Chapter 1

She preferred "hate" to "despise". "Despise" just didn't grasp the amount of hatred she had for him. She hated him. There was no question about it. How could he be caught cheating on her and just say, "I run a night club," as an excuse? He had looked at her as if she was overreacting to his infidelity and he looked casual as he replied, not breaking a sweat or batting an eyelid. She should have known better, but then again…she realized that she picked these kinds of men. They were never faithful and as it always ended up, she found them with someone else. Maybe it was her fault. Maybe she just wasn't special enough. Maybe she was just a stereotypical woman in whom a guy would lose interest in just a few months. She had thought she was more than that.

She held her head in her hands as she sighed. She had just come from the club and she had thrown her purse, in which direction she did not know, and just slumped onto the sofa. She was glad that Lindsey was over at her friend's, because she did not want to have to explain the situation and why she was so mad.

She was never in love with him. It had just been a "fling" but she knew now that those were not worth her time. She had just needed a quick way out of her "social" slumber and she had found it in Chris. These flings were meant to be done in someone's twenties and thirties, not forties. She now knew that she needed something more serious and solid, but she also knew that men noticed her for her looks, not who she was inside, not what she valued most in life. Men were all after flings, but she needed the few men, the dying breed, to save her from herself.

Reaching for the glass and the bottle of vodka, she thought of the last time she had reached for the bottle. It had been at breakfast with her best friend, Gil Grissom. She had been troubled over a case and he had been here for her, as usual. They had talked casually and shared a few laughs. He had left, complaining of exhaustion. She had laughed it off, but she let him go. Now, a small smile appeared on her lips but quickly vanished. Knowing she had to be at work in a few hours, she opened the bottle. She poured with no hesitation and downed the drink the same way. She felt tears rise to her eyes as the liquid stung at the back of her throat. She just sighed and coughed a few times. Pouring and drinking once more, she abandoned the bottle and glass, and headed into the bedroom. She just fell into her bed.

It only took a few seconds for the tears to break their way out of their cage. The tears just flowed; she didn't sob but she just let them flow. She felt that she didn't need to waste her energy over someone as worthless as Chris, but for some strange reason, her body was now registering the pain she felt in her heart. She cried, not knowing why this had to be.

Chapter 2

"Congratulations…"

"It's really not something to congratulate me about, Catherine." Gil Grissom replied, not sounding enthusiastic, despite the news that Catherine had just received, much to her shock. They were in his office, the door slightly open so the noise of the lab filtered in. He was sitting at his desk, his chin cradled in his left hand and his eyes were cast down. Catherine's jaw was slightly loose. This one really hit home; Gil Grissom and Sara Sidle were a couple. She just chuckled, unable to say anything else and she slightly shook her head.

"I thought you said that you didn't really feel anything for her. I mean...I am certainly happy for you, if this is what you really want." Cath said, softly, wincing in surprise at how much her own words hurt herself. Gil looked up from his state of exhaustion from too much overtime, he slightly smiled.

"That's what I thought at first, and to tell you the truth…." Gil stopped, and he seemed to be contemplating his words.

"Go on Gil." Catherine wanted to hear what had brought him to what would normally be considered his last measure.

"I….I thought I had feelings for you, and I know that sounds weird to you. I didn't want to say anything because I thought it might jeopardize our friendship, and I certainly don't want to do that. But I know you don't feel the same way and I just…I looked to Sara." Gil confessed, and Cath just let out a breath, shaking slightly. Normally, her eyes would be widening at his frankness, but they didn't. Her mind was whirling away and she couldn't control it. She just nodded. "You don't feel anything for me, right?" Gil asked again. His face told her that he already knew the answer. She wanted to say something, but no sound came out. He just nodded, in understanding.

"I gotta go, I gotta...I have to….go see Lindsey." Catherine told him, and she quickly vacated the room. Gil was left on his own to contemplate Catherine's out-of-place behaviour. But leaving no interval, Sara walked into the room with a smile.

"So where's Catherine going in such a rush?" Sara asked, sitting herself down on his chair, after having closed the door.

"I'm not sure…." Gil just whispered, looking towards the doorway and feeling something close to remorse and doubt.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Catherine drove casually to her house and came in with her normal expression on her face. She wanted to tell him no…not "no" but to think it over at least. His relationship with Sara could jeopardize everything he had worked so hard for, and she couldn't let him do that. She kept telling herself that this was the reason why she felt almost sick to her stomach. She couldn't help but think back to Sara's smug expression as they came across each other in the hallway. Catherine had quickly left the building, not turning around to look towards Gil's office again, knowing what she would see. He had had feelings for her, and she had been completely ignorant of it. She couldn't say anything to him, because honestly…she didn't know. It seemed that her brain was completely out of her control, and she didn't know anything anymore. She was surprised when she felt liquid stroll down her face, and she looked towards the ceiling, but there were no leaks visible. As she wiped it with her sleeve, she realized that it was a tear. Her eyes widened and she just lost control. She cried for the second time that day, not knowing why.

