing your age, Kenren," Tenpou added.

"So they finally have appeared! Marshall Tenpou of the Western Army and General Kenren of the same! You have shielded an impure child and slain countless numbers of soldiers! You have ventured so far as to take hostages and hold them in confinement! This constitutes open rebellion against Heaven!"

"Mmm, that's about the size of it."

"So what of it?" Kenren asked.

Damn you... Do you mock me?! Li Touten thought angrily. He glared up at the window and opened his mouth to speak again.

"You're saying that you have no intention of surrendering? Then you'll pay for this misconduct with your lives!"

"Oh, so we're definitely the bad guys here? Then let me try talking in a bad guy fashion..." Tenpou grinned. "We got hostages in here, ya know! Ya think you can do something about it, lets see you do it! And so on..."

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" Kenren laughed.

"Then let me ask-- What are your demands? You can't be intending to stay cooped up in there forever. What do you want so badly you'd take on the army of Heaven to get it?"

"Well General Kenren..." Tenpou trailed off.

"What?"

"Now what do we do?"

"You're asking me?!"

As Megumi left the other two to their conversation, Gojun looked up to Konzen once more.

"... So, I'll ask. What can you do now? The army now looks on you four as enemies and unclean. They'll put all their might into subduing you and all because you wanted to protect a single child. You're a hothouse flower with no experience of combat. What can you do? All that awaits you is your destruction."

"You're probably right... but I can't go back now, and I don't want to." Konzen replied coolly.

Megumi listened in as Gojun and Konzen spoke. So Konzen, Kenren, and Tenpou have become unclean huh? Why mention Goku though? He's already unclean as well as myself and Homura... She thought. As she thought, Goku's wheezing grew steadily louder. She turned to him and reached for the compress on his head. Suddenly, a small, clawed hand caught her wrist in a death vice grip. Feral eyes glared into her own. She struggled in his grasp as he slowly began to rise.

"Seiten Taisei!" Gojun cried out in warning.

Megumi's free hand wrapped around his waist as she wrestled him to the floor with her own feral growl. Homura rushed over to help only to have himself and Megumi thrown off into the book cases as though they were rag dolls. Bruised and battered, they began to dig themselves out of the pile of books and broken shelves. Slowly, Goku stalked to his prey. Konzen stood stark still, frozen. Low snarls and growls seemed to echo in his ears.

"Goku..."

"Undo these ropes Konzen Douji! I'll fight him! You're not match for him! He'll kill you, Konzen! Untie me! Quickly!"

Goku let out a loud roar. Konzen continued to stare.

"KONZEN!"

"GOKU, STOP!" Megumi cried as she pulled herself out of the pile.

Goku pounced on Konzen with another loud roar. Blood flew in a sudden swipe from his claws. As the blood ran down from a cut on Konzen's face, his clear gaze stared up at Goku's raging golden eyes. Despite the fear and adrenaline that coursed through his veins, Konzen felt a strange calm come over him as Goku leered over him growling and wheezing.

"... Back then," he began as he slowly rose. "It was you who held out your hand to me first... It's such a nuisance... Not for anything in the world... can I let go of your hand now."

His arms wrapped around the small boy as he pulled Goku into an embrace. Konzen felt his power drain from his body and began to circulate in Goku's veins.

"That's... That's.. crazy!" Kenren burst out in surprise as he caught a few falling cherry petals in his hand.

"They do say, to fall and scatter is also to be free," Tenpou wittily replied watching the pink fairy like petals fall around them.

"Ah... it would be nice," the other man replied again. "Exile to Under Heaven!"

"What?" Li Touten asked curiously to himself under his breath.

"That's our demand!" Kenren cried down to them with a cocky grin.

"What the?!" someone cried.

"After all, like deserters, Heaven isn't our destination," the general replied his grin growing cockier and wider.

It appears they made a demand to the Army of Heaven to be exiled to earth. That night was peaceful, like some kind of portent.

Gojun put down his quill and stared at all of the events that he had recorded. Old memories replayed vividly in his head of what happened afterwards.

Tenpou and Kenren looked over a floor plan of the barracks as they tried to decide on what to do. Gojun listened in.

"It's pretty clear that the army will attack at dawn..." Tenpou began.

"Probably, yeah." Kenren replied.

"So do we attack them before that or...?"

