Oh yeah, I need to be shot.

Summary: Miss Yukiei Jakou is a Mary-Sue. However, she's no ordinary Mary-Sue. She has just entered her last semester at 'The Women's Academy of Nefarious Gorgeous and Seductive Troublemakers.' She has been assigned to the Yu Yu Hakusho fandom for her final test. This test holds her future as a Mary-Sue. Should she pass, she becomes an authentic Sue. Should she fail, she merely becomes an Original Character. The problem: She is currently the worst student at WANGST.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, but I can spell its name correctly.

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At WANGST there are five things to remember.

One: It is all about you. Never them. Only you and occasional appearances from your True Love.

Two: Nothing--and we mean nothing--can get in the way of True Love. Not even death. If a death does occur, then there is your Other True Love or simply necrophilia.

Three: You are sad, depressed, miserable, poignant, heartrending, gloomy, distressing, and every other word provided by the Thesaurus that means 'sad.' You can only cure your sadness by having hot sex with your True Love. Also: True Love protects against all STDs.

Four: You have a past full of angst to rival all angst. This angst does not always make sense and is never truly dealt with maturely. You will experience flash backs and night terrors right before a scene where your True Love will make-out with you.

Five: You are beautiful but never are you vain. Your glorious beauty is never detracted should you have ugly scars or random pimples. Actually, you never have pimples. Every ray of light, gentle breeze, and falling cherry blossom can be utilized to enhance your already wondrous appearance.

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Yusuke stared at his purple haired visitor as he leaned against the doorjamb which was floating in a hazy realm of yellow and blue-colored fog. "What's your name again?"

"Yukiei Jakou," said the girl solemnly. She was wearing a plaid mini-skirt, knee socks, and a pink and green corset with a yellow smiley face on it. Someone clearly needed to give her some fashion advice; however, Yusuke kept that to himself.

"Right. Does that name have a specific meaning?"

"Well, no," answered Yukiei honestly. "My Sue Name is supposed to be a combination of the people in your universe. Yukiei is a terrible combination of 'Yukina' and 'Hiei.' Jakou comes from 'Jaganshi' and 'Youko.'"

Yusuke stroked his chin and thought carefully, "And you're the relative of who?"

"Hiei and Kurama, actually."

The toushin examined the Sue-in-Training for a moment before inquiring, "How's that?"

The Sue sighed. As if she had explained this many times before, "I am the offspring of Hiei's father and Youko's mother. So I am half-sister to both Hiei and Youko."

"Y'know, that's almost plausible…" mused the teenager.

"I know! Isn't it terrible?" cried out the Sue, eyes beginning to tear up. "How can I be a proper Mary-Sue if things start to make sense?"

Her red fox ears drooped as she continued to wail. (Fire demon plus silver fox demon equals red fox ears. C'mon! Join the Sue Side. You know you want to. We've got healthcare benefits.) Yusuke patted her arm awkwardly.

"Err… it's okay. I'm sure you'll make a very good Sue."

"But I'm not supposed to be a good Sue," whined the purple-haired girl. "I'm supposed to be a bad one. That's why 'Nefarious' and 'Troublemaker' are in the school title."

"Oh," murmured Yusuke who was looking around at the fog. He might be more inclined to be angry if he knew where the hell he was. "Then can I see your school handbook?"

The girl sniffled and started to rummage through her purse. Since the purse possessed some type of Deus Ex Machina ability, endless amounts of everything could be stored within. She pulled out various outfits, random Japanese weapons, basic school supplies, a flute, a fire-breathing dragon, a pink crayon, and finally a large leather-bound book with silver clasps.

"Here," she said as she began to stuff the items back into her purse.

"WANGST," Yusuke read off from the book, "Women's Academy of Nefarious Gorgeous and Seductive Troublemakers."

The Sue sniffed and brushed her brilliant and glittering tears--which, naturally, resembled crystalline jewels--off onto her delicate yet contradictorily robust arm.

"Well," concluded Yusuke, "at least it's better than getting brochures from MPREG. I hear Kurama and Hiei get those like mad."

The Sue scowled and said, "That's because it's the Male Parents Raising Eroticism Goodly club. They can't bother to go around recruiting people when all they do is have parties, babies, and watch soaps with dying cancer patients all day long."

She glanced at her hand, checking to see if her nails were still perfectly manicured and reflected only her utmost beauty, "And besides, they can't even use proper grammar."

Flipping through the handbook, Yusuke stopped when he came to a certain page.

"It says here that you have to sleep with me and at least two other males in this fandom."

Yukiei nodded, "Yes. That is correct."

"You realize that I have Keiko, right?"

"No, no, no!" exclaimed the Sue. "You don't get it. Keiko is your friend and while I'm here, she's supposed to act like a screeching harpy and hit you a lot. Botan too."

"If you're just here to sleep with me and two other guys, and warp a bit of canon while you're at it, why bring Botan into it?"

The Sue stared at him blankly as if he had missed the most obvious fact in the world.

"I think page negative seventy-two should have the answer." When Yusuke failed to find the specific page Yukiei added, "It's near the middle of the book."

"Thou art a goddess in mine eye?" quoted the teenager.

"Two paragraphs down. Read the bullets."

"One: A Nefarious Mary-Sue must always warp canon in any way possible. This includes changing any female, male, androgynous, hermaphroditic, transsexual and otherwise differently-gendered characters' sexual orientation to be completely and obsessively focused on you.

Two: Whenever a female character enters a scene where you are in it (unless they are considerably older), they must either become your rival or submit themselves to a life of worshiping the very ground you walk on.

Three: At every possible moment, sparkle, glitter, and warp the canon around you. Don't worry, it's not like you're fallible."

Yusuke blinked.