Chapter 3

"I'll call you later, I'm at a scene."

Gil heard Catherine whisper over the phone. He looked at her and he saw her smile. "I know. I miss you too….Now I'll have something to look forward to." He knew that she didn't know he was listening to her conversation. Her voice turned a slight husky, and he was disturbed. He wasn't eavesdropping. He had noticed that she was not around him at the crime scene and went to look for her and found her outside, having a private conversation..

"Grissom?" He turned around to come face to face with his I'm-supposed-to-be-your-world girlfriend, Sara. He flashed her a brief smile. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing, I was just thinking." Gil replied, fighting the desire to look back to Catherine.

"About what?" She asked, and he knew what answer she was expecting. He decided to indulge her, no matter what he felt inside and what he wanted to say. He knew this was expected of both of them; the dopey looks, the brief remarks and comments, and the occasional pecks on the cheeks. He didn't know why but he went along with it. But he never liked to lie.

"About you."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Catherine cursed at herself for not learning her lesson; she was at it again. The fling. She told herself again and again that this could become serious. His name was Carl Jameson and she felt for him, at least which was what she had been telling herself every time she saw him and flashed him a smile that would match his mischievous grin. She looked at her cell phone and she slowly turned to head back inside the house, only to catch a sight of Sara giving a not-so-chaste peck on Gil's lips. She knew Gil would never allow this, but strangely enough, he just smiled awkwardly. Her lips echoed his own.

'He must really like her to let that one pass.' She thought to herself and walked in, putting on an innocent act of ignorance.

"So, you two. What do we know so far?" Catherine asked, drawing Gil's attention.

"Well.. Warrick confirmed that the footprints we have are all the paramedics', and Nick's working on the car as we speak." Sara reported, her expression not changing a bit. No guilt at all.

"No signs of forced entry, and I don't see any tire treads out there." Catherine reported back, slightly more disturbed. She looked to Gil who was looking at his toes.

"All right then. Let's keep processing. It's really too early to say we know anything right now." Gil just replied and got back to his work. Catherine nodded, as she reached for the camera that hung lowly on her neck. Swallowing nothing but air, she took a photograph of the kitchen.

"So Catherine, what do you think? Since Gil's not here to tell us off." Sara whispered, after Gil had moved on to the other room. But the question did not register in Catherine's mind who was only pondering the fact that Sara had called him Gil.

"Hmm? What? I didn't catch that, sorry." And she was sorry, indeed.

Chapter 4

He knew he was missing something; he just couldn't put his finger on it. He hated it when this happened to him, because it frustrated him to the degree where he wanted to talk to someone; he despised socializing. He pursed his lips together and frowned. He flipped through the crime scene photos once more hoping to catch a glimpse of something to help the case, just shook his head and looked to his watch. This would be the third hour that he was looking at case files and he was waiting for a diversion to direct him away from this but he had no place to go. No pendings at DNA nor Trace. Not the break room, because then he'd have to put up with the looks of his co-workers that seemed to doubt his choice of "girlfriend" and he didn't like it. He told himself to be content with Sara, and that she was more than enough for him. He knew she was someone he could care about if he really tried, but he didn't think he should have to. Wasn't real love natural, didn't it come without effort, and whether you liked it or not?

Why were both women and men so desperate for "love"? Did it mean so much to them, that they could lie, steal, kill, and even die for it? Grissom didn't get it. Maybe he had to wait and maybe he would feel the same way and then he'd know. But right now, as of this moment, he didn't know why the hell everyone made such a fuss over it. What was love? Was it just a word you whispered after you had slept with someone, just to leave for someone else the next day? Was it like a spiral staircase that you could never perceive the end of, and although you know that you'll be completely exhausted at the end, you slowly climb the steps?

"Gil?" He thanked god for Catherine coming to save him on his fourth hour. Gil smiled as he stretched. "Have you been in here all this time?" She was worried, he could tell. He just nodded, and put his feet up on his desk. She sat herself down on the chair across from him and drew a big breath. "Well, not much progress out there either. Nothing important enough anyways."

"Try me." Gil asked, dying for outside information, no matter how insignificant it was.

"The victim died of exsanguinations due to the murder weapon which seems to be a blunt knife. The car came up with a receipt for groceries, and some business cards and that was about it. No friends or family whatsoever. Rape kit's still pending." Catherine reported, all in one breath. He raised one eyebrow at her pessimism; normally, anything would excite her. This was not the Catherine he knew. But she was unpredictable at times.

