hello! I'm back! this chapter is a bit longer than the other ones. hope you like it...I'm working on the Magic of Shakespeare and There's Something About Harry, but I have another fic to do as well for a fuh-q-fest. that takes first priority since I have to have it done by the 31st...but still, I'll try to get those other ones out pretty soon. so! sit back and enjoy the chapter!
Warnings: slash! hooray! no real action in this one (sorry!) but there will be in the next chapter. (I promise!)
Disclaimer: sigh still don't own Harry Potter.
Reflections
Chapter Five: Changing Reflections
True to his word, Sirius got out of bed the next day. Mrs. Weasley gave him some of Charlie's old clothes to wear--since he didn't have any with him, it would have to do for the time being. And although he seemed to be restored to full health, judging by his energetic attitude and eagerness to get out and stretch his legs, Harry couldn't help worrying about him.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Harry asked anxiously for the tenth time as he helped his godfather down the rickety stairs.
"For the last time, I'm fine!" Sirius said impatiently, waving his hand. He glanced over and Harry and added with a grin, "And by the way, I can walk just fine on my own, so you can stop cutting off the circulation in my arm."
"Oh--right--sorry," Harry said quickly, releasing Sirius's arm. They entered the kitchen, from which tempting aromas were rising. Ron, Hermione, and Mrs. Weasley (Mr. Weasley was apparently at work) were grouped around the table eating breakfast.
Hermione looked up from the paper upon their arrival and exclaimed, "Harry! Sirius, you're awake! Are you feeling better?"
"Oh, good," Mrs. Weasley beamed. "Would you like anything to eat?" Harry and Sirius nodded. "What do you want?" She asked, getting up and taking out her wand.
"Just toast is fine," Harry responded, taking a seat at the table.
"Sirius?" Mrs. Weasley questioned, already placing a stack of buttered toast in front of Harry.
"I'll have toast too," Sirius answered, sitting next to Harry.
After breakfast, Ron and Hermione retreated to Ron's room to finish some "homework." Harry doubted that was all they'd do--it was his understanding that they were now a couple, as of last night. And about time, too.
Harry and Sirius, meanwhile, ventured outdoors. It was a very lovely day. The sun was shining brightly overhead by that time, but it wasn't too hot. A slight breeze ruffled through the trees as they strolled aimlessly across the grass.
"It's been a long time since I've seen the sun properly," Sirius remarked, shading his eyes.
"It's a really nice day out," Harry began. He smiled over at Sirius. "I'm glad you're here with me."
"So am I," Sirius replied. They walked in silence for a while, and paused under a tall oak tree. Harry glanced at Sirius from the corner of his eye. The sunlight shining down on them through the leaves of the tree fell across the fair skin of his face and made his striking blue eyes stand out more than usual. The wind blew a few strands of his ebony hair across his face, and Harry had a sudden impulse to brush them behind his ear. He shifted closer to Sirius and intertwined their fingers.
Sirius looked over at him, surprised at first, but then smiling warmly and giving Harry's hand a gentle squeeze. Harry smiled shyly and looked down. Why was Sirius making him feel this way?
"You've barely let go of my hand once these past few days. Why?" Sirius asked softly. Thinking at first that perhaps that meant Sirius didn't want him to, Harry made to pull away, but Sirius held on tighter. "No, I'm not saying I don't like it, just…why?"
His response rather startled Harry. This was exactly like the night before, when the growing tension between him and Sirius seemed to be at a breaking point. "Because," Harry said finally, "Because I think if I let go you'll disappear." He looked up into Sirius's eyes. "I can't let that happen…Not again…"
Sirius was at a loss for words as he saw the deep pain reflected in Harry's eyes. "Harry…" Sirius enveloped Harry in his arms. "I promise you, I'll never leave you again. Never."
Harry's only reply was to hold Sirius tighter and bury his face in his shoulder. "You promise?" He asked hesitantly.
Sirius moved his hand from Harry's back to stroke his hair. "Yes." In that one moment, when he'd looked into Harry's pleading emerald eyes, Sirius knew he would do anything for him.
Neither one could say how long they stood holding each other under the tree, but all too soon, Mrs. Weasley's voice was heard calling from the house: "Harry! Sirius!" They broke apart. "There's someone here to see you." Harry cursed the bad timing as he trailed after Sirius to the house. Just like the night before, the moment had been ruined and he had no idea how to recapture it. All he could do now was wonder what had just happened between them, and what the indescribable look in Sirius's eyes had meant.
Mrs. Weasley ushered them inside, where a tired-looking man was waiting by the door. "Sirius," Remus said in a choked voice, and moved forward to embrace him.
It was a very happy reunion, and soon after Remus left another visitor stopped by. Harry and Sirius were sitting in their room (Ron and Hermione were apparently still doing homework) when Albus Dumbledore arrived.
"Hello Sirius, Harry." he said as he stood in the doorway.
"Professor Dumbledore!" Harry exclaimed.
"Hello," Sirius said, getting to his feet.
"I'm glad you're back with us," Dumbledore smiled. "It's quite a miracle. So…I take it you still have something important to take care of." For some reason, he glanced at Harry as he said this.
"Yes, that's what they told me," Sirius nodded. Harry looked at him questioningly. "Before I came back, someone or something said that I still had something important to do in my life," He explained. "I'm not sure what it is yet, though."
"I'm sure you'll find out soon," Dumbledore said with a knowing smile. "Well, it was good seeing you again, Sirius. I'm sorry that my visit has to be so brief, but I have some important business to attend to. I hope I'll see you again soon," He turned to Harry and added, "I'll be seeing you at the start of term."
