A/N: Welcome to the first chapter of a brand new story called "Fiancée Fiascos!" The closest to the plotline of this story is something of Ranma ½, or at least the "fiancée" part. In any case, this will probably be one of the most psychotic stories I will ever write as well as showing my more depraved side which I've been repressing for a long time now. Eh…I probably shouldn't have mentioned that. In any case, I'm gonna be breaking the fourth wall like crazy in this fic, as well as introducing my muse, Evelyn. She's a crazy little bugger, she is (just don't tell her I said that; she'll beat me.) In any case, I hope you'll enjoy this new story! Too bad I haven't really come up with a plot yet…Oh well! Just read!

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or any of its subsidiaries! How many times do I have to tell you this! Argh! It's like a broken record with you people! I don't own it, I don't own it, I don't own it! (deep breath) Okay, I'm good.

Fiancée Fiascos
By Yamiga'sLight
Chapter 1: Unwanted Visitors

It was a beautiful day in Hinata. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and yet another act of perversion on a grand scale was being committed. Of course, those who had been living in Hinata for the past year or so would automatically know just where this horrible crime was taking place – in the halls of that most chaotic inn, Hinata House.

Keitaro – that poor, out-of-luck, down on his knees, wondering-just-when-heaven-had-forsaken-him man – was running for his life once again. This time it was from an enraged Motoko after walking in on her in the midst of changing for not the first but third time that week. He rounded a corner just as she delivered a ki blast in his direction. He managed to avoid it but the resulting explosion's backlash caused him to fly halfway down the hall before rolling to a stop on the floor.

Motoko caught the hapless young man in her sights just as friction slowed him down. Her chest heaved heavily as she panted, her bounded breasts seen underneath her loose gi. Her eyes burned with rage, embarrassment, and revenge. "Urashima!" she roared. "How dare you peek on me in such a vile manner yet again!" She raised her katana over her head and slowly advanced on him. "I think its time to rid this place of your presence once and for all!"

Keitaro frantically scuttled away from the furious kendoist, only halting when the wall prevented him from going any further. Realizing the bind he was in, he tried his best to apologize. "Waaaahhh! I'm sorry, Motoko! I swear I didn't mean to go into your room! I just tripped!"

"No more excuses!" Motoko lifted the katana above her head and then…

Well, we all know what's going to happen. Keitaro gets his ass handed to him, he apologizes for the reason he was beat (which makes absolutely no sense to anyone with a lick of it), the girls forgive him, and the whole process repeats itself all over again. A simple and common occurrence, but one that can be easily disrupted if an unknown factor enters the fray – a wrench in the works so to speak. So…let's all go see what this wrench, this factor, this thing that will throw off the life of the Hinata house and all its inhabitants in ways you could never imagine…

The girls are going to learn just what it means to take something for granted and never really recognize its worth. Oh yes, they will learn this lesson the hard way. The very hard way…

Two people stepped out of the trolley at its stop near the bottom of the stone staircase that led to Hinata House. At first glance you wouldn't think the two were related. But in all actuality they were, twins to be exact. However, other than the fact that the two were blood-related, the similarities were far and few in between.

A young woman with flaming red hair, green eyes, and a rack that could easily rival those of Mutsumi's bounced eagerly on the balls of her feet. A tight-fitting blouse and mini-skirt that snugly fit the contours of her body left nothing (and everything) to the imagination of those that saw her. A sense of excitement, fiery passion, and a nearly lustful nature was the easiest way to describe her personality.

In contrast, the young man had dark blue hair, bright blue eyes, and a face that most girls would swoon over. His clothes consisted mainly of baggy pants and a loose t-shirt. While his sister was eccentric, he instead seemed more bored with the situation than anything else. As if to prove this statement, he yawned languidly, scratching the back of his head as he did. He was cool, calm, and collected, characteristics that a certain landlord wished he owned but didn't.

The woman hitched her heart-shaped pack up and turned to her brother. "Do you really think darling's here?" she chirped.

"Probably," he replied. "His parents said he was, and I doubt they would lie to us. Though if it were me I wouldn't have told you at all. Frankly I think this whole engagement thing is stupid."

She puffed out her cheeks and pouted prettily. "Darling didn't think it was stupid."

"Course not," the man chuckled. "He thought it was terrifying. Every time you mentioned it he either passed out or ran away screaming."

The woman's pout transformed into a dazzling smile. "But darling's had time to grow up and think about it. I'm sure he'll accept my love now!" Emboldened by this thought, she rushed up the stairs, taking them three at a time.

The man sighed and began to lug the pile of suitcases after her. "I doubt that," he mumbled quietly to himself. "You're scary no matter what age you are, sis."

FFFFFFFFFF

Haruka stepped outside of her teahouse, thankful for the break. It had been rather busy lately. Probably because of her customers getting to see the unofficial attraction of her nephew being bodily flung across the clear, blue sky. She absently noted that his beatings had become more frequent lately, probably because of the added girl, Mutsumi Otohime. More girls just meant more chests for her unlucky relative to fall into and then get smacked around.

Oh well, the thrashings were probably good for him, would give him character. Not to mention the extra income she was pulling in wasn't exactly hurting matters. She decided to conveniently ignore the stress her nephew was quickly being given each day. Besides, if things got too bad she would step in and help resolve matters. Not like she hadn't done such a thing before.

Haruka paused in lighting her cigarette when she noticed two people – a girl barreling up the stairs while a boy slowly followed her. The girl halted in her movements when she saw the older woman staring at her. A flash of recognition raced across her face. The girl bowed quickly. "Hello, Aunt Haruka. I hope you're doing well?"

Haruka numbly chewed on her cigarette, not quite sure how to react. Her usual stoic attitude had decided to go on vacation, a very rare occurrence indeed. "Uhh…fine. And you…?"

The girl smiled. "I'm fine. I'm going to see darling now! Oh…I can't wait to see the expression on his face! He's going to be so happy! Well, see you, Aunt Haruka!" She then took off, leaving the former housemother in a daze.

The young man arrived a few moments later. He smiled softly at the confused look on Haruka's face. He couldn't very well blame her; the act of them arriving was a monumental event…or at the very least, a very big, somewhat scary one. "Hey, Haruka, surprised to see us?"

She shook her head, finally able to rid the shock from her system. "A bit," she replied steadily. "So I'm guessing the whole thing is finally happening?" He nodded. "Well, I have only one thing to say – good luck. You'll need lots of it to make sure my idiot-of-a-nephew gets through it all alive."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I know. Hopefully Kei won't die on the spot." He scratched his temple thoughtfully. "Though knowing my sister, this won't be an easy endeavor. Eh…"

Haruka nodded. "All you can do is hope for the best."

"Yeah…Anyway, be seeing you soon, Haruka!" With that the young man, began his ascent again. Haruka watched as he struggled a bit to keep the cases from falling before balancing them all and making his way up the stairs. She kept an eye on the two before throwing the still unlit cigarette on the ground. Stepping on it, she ground her feet until deciding to go back in.

This was going to be interesting. Knowing those two beforehand, she figured that the next several weeks were going to be even more chaotic than they usually were. Her nephew was not going to escape without his fair share of bumps and bruises. Hell, no one in Hinata House was going to escape without bumps and bruises. The place was going to turn into a war zone! On a positive note, her business would probably double or even triple with the crazy stuff that was bound to happen!

Haruka swept into her teahouse. Even she was a bit frightened as to what the future would bring. Knowing the relationship between those three was a surefire plan for really making everything go to Hell. This…was not going to end well, interesting or not.

"Screw the cigarette," she muttered to herself. "I need a drink – a good, strong drink."

FFFFFFFFFF

A rapid, vibrant knocking caught the attention of the girls lounging in the lobby. Naru, who was going over a study guide with Mutsumi, looked at the door before directing her gaze at Shinobu. "Shinobu, could you get the door please? I'm helping Mutsumi." Helping was a skewed way of looking at it. It was more like she was trying to keep the anemic ronin from passing out and dying on her. The turtle lady had already had a couple episodes within the last hour or so. Frankly it was getting annoying having to revive her over and over again.