"That's not nothing."

"Nothing that helps us catch this guy." Catherine seemed to give up with a single outtake of breath and he was worried.

"Why are you giving up so quickly?" Gil asked. "That's not you."

"Well…let's just say, life's not exactly been kind to me these days."

"Your friend?" Gil asked, immediately regretting it.

"How'd you know about my friend?" Catherine asked right back, not losing a moment.

"I heard you talk on the phone with him at the crime scene." He replied.

"Oh, so you eavesdropped?" Her tone was changing, and he didn't like what that meant for him.

"I didn't eavesdrop. I was just wondering where you were and you turned out to be talking to him." He knew Catherine was going to snap and he was right.

"Well maybe you should pay more attention to your love-deprived girlfriend of yours. She keeps snapping at everyone and it's making us all uncomfortable," she said as she stood up, "and do us a favour; go get her laid." She briskly walked out of the office. Watching her, he felt as if he had been shot and he wanted to check his body for any wounds, but refrained, knowing that her words had been the bullet and the wound, in his heart.

Chapter 5

As Catherine felt the warm breeze of the heater in the lab hit her, the memories of last day hit her as well. She rolled her eyes and remembered what she had said to Gil and her shoulders felt as if weights were forced on them and she tried stretching her back, but it didn't go anywhere. She was afraid to face Sara and Gil, and even more afraid that Gil might have taken her advice. She just felt it was wrong, and she hoped she was not alone in the thought.

"Hey Cath!" She recognized Nick's voice and turned around with a smile.

"Hey Nick."

"We got a lead. We got a witness that says they saw someone coming out of the house, alone at the night of the murder. Wanna come?" Nick's offer registered and she pondered. She shrugged, knowing she didn't have anything better to do and followed him out of the lab again.

As they walked to Nick's car, Catherine sighed for the second time since they had walked out of the lab. Nick frowned and looked at her, concerned.

"Something on your mind?" He asked. She just looked at him, not answering him. "I take that as a "yes"." She sighed again. "Wanna share?"

"I don't know if I should…I mean I don't even know what it is, myself." She replied, surprising him with her unusual frankness. Normally, she would have just shook her head and shrug it off, but this was different. Something was really wrong.

------------------------------------------------------------

"So who did you see?"

"A tall dark man. He looked to be in his thirties. He had a cap on and a leather jacket and dirty worn out jeans." The witness seemed to be in her sixties, and she lived alone. Catherine doubted the reliability of the woman's statements but that would be a matter to deal with later on.

"You must have taken a really good look at this man." Catherine expressed her opinion. This seemed maybe a little bit too correct and a little bit too descriptive. She decided to quell the doubt and assumptions. She knew better than that.

Nick, Catherine, and Sofia were sitting on the woman's soft, small couch. Sofia was frantically jotting down notes; Nick was looking at the woman, looking genuinely unbiased and willing to listen, but Catherine knew what was going through his mind. She suddenly felt an urge to leave. Leave everything behind. She didn't know what had come over her. It felt like a great big shadow that kept dragging her underneath, slowly draining all her vitality out of her. She shook her head slightly, trying to clear her head. She tried, but didn't succeed.

Chapter 6

"Are you ever going to take me out?"

Sara's voice echoed through the small room and Gil slightly winced. Her voice cut like a knife through the air and it almost hurt his ears. He dragged time, trying to think of a "smart" answer.

"Yes." He replied. He never believed in a god, but he prayed for one to save him right now.

"When?" Sara asked, obviously unhappy with him. He sighed and made a mental note to himself to cancel his plans that day.

"How about after shift? We'll go to a restaurant, grab something to eat." Gil finished the sentence, abruptly, not adding anymore possible things to do after shift. He folded the file he was looking at and set it down on his desk.

"Fine." Sara replied curtly, and walked away from his door. He put his head in his hands and drew a deep breath. He never expected it to be this hard. He thought he just had to say certain things and do certain things to be someone's boyfriend. Then he remembered; taking the girl out for dinner was the most important thing. He wondered if he had made a mistake.

Time flied and the next thing Gil knew, he was at a restaurant, at a table by the windows and looking out onto the marina. Sara was sitting opposite him, enjoying her breakfast. He had barely touched his food; he didn't have much of an appetite these days. He felt that this was another low point in his life when he just felt nothing for life, its virtues nor flaws.

"Aren't you eating?" Sara asked, in the middle of a bite.

"Huh?" Gil just broke through his bubble. Sara did not seem pleased, and Gil braced himself.

"Why are you always distant? You haven't been listening to a word I said!" Sara huffed, and she just threw down her napkin and walked out of the restaurant. Realizing that this might not be the best way to let her go, he got up after her and told the waitress to put it on his tab. By the time he had got outside, he could see her car leaving. He ran to his own car and drove after her, to her house.