"Goodbye, Professor," Harry said as Dumbledore doffed his hat and left the room. He had forgotten that the school year was going to be starting so soon. He didn't like the thought of leaving Sirius so soon. He wanted to spend more time with him, but that wouldn't be possible during the school year. Harry pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, deciding that he'd worry about it later, closer to the start of term.
Harry peeked at Sirius. He was leaning back in his chair with his legs crossed at the ankles, looking rather bored. But in a very good-looking way. Harry looked quickly down at his hands again as this thought occurred. He'd been thinking similar things ever since the day before, and just more so after that very afternoon underneath the oak tree. What was happening to him? Everything that had been happening lately--Sirius's return, his initial joy, then confusion, and now conflicting emotions, was making his head spin.
He stood up, resolving to go talk to the only people he knew could help him. "Ehm, I'm going to go see Ron and Hermione," Harry said. Sirius nodded and waved, seemingly lost in his own thoughts as well. Harry left the room and ascended the staircase to Ron's attic room. He paused outside the door, hoping that he wasn't interrupting anything, and knocked, just to be sure.
"Come in," Ron called from the other side. Harry opened the door a crack, then all the way once he was sure nothing was going on.
Hermione was sitting in a chair next to the window reading a book. "Oh, hi Harry," She said, looking up.
Harry said nothing and crossed the room. He sat next to Ron on the bed, and both of them looked at him expectantly.
"Is…something wrong?" Ron inquired, peering at him.
"What? No, no," Harry answered quickly. Now that he was here he wasn't quite sure what to say.
"What's up?" Hermione asked, putting down her book.
"Oh, nothing," Harry said, trying to sound casual.
Hermione looked at him skeptically. "Really?"
"Well…" Harry took a breath and resolved to just tell the truth. "Actually, I've been feeling a bit…odd…lately.
"Since Sirius came back?" Hermione guessed.
Harry nodded. "I just…I don't know. I'm kind of confused. I'm not feeling like myself."
"Go on," Hermione implored. Ron was glancing between them, looking rather confused.
"And well…I…I just felt so happy when Sirius came back. Then it seemed like he was different, or--or I was different. Now whenever I see him I feel sort of confused, and nervous, and just…it's weird. I don't know what to do," Harry babbled. Hermione nodded after everything he said. "There's just been a sort of tension between us."
"Ah," Hermione said lightly. She smiled at him, and there was a look in her eye like when she solved a particularly difficult problem. "I see." Harry began to feel rather uncomfortable. "So…You're in love with him." A stunned silence followed this statement.
"Harry! In love with…Sirius?" Ron laughed, and looked over at Harry, expecting him to see the humor in this as well. But Harry was looking down, his brow furrowed. Ron looked back at Hermione and shook his head. "No. You're not serious…Are you?"
Hermione said nothing and continued to look shrewdly at Harry. He was even more bewildered than before. Him? And Sirius? That was impossible! Wasn't it?
"But…But he's my godfather," Harry said at last.
"Yes, but…does that really matter?" Hermione said gently. Did it? Harry didn't know what to think. "If you really love him, then…that should be the only thing that matters."
"I'm going to go…take a walk…" Harry said, getting up slowly and leaving the room.
Ron gaped at Hermione. "But…but…"
"It's true," She confirmed. "I knew something was up." She crossed the room and resumed reading her book as though nothing had happened. Ron shook his head. He'd believe it when he saw it.
Harry's feet led him outside, back to the oak tree he'd stood under earlier that day. He leaned against the trunk and stared at the sky. The sun was beginning to set. So was that really it? Did he really…love Sirius? It would certainly explain his new-found interest in Sirius, and his confusion, but…Even if he did, would he and Sirius actually be able to be together? No. Definitely not. Even if he loved Sirius, he doubted that Sirius would feel the same way. If he even loved Sirius at all. That was the problem. Did he!
Harry entered the house much later that night, still trying to sort out his feelings. He quietly made his way up to the room he shared with Sirius and opened the door slowly. Sirius was asleep, much to Harry's relief. He looked down at Sirius's still form and thought again of Hermione's words. Was it really possible? Harry reached down to caress his face, but stopped midway. He took one last look at him and sat on the couch, leaning back and closing his eyes.
Harry fell asleep fairly quickly, and he dreamed. He was standing in front of a plain black door with a golden doorknob. He turned it and opened the door. The room was pitch black and the door slammed shut behind him. Turning around in the blackness, he saw a light in the middle of the room. Harry walked towards it slowly at first, then faster once he realized it was a gleaming mirror. He stopped in front of the Mirror of Erised and gazed at his reflection. His eyes widened as he saw the image the mirror gave him, but somehow he'd been expecting it. It was almost the same as before--he was with Sirius, but something had changed. Instead of just standing side by side, they were smiling and embracing. They looked at each other with complete adoration and love. Harry rested the palm of his hand on the glass and smiled wistfully. Suddenly the mirror disappeared. He was alone in a black void again, and at that moment he jerked awake.
Harry sat up on the couch and gazed over at Sirius. He was no longer confused--now he knew exactly what he wanted--but he was still uneasy. He all too aware what problems this realization could pose. But at that moment, as he looked at Sirius's sleeping face, he didn't really care. Hermione had been right all along--he didn't know how or why, but he was in love with Sirius, and that was all that mattered.
so. you know the drill...tell me what you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink! review:D thank you!