This is for all those miserable sons of bitches who still believe in love. The rest of you can go sit in your tower.

A SONIC the HEDGEHOG fanfic by GINO ORTIZ.

Experimental Pet Yoshi's,

Station Square, afternoon, birds are singing, the sun is glinting off of shiny windowpanes, as skyscrapers stand like towers of crystal. They are all tall, but two stand the tallest, proud and strong, at the center of the cluster of commercial buildings. Directly across the street from each other, by some dumb luck facing each other, enigmatically rubbing noses with each other, the logos: Nintendo, Sega…

For what seemed like either millennia or about twenty years the two had battled epically, but their bout was rapidly coming to a close. Yes folks, the end was indeed very near, and while Sega had fought its battle valiantly, Nintendo CEO Satoru Iwata knew he had won at last.

"Lord Miyamoto!" called Iwata from his ominous throne of solid gold Super Mario World cartridges. "Bring the prisoners before me."

"Yes, master." Always the loyal follower, Shigeru Miyamoto had almost single-handedly led the campaign against Sega. Today was as much his victory as Iwata's, however being the cruel man he was, Iwata had no intention of sharing the glory. Plans to have Miyamoto assassinated were already well underway. Now that he had served his purpose, he was simply too powerful. He had to die.

Miyamoto disappeared through the large, logo-crowned double doors at the end of the hall, and moments later reappeared trailed by several men in chains. Armed guards followed. The group shuffled in solemnly, led by the click of Miyamoto's boots. They all stood before Iwata, waiting for judgment.

Iwata regarded them momentarily. He grimaced and said, "Where is Peter Moore?"

"My lord, it seems Moore managed to flee just before the corporate takeover."

"I see," said Iwata. He thought on this for a second, and then said, "Have him hunted down, and when you catch him have him fed to the experimental pet yoshi's."

"It will be done," said Miyamoto.

"Now, as for the rest of you!" the remainder of Sega's leading men flinched in terror as Iwata turned to them. "You will all be working for me now."

It was then that Sega CEO Tetsu Kayama stepped forward, and bravely said, "You monster! We would never work for you. Our powers are meant for good!"

"Oh," said Iwata, "Well, then I suppose I'll just have to let all of you go."

There was a long, awkward silence before Kayama said, "Really?"

"No, you fool!" cried Iwata. There was a sound like "poik" as the Nintendo tyrant hurled a fireball at the floor. The little swirling projectile bounced right into Kayama's face, and he disappeared in a puff of pixilated white smoke. 100 points floated up to the ceiling.

"Now," said Iwata, "Does anyone else have anything to say?"

The crowd remained uncomfortably silent, their eyes all fixed on the spot where their proud leader had once stood.

"I thought as much," said Iwata, "Now, you will all continue developing Sonic the Hedgehog games for my new consoles, but you will make them hard to control and less enjoyable, with far less engaging storylines, are we clear?"

There was a droning, depressed chorus of agreement.

"You will begin by reviving Shadow the Hedgehog in a hard-to-play, un-engaging team based platformer. You will then give him his own game, in which he will shoot a handgun and ride a motorcycle. We will use this new look to market Nintendo brand cigarettes."

"Sir," said Miyamoto, "Your 3 o'clock is here."

"Very well," said Iwata, "Get these peons out of my sight then."

The guards escorted the Sega members out of the room, and Miyamoto followed them. A minute later, the double doors swung open once more. This time, Nintendo Power Managing Editor Scott Pelland entered. He kneeled respectfully before Iwata and said, "My lord, the fans grow restless. They demand new information on Zelda titles."

"Inform them we have a new game slated for fall. Then, when the deadline approaches, push the date back to sometime in March."

"But my lord, won't this enrage the fans?"

"Precisely," said Iwata, "And their anger will all fall on Lord Miyamoto. He will be torn to shreds."

"I understand sir."

"You are dismissed." Iwata watched gleefully as Scott Pelland left his office. He began to chuckle menacingly, and his laugh echoed down the silvery hall.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Miles "Tails" Prower sat bolt upright in his bed, sweat coming off his fur in sheets. He huffed and puffed heavily, trying to regain his breath. "Oh, it was horrible! What a nightmare! My whole life was just a video game, and strange Japanese men wanted to bring Shadow back to life and give him a handgun. And before that Paul Mccartny was there, and he was singing hey Jude to me… it was sorta scary."

"Tails," said Paul Mccartny, rolling over in bed, "Go back to sleep love."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Miles "Tails" Prower sat bolt upright in bed, sweat coming off his fur in sheets. He huffed and puffed heavily, trying to regain his breath. "Whew… okay, that's it. No more nilla wafer and whipped cream sandwiches before bed."