"Sara! Look, I'm sorry!" Gil shouted after her. She kept walking all the way to her door and Gil had caught up, catching his breath. "Look, I was just tired. I worked way too much. I'm sorry." Sara paused and turned to him. They were now breathing the same air, and Gil felt that he might suffocate. He felt a cold feeling at the bottom of his gut. He wanted to pull away, but before he could even make a move, she was on him, kissing him. He just stood still, unable to react in this awkward situation. He wondered if Sara felt that this was natural. In the middle of all this, he heard her door open, and he was being led in.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Catherine didn't know what was happening. She was saying bye to Carl, but the next thing she knew, he was kissing her and they were headed to her sofa. She pulled away, because she couldn't do it.

"Sorry, Carl. I'm just not ready for this yet." She told him, feeling very bad for him. He just nodded, and he seemed to be willing to wait for her. He said good-bye and she was left alone. She stood in the middle of her living room and shivered as she felt the leather couch against her bare legs. She suddenly wondered where her mother had gone to. Normally by now her mother would have been practically foaming at the mouth, anxious to give Catherine the lecture that she had long been bracing herself for. Then she saw the note on the fridge, telling Cath that she had gone out shopping for a while. Catherine looked inside the fridge and pulled out a carton of orange juice and drank straight from it, knowing the consequences. She just needed something cold, to null the pain.

Chapter 7

Gil walked into his office, feeling as if it had been ages since he was there last. He was already tired, even before work had started and that was never a good thing. He decided to leave himself some paperwork, instead of going into the field. He had left Sara's before anything could go further. They just kissed and he stopped her, saying he was sorry but he had to go back home to get ready for work again. She had nodded and let him go. Sara would want to talk to him about his choice to do paperwork, but he didn't care. She didn't own him. He grabbed the day's only assignment and headed over. He sent Sara and Nick because they were the first ones he saw, out on a homicide, not saying anything more. Sara had left with a confused and unhappy look on her face. Warrick went to court and it was just Gil and Catherine. They stood awkwardly in the break room and Gil was the first to break the silence.

"Let's go do some paperwork." Gil told her, and she followed him, without a word. When they got to his office, she softly closed the door behind her and when she turned around she bumped into Gil who was tying his shoe laces and she nearly tripped, but Gil had got to her just in time and he had to put her against the wall, to balance them both with a solid object. For him, it was the second time that he was this close to somebody that day, and he cursed his luck.

"…are you all right?" Gil asked Cath, slightly out of breath. Cath drew in a shaky breath, but she didn't answer. She wanted to pour her heart out then and there; that she felt as if she was dying and her heart was being strained every second of every minute of every day, that she felt sick to her stomach every time she thought about him and Sara, that no matter how hard she tried, she could never love Carl the way she should. She closed her eyes briefly and started to talk but all she heard herself say was,

"I'm fine. Thanks." Even after she had replied to his question, he didn't move. He was looking into her eyes, and she felt her stomach do quadruple flips and hoped that he couldn't hear her heart thud in her chest. Gil couldn't bring himself to move, but he knew he had to, or she would be able to hear his heart thudding in his ears. He tore his hands off the wall one by one, slowly inching away from her. He walked to the back of his desk and sat down, trying to look as if nothing had happened. She seemed flushed when she sat down and he decided not to comment on it. He handed her a pile of papers and they got to work.

Catherine couldn't concentrate on the paperwork. She was mostly just signing them, thinking about what had just happened, a matter of minutes ago. Gil seemed totally unaffected.

Gil wondered what Catherine was thinking, since all his thoughts were on her. She didn't convince him with her "I'm fine" and he was determined to figure it out. Looking at his folder, he made her an offer he thought she couldn't refuse. She never had.

"Want to have breakfast after? You don't look so good." Cath looked up from her file and opened her mouth to say "no" but she wanted to let herself have this, at least this.

"Sure. What are you cooking for me?" He let out a sigh of relief and couldn't help but let a smile creep on his face.

"Whatever you want."

Chapter 8

As Catherine knocked on his door, she felt so nervous that she considered turning back and heading back home, but she couldn't move her feet. She was slightly shaking from the cold or the tension, she didn't want to find out. She could almost feel the warmth creeping out of Gil's door. He opened it with a big smile and let her in. As soon as she walked in, she heard the door close and felt his hands brush her shoulders as he helped her shrug out of her jacket. He led the way into his house and she could smell the pancakes and she smiled for the first time in a long time.

"I take it that you like the smell of it." He told her and she laughed aloud. He laughed with her and felt a relief in his stomach of the already heavy burdens placed on him by the events of the day. He watched her sit on the sofa and look out the window, a wistful look in her eyes. He returned to his kitchen, not wanting to risk a chance of burning the breakfast and disappointing her. "So Catherine…how has life been?"

