Guarding My Heart
Summary: Charlie Weasley quickly learns that war changes people and not always for the better. When he is given the task of protecting his brother's former girlfriend, however, he dreads the nastiness that comes with her. But in the aftermath of tragedy, he is faced with the challenge of not only guarding a witness but his own heart as it begins to deceive him.
A/N: This was a challenge for me to write, and I convinced my good friend aikakone to choose the characters, after some prodding from me. Hope you like it!
I never thought that when the Order put me in charge of guarding her, I would fall in love with her.
She was, after all, the most spoiled, catty, petulant, bratty and demanding girl – woman – I'd ever met. She wasn't anyone I would normally have been friends with or even been seen speaking to in public. But after the many months leading up to my brother's trial, I discovered that she wasn't really all those horrible things. She was merely a frightened young woman who had created a whole other persona to hide who she truly was.
She'd been trained practically as a puppet her whole life. She was instructed who to befriend, who to persecute, even who to love. When Draco Malfoy turned to the Order on the heels of Dumbledore's death, we were all shocked. Snape explained everything, and they were given asylum. Because of Malfoy, equally, no one was surprised when Pansy was brought in as well.
As it turned out, she and Draco weren't lovers really. They were the best of friends, forced together by their parents who wanted respectable, pureblood marriages for their children. She was fully prepared to marry Draco, produce an heir and live out her days with his money. But the Order presented her with a new freedom, one she wasn't entirely sure she knew what to do with.
Harry, Hermione and Ron were out on the search for the Horcruxes, we found out later. But they returned to the Order occasionally. Although they were all three displeased to see Pansy there, Ron was the most accepting of it. He tried to make her feel welcome, something that wasn't easy to do when she was so accustomed to being catered to. I think Ron was trying to get out of the shadow of Harry and Hermione. He'd sort of always felt like a sidekick to Harry's fame and Hermione's cleverness. Pansy brought out things in him he didn't know existed.
Unfortunately, her encouragement backfired, and Ron became even more resentful. He turned on Harry and the Order. He threw himself on the mercy of the Death Eaters and confessed Harry's plan to destroy all the Horcruxes. He tried to convince Pansy to come with him, but instead, she went to Draco, the only person she every truly trusted, ironically.
Draco, in turn, alerted the Order. Harry had just enough time to destroy the last Horcrux, Nagini the snake, before taking on Voldemort himself. After the Dark Lord fell, everyone rejoiced as the remaining Death Eaters were rounded up. However, we all failed to notice a single red head rising from beneath the bodies of fallen dark soldiers. No one noticed until it was too late. The words "Avada Kedavra" were shouted and our hero died.
I'm not really sure what happened next. Someone – Lupin, I think – tried to Stupefy my brother, the traitor, but he Disapparated too quickly. He'd escaped. My mother went into hysterics, as did the other women, except for Ginny. She just stared at Harry, unblinking.
The other Weasley men, my brothers and father, looked around at each other. None of us seemed capable of anything. The Aurors, Tonks, Kingsley and Moody, sprang into action, however, and began collecting evidence. Lupin and Snape huddled together, deciding the best way to handle the situation. Hermione was holding Pansy's hair back as she vomited into a bush; Malfoy hurried to comfort Ginny. Although Ginny and Harry had split up, they'd remained close friends. Ginny told me once that she could talk to him, almost like a brother, but he didn't act like one of her brothers.
The twins edged over to me while Bill and my father comforted my mother. I heard Fred and George speaking, but I didn't take in any words. I was too busy staring at the spot where Ron had been just moments ago.
Movement in my peripheral vision caused me to turn. Lupin stepped forward and squatted down next to Harry. He bowed his head, and I could see his lips moving, though I heard no words. He gathered Harry in his arms and Disapparated. Curiously, my brothers and I looked to our parents. Dad looked at us and mumbled, "Headquarters."
We Disapparated, leaving the Aurors to do their work.