The blue-haired lass smiled and nodded. "Okay, Naru." She got up from her position next to Su and Sarah, who immediately took over the space she had left, and walked to the main doors. Not fast enough, however, as the knocking soon became violent banging. Shinobu took a step back in fright at the sudden barrage but then steeled herself, took the few last steps to the door, and flung it wide open. What awaited her was a body falling to the ground with a rather comical splat. "Urm…" She looked anxiously at the mass of red hair by her feet. "Are…are you okay?"

"Owwieee…" was its only response.

"Do not worry about my sister." Shinobu jumped when she noticed a stack of suitcases…talking to her? A head popped out from the side of them, revealing the young man from before. He smiled gently, trying to calm the flustered girl down. "She's a very resilient person." He grunted as he dropped the suitcases, the cases making a bang when they hit the ground. "Now, if you would be so kind to tell me…is your manager around?"

Meanwhile, the talked-about person was currently making his way down the stairs to the first-floor, putting a band-aid on his new cut, compliments of Motoko's recent beating. Jeez, she went all out this time, he mused, wincing as he smoothed the bandage over. I wish the girls were nicer to me. Things would go so much smoother if they did. As he finished the last steps, he found Shinobu talking to someone at the door. "Hey, Shinobu, who's there?"

"Oh, sempai!" The young girl's demeanor brightened considerably at seeing her secret crush, which was secret only to Keitaro as Shinobu's actions around him were as plain as day to everybody else (another unfavorable trait of Keitaro's was that he was about as dense as a rock and had about the same intelligence as one too.) "These people wanted to speak with you."

"Hmm?" Keitaro murmured. "I wonder who it could…Aisu?"

The girls, intrigued by the fact that their landlord knew this new male, looked back to see this Aisu raise his hand in greeting. "Yo, Kei."

Keitaro's eyes widened and his face paled. He shakily raised a hand to point it back at Aisu. "I-if you're here, t-then does that mean she's here, too?"

As if reacting to his voice, the young woman shot up from her fallen position, holding her arms in a beckoning manner. She called to him, want and desire oozing in her tone. "Darling!"

Naru's eye twitched in irritation at the endearment directed at her love/hate interest. "Darling…? Keitaro what did she mean by that?"

The only answer she received was a loud pop as air rushed in to fill the pocket that Keitaro had left behind from his hasty retreat. The sound of feet pounding up the stairs and out of earshot was the only inclination as to just where our unlucky hero was heading. Silence dominated the room as it took a few moments for the remaining people to register just how fast Keitaro had left. Aisu's sister was the first to recover.

"Darling?" The tears came.

"Why did you run away?" The maniacal glint in the eyes came.

"Darling…You've made me very angry, darling. And so…"

And then came the rope. As if by magic, a coil of rope appeared in the distraught(?) woman's hands. She snapped the rope tightly at its ends. "I must punish you for being naughty. So…very…naughty…" Giving off a laugh that was most common to evil villainesses, she quickly raced after her prey.

"Oh boy…" The girls, dumbfounded by this series of events, turned to Aisu as he shook his head in exasperation. "I knew this was how it would turn out." He sighed and ambled into the lobby before going up the stairs. "I suggest you come with me, unless you want your manager to meet a very pleasurable demise." Aisu called behind him.

The tenants took one last look at each other before clambering after the visitor.

FFFFFFFFFF

Keitaro dashed down the hall. Of all the problems, of all the people that brought chaos to his life, why did she have to be there? He would take any other type of torture – one of Naru's punches or Motoko's ki attacks or even one of Su's tama-missiles – anything other than what was chasing him at that moment. This woman…this woman was his worst nightmare. If she caught him…

"Daarlinnng…!"

Well, he just wouldn't let her catch him, as the consequences were too disturbing for both words and human thought. "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! Gotta run, gotta run, gotta run!" His cries were cut short when something lashed around his legs, causing him to fall. He looked down to see that a length of rope was wrapped around them, effectively preventing him from running anymore. He looked back up to see his object of terror casually strolling up to him, an end of the rope clutched loosely in her petite hands.

Her lips curled up into a feline smile. "Why must you run from me, darling? I just want to love you." She bent down onto her hands and knees and slowly began to crawl over Keitaro's prone form. Her tongue teasingly ran over her lips, her voice husky and laden with wonton ambitions. "Why can't you let me love you?"

He yelped lightly when she took his head in her hands, bringing it up so that his face was barely an inch from hers. "What are you doing here, Faia?" His voice was strangely calm compared to his earlier state of frantic anxiety. "I thought you were still in Kyoto."

"I was…" she purred. "But then I came here, just…to…see…you."

"But why?"

"I think you know why," she smirked. Her gaze switched to the band-aid on Keitaro's cheek. Her finger brushed against the wound, causing him to shiver involuntarily. As scared as he was of her, she was still a very attractive, very desirable woman, and her touch definitely had an effect on him. Aware of this, she whispered, "Aww, does darling have a boo-boo? Does he want Faia to kiss it all better?"

Her seductive actions did nothing to help his composure. "No, he would not. Please get off!"

Faia ignored his plea, instead opting to ridding the space between him and her. "Oh, but darling, I must…" Unable to scream in the real world, his voice oddly rendered useless, Keitaro screamed in his head, hoping that somehow his intangible voice would be able to rid himself of this temptress. It did not, and he could only watch hopelessly as her lips descended on him – closer…closer…closer…

"Sis, would you please get off of him? I think Kei's about to wet himself."

Faia broke off, glaring daggers at her brother. He merely stared back in amusement, the Hinata Honeys crowded behind him. He glanced behind his shoulders, taking note of the insanely jealous looks some of them were throwing at the buxom woman. "I also think these young women are going to rip you to shreds if you don't get away from their man anytime soon," Aisu added, jerking his thumb behind him.

A chorus of, "He's not my man!" followed his statement, blushes being spread around on the girls' faces like cigars at a birth.

Aisu regarded them with a shrug. "Sorry, my bad."

"Of course he's not their man! Darling's mine and no one else's!" She turned back to her frozen beloved, nuzzling her cheek to his very much like a cat would. "Isn't that right, darling?" Faia crooned softly.

Noticing the death looks being sent in his direction, Keitaro was finally able to reactivate his muscles. Flailing his arms around wildly, he cried in sheer terror, "For the love of God, Aisu! Get your sister off me!"

Faia's face drooped in disappointment. "What's wrong, darling?" she murmured softly yet loud enough for everyone to hear. "Don't you want me to be with you?"

"What do you frickin' think!" he snapped. The girls were surprised by his reaction. With their view of him as a pervert, they thought he would be deliriously happy if an attractive girl like this Faia was clinging to him like this. Instead, he appeared to very angry and spiteful towards her. Seeing him in this unsavory kind of mood surprised them too. He was extreme in every other type of emotion like joy or sadness, but anger? It just didn't suit him. Of course, these feelings were vastly overshadowed by their own feelings of anger.

Recoiling as if she were slapped, Faia stumbled off of his body. She held a hand to her chest, her eyes full of betrayal. "D-darling?" she blubbered. Big, fat tears began to role down her cheeks. "W-why are you being so mean, darling?" Her face fell into her hands, sobs wracking her body. All in all it was a rather pitiful sight. "I…I just w-wanted to see you. T-that's all…"

Aisu watched, sighing internally. His sister often resorted to this tactic whenever Keitaro denied her in one way or another. It was kinda underhanded, as all that were familiar with the young man knew what a softie he was. The moment he saw tears he instantly crumbled and gave in to the requests of those that shed them, especially if they were a girl and a pretty one at that.

His theory was right. Just when Faia had started to cry, Keitaro's hard glare melted. Shamed shined from his eyes as he reached out for the young woman's shoulders. "Aw, jeez, Faia…Please don't cry," he said, grasping her lightly. "I'm sorry. I'm happy that you and Aisu are here, really I am. See?" He grinned widely, which frankly made him look like an idiot but at least it got the job done.

Faia sniffled and hiccupped, adding to the effect that she was sooo forlorn. "R-really?"

"Uh-huh."

A joyful smile spilt open on her face and she launched herself at Keitaro, tackling him to the ground. "Oh, darling! I just knew you couldn't be mad at me!"