"Life? Isn't it always the same?" Catherine replied, hoping he wouldn't go any further. She would have to tell him the truth.

"Come on…what's new?"

"Nothing. .really." Catherine was trying to convince Gil and herself at the same time.

"Catherine…I've known you for too long to not know when something's wrong." Gil replied, hoping he wouldn't seem too forward and curious for information on Carl amongst other things. "What about Carl? Is he good to you?" He realized that she had never told him her boyfriend's name, but she didn't seem to notice and he felt a drop of sweat run down the side of his face.

"He's good to me. He's a bit different from the other guys. I think he may be one of the few surviving men who have manners." She replied, making Gil laugh. "You're certainly the best of the breed."

"Why, thank you. I try." Gil replied. "With that, your breakfast is ready, my lady." He brought the plates over to the living room, and handed her the plate.

"Thank you, my dear sir." Catherine replied, trying her British accent, but failing miserably. They both laughed hard, clenching their stomachs. The laughter subsided and was replaced by sounds of cutlery raging a war with the plates. After about 5 minutes of silent eating, Cath decided to bring the question up.

"What's happening with you and Sara?" Gil looked up at her with a questioning look. He put his food down and sighed.

"I guess…It's going all right." Gil replied, not wanting to get into the details. He was getting a taste of his own medicine; it was bitter.

"You're not convincing me." Cath replied, taking another bite, but keeping her eye on Gil.

"I don't know…is it supposed to be hard?" Gil asked, and Cath was surprised that he was having difficulty.

"I don't think so. It's not something that should be hard. It should be natural and impulsive. Not thought-over." Catherine replied, sensing a hint of sadness in his voice.

"It's not coming to me…that way." Gil confessed, and she put down her plate. She came to sit next to him. "It's just so hard. I don't know what drove me to even ask her out, but… I don't want to drive her away. She's the only thing that's stable right now, for me." Gil added. Afraid it was getting too serious, Catherine made a joke.

"I never, ever thought you'd say Sara was stable." They both chuckled. "Do you not have feelings for Sara?"

Hearing her question, Gil paused. Did he? I mean…he had felt something more than just friendship as a co-worker for Sara. He knew he was over-protective of her. That must have meant something.

"I….I think I do." Gil replied, still uncertain. Catherine raised her eyebrows.

"You think you do?"

"…nah. I do." Gil tried this response which made Catherine's heart ache. She felt she needed to go home, but she had to be there for him, no matter how much it could potentially hurt her. But it didn't matter; he had always been there for her and she felt she should do the same.

"I know what you mean. But Gil…out of all my experiences, which are many, it's…best to go with your heart."

"I'm not brave enough, Catherine. You might be." Catherine felt a tinge of guilt as she heard him say this. He thought she was stronger than she was, when she was really just a coward. She didn't have the courage to tell him that she felt a lot of things for him; she couldn't tell him what her thoughts on Sara were; she couldn't even tell him that Carl had been married after all.

"Gil…despite what you may think. I'm really not that strong." Catherine told him, and he looked at her with concern. She wanted to stop herself before her tears came, but it was too late. He didn't even hesitate as he put his arm around her and she didn't hesitate as she buried her head in his chest. She cried and cried, and he held her, knowing that he wouldn't ask her any more questions for the day. He knew she was lying to him about Carl; Gil had done a secret background check on him, and he had found out that Carl had been married. He saw the fragile woman in her, and felt sorry for her. He now saw how much Catherine needed someone stable for the moment, as much as he did.

Chapter 9

A Christmas party was the last thing Catherine had needed. She had already been too busy with taking care of Lindsey and doing her job at the same time, that she just didn't have the time. But she was forced to acquiesce by constant interrogation on Greg's part, and now she had another burden on her shoulders; her outfit for the night. Catherine was rummaging through her closet when she heard a soft knock on the door.

"Mom? Can I come in?"

"Sure, Linds. I'm just in the closet." Catherine heard the door open and Lindsey appeared. "Are you hungry? I'm sorry, I'm just having trouble deciding what to wear today."

"The reason I came in here was to help you. Just in case you needed a second opinion." Lindsey replied, temporarily shocking Catherine. Their relationship had been steadily improving, and Catherine thanked God that at least this side of her life was starting to go right.

"I'd love that."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why did they have to have a party? The one thing that Gil dreaded was a social party for Christmas that didn't really mean anything. He would have liked to wear what he wore usually, but Greg had insisted that Gil looked good for the party; because the party was all Greg's idea and he didn't want it to be a failure. Not wanting to disappoint the younger man, Gil decided to wear something different. He sighed as he opened his closet to choose what he was going to wear and saw nothing but black. He rolled his eyes and rummaged in the depths to find something different and got what he needed. Then he heard the phone ring and picked it up; it was Sara.

