THIRTEEN
Case just smiled as Mission came tearing toward them, lekku trailing out behind her. She leapt at them headlong from a meter out. Case surreptitiously caught the girl with the Force and eased her weight as she crashed into Carth. They laughed and hugged, Mission's tears on them both. Case glanced at Dustil beside her. He had a curious mix of amusement and envy on his face that he quickly smoothed away when he noticed her attention. "It's always like this, isn't it?" he asked quietly.
Case watched Carth warmly shaking Jan's hand, saw the forced casualness with which Jan put his arm around Mission's shoulder, the embarrassed smile on Mission's face as she leaned into him. She looked at her own hands, primly clasped in front of her. She sighed. "If you let it."
She knew she had to leave soon. The visions that the pool on Korriban had given her were still strong in her mind. In one vision, she was on a gray planet somewhere, standing back-to-back with someone holding a green blade. They were surrounded by something she couldn't see, but she knew them from their hisses. They were the True Sith.
Dustil leaned over and Case jerked her mind away from the vision. She was reminded of how tall he was. He was head and shoulders above her, and she wasn't exactly short. "I'm coming with you," he said.
She looked at him sharply. There was no humor in his dark eyes. "What are you talking about? Of course you're not," she retorted. "You're going to the Jedi Council just as soon as we get off this station. Besides, you don't have any idea where I'm going." Was this really the same angry boy with whom she had left Coruscant?
Dustil pushed back his hair, suddenly awkward. "Um, actually, I do. At least, I have an idea."
"What do you mean?"
He shrugged. "You know when I gave you back the Force on Telos yesterday? Well, I, um, I think I—" he hesitated.
"Spit it out, boy!"
"I accidently created a Force Bond between us."
She gasped, loud enough that Carth looked up from the datapad Mission was eagerly showing him. She forced a smile and waved him back to what he was doing. Was it possible? How could she not have realized? Case closed her eyes briefly and centered herself in the Force. She reached out around her and suddenly, there it was. Shining faintly between she and Dustil, an impossibly thin filament of the Force. She reached toward it and could feel the outlines of his mind, his emotions, as if they were her own. His aura was slate gray, the same color, she realized with a start, as her own.
She opened her eyes, gaping at him. "How did you do this?" she whispered. Force Bonds were a rare thing, usually formed only at times of great peril, as with Bastila, or very rarely, between Master and Padawan after many years. To be able to create one—that was a great power.
Dustil shrugged again, but this time, he had a ghost of a smile on his face. "The Force works in mysterious ways, Master." The ghost-smile turned into a full-fledged grin.
Case shook her head. This was not part of her plans. She couldn't exactly sneak out in the middle of the night now, could she? Not with her lover's son in tow. "Where I'm going, Dustil, it's—it's not going to be safe. What happened to Melan is just a taste of the power that they have. I think—" she hesitated. "I think I fell because of something I found while looking for the True Sith."
"The Star Forge?"
She shook her head. "Something else. I've been remembering more and more of what I was before, when I was Revan, but I don't know." She looked up at him fiercely. "You felt the Darkness on Korriban, how easy it is to fall there. That is nothing compared to what it will be out there. If you come with me, Dustil, you have to be prepared to kill me. If I fall again."
She thought he would be shocked, maybe decide not to come. But he simply nodded. "I know. We'll watch each other." He looked wistfully at his father. "Father used to tell me when I was little that I couldn't just float along, but I had to create my own destiny. I think I'm doing that now." He stopped, then blurted out, "I've killed people, you know. When I was at the Academy."
Case felt the anguish inside of him, and the tiny spark of pride that he had done a good job, and the shame at the pride. She realized then that he understood. "You have to tell him yourself, Dustil. No way am I doing that for you."
Dustil got his emotions under control and nodded. "I think I'll leave out the part about us being Force Bonded for now. That might be more than he can take in."
Case grinned at that. "For a man who doesn't trust Jedi, he's certainly knee deep in them. But don't underestimate him, Dustil. He's not Jedi, but he's a better man than any I've ever known."
"Yeah. He is."
Carth turned back to them and gestured them forward. "Come on up here, you two! You're missing the celebration!" Case and Dustil started toward the happy group.
Case remembered something and held Dustil's arm for just a moment. "Er, Dustil," she said, "I'd wait until tomorrow morning to tell your father about things. We'll, er, be in our apartment for a while."