The next several days were a blur. There were only two Death Eaters unaccounted for, other than Ron. The Aurors suspected he'd met up with them and was hiding out. But we had no idea where.
The day of Harry's funeral, I finally received my own assignment for the Order.
That morning, Pansy had received a threatening letter from Ron. She'd been the one to turn on him after he'd betrayed all of us. She knew his secrets, which made her a liability. Moody pulled me aside and told me that after the funeral, I had to leave and go back to Romania. But I wouldn't be alone. Pansy had to come with me; she had to be protected, and I was the most suitable choice. We would be out of the country, and there were enough wards and enchantments around the dragon reserve that no unauthorized wizards could get anywhere close.
Our first few days together were horrible. I gallantly gave up the only bedroom in my little cottage and slept on the couch. But Pansy complained about the mattress. She complained because the fire went out too early in the evening and about the food in Romania. She especially didn't like coming to work with me. Ginny and Hermione had sent every copy of Witch Weekly they owned, but Pansy complained that she'd read all of them before and was bored. I even tried to get her interested in the dragons. But the one time she showed interest in a youngling, it burped and nearly singed all her hair off.
She shrieked at the top of her lungs, scaring the dragon. And I admit; I lost my temper. I yelled at her. I expected her to yell back, but instead, she cried and ran and locked herself in the loo. I apologized and tried to get her to come out, but she wouldn't. She spent the rest of the day in there, and she only left when I said it was time to go home.
She didn't speak to me for three days, and I felt like an arse. I didn't know what to do. I tried talking to Bill about it, but he was always busy. Finally, she said she was sorry she'd spooked the dragon and promised to stay out of the way from then now. And she did; she really did.
Slowly, we began to form some kind of understanding. She began helping out around the house, with the exception of cooking. Pansy was terrible, and I had learned from my mum. After a while, I almost forgot I was guarding her. She became more like a friend. But that feeling was short-lived.
About three months after Pansy had come to live with me, the letters from my siblings started to become scant. I wrote to my mother, and she responded. It seemed as though the rest of the Weasley children had begun pairing off. Of course, Bill and Fleur had been married for over a year, but apparently they'd been keeping busy since they were now expecting their first child.
Fred had moved in with Angelina Johnson, and George had started dating Hermione. Who knew bossy little bookworms were his type? Some chaps like that sort of domineering type, and if that was George, good luck to him. Ginny, for some ungodly reason had taken up with Draco Malfoy. My father was livid about this, but Mum insisted they were quite "adorable" together. Pansy seemed most amused by it, or maybe it was the revolted face I'd made upon hearing the news.
Mum kept suggesting "nice" witches for me to date. She suggested Tonks on more than one occasion, given that she and Lupin had busted up ages ago. Sadly though, I found Tonks more irritating than breathtaking.
On one particularly quiet Sunday afternoon, we received word from Moody that Ron had been arrested. While we were relieved, Moody went on to say that he'd been arrested in Bulgaria, two miles from the Romanian border.
Pansy went hysterical. Her breathing became rapid, and it seemed like she couldn't take in a deep breath. She was pale and crying. I kept trying to tell her that she was okay, that Ron had been taken away, but she just kept on. She threw herself at me, wrapping her arms around my waist. She was holding onto me so tightly, as if she thought I was some sort of pillar of strength. I put my arms around her, patted her back, stroked her hair – things I'd seen my father do to my mother whenever she cried. I whispered in her ear that she was safe now; I would never let anything happen to her. Ron was in prison, and he could never hurt her again.
"But I loved him, Charlie," she sobbed. "I trusted him, and he betrayed all of us. He betrayed me!"
She kept sobbing into my chest, and I dreaded the big wet spot that would inevitably be left there. I kissed her hair and held her. I began to get very comfortable having her in my arms, but she suddenly pulled back. I looked down at her, and she smiled weakly. I kissed her forehead, and she reached up to brush her hand across my cheek.
