Uncanny Deadpool II

Chapter 1: It Isn't Easy Being Deadpool

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Dedicated to Todd fan

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel.

The former Merc-With-The-Mouth known as Wade Wilson was sat in bed. He was surrounded by several nubile young women dressed in their unmentionables. Okay, they were technically students at the Institute, but it wasn't as if Wade was a teacher there, was it?

Wallflower of the new Mutants squad was having a pillow fight with Mercury of the Hellions squad. Wallflower was dressed in a skimpy white negligee while Mercury was dressed in black. Both girls giggled excitedly as they walloped each other with pillows.

Wade managed to tear his gaze away, only to see X-23 and Nightingale of the Sirens dancing very dirtily.

Wade couldn't help but grin to himself as he thought of Wolverine's face if he knew what the young clone was up to.

Wade then shook such thoughts from his head. Why was he thinking of Wolverine when there were hot young women gathered about him.

Wade then felt his bed shift slightly as three figures clambered on top.

The three remaining Stepford Cuckoos: Phoebe, Fiona and Eve looked at Wade with predatory smiles. They were all dressed in attire that would make Emma Frost blush.

'Mr Wilson, can we tell you something personal…?' Phoebe purred.

'Go ahead…' Wade nodded. 'I'm all ears. Well, I'm not really but… You get the idea…'

Phoebe looked at her sisters before continuing.

'We have never been with a man before.' Phoebe stated.

Wade's heart flipped over at the thought.

Fiona and Eve both inched closer to their sister. Fiona held Phoebe's hand while Eve stroked her hair.

'We also haven't been together in front of a man…' Fiona purred.

Wade silently blessed his healing factor, otherwise he would have had a heart attack.

'I think we should give Mr Wilson a show, girls…' Eve smiled as she looked at her sisters.

'Mmm, that sounds like fun…' Phoebe chuckled.

The three identical blonde telepaths then began to inch ever closer. All three of them puckered up their lips and leant in close.

Bee-bee-bee-bee-bee…

Wade jumped awake at the sound of his alarm clock.

'Sonofa…!'

Wade cursed his alarm clock. He was in the middle of a really good dream. He wouldn't be able to get to sleep now.

Wade looked under the sheets and cocked a curious eyebrow.

'At ease, boys.' He quipped.

Then the truth dawned on him. He was living in the middle of a school where many of the teachers were telepaths. If even one of them sensed his thoughts…

Wade shrunk back down into the sheets. Perhaps it would be best if he stayed in bed for a little while longer…

After a nice long, cold shower, Wade headed down to breakfast in the cafeteria with the rest of the X-Men. He made sure that he especially avoided the telepaths. Fortunately, Professor Xavier, Emma Frost and Jean Grey were nowhere to be seen. Wade sighed in relief as he took a place in the queue.

'Salutations, Wade…' Hank McCoy smiled kindly as he took a place behind Wade. 'Eager to sample some of the Institute's fine comestibles?'

'If any of that meant that I'm hungry, then yeah.' Wade replied. 'I'm built up a hunger something fierce.'

Hank cocked an curious eyebrow as he noticed Wade's unusual twitchiness.

'Wade, are you well?' Hank enquired. 'You seem awfully jittery. Was last night's slumber not satisfactory? Or did the fair Elizabeth keep you up all night with her shenanigans?'

'In... in... in a way…' Wade answered quickly, his eyes darting about nervously. 'I think I ate something that didn't agree with me.'

'Ah, I am fully aware of your unorthodox dietary tastes.' Hank chuckled. 'Mint chocolate chip ice-cream and raw stuffing mix is quite a remarkable mixture.'

'Yeah, I'm a regularly crazy guy.' Wade chuckled weakly, his eyes still darting about in search of any stray telepaths wandering his way.

Unfortunately, three certain identical blonde telepaths walked by. They all turned their heads as one and smiled at Wade.

'Good morning, Mr. Wilson…' The Cuckoos chimed in their eerie monotone.

Wade threw his tray up in the air with a yell.

'Why can't you people leave me alone!'