Dustil almost kept the look of disgust off his face. "I didn't need to know that," he said. His eyes widened in sudden horror. "I'm not—I mean, you and Father tonight, with our Bond, I'm not going to, you know—"
"Oh, no. Your Master used to be Force Bonded to the stuffiest, most uptight, hair-in-bun Jedi you've ever met. I know a thing or two about shielding myself from a Bond."
The look of relief on Dustil's face made her laugh aloud.
Hours later, Case stood at the window of their temporary quarters and watched the planet beneath the station. She saw the ghosts of fighters fly past, shooting at each other above the planet. She knew if she turned, she would see the faint outline of Malak next to her, observing the battle below. If she looked at her hands, she would see the dark gloves she had worn as Revan. Case pressed her fingers into her eyes, banishing the visions. Her past and future had both been haunting her since Dustil gave her back the Force.
She heard the door slide open behind her. She turned to see Carth walk into the room in full uniform. She couldn't help but smile in admiration. She'd only seen him in uniform on a few occasions the entire time that she'd known him. In a flash, Case saw a tall man in uniform reaching down to her, swinging her around in the air. "There's my boy!" she heard. Case realized that she was seeing Dustil's memory of his father. Carth looked impossibly heroic in the memory. She swallowed hard.
"What's wrong, gorgeous?" Carth's concerned voice brought her back to the present.
She shook her head. She'd have to get used to a Bond again. "How was your meeting with the Admiralty?" she asked. As soon as Carth extricated himself from Mission and her friend, he'd checked in with the station's captain, who handed him a datapad full of hundreds of unread messages. He'd been in meetings for hours.
"Coran hanged herself before the TSF came for her. She was a good doctor, but what she did—" he shook his head. "It's unforgiveable. Wann will probably be tried for treason, though I heard the Diplomatic Corps was trying to just reassign him to Tatooine." Carth's expression was dark. "He should be right next to Coran in hell. He deserves no mercy!"
Case was constantly surprised at how Carth expected the Universe to be just. If that were true, someone would have done her in long ago. "In real life, sometimes the bad guys are never punished," she said with a shrug.
He smiled a little, and the anger drained away from his eyes. "And the good guys just go back to work, right?"
She should tell him now that she was leaving, but her courage failed again and she simply asked. "Well, what else happened? You didn't spend six hours in meetings just for that, did you?"
He shrugged, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck. "They made me an Admiral," he said sheepishly.
"Carth!" she grinned and hugged him. "That's great news!" He didn't say anything, and she pushed herself away to look him in the eye. "Aren't you happy?" she asked.
He frowned. "They have a three-ship fleet ready to leave for a hotspot on the Outer Rim. My transport arrives in two days. Mission's fine here—she's excited about starting with the Reconstruction Project next week. And I suppose Dustil will go back to Coruscant. What are your plans, Case?" She didn't say anything, and his hands tensed on her back. "My offer still stands, you know. They tell me Admirals' quarters are plenty big for two."
She paced away from him. "Even after what I did?" she asked in disbelief. She couldn't get the look of fear and disgust he had on his face at Coruscant out of her mind.
He pushed his hair off his forehead and sighed. "I know what you did, Case, and I know why you did it. Did you really think that you needed to drive me away forever?"
Case stared at the floor. She decided in that moment not to lie to him again. He deserved her truth, at least. She fumbled, "Carth, I have to go. There. . .something. . .out there, in the Unknown Regions. You know I've been dreaming—remembering, really, just scraps from when I was Revan. When I was on Korriban, I found something that gave me back a lot of my memories."
Carth stared at her. "How much?" he asked. She thought she felt a flicker of fear go through him.
She reached for his hand and was relieved when he didn't pull immediately away. "I'm still not her, Carth. But I remember a lot of what she did, and what she found." Case shivered. She seemed to hear the hissing of the True Sith everywhere. She laughed a little, eyes brimming with tears. "I didn't order the destruction of Telos. I'd been so worried that I had." The tears spilled over and she found she couldn't stop crying.
Carth wrapped his arms around her and made shushing noises against her hair. "I love you, Case," he said quietly. "And everything that comes with you. I thought we settled that on Rakata."
