Disclaimer: I don't own the Justice League or any of the songs/poems that I parodied.
The Songs of Christmas
Cheerfully warping the Christmas tradition.
Welcome my friends to the halls of the Watch Tower, where many a song has been sung by our favorite Leaguers. Feel free to sing a long as our favorite heroes express their festive holiday spirit!
John Got Run Over by a Reindeer
(The brainchild of Wally West and Dick Grayson.)
Chorus
John got run over by a reindeer
Going home from the Tower Christmas Eve
Now Bruce always said there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Shayera we believe.
He'd been drinking too much egg nog
We had begged him not to go
But the ex-Marine was too damned stubborn
So he stumbled out into the snow.
When they found him Christmas mornin'
At the scene of the attack
There were hoofprints on his forehead
And incriminatin' Clause marks on his back.
John got run over by a reindeer
Going home from the Tower Christmas Eve
Now Bruce always said there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Shayera we believe.
Now we're all so proud of Shayera
She's been takin' this rather well
Yesterday she hunted down dear old Santa
And threw his reindeer into reindeer Hell.
It's just not Christmas without Johnny
All the League's been dressed in black
And we just can't help but wonder
Should we open his gifts or send them back.
John got run over by a reindeer
We had begged him not to go
Now Bruce always said there's no Santa
But as for me and Shayera we believe.
Now the Feds are after Shayera
And all the little elf men stalk her too
Seems there's a law against killing Santa
She'll have to deliver his presents Christmas through.
I've warned all my friends and neighbors
Better watch out for yourselves
There's this mad winged woman
Delivering presents Christmas Eve.
John got run over by a reindeer
We had begged him not to go
Now Bruce always said there's no Santa
But as for me and Shayera we believe.
Jingle Bells
(Origin unknown, but Kara Kent and Barbara Gordon are strongly suspected.)
Jingle Bells, Mistletoe smells
The Justice League needs a raise
Superman's mad because he lost his cape
And Lois won't come to play, hey!
Deck the Hall
(Composed by various former members of the Teen Titans.)
Deck the hall with boughs of holly, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Diana looks mad so we'd better be jolly. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Hide we now Clark's favorite sweater. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Oliver has lost another arrow. Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Shayera left a yuletide feather. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Bruce is on the prowl so we'd better be careful. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Steal some more of J'onn J'onzz's oreos. Fa la la la la, la la la la. While we tell of Dinah's secrets. Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Fast away the old year passes. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Hail ye us, we former Titans. Fa la la la la, la la la la. So many tricks to pull before New Year's Eve. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Run we now from Raven's wrath. Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Jolly Old St. Nicholas
(As sung by Wally.)
Jolly old St. Nicholas, lend your ear this way. Don't you tell a single soul what I'm going to say. Christmas Eve is coming soon, now you dear old man. Whisper what you'll bring to me, or J'onn will tell me if you can't.
When the clock is striking twelve, when I pretend to sleep, down the Watch Tower hallway bright, with your pack you'll creep. All the stockings you will find hanging in a row, mine will be the largest one, you'll be sure to know.
Green Arrow wants a new bow, Wondy wants a Bat, Question needs a sanity check, his conspiracies really need to go. Now I think I'll leave to you what to give the rest. But choose for Batman, dear Santa Claus, a lump of coal quite thick.
Terry's Twelve Days of Christmas
(Terry McGinnis's version of the Twelve Days of Christmas.)
On the first day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: And an angry girlfriend on the phone.
On the second day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.
On the third day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me Three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.
On the fourth day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.
On the fifth day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Five broken bones! Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.
On the sixth day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Six CRAZY Amazons Five broken bones! Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.
On the seventh day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Seven beatings from Bruce, six CRAZY Amazons. Five broken bones! Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.
On the eighth day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Eight angry aliens, seven beatings from Bruce, six CRAZY Amazons. Five broken bones! Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.
On the ninth day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Nine villains fighting, eight angry aliens, seven beatings from Bruce, six CRAZY Amazons. Five broken bones! Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.
On the tenth day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Ten nasty bruises, nine villains fighting, eight angry aliens, seven beatings from Bruce, six CRAZY Amazons. Five broken bones! Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.
On the eleventh day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Eleven suicide missions, ten nasty bruises, nine villains fighting, eight angry aliens, seven beatings from Bruce, six CRAZY Amazons. Five broken bones! Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.
On the twelfth day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Twelve lectures from Clark., eleven suicide missions, ten nasty bruises, nine villains fighting, eight angry aliens, seven beatings from Bruce, six CRAZY Amazons. Five broken bones! Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.
The Night Before Christmas
(Narrated by an unknown Injustice League member.)
Twas the night before Christmas when all through the earth
Not a crook was stirring, not even in mirth.
The guards were posted through out the compound with care
In hopes that the Justice League would not soon be there.
The villains were nestled, all snug in their beds
While visions of super riches danced through their heads.
And Luthor in his suit and I in my cap
Had just settled down for a short winter's nap.
When out on the roof there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the computer I flew like the Flash
Turned on the security measures and awakened the staff.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave a luster of midday to objects below.
When what to my horrified eyes should appear
But a green skinned Martian and five unwelcome heroes.
There ran an arrogant twit, so lively and quick
I knew in a moment that it must be the Flash.
More rapid than eagles his feet they came
And he whistled, and shouted, and sang on the way.
"Now Grundy, now Ivy, now Humanite, now Penguin!
On Grodd, on Two Face, on Bizarro, on Luthor!
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall!
They're dashing away, dashing away, dashing away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
Did we meet with another obstacle, found in the sky.
So up to our weapons the hired hands flew
With a car full of illegal toys and Mr. Luthor too.
And then a pounding I heard from the car roof above
The ripping and screeching of an Amazon's clawed nail.
As I drew in my head and bolted out
Down the sky Wonder Woman came with a bound.
She was dressed in a bathing suit, twirling a whip
And her bracelets were all shiny and deadly and quick.
A heavy rock she had flung to her back
And she looked like a madwoman ready to smash open my back.
Her eyes how they twinkled! Her dimples, how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose royal and airy.
Her sharp little nose was drawn up in a smirk
As she threw me around, like a batarang ready to hurt.
The pain of a mace the other held tight in her fist
And the wings, they encircled her like an unholy witch
She had a stern face and angry green eyes
That glared, when she yelled, like rolling flash thunder.
She was lean and muscled-a right jolly mean bird
And I howled when I saw her, in spite of myself.
A wink of her eye, and a twist of her head
Soon made me realize that I had plenty to dread.
He spoke not a word, the Martian went straight to his work
And directed the Leaguers, then turned with a jerk.
And disappearing ahead of my sudden angry fist
And with a surprise hit, up in the air I went.
Then He came, the worst of them all
And away we all fled, right into Green Lantern's shield
Then I heard Superman exclaim, ere he flew out of sight
"Merry Christmas to all and have a good prison night!"