Aisu sighed heavily, taking note of the helpless stares being sent at him from Keitaro. He supposed it was time to explain what was going on before Keitaro lost what little sanity he had managed to cling onto. That, and the fact that he could literally feel the contempt and rage radiating off of the girls behind him as a result of his sister's blatantly shown affections. He stepped up to the entwined couple before hooking his arms under Faia's and pulling her off of Keitaro. "C'mon, sis, let's go."

She struggled under his grip but found that she couldn't escape no matter how hard she tried. "No! I have to be with darling!"

"You can be with him later," he muttered. "Right now we've got to tell these nice ladies why you began to molest their manager out of the blue."

"I didn't molest him," she snapped back. "Darling was enjoying it!"

"Riighht…" he drawled. "Anyway…" He turned to Keitaro, who by now had rid his legs of their rope bindings and was standing up, visibly sighing in relief that Faia wasn't glomping herself to him anymore. "Keitaro, I'm going to take my sister downstairs and wait. When you're ready, come down with your tenants and we'll help explain everything." Keitaro nodded in thanks, and Aisu nodded back before unceremoniously flinging Faia over his shoulder.

The poor girl pounded her tiny fists on his back, shouting in indignation. "Darn it, Aisu! Let me go! I have to be with darling! I have to be with darling!" He simply ignored her and quickly made his way down the steps.

When they disappeared from sight, the girls' thoughts were broken from the amusing scene and brought back to the matter at hand. They turned their eyes back on Keitaro, who began to sweat under the stares he was receiving. Su, Sarah, and Kitsune merely looked at him in curiosity and awe, as if seeing him in a new light. Mutsumi seemed a bit jealous over all of it, but it was greatly dominated by her usual veil of confusion and caring nature. Shinobu was on the verge of tears – no, scratch that – she was in tears: full-blown abandoned-puppy-dog tears that occurred at least once every day. Motoko and Naru's expressions were nothing short of divine fury, their eyes glowering with unspeakable ideas of torture.

Naru was the first to react to the situation. She stepped forward, cracking her knuckles menacingly, her voice dripping with venom. "Kei-ta-ro…"

He smiled weakly and held his hands in front of him. "Urm…I can explain?"

"What's there to explain?" Motoko stepped forward to Naru's side, drawing her katana from its wooden confines. "You obviously used your vile ways to corrupt an innocent maiden. Why else would she act towards you in such a manner?"

"Innocent!" he cried. "Did you not see how she tied me up!"

The two enraged females decided to disregard this fact. Oh no, stone cold facts weren't enough to deter them from the path of righteousness…They instead leapt at him, Naru cocking her fist back and Motoko raising her katana over her head. "No excuses, you pervert!"

Keitaro barely had time to let out an "eep" before both attacks connect with his skull. In the period of 1/1000th of a second, his head was shoved into the floor with enough force to break the wooden boards and send him plummeting back into the lobby. Luckily he landed on the sofa couch, his head lodged in between the cushions.

A moment later, Aisu and Faia came into the lobby as well. Upon noticing him, Faia flung herself from Aisu to run over and begin fussing over the unconscious young man. Aisu watched as she treated to him before blinking a couple of times.

"Wow. You sure got down here fast, Kei."

FFFFFFFFFF

"Ow! Stop that!"

"But darling, I have to treat your wounds…"

"Don't worry," he said, pushing her away. "I probably know more about first aid than anyone else here."

"Oh, are you going to become a doctor?"

"Err…no."

After Keitaro had returned to the land of the living, everyone had gathered in the lobby. The tenants sat on one side of the room while Keitaro, Faia, and Aisu sat on the other. The three were settled on the couch, Aisu and Keitaro on either end with Faia in the middle. Faia kept trying to bandage her beloved's head while he insisted that she didn't. Eventually she gave up, opting instead to cuddle up next to him to the discomfort of him and displeasure of the others.

As Faia snuggled into him, Keitaro sighed, surprisingly composed after all that had happened. He knew that there was no point in being all flustered over it. What was coming was coming. It had been coming ever since this whole blasted thing had started. He'd rather that it had never come at all but now that it had he'd might as well just grin and bear it. Fretting wouldn't make the experience any less painful. Or at least…that's what he hoped.

Naru growled as she watched that…that floozy drape herself all over her Keitaro! Wait…her Keitaro? Since when did she start to think of that idiotic pervert like that? No, this wasn't the time to think of such things. She smiled, her voice pleasant enough but the strained underlying tone might have proved otherwise. "So, um, are you two friends of Keitaro?"

"You could say that," Aisu replied. "My name is Aisu Kiyu and this is my sister, Faia Kiyu. Our parents and Kei's parents have been friends for a long time, so we've known each other since childhood."

"And the reason that your sister seems to…attached to Keitaro?"

"That? That's easy!" Keitaro sighed, putting his bandaged forehead into the palm of his hand. Well, now was the moment of truth. The only question was whether he would survive past this point or not. Faia tightened her grip on the young man's arm, resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm darling's fiancée!"

"Oh? His fiancée? That's nice…"

It was then the full meaning of the word struck them.

"FIANCEE!"

There goes the wrench. The author wonders just how screwed up this story will become.

All of the girls sprung to their feet at this confession. Much to their surprise, Keitaro stood up as well. However, he began to walk away, his movements freakishly steady and smooth. Faia looked at him in concern. "Darling, where are you going?"

He looked over his shoulder, giving a smile that sent a chill down the girls' spines. "I'm going to the springs to drown myself," he replied, as if it were the most sensible reaction ever. "If I'm not back within five minutes, you'll know I'm dead."

Aisu waved him off. "Go knock yourself out." Keitaro nodded his thanks and disappeared down the hallway. The girls looked back at Aisu in shock at his nonchalant attitude towards their landlord's threat of suicide. He shrugged. "Kei did this every so often when he couldn't take the pressure anymore." He turned to Faia. "Right, sis?"

"Uh-huh," she nodded. "Remember the time he snuck into the lion's den at the Tokyo Zoo?"

"How could I forget?" he laughed. "I still can't believe he just walked up to the male and asked it to eat him. He really didn't want to marry you, did he, sis?"

"Excuse me!" The two looked up to see a panic-stricken Naru waving her arms in front of her. She couldn't believe how well they were taking this. It was as if Keitaro had just asked them if they wanted a cup of tea or something. "Does it not matter to you that Keitaro said he'd kill himself!"

Aisu blinked. "He's not dead yet, is he?"

A splash in the distance punctuated his sentence. Time crawled at a snail's pace as the inn's tenants worried their brains out while Faia and Aisu seemed peacefully oblivious to the situation. Being able to hear a pin drop was an understatement in the grossest sense of terms. Space's ephemeral cousin snapped back into place a few minutes later when Keitaro walked back into the lobby. Water fell from his drenched head in rivulets as he took his place back at Faia's side, acting as though nothing had just happened.

Aisu smiled. "You done now?"

He nodded, splashing lukewarm water all about the floor. "Yeah, I'm good." He then turned to the girls, who had a mixture of emotions traced across their faces, concern and confusion the most prominent amongst them. Ah, they seemed to be taking this well…Or at least that's what his mucked-up brain was trying to convince him of. In reality, this was probably the farthest from the truth. Poor bastard…

"Well…" Keitaro gave that vacant smiled again, which only entailed more anxiety for the rest of them. "Now you know that I'm engaged!" He waved his arms in an erratic fashion. "Ain't life grand! I'm engaged, I'm engaged, I'm…" His face suddenly contorted into abject despair. "I'm screwed. Oh lord, I'm so frickin' screwed…" He dropped his face into his palms, groaning.

Looks like the well-oiled machine just popped several bolts. Ewww…this isn't gonna be pretty.

Aisu glanced at the silently weeping Keitaro. He was being comforted by Faia but barely appeared to notice, far too lost in himself. Maybe that was a good thing, as he wouldn't freak out as long as he didn't know it was actually Faia comforting him. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. Keitaro's weepings became audible, showing just how torn up he really was.

Or not.

Aisu sighed. Might as well tell them what was going on before Keitaro went psychotic. Absently he wondered just how well the women would take the information. With a grain of salt? Not so well? Or would his hapless friend end up with his innards splayed around the floor, wall, and ceiling? For a moment, Aisu allowed a sinister smirk to creep its way out of his lips before quickly swallowing it back down. Mmm…that actually sounded quite interesting…

Mmph, looks like a piston just cracked.