"Hey, are you picking me up?" He cursed for completely forgetting. That meant he had to leave in ten minutes.

"Yeah I'll be there in thirty." Gil replied, as best as he could to hide the fact that he had forgotten. Sara seemed to fall for it. She said a couple of endearing remarks, which Gil obliged to return and he got back to his closet.

Sara's outfit had surprised him when Gil picked her up. She was wearing a white dress, black heels, and an amount of make-up that he had never seen her wear before. Sara had commented on his outfit, a little out of breath and she had had a gallant smile on her face. He was wearing a white dress shirt with the top three buttons open, dark, faded jeans and a black jacket on top of his dress shirt. His hair had been done differently, which made him look much younger.

They had arrived at the party arm in arm, and they conversed with others together for a while then Gil excused himself as he went to the bathroom. He hadn't seen Catherine so far, and was wondering what was taking her so long. Then again, he had been half an hour early. The party seemed to be having a good start and Greg was looking prouder than ever, which Gil thought could potentially be dangerous. Gil wondered what this night would bring and hoped that it would be over soon, with not much damage.

Chapter 10

As Gil opened the bathroom door to head back to the party, he heard heels click in the distance heading towards the break room. He then heard a big commotion of male voices. Knowing it was Catherine who would cause such a commotion, he headed back to the break room, slightly jogging now.

He could smell her scent in the air, before he even saw her and when he did, his breath caught in his throat, and all he could do was cough. She was wearing a stunning black silk dress, that wasn't adorned or anything. It was just black silk, but it made her look like one of those Hollywood actresses, the ones Gil actually admired for their acting skills and their true beauty, not just some young woman who had whatever modern science offered her. Catherine's hair was curled, just the way he loved to see it. She was wearing quite a bit of make-up but he never thought it was excessive. He always thought she never needed it. She was wearing silver earrings which matched her bracelet, the one that she only wore to formal occasions. As he looked at her face, he found her looking at him and smiling a big smile for him and he finally reminded himself to breathe. He slowly walked towards her.

"Hey." He managed to mutter and she laughed.

"Hi Gil. You look…great." She replied, so casually.

"Thanks. You look…." He couldn't even finish his sentence. "You look…."

"It's okay, you don't have to say it. It's written on your face." She smiled and she seemed to be slightly blushing, but he couldn't tell with the colourful lights. She turned, and headed in to the break room, immediately catching the attention of most of the male workers in the room. She laughed, and her laughter echoed. He could only stand there and gulp nothing but air.

"Gil?" He was broken out of his reverie by Catherine and he looked up. "Are you going to stand there the whole time?" He shook his head and slowly walked in. He took his place next to her, while she was talking to Warrick, Nick and Greg. He felt so left out of the circle, and he knew he wasn't as free as he used to be now that he was with Sara. Sara. He had almost forgotten about her, and she was probably ready to chew him a new one. He slowly left Catherine's side and went to look for Sara, who was sitting at the "bar", sipping from a cup.

"Hey, beautiful." Gil told her as he came to sit next to her.

"That's probably the only good thing you told me since we've been going out." She replied. He immediately knew that he hadn't been the best of boyfriends and he wanted to make it up to her. He had been too distant, and he knew it. He reached over and gave her a peck on the cheek and squeezed her hand. She smiled and it didn't have the supposed effect on Gil, but he ignored it.

"Well! It's time for the Sanders Experience, everybody!"

Greg surprised everyone as he announced the start of music and dances. The party had really begun, and Gil was already feeling a little tired out. He looked over at Greg, who never seemed to become tired, and he admired the young man for his energy. Nothing seemed to get him down. Someone in the lab needed to provide that among all the dead bodies, and the tragedies that the CSI's went through. Gil looked over at Sara who was apparently in a conversation with Nick, and he didn't want to stop her; she actually seemed to be enjoying herself. Gil looked around the room, searching for something else to do other than dance, but couldn't find anything. He caught a glimpse of Catherine, and was about to walk to her when Sara stopped him and gave him a look that made him sigh.

"May I have this dance?" Gil muttered.

Chapter 11

Catherine put her head on his shoulders, despite the awkward position they were in. Warrick was a bit too tall and broad for her. He just gave her a comforting pat on the back. As she gazed at the other couples dancing, she found Gil with Sara and she involuntarily sighed.

"Them? I know. It's just too weird." Warrick muttered, as if reading her thoughts. She pulled right back and looked at him.

"Isn't it? You feel it too?" She asked.