"Thank you," she said quietly, her voice still shaking slightly.
I was never one to claim that Pansy was beautiful. She wasn't, not conventionally anyway. She kept her dark hair cut in a chin-length bob, and had straight bangs across her forehead just above her eyebrows. Though simple in its form, her hair was rather dramatic and blunt. But she had an attractiveness to her that I could see in her eyes. Her eyes were a deep violet, and they conveyed a vulnerability that her bravado didn't show. They were very captivating, and I found myself falling into them – literally. I must've leaned in because the next thing I knew, she was kissing me.
I wasn't the most experienced bloke around, but I have kissed a fair share of girls in my lifetime. And as far as those experiences had taught me, Pansy was a fantastic kisser. Maybe it was all those years of kissing Malfoy in a scientific sort of way, since I knew they'd never really been romantic. Her lips were full and soft, and she made all the right whimpers and moans whenever I deepened the kiss. I held her tighter, and she wound her fingers into my curly hair. I'll admit I was thoroughly enjoying the kiss.
But then it was over. She pulled out of my arms and stared at me as if she'd never seen me before. She didn't appear disgusted or anything, just confused. She mumbled something of an apology and disappeared into the bedroom. I didn't speak to her again for another three days.
What was it with her and the three day silent treatment? I didn't understand that, but weeks after she'd started speaking to me again, I asked her about it.
She smiled a ghost of a smile and would not look up at me. "Something my grandmother told me about being angry," she said softly. "One day to dwell on it; one day to forgive; and one day to forget." She shrugged. "It works for me."
Pretty soon, the inevitable happened. Ron's trial date came up, and Pansy received word that she would have to testify. The Wizengamot was worried. The man on trial was not only the son of one of the most prominent Wizarding families, but he'd been Harry Potter's best friend for the better part of a decade. They wanted all the grisly details of his betrayal on public record so there would be no questions asked at sentencing.
Pansy looked up from the letter from the Ministry and shook her head vehemently. "I won't do it, Charlie," she insisted. "I can't do it. They have enough evidence; they don't need me."
"But you have to, Pansy," I told her. "What if there's some sort of technicality? Don't you want this to be over for good?"
She sunk down into a chair at the table and rested her head on her hands. "I can't face him," she said, her voice muffled. "I'm too afraid."
I crossed the room to her and knelt down beside her. I massaged her neck, and she eventually looked up at me. I reached up and hesitantly cupped her face in my hand. "You can do this," I assured her. "I'll be right there with you the whole time. He'll be in a cage; there's no way he can hurt you. I won't let him."
"Promise me you won't leave me?" she asked in a small voice.
"I promise." And I meant it.
The trial was awful. Ron wasn't going down without a fight. He yelled and shouted at all his accusers until the guards finally put a Silencing Charm on him. He was especially brutal when Pansy testified. Although he couldn't speak, he seethed in his chains and made rude gestures at her.
Pansy made it through her testimony just fine. She broke down twice, when she was asked about hers and Ron's romantic relationship and when she described seeing him murder Harry.
I kept my promise and took her to the courtroom every day. I sat with her when she wasn't testifying, and when she was speaking, I sat in the very first row, never far from her. I was so proud of her. She'd thought she wasn't strong enough to face Ron again, but she proved she was. I told her that repeatedly until she finally asked me to please stop.
Ron was found guilty on all counts – murder, treason, and crimes against the Wizarding world. When sentencing came around, I was surprised that Pansy asked me to go with her. I wasn't sure she should be there when Ron was sentenced, but she insisted. Closure, she called it.
As we sat in the packed courtroom with the rest of my family, we collectively shuddered when Ron was brought in, shackled in chains. He glared at all of us in turn, and when he got to Pansy and me, she reached over and gripped my hand, which only made Ron glower more fiercely at us.