"Do we take advantage of the confusion when the come in and get away?"

"That's pretty risky, but the army will probably send in more men than they need, which might actually make it easier to escape unnoticed."

"After all, there's only six of us."

It seemed they were planning to abandon their hostages – myself included – and to take flight. Dawn would be the moment. When the Army of Heaven judged the time for an attack the action would begin. Tenpou Gensui and Kenren Taisho spent hours together going over the possibilities as to what methods the army would use when they came...

After the previous incident, Konzen Douji had carried the unconscious Seiten Taisei into the next room. He remained there and didn't come out again. Seiten Taisei came to. For a while, they were talking about all the things that happened when he was unaware of himself. It seemed that Konzen intended to keep Seiten Taisei in the dark about the massacre the Seiten had perpetrated and to act as if Nataku Taishi, who'd killed himself the day before, was still alive...

Megumi contributed to the effort by cleaning up Konzen's wounds and mending Homura's and her own. Now, she and Homura listened in on Tenpou and Kenren's conversation. There was fear in her eyes.

"... Get some sleep soon, Goku," Konzen said tiredly. "We're leaving at dawn. If you don't sleep you won't be up for it."

"Did I... Did I do something?"

"You didn't do anything. The soldiers attacked you, and you lost consciousness. That's all."

"No... I mean to Nataku..."

"... Oh that."

"Hey! Was it my fault? Was it 'cause I tried to be his friend... that he did that?"

"No. That wasn't your fault."

"Then why..." the small boy trailed off sadly.

"Free. He must've wanted to be free... To cut through the chains that wound about him, and that's the way he chose to do it."

Sad and innocent eyes searched for answers in Konzen's. The violet irises in deep thought displayed no answer as they sat in their gold frame. Goku let his head sink.

"I don't get it. I just don't understand why..."

"I suppose not, but I'm inclined to envy him. Nataku had the courage to cut himself free, like that, with his own hand. What that little child was able to do, the man I used to be certainly couldn't have."

"NO! You mustn't! You mustn't ever do that!"

"Goku..."

"I don't want it to happen to you... and Ten-chan and Ken-niichan and Megumi-san to go away like that. I DON'T WANT YOU TO! I'LL HATE YOU FOREVER IF YOU DO!"

"... I won't. Relax," a faint hint of a smile lit the older man's face.

"Really?"

"Really. Why don't you ask the others too?"

Tenpou slowly opened up one of the few unbarred windows and looked out at a branch filled with cherry blossoms near the window. Kenren and Megumi walked up listening to the cherry petals as the rustled off the tree and into the wind.

"... The cherries are still beautiful tonight," Tenpou serenely smiled.

"Whether they look beautiful or not... maybe depends on how you're feeling right now," Kenren replied as he lit up another cigarette.

"I agree," the other man replied. "Kenren..."

"Mm?"

"Do you remember?"

"The first time I met you, you mean?"

"That? I myself don't remember much to tell you the truth."

"Well that's because you were half asleep, obviously, but if that's not what you're talking about..."

"Then is it the time you snuck our whole squadron down to earth for a yakiniku party?"

"Oh yes... That did happen."

"I never dreamed that you'd really make me pay for the whole group. Fifteen of us weren't there? And you ate enough for three. I couldn't pass the bill from the yakiniku restaurant as an entertainment expense either... Ah I still get mad thinking about that..."

"... Okay then what are you talking about?" Kenren replied slightly nervous.

"What was it? I forget..."

Megumi giggled, and Kenren let his head slump.

"Look," Kenren began again. "... Actually, anything's okay, as long as you remember, whatever it may be."

A smile broke out on all three of their faces as various cherished memories came to mind.

"Really?" Goku's small, worried voice asked.

"Yes really," Konzen quietly replied.

"Goku... You're still up?" Megumi commented slightly surprised and concerned.

"... Goku are you all right? You're not sleeping," Kenren added also concerned.

"Ken-niichan, Ten-chan, Megumi-san..."

"Mm? What's the matter?" Tenpou asked as the three of them looked down on the boy.

Goku's golden eyes glowed with the help of the pale moonlight. Outside, the wind continued to whoosh through the trees, making the leaves and cherry petals rustle. The perfume that wafted from the tree floated into the room. Standing just outside of their shadows, he seemed so much smaller than what he really was.