"Ladies? If I may have a bit of your attention?" They tore their eyes from the sobbing landlord, obviously eager to find out just what the hell was going on. He smiled. "Thank you. Now if you would be so kind as to listen, I'll tell you all you need to know." He leaned back on the couch, clasping his hands on his stomach. "My sister was telling the truth. She and Kei really are engaged." He paused for a second, stealing a glance at his stricken friend. "Though I wouldn't say it was a mutual agreement."

"How could it not be mutual?" He gazed at the young kendoist who spoke. Motoko had her sword laid across her lap. Her face was one of apathy, though a hint of skepticism could be seen if one looked hard enough. "Though I would understand if your sister was displeased, I cannot believe a great a pervert as Urashima is would be nothing short of ecstatic."

"Kei? A pervert?" Aisu spared another look at the accused who by now had calmed down from his previous depression but was now rather antsy for another reason – Faia had literally begun to paw at him. A few seconds silence was his reply until he began to chuckle uncontrollably. Soon he was laughing, full-blown laughter no less. "Him! You're calling Kei a pervert? Ha! You couldn't be farther off!" He put a fist to his mouth, trying to stifle his mirth.

Motoko's lips twitched in annoyance. "I assure you," she grated. "I am quite serious of my statements. Urashima is a prime example of just how lecherous and weak males can be."

Aisu decided to ignore this indirect insult on him. Now wasn't the time to argue about the faults of men and women. "Let me guess…" He leaned forward, steepling his hands in front of his jaw. "He'll trip and yank you're clothes down. Or he'll walk in on you while you're changing or bathing. Am I close?"

"YES!" the girls answered as one. Aisu smiled.

"He's done the same to my sister." Naru and Motoko stood up and advanced on the young man. Keitaro did not move, knowing that it was futile. Whether he ran or not made no difference, he would die either way. Maybe he would die a little later but…Actually, that didn't sound half-bad. Screw this, he was going to run as fast as he possibly could – which was actually pretty far, pretty quickly considering how much exercise they got.

"…And me."

The two girls (and Keitaro) stopped in their tracks. "Eh?"

"Not to mention my parents, his parents, various relatives…" Aisu held up fingers as he rattled them off. "Half the alumni populous of our middle, junior high, and high school, some random people on the street…" He leaned back again. "Kei might be the nicest person you'll ever meet but it doesn't excuse the fact that he's the most uncoordinated and unluckiest being on the face of the planet." Aisu slapped his head when a memory resurfaced. "Like that time we were in gym class and some dog managed to sneak in and steal his shorts."

"That's right!" Faia squealed. "Darling looked so cute in his heart boxers!"

Keitaro groaned miserably. "Guys, if you're trying to make me look better, then stop. You're only giving the girls more stuff to tease me with."

That much was true. Su and Kitsune were still teasing him about what happened on Valentine's Day last year, and since Sarah now resided there the teasings had somehow tripled in amount. Every time he thought they had forgotten, one of them would come up to him and ask how the "lonely chef" was doing. His life was bad enough as it was; he didn't really need it to get any worse.

Aisu regarded Keitaro's request with a rueful smile. The poor boy had had so much strange things happen in his life and now they were there to make it even stranger. Not that Aisu could stop his sister from being with her "darling" even if he tried. The girl could overcome any obstacle by pure stubbornness alone. Speaking of obstacles, it appeared her next one she was trying to pass was to get Keitaro to accept her advances and not act like she was a leper.

"If anything," he continued, waving his hands at Faia who was currently trying to snuggle up with Keitaro. "My sister is the one who's the pervert. Half the time he walked in on her half-naked was because she asked him to, claiming that she needed him for something." Aisu laughed briefly. "Faia has tried every single way to get some kind of sexual attention from him. Hell, she tried to kiss Kei once by beaning him in the head with a baseball bat and then give him CPR."

"And I would've gotten away with it too if darling hadn't woken up."

Keitaro sweatdropped. "You know, Faia, you honestly scare me at times."

Her lips curved into a feline grin. She leaned forward, purposely dragging her lightly clad bosom across his bare arm. "And does that turn you on?"

Anyone know what part just fell out the bottom? Hope it wasn't something important…Oh wait, it has a label on it…

Main Cooling System – if this part is harmed in any way, shape or form then run for your miserable, pathetic lives unless you desire to die in horrible pain-writhing agony…

…

That can't be good.

Seeing an imminent fight was about to break out from the way Naru's hand was clenching and unclenching, as if unconsciously wanting to strangle something (or someone) Aisu coughed to divert their attention. "Ur-hrm! I believe we have gotten far off track. Don't you want to know just why these two are betrothed? I doubt you'll find out murdering someone."

Keitaro gave a silent prayer of thanks to whoever it was up there.

The author thanks him for the gratitude but is afraid to say the worse has yet to come.

"Simply put, our parents arranged it. When we children, they decided to wed them of together." He turned to the engaged couple and smiled. "Faia was thrilled. Kei was a different story all together. I've never seen a man more scared of marriage in my entire life." He put a hand to his chin in a pensive manner. "Then again I've never known another married man my age so I have nothing to base it off of."

Kitsune took this opportunity to add her two cents. "Jeez, Keitaro, I never would have thought you capable of this!" she grinned. Although she knew Naru had feelings for the landlord, she also knew her friend's wishy-washy personality would forever prevent her from pursuing these feelings. Maybe this new threat would jolt her out of her rut as it appeared the carefree Mutsumi simply wasn't enough. "Already engaged and yet still chasing after other women. Ya really are a perv!"

"Who ever said I wanted to get married?"

His reply to her ribbings surprised them. This was not just because he was actually able to answer rationally, an occurrence that was just as uncommon as what was happening now, but also because of the way he spoke – with total seriousness. Never did he talk in such a voice, steady and free of any hesitation whatsoever. He was a different person, one they did not know. One…they did not know to act around.

Heh, not like it lasted long.

"And what is that supposed to mean, darling? "

Keitaro gulped as he swore he heard something snap. This snap was most likely coming from the woman who had a grip on his arm – a grip that was swiftly becoming tighter and more painful with each passing moment. "Just…just what it means."

"Oh really?" Faia's eyes grew brighter and more fearsome with each word she spoke, as though a fire was consuming her from the inside out. "And just why is that you don't seemed pleased marrying me, hmm?" She slowly began to inch over him, much to the chagrin and amusement of those watching.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Naru shouted. As much as she didn't like to admit it, she didn't enjoy standing by while some two-bit tramp crawled all over her man. Whether or not Keitaro was actually hers was yet to be discussed nor did it matter. "Get off him! Now!"

Faia ignored the auburn-haired girl, continuing her travel up Keitaro's body. "Aren't I pretty enough? Sexy enough? Devoted enough? What is it you hate about me so much?" Her hands crept up to cradle his cheeks. He shivered involuntarily. She smiled. "Because if you tell me what it is, I'll fix it. I'll do anything for you darling." Her voice lowered to a whisper. "Anything…"

Oh dear, is that smoke? It would appear the total and absolute destruction of the machine is at hand. Just one little push is all it needs and everything will come tumbling down. Then again, what good is a story if you can't add a bit of humankind's sadistic charm? Eheh heh heh…Hahahahahaha! Bwahahahahaaaa—Eep!

The author is yanked from his keyboard.

Please excuse us as the author is punished for his demented ramblings. As soon as he's done taking his pills he'll come back to write more so as to corrupt your fertile young minds to serve as his slaves. Soon he will become lord ruler of the world! Repent! Repent for the Apocalypse is at hand! Ee–

The author smacks his muse in the back of her head with a two-by-four and drags her off.

The author apologizes for any insults his muse might have caused to the viewers. She tends to make fun of him lot so disregard any of her words. The author's plans for world domination are not true…At least until he's able to perfect his hypnosis machine…

…

Did the author say that out loud?

…

Get back to the story!

The author pulls out a dangerous looking ray gun. Best to keep reading. Don't worry, he'll calm down after a while…We hope.

"Because…"

"Because what, darling?" she whispered. "Tell me."

"Because…" Faia descended, much too close for comfort.