Pansy held onto my hand the whole time the Wizengamot read the list of crimes Ron had been convicted of. When it came time for them to read the sentence they'd decided upon, I felt Pansy began to tremble next to me. I released her hand and put my arm around her shoulders, holding her closer. If we hadn't been sitting in a courtroom waiting on my brother to be sentenced, I would have sworn I saw Bill's knowing gaze look our way from down the row.
The entire galley breathed a sigh of sadness and relief when Ron was said to receive the dementor's kiss. I honestly think my mother was the only one who felt there was redemption to be found in Ron. Even Hermione felt he got what he deserved. We all left the Ministry with heavy hearts and returned to our respective homes.
Back in Romania, Pansy spent one last night with me. We stayed up late talking and both fell asleep on the sofa. When I woke up, however, I was alone on the sofa with a blanket draped around me. I shrugged it off and got up to search for her. She was in the bedroom, packing.
"What are you doing?" I asked in dismay. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and blinked a few times to wake up.
"Packing, what does it look like?" she replied. "Now the trial's over, I don't have to stay here." There was a hint of sadness in her voice, something I attributed to Ron.
"Let me help," I said and began magically folding clothes and levitating them into her trunk.
We worked in silence for a half hour before my stomach grumbled loudly. Pansy giggled softly, but she looked at my sympathetically.
"I should go, so you can get to work," she said.
"I've got the day off," I reminded her. "You know, the trial and all." She nodded in understanding, and I continued. "At least let me make you breakfast before you go." I was surprised to hear my voice go so quiet towards the end of my statement, but I cleared my throat loudly and went to the kitchen.
We ate in a heavy silence, only pausing to smile anxiously at each other over our eggs and toast. Ultimately, though, we could not stall anymore.
I dragged her trunk over to the fireplace as she wrapped her traveling cloak and scarf around her. I moved to hug her one last time, but she backed away and sighed.
"Please don't," she said firmly.
"Why?" I asked. There was little chance of us seeing each other anytime soon, and I would readily admit that I would miss her.
"It would only make it harder," she replied, and at my confused expression she confessed, "I don't want to leave."
"Then don't," I shrugged. "No one's forcing you."
She smiled a very wry smile and said, "That would be hard as well." She bit her lip coyly and blushed. She looked down at the floor and fiddled with her scarf.
"Pansy, what is it?" I asked, reaching for her hand.
She shied away from me and remained silent for several moments. Finally, she looked up at me, and her eyes were wet with unshed tears.
"I love you, Charlie," she said loftily. "I can't help it. I don't want to leave you. I love you."
As soon as she said it, my mind was riddled with memories of our time together. She loved me? I could quite wrap my mind around those three words she'd said, but at the same time, I knew it was true. Did I love her too? My mind raced with the idea, and as I stood there silently, Pansy watched me, seemingly holding her breath.
Should I tell her how I feel? I knew she would stay, and there was literally nothing here for her. I didn't make much money, and I knew the type of lifestyle she was accustomed to. Could I support her? It's not like I spent money on myself, but I was sort of saving for the future. But was there a future with Pansy? I wanted children one day, and I wasn't sure I could picture her being a mother. But on the other hand, I'd seen her grow up so much just in the short time she'd lived with me. What really weighed on my mind was the thought that if I told her how I felt, I feared that I would be holding her back. A dragon reserve was no place for a high-maintenance witch. But, the small voice in the back of my mind whispered, why deprive yourself of what you want?
After several moments, she moved towards the fireplace, trunk in hand. Of its own volition, my hand reached out to grab her wrist.
"Don't go," I commanded, rather more harshly than I wanted.
She looked up at me with questioning eyes, and I answered, "I don't want you to leave. I love you, Pansy."
With my admission, fear flooded my gut, but I knew that whatever brought that fear also brought the immense happiness that I now felt as I took Pansy in my arms. We'd been through so much. Could the rest of our lives bring anything worse?