"They just don't have….the chemistry, so to speak." Warrick assured her. Catherine let out a sigh of relief, discovering that it wasn't just her that felt that they were wrong. "But I think you're more concerned than I am." She took the breath back. "Are you….?"

"I don't know, War. I just don't know anymore." She replied. Warrick silently pulled her into an embrace. Tonight was actually the night that Warrick was going to tell her how he really felt about her, but he just chuckled and thanked god that he hadn't run his mouth too early. He had actually felt more than just platonic friendly feelings for her but he could never admit it, having Tina as his girlfriend. He had known that the possible relationship with Catherine wouldn't work for a long time, so he had just caught the moment and married Tina. He would not question Catherine further; it would hurt him too much.

Gil smiled as he finished his mandatory dance with Sara and they shared a brief hug. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Nick walking towards them. He looked at Nick who seemed like he wanted to dance with Sara and Gil casually passed her off to him.

It seemed that Nick would always jump at the chance of doing something with Sara and he never complained. Gil knew that Nick cared about her, but he didn't know to what extent. He doubted that even Nick knew about it. Gil remembered the look in Nick's eyes when he found out that he and Sara were a couple. It was something close to regret and fear.

As Gil took steps back, he bumped into someone, and immediately turned, only to find himself right in the arms of Catherine.

"Sorry about that. I should watch where I'm going." Gil said to Catherine, as he steadied both of them.

"Actually, you shouldn't, because otherwise, you wouldn't have asked me to dance." Catherine replied. Gil raised an eyebrow.

"How do you know I wasn't?" Gil asked, and she smiled. "So…may I have this dance?" He put his hand out to her and she gently took it. Unwillingly, he took her hand to his shoulder, causing her to raise an eyebrow.

"Getting personal, huh?" Catherine asked, smiling and he just chuckled. He put his hands on her waist and she put her arms around his neck. Swaying gently, Gil started the conversation.

"So…who did you just dance with?"

"Warrick." Gil had expected Warrick to be her first choice, and sighed again. It seemed Warrick was always her first choice for everything and Gil, himself, was always the last resort. Gil clenched his fists a little bit, but not long enough for Catherine to notice. Seeing a confused look on her eyes, he immediately changed the subject.

"How's Lindsey?" He asked, trying his best to be casual. She started on a long story about how they were now on really good terms and she thanked him for giving her advice. He told her that he felt it was his duty as her friend and Lindsey's.

Catherine felt tears well up in her eyes, and put her head on his shoulder. She had felt him tense, and she immediately knew she shouldn't be doing what she was doing but she needed it, and she didn't care what anyone else thought. She was assured by Gil slowly putting his arms around her. He nudged her head with his and she giggled, causing him to chuckle as well. She recognized the Grissom gesture that said, "Hey, it's all right." She felt safe in his arms and she loved how warm he was. She had been getting a little chilly, and she shivered. Gil seemed to take her further into his arms, if it was possible and she smiled to herself. As the song slowly came to an end, the possible consequences of her actions began to sink in, and she shook her head. But it seemed that Gil was unaware of this.

"Are you cold?" Gil asked, and she knew she should have said she was just fine.

"I'm a bit chilly." Her eyes widened as he shrugged off his jacket and handed it to her, without a moment's hesitation. He put it around her and gave her a thumbs-up. He looked much better in his white dress shirt with the top three buttons open. She blushed. "You don't have to…"

"I know. I want to." He replied. "I'll see you in a bit." He walked away from her and she saw him walk to Sara and she could read Sara's lips asking him where his jacket was but she couldn't read Gil's but knew he had told Sara the truth when her eyes found Catherine's and Catherine quickly turned away and disappeared into the crowd.

Chapter 12

Gil knew he had to ask her to dance the last dance with him, but he didn't want to. It seemed that he was getting slightly sick of Sara and her way with him. But he knew he couldn't let her go here, that would just break her fragile heart again. He decided that he would just come out for fresh air around the time of the last dance, but his plan failed. A couple songs before the last, he saw Catherine leave the break room and head outside. Thinking she might be leaving, and taking his jacket with her, he ran after her.

"Catherine!" Gil shouted after her but she was already outside. She stopped outside and she seemed to be smiling. It was only when Gil was next to her that he noticed that it was snowing.

"Does it usually snow in Vegas, Gil?" Catherine asks, obviously shocked by the white particles falling from the dark sky above.

"Not that I know of, at least." Gil replied. Smiling like a little boy, he looked up at the sky and the white flakes slowly descending. Catherine giggled, watching him. He turned to her. "What's so funny?"

"You. Your face was priceless!" She answered and she giggled some more. He just shook his head as he smiled.

"Why are you out here anyways?" Gil asked.