"Because it'd be like marrying my sister!"

There we go. Nice, ain't it?

The girls gasped, Aisu slapped his palm into his face, and Faia's eyes widened. "W-what?"

"I said it'd be like marrying my sister!" Keitaro shoved Faia off of him and stood up, his arms ramrod straight and his fists clenched so tight that the knuckles turned white. "Jeez, Faia! We grow up together as children and then I'm told I have to marry you when we're old enough? How'd you think I'd react! Or did the fact that I made my parents promise that if I got into Tokyo U the engagement would be cancelled not register properly!"

At this, the girls looked up in surprise. They always thought he was trying to get into Tokyo U to be together with that promise girl of his, not to run away from another one. Keitaro continued, too caught up in his released irritation and anger to realize that what he was saying was affecting them all in ways he wished never would.

"I mean, c'mon! You'd think after seeing me keep trying year after year to get out of our engagement you'd dump my ass! Why won't you?"

"Because I love you!"

"Well, I don't love you!"

Aisu's other hand went up to his face. Oh dear, things were definitely getting out of hand now. If this argument went on any longer Faia's repressed sexual tensions (well, at least for her) would break and Keitaro would soon find himself with a very aroused young lady on him. He doubted his friend would be able to withstand the pressure and then take one of two options. Either he would pass out or actually, God forbid, respond to his sister's actions. Aisu viciously hoped for the former. Meanwhile, the battle continued.

And it seemed Aisu's prediction was about to come true.

"Then I'll make you love me! I'll show you so much love you won't be able to anything but love me!"

"Hey! What are you doing!" Keitaro squawked. "Don't come any closer! Stay awa-mmph!"

They all gawked as the blazing-haired girl tackled him, aggressively capturing his lips with her own. Keitaro gave little resistance before submitting to his romantic captor.

The author wonders how much it costs to buy a new machine because this one is completely scrapped. Eh…screw it. The author doesn't even have enough money to be sued by the machine's owner, let alone buy and recalibrate a new one. Poor, stupid people…The author also wonders how long it'll take before the mob reading this story tears him to bits.

Banging is heard from the author's door to his sub-space room. Angry yelling is heard from outside of it.

Shit.

Keitaro found himself turning philosophical as Faia kissed him. It was strange…did every person kiss differently? With Mutsumi it had been done gently, slowly. Though she didn't ask of anything more than the kiss, he had been too shocked by the sudden intimacy to stop her and she had gone on for a good ten seconds before breaking off, smiling that tender, loving smile of hers. Though his first kiss had been stolen away, Keitaro had been oddly relaxed after it ended. Maybe that was just Mutsumi's charm, to calm down any person no matter excited they were. Not like it lasted long after Keitaro discovered that Naru had been observing them the entire time.

Naru's was…different. Though the one at the beach had been nothing more than a clashing of teeth due to Sarah's heel drop to the back of Naru's head, he had felt a certain amount of pleasure along with it. Her lips were soft, much softer than Mutsumi's, even with the added sand from Sarah's sleep-laden attack. Keitaro had felt something pass between them, an understanding of sorts, from the moments too long her mouth had lingered on his. She may have denied any happening afterward but he could have sworn she smiled at him, one that filled him with such warmth and contentment. Not like that lasted for very long either when Kitsune made the joke of them getting "closer" on the island; Naru had punched him into an okonomiyaki stand for that.

And Faia's was…Well, there were a bunch of words Keitaro could use to describe how she kissed – demanding, attentive, desiring. Oh, not to mention very, very passionate . He absently wondered if he would run out of air before she stopped. Oh, and her lips were quite soft as well, though they felt strangely pebbly and moist. Wait…those weren't her lips, it was her tongue…How nice. Hmm, if he opened his mouth and let her in, would she taste like lemon, like he had heard from the girls during that day they all went kissing-crazy? Or would she taste spicy, much like her personality?

Around this time, Keitaro's survival instincts came rushing in and kicked his philosophical circuits out of his brain's operating chair. It quickly took its place and brought up the functions of his body. Its master couldn't take much more – two options was all it had left. It looked the two over – the first one was safe, the other risky. But the second one did have some rather intriguing results…Suddenly a vision appeared in its eyes – its master in a pool of his own blood, a demon looming over him with her fist splattered in his precious fluids. It "shuddered." Never mind, it'd use the tried and true method.

Initiating option one…Cutting blood flow to brain. Shutting down all systems. Reboot at a later unknown time. Process complete.

Keitaro promptly passed out, a nosebleed tricking out from his nostrils.

Faia, unable to hold Keitaro's heavy, limp form, dropped him. He made a thump when hitting the ground. If a person who was new to the antics of Hinata House had walked in on that moment, they would have found the scene quite hilarious. However, should they know the prelude to this event and what the possible consequences were…they would have dashed out of their as fast as their little legs could carry them screaming bloody murder.

Heh…they're the smart (and lucky!) ones. What happened next could only be described as a riot. Well, if the cause of a riot could be some female who just made out with the one man each of the Hinata Honeys had formed a special place in their hearts for. Oh yes, blood was going to spill. And not from the person who usually did in scenarios such as this.

Just as the girls were about to get up and start protesting this display, Naru leapt forward, her face full of fury, and brought a hand soundly across Faia's cheek. The slap reverberated throughout the room, quickly followed by its twin when Faia repeated the action on Naru. Tensions grew as the two stared each other down, each one sporting a well-inflamed cheek that hinted at the start of what could be a very lovely bruise.

Aisu was the first to come out of his stupor. Even he, who so prided himself on keeping cool and unfazed in any situation, was shocked by this turn of events. So far he thought that the girl who had attacked his sister held no feelings for the unconscious landlord, as all of her actions he had perceived pertained to the opposite. But from what he had just seen showed that either this girl was still unsure of her feelings…or just very good at hiding them.

He stood up and took a step towards them. "Okay…just calm down, you two. Nobody here wants a fight to break out."

"Stay out of this, brother," Faia growled.

"Yeah, I've got to teach this bitch a lesson."

"I'm the bitch! You're the one who slapped me for no reason!"

"I slapped you because you had to go and kiss my Keita–"

"QUIET!" They instantly stopped arguing and turned to an incensed Aisu. His eyes were shining fiercely, the texture of his voice icy and perilous. Like a road in winter, one false move around him could conclude in horrible injury. "You two will sit down now." They did so. He continued, his words harvesting fear even in Motoko's mind. "None of you will move, none of you will say a word unless I say otherwise. Do I make myself clear?" This time everyone nodded, save Keitaro who was still unconscious. "Good."

He looked at Naru. She withered under his gaze. "Miss, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with Kei but it doesn't give you the right to harm my sister…" Aisu turned and smiled at the mentioned party. "No matter how big of a fool she can be."

Faia flushed. "Brother…" she whined.

"Don't think you get off scots-free, sis," he interrupted. "You are just as at fault as she is. She might have hit you first, but I don't condone your actions. Mom and dad taught you better, right?"

"…right."

"Good! Well, now that we all understand, I believe it's time to wake up this poor idiot." He jerked his thumb at Keitaro's sprawled form. He was mumbling incoherently, his face formed into a look of fright/annoyance. Aisu sighed internally. He wondered how the man to react to his request, the reason why he and Faia had come to Hinata House in the first place. Aisu suspected that Keitaro wouldn't allow it too easily but he did have to try. Ah well, he'd jump that hurdle after he came to it. Right now, he needed Keitaro conscious.

Aisu glanced at the other girls. He quickly locked onto the girl he had first met there. Shinobu fidgeted nervously when she felt his gaze on her. She didn't know why but she felt very anxious around him. Unlike Keitaro, who always made her feel safe and warm whenever he talked or looked at her, this man felt…cold, uncaring. But…She looked up at him. He smiled. He was trying to be nice so the least she could was be nice back.

Aisu smiled again. She was acknowledging him; that much was good. He didn't need them to like him, just…know that he was there. Liking him…wouldn't be necessary until a later date, but only if Keitaro agreed to his and request. "Miss," he said. "If it isn't too much to ask, could you get me a glass of water to help wake him up?"