Case wanted to stay in his arms forever, but she pushed back and wiped her face with her hands. "I think I found the Sith, the True Sith, when I was still Revan. And somehow I became Darth Revan before I found out where they were. I'm still not sure how, yet. But I can feel them out there, and they're dangerous. I have to—I have to find them. And stop the threat." She stared fiercely at him. "I asked to see my destiny in the pool on Korriban, and that's what it showed me. When I was done, I had more of my memories back. I saw where Revan started to go, and that's what I have to do now."
"Why didn't you tell me this before? You know I'll come with you. Anywhere in the Universe."
She whispered, "I can't take you with me. I can't take anyone I love with me. I knew that much while we were still on Coruscant. I had to make sure you didn't follow me, so I—I did the one thing I knew you couldn't forgive. I just didn't think I could make you understand."
His crossed his arms tightly across his chest. "Did you think I wouldn't understand if you told me the truth?" His voice was low and angry. "That I wouldn't understand duty? I'm no Jedi, Case, but I know very well what it means to choose duty over the ones you love."
She didn't know what to say. Of course he understood. She was doing what she hated most in the Jedi—substituting her judgment for his own. "I—I don't—" she trailed off.
Suddenly his arms were around her again. "Let's just trust each other, Case. Let's just start with that."
She smiled, the weight she'd carried on her heart since leaving Coruscant lifting just a bit. "I know I've hit bottom now. Captain Paranoid telling me to trust him."
"That's Admiral Paranoid to you, missy."
She kissed him then, and put up her mental shields.
A day later, Carth made his way slowly to the hangar bay, hands stuffed in his pockets. It was three hours before sunrise, station time, and only the barest skeleton crew was still awake. The new crop of Fleet recruits were gathering at the hangar to board the transport to boot camp. It was the perfect time for a small ship to leave the base without a lot of attention. Case had used a good portion of the vast amount of credits they'd amassed while searching for the Star Forge to buy a ship. Or, more accurately, Carth had used Case's credits to buy her the fastest, most reliable ship he could in the few hours available. Something even someone with her minimal piloting skills could maneuver with the help of the in-ship piloting droid. Something that wouldn't break down when she was alone on the frontier of the Unknown Regions without him.
Something to keep her safe. Because she was leaving. Again.
The hollow feeling in his gut hadn't dissipated in the hours since she had told him what she was planning to do. He wanted more than anything to beg her to stay, to put a tracker on her new ship and follow her to the end of the Universe. He would resign his commission in a nanosecond if he thought it would do any good. But he knew in his heart that she had to go, that she couldn't stay for him even if she tried. She wasn't like the other Jedi he'd met—she didn't follow their rules and didn't seem to care, but he knew that she could no sooner turn away from her duty to protect the Universe than he could turn away from his. He'd lost his wife, his son, to his duty, and now he would lose Case to hers.
He reached the door to the hangar and hesitated only a moment or two before palming it open. The crowd near the Fleet transport was boisterous. To the far end was the newly-outfitted Outlander, fully fueled and ready to go. Dustil was nearby, bent over a workbench.
"Hey, Dustil," he greeted, only a little awkwardly. He had realized that he might never really know his son.
Dustil looked up from the bench. "Hey, Father." He held up what he was working on, a lightsaber, and squinted at it appraisingly. He faced it away from them and switched it on. A bright green blade extended from the handle. "What do you think?"
"I can't say I've ever seen one that color before. I like it a lot more than the red one you had on Korriban." The one that had been pointed at his throat. "Where did you get the crystal to make it green?"
Dustil looked haunted for just a moment. "In a cave I was in a while ago," he said finally. "I learned a lot about myself there. And someone told me the future is changeable, like a blade crystal, so I'm changing it." He paced away from Carth suddenly and tossed a holodisc in the air. In one smooth stroke, he ran it through with the green blade, disintigrating the disc. Before Carth could ask what he had done, he turned and blurted out, "Father, I'm not going back to Coruscant. I'm going with Case."
"What?" The hollow place in Carth's gut froze.
"Case wanted me to tell you yesterday, and I meant to tell you before now, but you and Case were busy, and well, I just—didn't." He looked like he was bracing for anger.
"What about the Academy, Dustil? The Jedi Council was very insistent that you receive training as soon as possible." What was it the small Master had said? Strong in the Force?