"... Please don't go away. Don't leave me like Nataku did, okay?... I don't care where I go, as long as I can be with you. I'll go wherever you go. I like you all a lot so... Stay with me always, okay?"

Smiles grew on their three faces at the childlike sincerity in his voice. Despite the dangers outside and the worries in their heads, the peacefulness of the night made their tense nerves relax at his words. Then, Kenren knelt down and held out a fist with his little finger extended.

"Ooh-kay!" He grinned. "Goku stick out your little finger."

A confused stare looked up at him.

"Come on your finger," He continued to grin.

"My finger?"

"What? You didn't know?" Konzen asked the boy.

Goku stuck out his fist and stuck out his little finger. Kenren wrapped his own little finger around his, his smile growing wider all the while.

"There. Promise," he nodded, satisfied. "... That's called 'Pinky Swearing.' It's the sign that we've made a promise."

"'Pinky Swearing...'" he smiled, relieved.

"It's all right, Goku. We'll always stay beside you," Tenpou added.

"Shouldn't you getting to bed Goku?" Megumi asked as the boy nodded before she looked to Konzen. "I'll leave him to you, Konzen."

Konzen nodded.

"From here on, we're heading for the world down there," Konzen began. "Depending on the circumstances, we may find ourselves having to act separately, but even if we do, next thing for sure..."

In a darkened corner, trying to get some rest, Homura listened in and longed to be within the circle that they five of them shared. The legend of the creation of the world rested near him, and in the dark recesses of his mind, memories of Rinrei danced. Something else stirred as he remembered her. Slowly, he saw how his plan to make a new and perfect world come to fruition. It will take time, he thought. I'll have to get stronger and may even have to bear the ills of his hellish Heaven a while longer. I can only pray that those hypocritical Gods will be willing to beg for mercy once I am through...

Sitting under the window, Megumi pulled the blanket as close to her as she could as she basked in the moonlight. Stray petals flew in with the cool night air. With the soft clonking of his boots, Kenren walked over and sat down beside her. The others were sleeping nervously in their spaces. He took her hand between his and blew his breath on them warming the cool skin.

"You're frightened," he replied.

She laced her fingers with his and looked up to him with a nervous smile.

"And you're not?" she retorted as he let out a chuckle. "What do you think will happen once the sun rises? Do you think we'll..."

"Make it? Hard to say. It's gonna be a hard run from here down to the cellars of the palace that's for sure."

Her hand gripped his tighter.

"What do you think we'll happen if we don't make it?" She asked.

"Well, then, I guess we'll all just be going to hell a little earlier than expected," he darkly joked, making her eyes slightly widen nervously at the morbid amusement.

A free hand reached up and took a section of her hair in its fingerless-gloved palms. It moved to caress her cheek and turn her face to him.

"Listen to me. What will happen will happen. You agreed to play the game, and there's no turning back now," he grinned. "I'm gonna be there, and you just come running to me if you need it."

She nodded, comforted at his words. In her mind, all of what happened replayed back. A small smile lit her face at all their memories. Kenren looked at her in the moonlight. The feeling of dread that constantly lurked in the back of his head continued to pull at his nerves.

"You know... In all this time, not once have I ever said I loved you," Kenren grinned.

She laughed.

"Do you really think I'd expect a man like you to say such a thing so easily?" she bantered.

He let out a chuckle and wrapped an arm around her shoulders and maneuvered himself so that her head would rest on his shoulder.

"No, and I'll be honest," he contently sighed. "I'm surprised that even I would say it... but you never said such a thing either..."

She nodded concededly at his retort.

"Well with your reputation, do you think you..." she shyly tried to ask.

An awkwardness fell over them.

"... I do..." he replied in his own awkward manner. "Do you think you..."

A blush stained her cheeks.

"... I do too..." She turned redder. "Maybe... we just already knew..."

Kenren's smile grew. Together, they let out an awkward laugh.

"Well, if we already know, then there is no reason for it to be said then either," he replied as he cupped his hand on her cheek.

As she nodded, he leaned in for a kiss.

That was the last night.

Gojun let out a long, tired sigh as he slowly shook his head.

Author's note: For some reason in the manga Kenren's "pinky swearing" is called "hooking fingers." I don't know if that's what the Japanese call it, but I changed it to "pinky swearing" since I think more people are familiar with that than "hooking fingers."