"Is it me, or does this book repeat itself a lot?"

Yukiei shrugged, "A lot of the students that go to WANGST aren't very bright."

The teen considered a moment. "So what's the fastest way to get rid of you?"

"Technically we have to pretend to build a relationship with each other. This, I think, should be done using fighting each other as the manual says love/hate relationships are all the rage these days."

"Okay," agreed Yusuke dismally. This was going to turn out horrible, he knew.

The Sue got into a fighting stance. Well, what she considered to be a fighting stance. She had one foot in front of the other, one hand touched to her toes, and the other arced up at a humanly impossible angle.

"What the hell is that?"

"It's called 'Stance of the Nagging Flea.'"

Yusuke observed the stance for a moment before walking over and kicking the Sue in the face.

"Ow!" she exclaimed clutching her nose. "You're not supposed to do that!"

The black-haired teen observed her calmly and asked, "Why not?"

"Read the bloody manual! It says that canon characters are not to mock Sues be it by their hair color, outfit, fighting style, fighting stance, poor common sense, or lack of actual knowledge. Sheesh!"

She quickly pulled a mirror out of her purse and examined her face. When she was sure no permanent damage had been done, she glanced at Yusuke. He was looking through the book.

"Where is--?" he began.

The Sue grimaced the best she could. She couldn't grimace very well as a grimace would most certainly ruin the image of her perfect face. Instead, she managed to 'sulk prettily.'

"It should be in the section where the page numbers turn into imaginary numbers."

Yusuke merely closed the book and tossed it aside.

"You know what? I don't care. Let's just get this done."

The purple-haired girl got up and managed another fighting stance. This time she stretched her hands to the sky, planted her feet together stiffly, and tilted her head at an odd angle.

"What the hell is that this time?"

"It's called 'Stance of the Magic Tree.'"

Yusuke kicked her in the chest and she went flying.

"I told you you're not supposed to do that!" she yelled when she recovered. Which, of course, was surprisingly quick.

"Yusuke," inquired a voice somewhere nearby, "who is this?"

Both Sue and canon character glanced over to find Kurama who peered in from the floating doorway.

Yukiei smiled brightly, walked over to the red-haired boy, and clasped his hand.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Kurama. I am Yukiei Jakou, a Mary-Sue in training, and I am currently your half-sister."

Kurama looked at the hand that was touching him like he suddenly realized he contracted the plague.

"I… see," he said after awhile when he recovered himself. He looked concerned.

"Yusuke, may I speak with you… without…" he stared pointedly at the Sue who looked at her nails and pretended not to notice. Yusuke and Kurama walked a small distance away from the Sue and into the yellow and blue fog.

"Have you heard?" Kurama whispered conspiringly. The redhead glanced at Yukiei suspiciously. Paranoid-like, thought Yusuke.

"I'll have heard as soon as you tell me," the younger teen responded.

Kurama smiled absently. He'd forgotten that if Yusuke hadn't heard then he couldn't very well know if he'd heard or not. The redhead rubbed his forehead. It must be the deleterious influence of the young woman standing not so far away.

"I just visited Koenma--"

Kurama was cut off by Yusuke shouting, "You mean he's come out of his OOC-coma!"

After a large infiltration of Mary-Sues, the Spirit World had been in constant chaos trying to keep the amount of the buggers down. They even had to enlist the assistance of some assassins who were already overworked enough as it was. All in all, the population of these creatures only continued to grow, unfalteringly. Koenma had, strangely enough, been the first to fall under their dark clutches. However, instead of allowing himself to be seduced by their alluring and insanely beautiful selves, he committed in-character suicide by injecting himself with a drug called OOC. It was a desperate, blissful escape. No one knew why Koenma would attempt such a horrible thing, but they became quickly aware of the torture the Sues would inflict upon their victims.

"Shhh!" hissed Kurama taking a fleeting look at the Sue. He put a hand on Yusuke's shoulder and leaned closer.

"No one's supposed to know."

Yusuke nodded. He was beginning to understand how urgent this was.

"There's an army of them."

The shorter boy had no need to ask who "they" were. Sues, of course. Much like the one that had been talking to him now. However, the Sues that Kurama was talking about were obvious professional Sues and not in-training. An army of them… well this could be troublesome.

"How many?" he asked tersely.

"More than we can handle," his friend answered simply enough.

Yusuke thought for a moment.

"What are they doing?"

Kurama let out a long sigh.

"Everything," he said. Then as an afterthought added, "and everyone. Or at least that is what we think their aim is. Our spy was discovered in their midst when she showed an unusual display of canon knowledge."

Yusuke nodded gravely. This was bad news. Yusuke observed Kurama for a bit and noticed that he looked a little miffed. Which wasn't really as surprising anymore ever since the first Sue had wrapped her arms around him. The shorter teen certainly knew that he'd had problems with Sues. But nothing compared to Kurama. The poor redhead actually had to get an office building and a secretary to deal with all the Sues. It was a long intricate process (Kurama had made the paperwork very complicated on purpose to deter the Sues) that could last years after a Sue first started it. It also helped that the fax machine was also a cleverly disguised paper shredder.

Yusuke looked at the Sue who was amusing herself by writing bad poetry in a notebook.

"I have an idea," he said grimly.

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Author's Note: Yeah. I have no clue. Feedback is appreciated. Actually, anyone who reads it is appreciated even if you don't review.

Wait. I'm not supposed to say that am I? Since I'm writing a Sue I'm supposed to beg and whore for reviews. Damn! I've screwed up horribly! I'll have to write about my miserable failure in a Live Journal or something!

Oh, c'mon, I'm being facetious. G'day everyone. Feel free to point out mistakes and inconsistan--oh wait. Sue fic. Right.

KowaretaTsubasa