Shinobu nodded and quietly walked into the kitchen. She returned a minute or so later, the asked-for object held in her tiny hands. Aisu took it from her, but instead of splashing it on Keitaro's face like she thought he would, he drained it in one gulp and handed it back to her with a "thank you." Shinobu watched with wide eyes as he began to slap her sempai's face as a wake-up call. "Hey, c'mon, Kei, get up. I need to ask you something."

After a mild knock-around, Keitaro slowly woke up, his eyes opening groggily. "Oh man, I had the worst dream," he muttered softly. "Aisu and Faia came over, and Faia kissed me. That was scary…" His voice was muddled and confused, attesting to the fact that his mind was still clinging to sleep. It wasn't until his eyes fully focused on Aisu that he completely woke up. Of course, it might have been better if he had just stayed asleep. His eyes bugged out and his jaw slacked. "Oh, shit! It wasn't a dream!"

Just as his eyes rolled into the back of his head to pass out again, Aisu shook him roughly and let out a small growl. "Kei…" he whispered in a voice meant only for his friend. "If you do that again, I'll give you to Faia and let her have her way with you."

Well, that did the trick. Keitaro's eyes snapped open and he shook his head frantically, whimpering at the idea. Aisu nodded in approval and helped him back onto the couch. Keitaro wondered why it was so quiet all of a sudden but wasn't given the time to dwell on it when Aisu spoke up. "Well, you're probably wondering just why we're here, huh?"

He blinked a couple of times, sighed, and then rested his chin on his clasped hands. "Yeah, that would be nice, I guess."

"Well, to put it simply, Faia wants to live here, starting today." He raised a hand to Keitaro's, not to mention everyone else's, objections. "Let me finish. Whether you like it or not, Kei, my sister is totally smitten with you. The fact that you two are engaged doesn't exactly hurt that. She wants to live here to prove to you that she would make a good wife and, hopefully, persuade you to love her in return. All in all, I don't find that too much to ask."

"But I…but she…but we don't…hmph." Keitaro fell silent. Honestly, he agreed with Aisu. A girl who had feelings for him was trying to get him to return the same in kind to her. Not much to ask at all (it didn't matter that her advances scared the holy bejeezes out of him but…) In fact, even he had to admit this, trying to do the same with Naru was probably harder. It was then he realized a twisted facet to his relationships. What he was going through with Naru was what Faia was going through with him.

It was like an altered game of musical chairs. Except instead of chairs, they used hearts. He was trying to get into Naru's while Faia was trying to get into his. A sick version of unrequited love.

Did Faia feel the same sadness, the same heartbreak he did? Did she ever think it was hopeless at times? Did she ever just want to rip her hair out by the roots for all the insanity he might've put her through? Did she?

Did he…?

All…the…frickin'…time!

Besides, he needed the money. Even working with Seta and that short stint at the Beach Hinata Café, his finances barely kept afloat. Surely a couple more boarders could help out with his money problems…His memories came back, reminding him of all the crazy shit that had happened whenever the three of them were in close proximity to each other. Full-blown anarchy was an understatement.

Then again…he might lose Hinata House (and more!) much quicker than he would care for…Oh well…

Keitaro sighed. "Fine, I'll let you stay." Faia's face broke out into unadulterated joy while Naru's slightly contorted into anger. "But only on two conditions. One…" He held up a finger. "Faia must work just like all the other girls in cooking and cleaning. And two…" He held up another. "Aisu has to come live here as well. I'm not letting Faia live around me without him watching her."

Aisu gave a short laugh. "Of course I'm gonna live here, too! I'm not gonna let you be near my sister when we both very well know what she's capable of. Besides…" He waved at the pile of luggage located by the front door. "Did you really think all of that belonged to just Faia?"

"To be honest? Yes, I did."

"Heh, you never cease to amuse me, Kei."

"Urashima!" The two friends stopped in their banter when Motoko stood up, her voice in total outrage. "I will not allow this! It's bad enough that you are living here, but I will not tolerate another male to desecrate this girl dormitory!"

"For once, Motoko, I don't care what you think." Her mouth snapped shut at this, even herself surprised at the landlord's sudden growth of a spine. Keitaro did not know where this bout of courage to talk to his tenants in such a way originated from but he suspected it had something to do with Faia. Compared to what she might do to him unless Aisu kept her in check (something he found highly arousing but was quickly squashed by the fear her actions brought), any of the measurements taken by the girls in their wrath of letting another guy into their dorm seemed like nothing more than a love tap to him. Not only that but he had another reason to do so as well…

"I care about you, Motoko." She flushed at this comment, something he actually found cute for once instead of terrifying. He knew that expression of hers often preceded a quick ki attack that blasted him off into the atmosphere, but with his newfound confidence he didn't really think of this bad result. "As well as the rest of you. But these two are friends that I've had since childhood so I won't hesitate to deny your desires. I am landlord after all and do have the final say in the matter. I won't turn them away and that's that."

Aisu grinned at the startled and disgruntled looks on the others after Keitaro's speech. "Jeez, Kei…since when did you start standing up for yourself?"

He laughed sheepishly in response. "Urm, I really don't know."

"Oh, darling…" Keitaro jumped when he felt a hand slide down his arm. He turned to see Faia beginning to lean over him again. "I knew you would let me stay…"

"That's nice…But could you move away a bit? Please?"

"I can't! I have to thank you!"

"No! That's okay! Really! Just…"

"Darling!"

"Gyahh!"

"Hey! Get off him!"

"No!"

"Sempai!"

"Urashima!"

"It wasn't my fault!"

"Keitaro!"

And Aisu simply sighed. "Oh, lord…"

FFFFFFFFFF

"Well, you certainly own a lively place."

"Urgh, don't remind me."

Keitaro sunk deeper into the hot springs, gurgling out his irritations. Because of reasons he didn't want to think of, the girls had surprisingly let him and Aisu take a bath in the normally forbidden springs. He mused on the matter, wondering what other things they would do now that they knew he was actually engaged. Him! Of all people! Keitaro Urashima, a complete loser when it came to the workings of the female mind, had a gorgeous and hot babe as a fiancée! Unfortunately, most of them consisted of him dying in various ways – painful, slow, unheard of cruelty ways…And nearly all of them had Naru as the executioner.

He sighed. Well, this complication certainly shattered any chance of him getting together with Naru…or any girl for that matter. "Hi, I already have a fiancée but I'd like to go out with you" wasn't exactly the smoothest pick-up line to date. He had hoped that he could've gotten into college and broken off the engagement before any of it had become common knowledge. It wasn't that he didn't like Faia, he did; just definitely not in the marriage sense. He wanted to marry someone because he loved her, not because he was forced to.

Still, if he was forced to marry Faia, would it work out? Would he be able to grow to love her, or would Naru always be tugging at the back of his mind? Could he truly be with Faia if his heart was eternally separated, one half moving forward while the other clung to the past? Eventually both halves would grow too far apart and, like a rubber band stretched too tight, they would snap back together and collide. If that happened, would his heart be able to take it? or would it crumble and throw him into dark and dismal misery? Like he felt right now, like he couldn't breath?

Keitaro sputtered and threw his head out of the water. Stupid. Spent so much time in the water thinking that I forgot to breathe. He felt a pair of eyes on him and turned to find Aisu staring. He frowned. "What?"

Aisu shook his head. "Nothing. It's just that…you've changed." Keitaro tilted his head, his frown dissolving into a bewildered smile. His eyes silently asked what the blue-haired boy meant. Aisu waved it off. "Forget it." He settled into place, putting his arms behind him and leaning backwards. "Faia's changed a lot too, don't you think?"

Keitaro couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, she's gotten really pretty. I mean, I always thought she was cute when we were kids but now she's beautiful." He sighed again as he placed a damp cloth on his forehead. A thought had been plaguing him ever since the siblings had arrived, and now as the best time to ask. "Hey, Aisu?"

He opened his eyes. "Yeah?"

"Why does your sister like me so much? I'm not that much of a catch. I'm not handsome like you are or smart or strong. I'm a bit of a coward; I can't even say how I feel. I'm clumsy and accident-prone. I literally have no redeeming qualities." Keitaro removed the cloth and looked at Aisu, his eyes pleading. "Just what is it? Just what does Faia see in me that others or even I don't?"