Hank, the Cuckoos and the majority of the cafeteria's occupants watched in bemusement as Wade ran out of the cafeteria, screaming like a girl.

'What the heck was that about?' A puzzled Warlock blinked.

'I'unno.' Rahne shrugged. 'I'm guessin' that Betsy broke him.'

Warlock just shook his head in sympathy.

'Poor guy…'

Wade hoped that a session in the Danger Room would help work off his lusty wrong feelings.

The former Merc-With-The-Mouth was working out with Piotr, Kitty, Logan, Betsy and Scott. Both Wade and Betsy had accepted positions on the team to replace the pregnant Emma Frost and Jean Grey. But so far, they had yet to see any action. Well, apart from the mission to Canada (2).

Wade was presently sneaking through a holographic representation of New York. Today's session was little more than a grown-up version of hide and seek. One X-Man was appointed 'it' while the others hid around the landscape. Wade was 'it' and it was his job to find the others, by any means necessary. Unfortunately, Wade had not tagged one X-Man, but he was on the trail of Colossus. Wade had caught a telltale glint of light reflecting off the Russian mutant's metallic skin and began tracking him through the cityscape.

Wade crouched down on a fire escape as he watched Colossus walk along down below.

'Oh, this is gonna be sweet…' Wade chuckled to himself as he held an iron pipe in his hand. 'I'll show them who's the best at what they do…'

Wade stood up and placed one foot on the top of the railing as he prepared to jump down on top of Colossus. Unfortunately, Wade lost his footing and tumbled over the side.

'I regret nothiiiiiiing…!' Wade yelled as he plummeted to the ground, landing in an open dumpster.

'Oh God, Wade!' Kitty winced as she ran up to see what the problem was. 'Are you okay?'

'Never been better, Pryde.' Wade replied as he poked his head out of the dumpster. 'It looks like somebody up there likes me!'

Unfortunately, the lid of the dumpster chose that moment to fall down, hitting Wade square on the head.

'Damn dramatic irony…' Wade muttered from the confines of the dumpster.

It was bedtime for the X-Men as they split up and prepared to go up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire.

Betsy sat up and watched Wade as he walked out of their en suite, muttering all the while.

'Something wrong, luv?' Betsy asked concernedly.

'It's just been one of those days.' Wade sighed heavily as he flopped on to the bed. 'First I get awoken from a really good dream involving the Cuckoos, I miss breakfast, I screw up in the Danger Room, the flowers're laughing at me and Lockheed wants to eat my socks.'

Betsy processed the sudden outburst of data.

'Wait… Did you just dream about the Cuckoos?' Betsy frowned. 'One of those dreams?'

Wade mentally curse himself for being so stupid.

'Um… No?' Wade smiled innocently.

Betsy crossed her arms over her chest.

Wade scratched the back of his neck nervously.

'Well… it's not as if you haven't done the same thing. I've heard all about you and Doug Ramsey back in the day.'

'That's different…' Betsy started to retort.

'The guy saw you naked!' (3) Wade stated. 'That is way worse than me having dirty dreams about the Cuckoos!'

Betsy stuck out her bottom lip as she began to pout.

Wade grinned wickedly at the sight.

'You do know how much I love it when you pout, don't you?' Wade growled as he leant in close.

Despite her mood, Betsy couldn't help but soften at that.

'Mmm, do tell…' The purple-haired Brit smiled.

Wade looked Betsy straight in the eyes as his grin began to grow.

'How about I just show you…?'

TBC…

Exactly what it says on the tin. Deadpool gets a car. But will Betsy like his choice? Then what about driving lessons? Who in their right mind would want to teach Wade Wilson how to drive? Tune in next time to find out…

(1)- Wade and Betsy joined the Xavier Institute in the final chapter of 'Uncanny Deadpool'.

(2)- Wade and Betsy went on a mission to Canada with Logan and co in 'Uncanny Wolverine'.

(3)- Doug Ramsey saw Betsy Braddock naked in New Mutants Annual #2. Lucky jerk.