"I just wanted to get some fresh air." Catherine replied. She closed her eyes and titled her head up towards the sky. Just as she was about to open her eyes, she felt something unbelievably cold against her skin and she screamed. "What the hell?" Gil was hunched over laughing, and he was holding the snowball in his hand. Seeing she was really mad, he slowly dropped the snowball and started to inch away from her. "Oh no you don't, mister. You don't make Catherine Willows mad and walk away!" She picked up snow and just threw it in his face, before he could move. She laughed as he slowly wiped the slush off his face. He glared at Catherine and her eyes widened as she realized he was charging at her. She felt his body impact her waist and she screamed as she felt her body being lifted up. She was balanced mid-air on his shoulder and she kept screaming and moving her legs. "Let me down, now Gil Grissom!"

"Uh, uh." Gil shook his head and he started to spin around and she screamed louder than ever. He laughed as he heard her laugh and scream and the same time, and knowing she'd be feeling sick soon, he slowly let her down. His hands were on his waist and her hands were on his shoulders. She didn't miss the chance to smack his chest. Gil winced in pain. "Ow!"

"You deserve it. Look at my hair!" Catherine exclaimed as her hand went to rummage through her hair. He swatted her hand down.

"Don't worry, you look beautiful." Gil surprised himself and Catherine as he said this. He had found the word, and it came out so naturally.

"Well, you finally found the word." Catherine told him. He laughed, slightly blushing. "Well we should head in."

"Yeah…Sara's probably ran distracted looking for her boyfriend." Catherine told him. They still stood there, a foot away from each other. She was beginning to shrug off his jacket but he held it in place.

"Keep it for tonight."

"But I know Sara's not going to be happy about this."

"I don't care what she thinks. If she can't deal with the fact that you're still my best friend, no matter what, then this isn't going to work." Gil replied, as if he had prepared the answer. She knew he had given this some thought and respected his thought-out choice. She smiled and nodded. "Come on, they're going to miss us." He put his hand on the small of her back and led her back in.

Chapter 13

Reluctantly leaving Catherine, he went to look for Sara. They had arrived just in time for the last dance. As Grissom rummaged through the crowd, he found her in Nick's arms, being comforted. He went up to them and when Nick saw Gil, he seemed mad. Nick left Sara for a while to come talk to Gil.

"Grissom! Where were you? Sara was worried you had run off!"

"Can't I catch some fresh air once in a while these days!" Gil shot back.

"Well you seemed to be catching more than just fresh air." Nick replied. A realizing look came over Gil's face and his head fell. "She didn't see it. I made sure she didn't." Gil slightly frowned. Did Nick have feelings for Sara? Gil just nodded to Nick and went to Sara.

"Hey. I'm sorry. I was just catching some air." Gil apologized and Sara ran into his arms. Gil embraced her.

While this was happening, Catherine was watching Gil from the other side of the room. Although she had Gil's jacket, she wished she was Sara right now, in his arms. Then Catherine put her hand over her mouth as she realized why she had been feeling sick all this time; why she hadn't loved Carl the way she should have; why she felt like she was slowly decaying. She was chasing a ship that seemed to have set sail. She was chasing Gil.

When Sara moved out of his arms, Gil looked at her in the eyes and asked her if she wanted to dance. She had declined and said she'd be in the car; she wasn't feeling very good. He nodded and let her go. Gil looked around the room, feeling lonely again. He spotted Catherine's all-too-familiar hair, and as he made his was over to her to ask her to dance, he watched Warrick as he took her hand and led her to the floor. Warrick took Gil's jacket off of Catherine and Gil stopped in his tracks, and sighed as he slowly turned away. Gil clenched his teeth, and closed his eyes. He finally resorted to the sofa, where he was alone. As he watched them dance, a revelation came over him. The feeling in his gut that told him "no" when he asked Sara to dinner; the heartache that he suffered every night, thinking about Carl, and how he could hurt Catherine; the feeling he felt every time he was close to her. It all came together. He was in love with Catherine Willows, the woman who had slipped out of his grasps every time he had tried to catch her, the woman who would forever be in his dreams.

As Catherine took Warrick's hand and turned around, she thought she could see Gil walking to the other side of the room, his back hunched over. She didn't take her eyes off him, and watched him sit on the sofa. Then she saw a strange look glaze over his eyes and all of a sudden their eyes met and Catherine couldn't help but tear her eyes away, thinking that it might reveal her feelings inside.

When their eyes met, Gil quickly turned away and hoped that Catherine had done the same. He didn't want to hold her gaze for too long, afraid that she might read his mind. He didn't want to shake her state of stability with his feelings and decided that it would be unwise to say anything to her. He decided that, for him, dreaming would have to suffice, for now.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Now...I'd love some feedback/reviews from those of you who happen to come across this. I'm working on a sequel, for those of you who are GCR ;) Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.