This idea popped into my head while reading a very good story by Wraithfodder... one phrase was written that made my brain click into gear "not in the traveler's guide to Pegasus" or something close like that... and in the holiday cheer, it's a story I hope you'll enjoy... HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Pegasus Galaxy
John thought very carefully. Of all the things he'd done in life, this was the most important. The colonel slowly pulled out his laptop and stared at it.
Across the heading of the Word document pulled up were the words "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Pegasus Galaxy by John Sheppard." Yes, that should do it. This document was going to be sent to all the newbies from the Daedalus because they thought they knew everything about Atlantis and the galaxy in which it resided. Fine, don't take advice from us experienced people.
Cracking his fingers, John set to typing away.
OOO
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Pegasus Galaxy – consider this important!
1. Always carry some sort of weapon with you – wherever you go!
...a.Whenever you go through the Stargate, offworld, in the Pegasus galaxy you MUST carry a weapon at all times. I don't really care if you are civilian or military. If you
can't use a weapon, contact me…
Sheppard sighed. He was going to have a lot of people on his hands. A ton of civilian scientists had come on the last shipment from Earth. All who probably had never touched a personal weapon in their lives.
...b. If you do not carry a weapon with you not only will you have one extremely pissed-off colonel on your hands, but you run the risk of being eaten, aged, shot at, injured,
or killed on any one mission.
2. One can never have enough body bags.
...a. Though morbid, this is true. Always keep a supply of body bags in your puddle-jumper for those fruitcakes that insisted on not using a weapon. (Do you guys get the
point yet!)
3. The Wraith
...a. For chrissakes people, don't anger them. It is a BAD IDEA. Pissing off a Wraith could (and probably will be) mean the end of your life through a very painful process.
First they suck a little life out of you (to ready you for the main course) then they cocoon you onboard their Hive ships. After that they eat you by sucking out years of
your life in a matter of minutes.
The colonel sighed as he remembered all the poor souls who had relinquished their lives for the Wraith. All the planets too. Half of them had had only a handgun to protect themselves.
4. Whatever you do, try not to get yourself killed.
...a. Although this seems stupid, you have no idea how many people forget this very important rule. This rule involves not angering the locals, not fighting any alien hostels
whenever possible, spreading Wraith viruses, or being stuck in a small place with little or limited air supply. THIS IS ALSOA BAD IDEA!
And what exactly does ST-1 do all the time? Violate that last rule. John thought to himself wryly. 'Do as I say, not as I do.' He smiled.
5. Do as we say and not as we do.
...a. Being more experienced members of the Atlantis expedition, some of us risk our lives in order to save others because we know our way around and stuff. If a noob is
EVER caught doing this (under his or her own power), you will be severely punished. As you get more experienced you can join in the cool stuff that we get to do.
6. And damn it, ALWAYS HAVE 20/20 FORESIGHT! (Whenever possible, yes that goes for you too McKay.)
...a. Don't go blowing shit up if you don't know how it works!
...b. Don't go powering up a deadly weapon without knowing how to turn it off!
...c. Try not to let things destroy themselves, we might need it later.
Grinning proudly, John quickly sent the Guide to all the newbies (and McKay and Zelenka) for them to read over and think about. Feeling satisfied, he got up and waited to see how Atlantis mulled over this one.
you like? you review... that button down there needs a few friends...