Lights down, cue the music.

Coming Soon Incorporated Presents

In complete lack of cooperation with Sega of America

SONIC in LOVE

By GINO ORTIZ

It was a day. Nothing special about it. At least, that's how Amy Rose Hedgehog felt. It should have been more than that, she thought. It was Saturday, after all, and it was her opinion that Saturdays existed to do wonderful things, not to go watch boring movies. It was therefore with a heavy heart and a sigh that Amy left Chao In Space part 2 completely unsatisfied with the acting.

"Academy award quality that wasn't," she said to herself, "Roger Ebert, you lying sack of…"

She made her way to the parking lot without looking at anything, really. It was all so dull and boring; her brain forgot to be stimulated by anything she came across. She only snapped back to reality when she stepped in a puddle on accident, getting muddy water all over her shiny red boots.

"A puddle?" she bent down to inspect the muck more closely, "A puddle… it's the middle of June, and it's sunny, and I step in a puddle?"

It was right then that a little pink piece of paper floated into Amy's face, startling her. She tumbled backwards, landing on the cement. "Owwww!" she whined. Amy sat up on the ground and shook off the impact, rubbing her bruised back. She saw the little pink paper, sitting there beside her.

"What are you?" she asked it, picking it up. It read in big black letters:

STATION SQUARE AIR EXPO

11:00 AM to 10:00 PM

TODAY!

WHERE?

STATION SQUARE COLLOSEUM

ADMISSION

Children 12 years and under……………………………..$3.00

Adults 12 years and older………………………………..$6.00

FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!

"What's an air expo?" she wondered. Amy got to her feet and dusted off her dress. She took the paper with her as she left the parking lot. "Maybe if I ask someone, they can tell me. Who knows, maybe it'll be something fun."

Amy worked on the logic that fun things usually required an admission fee.

Really fun things required reservations.

Elsewhere…

"I'm telling you, it's all rigged," Knuckles powerful fists madly slammed the joystick back and forth, rocking the whole arcade machine the way 300lb star wars fans do. Beside him, Rouge chuckled as she calmly tapped the big, candy-colored buttons.

"Just because you can't win doesn't mean you need to punish the machine," she said, "After all I'm the one kicking your ass."

"It's gotta be that character you're using, he's clearly broken!" said Knuckles, "I mean, look at him, spinning around with those weird claws. What the fuck? He's like a clown in S&M gear. Isn't it embarrassing to be playing as Todd McFarlane's wet dream?"

"Better than you," said Rouge, "Look at that pretty boy… 'Maxi'! The guy's named after tampons for fucks sake. Ever wonder where he keeps those nunchuks when he's not fighting?"

"Shut up, you're distracting me!" shouted Knuckles, "And by the way, he's not a pretty boy, he's got style! And he keeps the nunchucks on his belt!"

"You're just upset because you paid a quarter to get your ass kicked."

"KO!" announced the machine. Knuckles groaned, and kicked the thing fiercely. The little access door on the front caved under the force of Knuckles' spiked toe, and quarters began to pour out.

"Shit! Run!" Knuckles turned to flee, and Rouge was about to follow him until she saw the wave of quarters. Every shiny disc hit the ground with a cling, and Rouge's sensitive ears told her there were forty bucks easily to be had. She scooped up some quarters with one gloved hand and began to shove them into her pockets. When those were full, she started shoving them into her bra.

"Excuse me," it was a man's voice. Rouge glanced at the arcade manager, even as she continued to scoop up more quarters. It took a moment for the yellow striped polo shirt and name tag to register in her mind. She giggled nervously.

"Oh," she said, to which she added another nervous giggle, "Were you talking to me?"

The arcade manager only glared critically at her. He was a short, stalky man with a thick moustache and no hair. He wore the look of someone who had been working at an arcade since they were seventeen, and were now in their forties.

"Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to empty your pockets."

Rouge's eyes flitted around the arcade. The manager was inbetween her and the door. Through the big windows in the front of the place, she could see Knuckles watching with a satisfied grin. She stuck her tongue at him. The manager didn't like it.

"Miss," said the manager sternly, "Your pockets."

"Oh," she said, "But of course."

She smiled through gritted teeth as she began pulling the heaps of quarters from her pockets. Some of the change fell to the ground at her feet, making a racket. When her pockets were nearly empty she offered the pile of change to the manager with cupped palms.

"All your pockets," said the manager.

"But, sir…" said Rouge, "I don't have any other pockets."