Aisu didn't answer. Keitaro waited a few moments before laughing bitterly. "See? Nothing." He slapped the cloth back on his face, the fabric muting his words. "She must be crazy to actually like me."

"You're kind." Keitaro peeked from under the cloth. Aisu was staring at the water's surface, a small smile on his face. "You're a very kind person, Kei. You're sweet and unselfish. You'll do anything for anyone even at the cost of your own happiness." He looked up. "That's what sis sees in you – the fact that you always try your best, no matter. Whether it be to make someone happy or achieve your own ambitions."

"But how can she! My ambitions are to get into college and out of marrying her! How can she still like me when I make it so clear I don't feel the same way?"

"Do you hate her?"

Keitaro blinked at the abrupt question. "What?"

Aisu repeated the question. "Do you hate her?"

Keitaro shook his head frantically. "No! Of course not! How could I? It's just that…" He trailed off and sighed. "I don't know…"

He smiled sadly. "Faia's a very stubborn person. Once her heart and mind are set nothing can stop her. She knows how you feel but she won't stop hoping that you'll change your mind. She'll plow ahead, until you either love her or hate her. To her, anything's better than what's going on – you avoiding her on this marriage thing yet not saying you want nothing to do with her. She wants to know."

"But why? "

Aisu sighed. "Kei, do you remember when we first met?"

A reminiscent smiled tugged on Keitaro's lips. "How could I forget? She treated me like the girls here first did – like dirt."

He laughed. "Yeah, well…" Aisu leaned back and folded his hands behind his head, gazing up at the twaining sky. It was slowly getting darker out, the sun setting beyond the horizon as stars began to twinkle in its absence. Almost a perfect moment to talk about times long past and gone. "Faia was always very outspoken as a child, so a lot of kids didn't like to be around her because they thought her to be too bossy or high-strung."

"Like how she called me a wimpy, little shrimp."

"Heh, odd thing to call your future fiancé, huh? In any case, you never gave up on her. You were always by her side, no matter how mean or rude she was to you. Even I gave up after a while, tired of her always nagging me and telling me how things were supposed to be done. And I was the older brother! I was the one who was supposed to be patient with her!"

Aisu laughed at this. During their younger years, Faia always acted like she was the first-born, that she was the one in charge. But as the years went by, he eventually came to his place, making sure he kept care and watched over his little baby sister. So much had changed since they were kids. Only one thing hadn't…his sister's love for Keitaro.

"But you stayed by her, Kei. You always did. When the other kids made fun of her for being so high and mighty, you were there. Whenever she was hurt and I was off somewhere else, you were there to help her. Heck! You were the one to find out she was afraid of lightning! I never knew that …"

"I'm surprised you never found out. I found it out the hard way." Keitaro grumbled at the memory. "Do you have any idea how scary it is to wake up and find someone next to you in the middle of a thunderstorm? I thought it was that stupid monster in the closet come to get me!"

Aisu burst out laughing. He remembered that night. The three of them had slept in the same room together when their family stayed over at the Urashima's. He had woken in the middle of the night to a screaming Keitaro who was crying about some monster that was going to eat him. Imagine both their surprise to discover a shivering Faia curled up next to him. Aisu was confused as to why his sister would seek comfort from Keitaro than from her own brother. He supposed now that it was her sub-conscious's way of showing that she really was beginning to like Keitaro more than she let on. Not like it did the young boy any good. He nearly wet his pants that night.

Keitaro sighed in exasperation at his friend's laughter. He knew it was good natured but it was still embarrassing to be reminded of how frightened he was of a girl – a girl who had probably the tightest strangleholds of all times, even at that young of an age. He thought he was being killed when he woke up to Faia hugging the stuffing out of him. Though it wasn't half as bad as that one time Su slept over at his room and crushed half his ribs, thinking he was her brother back home.

"But what you're basically saying is that I dug my own grave by being so nice to Faia when we were kids?"

Aisu blanched at the uncouth way Keitaro had put it. "In a way…But you don't have to act like it's the end of the world. My sister isn't that bad, you know."

"I know, I know." Keitaro stayed silent until a thought occurred to him. A rather intriguing thought that he was surprised he never thought of before. "You know, I just realized something." Aisu looked up at him. "I don't think Faia's ever called me by name before. It was just 'shrimp' before she liked me and then 'darling' after that. She's never called me by my real name, only pet names."

Aisu raised an eyebrow. "I never noticed that. But you're right, She's never called you Keitaro. That's pretty strange. Ah well, not like my sister's all that normal to begin with."

Keitaro chuckled softly. "You're right there." Aisu glanced at him warningly. He laughed. "Sorry."

The two then went on to fill each other in what had happened since they had last seen each other. Both Aisu and Faia had been accepted into local colleges in Kyoto, not exactly famous ones but ones that were definitely not all that easy to get accepted to. Keitaro felt both proud and yet also a little envious of his friends. They were both in college already, while he had managed to fail three times in a row. Unconsciously he promised himself to get in the next time that he tried.

Aisu had gone to a college well known for its study of designs. He was planning on becoming an architect, and told Keitaro that he would show Keitaro some of his designs later on. His voice definitely carried a good bit of pride in it, showing how happy and satisfied he was with his work. It was with a passion that very few people felt for their specific majors, something that was a true treasure to behold. Keitaro knew that very few people could be like that. It wasn't something that was easy to do.

Faia attended a college that was also known for designs, though the one she went to was for clothing. Aisu went on to say that his sister had always been interested in making new clothes and such, and that Keitaro had better watch out for some of the more risqué ones that she would try to wear around him. Keitaro reacted nervously to this, imagining just how "risqué" it could be. Knowing Faia, it would be less risqué and certainly more explicit. He shivered, idly thinking about what would happen if Kitsune somehow managed to get into Faia's stash. It wouldn't be pretty…Well, Kitsune would be, but not the end result. Keitaro would probably end up a bloody, twitching mass on the floor after all was said and done.

He found it odd, however, that the siblings would both choose a career path in designs. Then again, they were twins after all, so it wasn't too hard to assume that they would both have the same interests in some area of their life. Other than that, they were far too different. Keitaro shrugged the train of thought off quickly. It's not like it would make any difference to him if he pondered on it for too long. Besides, Aisu had told him about his and Faia's past adventures so it was only fair if Keitaro gave him his.

And so he did. Keitaro gave a condensed version of what had happened to him from when he first arrived at Hinata House to now. If he gave the full version they would be out in the hot springs all night and he needed some sleep to be energetic for what kind of chaos would surely happen tomorrow. Not to mention there were some embarrassing moments that he never wanted to see the light of day again. He didn't think his heart, mind or body could take it. That and he just didn't have the gall to show just how whipped he was by the inn's residents. It didn't exactly help his already almost non-existent pride.

Aisu listened carefully to his friends stories. He laughed at the funny times, gasped at the surprising ones, and gently patted Keitaro on the back at the sad moments. It was amazing how much his friend had gone through since they had last been together. Any other person would have gone completely insane. He noticed the slight twitches Keitaro made every so often. Then again, maybe he had already lost his sanity and was now just barely clinging to whatever rooted him outside of the madness.

Keitaro laughed at the expression of concern being directed at him and waved it off. Aisu smiled. Or maybe his friend was stronger than he thought.

He'd have to be to deal with his sister.

Keitaro finished with a sigh. He had really realized just how much had transgressed within the past year. So many memories crammed into such a small space of time. So many happy and sad ones. So many frustrating ones that made him wonder if what he was doing was the right path. He chuckled. But in the end, all that mattered was that the precious ones that surrounded him were happy. That was all he needed.

He turned to Aisu and smiled. "And so that's what I've been doing. Impressed?"

"A bit," Aisu smirked. "I'm surprised you hadn't died or at least been maimed permanently yet."

"No, but I have come close a few times, though."

"Guess spending all that time with sis and me prepared you for here, right?"

"I suppose…" Keitaro closed his eyes and leaned back, replacing the cloth over his eyes. He finally felt relaxed, like he had been carrying some great burden for a long time. Talking with Aisu like probably lightened the load he had kept on himself, the one that he never shared with anyone else. Guess it was pretty useful to have a guy friend when you're surrounded by no one but women. Put certain things in perspective you could never see before. Or some crap like that; he really didn't care at the moment. He just wanted to sink into the soothing water that engulfed him and rest. "I'm really glad you came to visit, Aisu." Keitaro peeked from underneath the cloth. "Really, I am."