"I can't go back there." Dustil jerked his hand negatively. "I don't know why I know that, but I do. I turned away from the Sith because of you and Case, but I can't join the Jedi. All those blue auras—I just wouldn't fit in."
"But what about your training in the Force? They said you can't continue untrained." In his mind's eye, Carth saw his son in a Sith Academy uniform, holding a red saber toward him. Would he fall without training?
"Case said she would train me. She knows what it's like to come back. And the Jedi don't really understand her, either. They're afraid of her, you can see it in the way they talk about her. And I know what's that's like—they talked about me that way, too. Father, this will sound strange, but I think—I think we can help each other."
Carth opened his mouth to protest again, to do something, anything, to stop his only child from storming into oblivion with the woman he loved. But then he saw the look on Dustil's face, the set determination, the utter lack of fear in his eyes. He looked exactly like Ana had when she'd set her mind on something.
Carth closed his eyes for just a moment, then held out his hand. "Good luck, son. I'm proud of you." Dustil grinned, relief plain on his face. He shook Carth's hand.
Dustil reached suddenly into his pocket and thrust something at Carth. "Here, take this," he said.
Carth took the small item and looked at it closely. It was a smooth stone flecked green with minerals. He raised his eyebrows at Dustil.
Dustil smiled. "It's from Telos. I've had it a long time, but I think you should have it now." He nodded, as if confirming something to himself.
The door behind them swished open again and Case entered. Carth suspected she had been waiting outside the door for some time. She was dressed in the light armor she'd picked up somewhere on their search for the Star Forge. Her scruffy blond hair was held back by a targeting visor. Carth had never understood why a blade fighter would wear a visor meant for blasters, but she'd claimed it helped her concentrate on her targets. Her pack was slung over her shoulder. Seeing her dressed for battle brought back a year's worth of memories. He couldn't believe it had been such a short time.
"Hey, gorgeous," he said.
She smiled. "Hey yourself, flyboy."
Dustil cleared his throat. "I'm, uh, going to say goodbye to Mission." He practically ran over to the group sending off the recruits.
Carth laughed. "Apparently, seeing his old man with a pretty girl like you is too much for him."
"Ha. I'll take the pretty, but girl? I'm afraid I haven't been a girl in a long time." She sobered. "He told you?"
Carth nodded. "He said you would train him to use the Force."
She smiled a little. "Imagine that. Me, with a Padawan. Master Vrook will have a stroke."
Carth touched her hair with one hand. "Case—"
She grabbed his hand and held it against her cheek like she would never let go. "Don't, please. Don't ask me to stay."
If he did, would she? He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. So instead he kissed her forehead. "Go. But come back to me."
She smiled up at him, tears making her dark eyes bright. "I will. Keep the Republic safe for me to come back to, okay?"
He didn't bother to hide his own tears as he hugged her. They walked hand-in-hand to stand next to Dustil with the group boarding the transport. Mission was standing next to Sulan, who was tearfully saying goodbye to Jan. The boy was in the dull black and gold of a Fleet recruit. He smiled when he saw Carth approaching.
Carth squeezed Case's hand once, then held it out to Jan. "Good luck, Jan. I look forward to serving together some day."
Jan shook his hand warmly. "Thank you, sir. It would be an honor." The klaxon warning all the recruits to board the ship sounded. Jan looked over his shoulder at the transport. "That's my cue," he said. Suddenly, he darted forward and kissed Mission hard on the mouth. "I'll see ya when I come back for leave, okay?"
Mission grinned, face flushed purple. "Okay."
They waved at Jan as he slung his pack over his shoulder and trotted onto the ship. Carth remembered the day he left for the Fleet Academy and the tears on his mother's face. She'd been proud to see him go. Sulan smiled briefly at him, then walked away with a boy who must have been Jan's lost brother.
Mission nudged him with her elbow. "Well, it's you and me, again, geezer, at least til you leave on your big Admiral trip tomorrow. Wanna have lunch later?"
"Sure, kid. See you then." She looked for a second like she would protest the nickname, then grinned and dashed away.
Carth looked back to where Case and Dustil had been and was unsurprised to see that they were gone. He walked to the edge of the hanger, rolling the small stone around in his hand, and looked through the force-fielded door at the bright dot of the Outlander moving away from the station. He watched until it stretched into the long streak of hyperdrive and blinked out of sight.
END