A quarter decided to leap out of Rouge's cleavage at that moment, and go spinning to the floor. The bat smiled guiltily.

"Well, ah, that's… you see, I keep my laundry money in my…"

"No need to explain ma'am," said the manager, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to call the police."

"Oh, there's no need to call the cops," said Rouge.

"Oh?" replied the manager, "Why not?"

"Because… because…" she stammered. No good lies were coming to her. She looked down at the heap of quarters in her hands, and had an idea. "Because!"

With that, she tossed the whole pile of quarters into the air, and bolted for the door, knocking the manager down as she ran past. She collided with the door violently, throwing it open and rushing out into the street. She was greeted with the sound of Knuckles laughing hysterically.

"Run, you doofus!" cried Rouge, "He's going to call the cops!"

"Shit!"

They dashed down the road, knuckles nearly tripping on an old lady and a kid with a balloon. They rounded the corner, and found themselves in a parking lot. Rouge stopped running, and caught knuckles by a dreadlock as he went past. He stumbled to a halt.

"What did you do that for?"

Rouge laughed, "What did I do that for? What did you kick that arcade machine in the quarter-slot for? You wanna get us arrested! How would that look, us being people who live off the city's pay-check."

"Oh-ho!" Knuckles was good at sarcasm. It made him sound cool, especially since it got him out of things like missing the punchlines to jokes. "Look who's little miss law abiding citizen! You were the one taking the quarters. And earlier, you were shoplifting Nightmare Before Christmas merchandise from hot topic like some kind of wannabe goth."

"It's not illegal to shoplift from stores owned by the gap!" proclaimed Rouge, "Besides, it's the only place you can get Jack Skellington Zippos."

The sound of sirens appeared in the distance.

"Fuck! Okay, look, whatever… we shouldn't be arguing right now, we should just get out of here, Agreed?"

"Ageed."

"Oh, and no more Gap jokes, you're making this fanfic sound like it has some kind of angry political agenda. You don't want to be like the lesbians, do you?"

Rouge, who for the purpose of putting the audience at ease, was a feminist, was just about to inquire what Knuckles meant, and protest his insensitive use of the word 'lesbian' when Amy came running down the street.

"You guys!" cried Amy, approaching them, "Hey, I found this paper, do you guys know what an Air Expo is?"

"Uhm," Rouge thought for a second, "Isn't that that city-funded air race that Tails is competing in. Is that today? Damn, I promised the little guy I'd see it."

"Little guy?" asked Knuckles, "Ha! I bet Tails doesn't like that. He's getting older."

"So?" said Rouge, "I call you little guy behind your back, too."

"Hey!"

"So it's a race?" asked Amy, trying to keep Rouge on the subject, "And Tails has entered? Well, let's go!"

"It started an hour ago," said Rouge.

"So?" said Amy.

The siren sound suddenly became much closer.

"Shit!" said Knuckles, "Okay, maybe that's not a bad idea. Let's go."

"What's going on?" asked Amy.

"We'll explain on the way," said Knuckles, abruptly lifting Amy from the ground. The little hedgehog let out a squeak. Knuckles began to run, Rouge flying beside him.

"What the hell, Knuckles?" cried Amy.

"The cops are after us," explained Knuckles, his eyes on the road ahead.

"The cops!" said Amy.

"Knucklehead kicked an arcade machine right in the quarter slot," said Rouge.

"And then Klepto the Acro-Bat here started to steal quarters instead of run away!" replied Knuckles.

"I gave them back!"

"Except for the ones you stuffed in your shirt."

"That was my laundry money!"

"Eek! I don't wanna go to jail!" screamed Amy.

"Relax," said Knuckles, "You won't. Now where is that Air Expo?"

"The coliseum."

"We'll be there in a flash."

Rouge, Knuckles, and Amy were all now speeding in the direction of the Station Square Air Exposition at the Coliseum, under the impression that the cops were after them. In fact, the sirens they had heard were not those of cars coming for them. Not two blocks south of the Arcade, there was a large bank being robbed at gunpoint. The robbery had been going on for six straight hours, and the police had only now been informed. This high-security bank was taken completely off guard by unidentified characters in black suits and masks.

The criminals in question would not be apprehended at this particular encounter- the robbery would be technically successful, despite an encounter with the cities premiere honorary protector, Sonic the Hedgehog. It would later be found that the only thing stolen during the robbery would be a small red ruby being held at the bank under the name Ovi Kintobor.

The significance of the name would be overlooked by the powers that be. The authorities would miss the major clues.

Sonic marked the incident off as a loss, and went to the Air Expo himself, although an hour and a half later than Tails had asked him to be there.