Here's the first in my set of Jak and Daxter oneshots. I'm signed up on the livejournal community fanfic100 to write 100 Jak and Daxter fics, so I might as well get started.

Fanfic100 prompt #71: Broken

Disconnected

"Oh, Razer! You're here!" the thug sputtered.

Razer gazed contemptuously at Shiv. "Of course I'm here, you clip-eared ignoramus. You called me."

Slowly and deliberately, Kras City's number one racer lit a cigarette. He inhaled deeply, then exhaled smoke from his nostrils like some kind of well-groomed dragon.

"Well?" he asked, raising one eyebrow. "I'm here. What seems to be the problem?"

"Well, to be honest, it's UR-86." Shiv shifted nervously as he mentioned the deathbot.

Razer took another drag off his cigarette. "What, did he try and kill you again or something? What do you expect? He's a deathbot, not a love-and-kittensbot."

Although, Razer thought, that would be a good idea. He had always liked cats; they were so independent, yet fluffy. Razer shook the thought from his mind. There would be ample time in the future to consider the brilliance of a love-and-kittensbot.

"No, it's not that." Shiv looked puzzled. "It's just that…something's wrong with him."

"Wrong with him?" Razer's face was perturbed.

"See for yourself," Shiv grumbled, jerking a thumb over his shoulder to the garage. "He's in the back."

Razer strode purposefully into the garage. If something were indeed wrong with UR-86, then that was something that needed to be looked into immediately. The Red Eco Cup Grand Prix was the next morning, and out of all of Mizo's racers participating in the event, UR-86 was the deadliest. If they were to beat Krew's upstart team and their top racer, Jak, the bucket of bolts would need to be in top condition.

As Razer approached the back of the garage, he noticed someone standing near a red and white car. It was UR-86; the robot's red and white steel body was shining as it leaned over the car.

"Well," Razer murmured. "It doesn't look like there's anything wrong with you from here."

At the sound of his voice, UR-86's head clicked upward. Straightening it's metal body, it raised an arm and gave a verbal greeting.

"Y HALO THAR!"

Razer stopped in mid-stride, confused. He decided to ignore UR-86's strange greeting.

"Shiv informed me that there was something wrong with you." Razer's voice was deceptively friendly.

UR-86 beeped placidly, tilting its head to one side.

"I just want to sure that you are ready and able to dominate in tomorrow's race," Razer smiled, then frowned as his voice hardened. "There's a lot of money being bet tomorrow. Mizo's money."

UR-86's yellow eyes glowed unblinkingly as it stared. Razer continued.

"Therefore, I just want to make perfectly clear that if anyone gets in your way, they are to be-"

"-PWNZED! LOL!" the deathbot finished triumphantly.

Razer blinked a few times in shock.

UR-86 raised one claw up, clacking it emphatically.

"SOMEONE SET UP US THE BOMB," it elaborated.

"I…see," Razer gave a strained chuckle.

Withdrawing another cigarette from his jacket, Razer gave UR-86 a piercing look.

"Are you sure you are functioning properly, UR-86?"

"WHAT YOU SAY!"

Razer shook his head. "Now I'm convinced. You are malfunctioning."

"O RLY?" queried UR-86.

Razer nodded solemnly. "Yes, really."

"O RLY?"

"Yes. Really," Razer gritted through his teeth.

UR-86 paused for a moment, then responded. "O RLY?"

Razer's fists quivered, his entire face contorted into a mask of anger. However, the well-dressed man's fury did nothing to ruffle UR-86, who continued to stare. Finally, Razer admitted defeat. His palms opened and his grimace subsided into a sneer. Rolling his eyes heavenward, he grumbled in a very tiny voice.

"Ya rly."

"LOL!"

Razer massaged his temples with gloved hands. This was getting out of hand. There was something familiar about the nonsensical gibberish that was coming out of UR-86's vocal synthesizer, but what it was Razer did not know. Razer had to find the source of UR-86's new vocabulary before it drove him insane.

"Perhaps we should crack open your head and rearrange your circuits, hmm? Maybe that would fix our little problem."

"STFU!" UR-86's eyes slitted threateningly.

"I suppose not. It would be improper to damage Mizo's new investment." Razer flicked the cigarette away with a disdainful sniff.

"ROFLMAO!"

"Rofflemao?" Razer scoffed. "That's not even a real word."

" :-P " UR-86 responded.

There was silence for a moment.

"…How in the hell do you even pronounce that?"

UR-86's head lowered as he considered that. Then Razer saw it, and he understood everything. There was a cable attached to the deathbot's head. It ran down the length of UR-86's body and disappeared into a jack in the wall.

"Well well well…" Razer purred. "What do we have here?"

UR-86 cocked its head again. Razer gestured at the cable, wagging one finger in a disapproving manner.

"It looks like you've caught a virus on the Internet. Your systems appear to be corrupted."

"NO WAI!"

"I'm going to have a talk with Shiv," Razer said as he walked towards the exit. "I'll have him reformat your hard drive and remove your online access. It'll only cause trouble if you stay connected."

"Good night, UR-86," Razer waved mockingly as he walked out into the night.

UR-86 stood still for several seconds, rotating its hands restlessly. With a jolt it stopped. Yellow eyes flared brightly as UR-86 clutched its head in alarm.

"OH NOEZ, MY PR0N!1!1"

End.