Aisu chuckled. "Yeah, it's good to see you again, Kei. I know Faia's happy, too."

"Well of course I am!"

The two men flinched at the voice. Keitaro removed the cloth from his eyes and slowly turned around, praying beyond all hope that the person behind him wasn't who he thought it was. If it was, he was so going to lose his mind…or what was left of it.

He should have prayed harder.

Faia was standing on the ground behind him, a towel the only thing preventing the sight of her nubile body for all to see. Though how the hell it managed to stay on her without springing off was beyond all laws of physics. A chest like that was not meant to be confined in such a small space. Mutsumi always had the same problem until she started using pins to keep the towel on when she needed. It didn't do much help but at least she wasn't in danger of turning the towel into a dangerous weapon whenever it leaped off. However, Faia had no pins or anything else to keep the fabric on. Her bosom was threatening to spill out at a moment's notice. With how she felt about Keitaro, it was most likely going to be the next.

Aisu groaned. His sister could at least wait till he was out of the springs before she tried to seduce Keitaro. While he wasn't exactly bothered seeing his sister's naked body, (as long as he didn't enjoy what he was seeing, it didn't matter) he found the idea of her taking her frightened fiancé right there and then distinctly icky. He didn't want to have to see her in all her nude glory getting down two feet away from him. It was very disturbing, to say the least.

He grabbed Keitaro's arm and pulled him away just as Faia jumped at him. The two watched as she smacked the water's surface with a resounding splash. Keitaro sighed in relief and was about to thank his friend when he felt two very squishy and slightly pointed objects press against his back. He decided turning around would be a very bad idea.

"Darling…" Faia cooed in his ear. The towel had fallen off during her belly flop and she was not about to go retrieve it. She was ready to have fun with her darling and the towel would have been lost in the process anyway. Right now she needed all the energy she could muster if she was able to get Keitaro to react to her advances the way she wanted him to. "Are you ready for me now?"

Aisu coughed. "I don't think he'll ever be ready for you, sis."

She glared at him. "I wasn't asking you, brother. I was asking my dear darling."

Meanwhile, Keitaro was repeating a mantra, one he usually did whenever he found himself in such damnable situations. "Gonna die, gonna die, gonna die…" He let out a squeak when he felt Faia's hands begin to grope for his nether regions. Reacting like normal, Keitaro jumped away from the roaming appendages, only to find Faia coming along with him as he forgot to unwrap her arms from his waist. The two fell into the water with a greater splash than the one before, ending up in a tangle of limbs that would make even the creators of the Kama Sutra bulge out their eyes with envy.

One of the legs twitched before languidly draping it over another one. "Oooh…darling…I never knew you could be so bold."

The leg that was being covered twitched too before leaping out of the water. The body of Keitaro was attached to it and he spared no time in running away from the source of implied sex. He could have sworn he had been thaaaat close to accidentally having it but luckily Faia had been facing the wrong way when his little soldier had sprung to attention. The idea of a different way to have intercourse never came to his mind and he was spared from realizing he had almost had…well, most people know what the author is talking about. The author would also like to mention he has a sick, sick mind at times and apologizes if any of what he writes offends those of moral conscious. Anyway…

"Waaaahhhhh!" Keitaro ran away as fast as he could, a completely towel-less Faia hot on his trail. "I don't wanna have fun! I don't wanna die!"

"Darling! Come back here! Don't make me get the rope!"

"Noooo! Rope bad! Rope bad!" His voice trailed off as Keitaro fled through the door into the inn and out of sight. The screams and outraged cries of the girls inside gave an inkling as to what they thought of the scene. Keitaro's body was soon seen being catapulted through the roof of Hinata House and a scuffle was heard from where his flight had originated. It appeared as though Faia had not taken this assault on her "lover" lightly. Crashes were the only sound that followed.

Aisu stood up, fixed the knot that kept his towel up and walked into the changing room. It looked like things were finally getting started. Things were finally coming back to the way they used to be when they all used to play together. A smile formed on his lips.

He couldn't wait.

A/N: Well, that was the end of the first chapter. Didn't I tell you it was going to be weird? In any case, the antics will only get more insane as the storyline progresses. In case you can't tell, Faia's name means fire in Japanese and Aisu's means ice. Faia's personality is closest to Chocolate from the series "Sorcerer Hunters" or maybe Shampoo from "Ranma ½." She's very possessive but is also deeply in love with Keitaro and not afraid to show it. You have to wonder how things will turn out…In any case, I hope you all enjoyed it and hope you will continue to read the upcoming chapters. Up next is the talks between my muse, Evelyn Dawn, and I. You'll certainly come to understand just why I'm so weird at times. It's 'cause of her…I'll write more on her personality in the upcoming chapters but you can still get a pretty good view of what she's like and our relationship with each other in this conversation. In any case, please review and remember, no flames!

Yamiga: (clears throat) I'd like to introduce the cute, fabulous, and all together wonderful muse of mine, Evelyn Dawn.

A small fairy floats into the room. She's about a foot in height with waist-length dark-red hair, bright green eyes and a slightly tanned complexion. Her face is heart-shaped with a few tendrils of hair floating around her eyes, a small nose, and full ruby lips. She has a somewhat delicate figure, a bit underdeveloped in the chest but nice curves otherwise. Her wings are multi-colored (always changing color), half-translucent, and the lame length as her height. She's wearing an off-the-shoulder black short-sleeved shirt and ripped-knee jeans along with a pair of worn sneakers. (Meanwhile, I'm just in a constantly worn pair of cargos and t-shirt thus showing how fashion inept I am.) Her face is rather crossed as well.

Evelyn: (frowns) You forgot to mention the source of all your creativity and imagination as well as the reason that you get off your last ass to write these damn stories.

Yamiga: (chuckles anxiously) Um, I forgot?

Evelyn: (scoffs) Forget again and I might not be so forgiving.

Yamiga: Forgiving? Since when are you ever forgiving? All you ever do is bash me in the head with a mallet and call me an idiot.

Evelyn: I call you an idiot because you are an idiot. And I bash you in the head because you're so damn lazy and it's the only source of motivation you react to.

Yamiga: (rubs head and winces) But it makes my brain cry…

Evelyn: What brain! Any brain cells you have left are not even at full capacity! I swear! Why the heck was I assigned to inspire an idiot like you!

Yamiga: Because it was punishment for lighting Muse Inc. ablaze when your lava lamp burnt through your desk?

Evelyn: (blinks then growls; pulls out a mallet larger than herself thereby defying all laws of physics) What did I say about speaking that out loud! It's time for punishment!

Yamiga: Noooo! I'm sorry! (smacked upside the head several…dozen times) Owwie…My head feels like the time I fell down a flight of stairs and smashed it into that push coat-rack…

Evelyn: Oh, stop whining! Be happy I only gave you a level 2 punishment. You want a level 5?

Yamiga: Eeeep! (shakes head wildly) I'll be good! I promise!

Evelyn: Good boy. In any case, you can probably see the relationship that this idiot and I have. I keep him in line and he writes his stories like the little author he is. (taps mallet in hands) But I've been told that you haven't written anything for a while now. Why is that?

Yamiga: Work. Summer vacation. College. Brother babysitting. Lots of things. Oh, and that little task you made me do that involved…

Evelyn: (blushes wildly) That's enough! (sighs) All right. I guess I can forgive your little transgressions. (flies up to Yamiga and holds collar) But if you ever mention that again, I'll create a brand new level of punishment just…for…you. You wouldn't like that, would you?

Yamiga: (shakes head frantically) No, ma'am!

Evelyn: (shakes head in contentment) Fine. Just know that I'll be watching you…always… (grins maliciously)

Yamiga: Eep! (in a squeaky, shaken voice) A-all r-r-right! (clears throat) In any case, all of my readers have not met my, err…wonderful muse. Hope you are happy to meet her and now there's only one thing to say…

Evelyn: (flies over and sits on Yamiga's shoulder; rests an elbow on his temple) Please Review!