A/N: Ok, I haven't written anything in a while so I might be a little rusty. Also, this is my first luby fic. I've written all sorts of pairings for Abby, but with Luka it's the first time, so forgive me if it's not good. At least I tried. And this is probably a one-shot, I'm still deciding.
A little warning. If you've seen up to 12.10 – All about Christmas Eve, you're ok. If not, well, there are major spoilers here so you might want to think twice before start reading it.
I think that's about it. Go read. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in the story as you all probably know, just the plot and dialogue.
A Merry Little Christmas Night
"I haven't laughed so much or felt so good in a really, really long time. And I don't wanna ruin that." I say in the middle of my nervous babbling as I walk. Luka stops me with a hand on my arm.
"Hey, you won't, relax." He says. I look up at him, straight into his eyes.
"Luka." I gather all the courage I have to say this one word.
"Yeah?" he asks in almost a whisper. I sigh and look at him trying to find some of my courage but it all seems to be gone. God this is too hard.
"Oh, man…" I say looking away.
"What?" he asks frustrated, his eyes searching frantically my face. Just say it, Abby. Get a grip and say it, I tell myself. So I do. I look back up into his eyes and take a deep breath.
"I'm pregnant." There. I said it. Now I almost expect to wake up in my own bed by myself and these past few weeks to be nothing more than a dream.
His face is blank. He doesn't say anything. Oh God, please, Luka, say something, anything. My heart is beating so fast in my chest it hurts. I look down to the ground and put my hands in my coat pocket waiting for the worst. This silence is unbearable. I can't stand this.
"Luka?" I ask, my voice coming out the shiest I've ever sounded in a long time. That seems to snap him out of this dream-like state he was in. He blinks a few times, almost as if he is waking up. "Aren't you gonna say something?" I ask nervously tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.
"How… uh… when… are you sure?" He struggles to get the words out, not that I blame him. He's probable in shock.
I nod slowly. "Yeah, I got the results this morning." I say, barely above a whisper. He nods, trying to process all this new information and lets out a breath.
"Wow." He says running his hand through his hair. "It really wasn't what I was expecting." Oh, man, what was he expecting? What does he mean? Ok, calm down, no use panicking now. "How are you taking all this?" he asks with a small smile. "Are you ok?" He takes a step closer to me and gently runs his hand over my arm and then takes my hand in his. I let out my breath that I didn't even realize I was holding, and I feel the tears gathering in my eyes. I don't say anything for a minute hoping this big lump in my throat will go away. When my voice finally comes out, it's shaky.
"I don't know." I say, the tears threatening to fall down my cheeks. "I really don't." I say in a whisper and a lone tear trails down my face. Luka brings his hands up to my face and brushes it away with his thumb.
All the tension starts to overwhelm me and before I know it, the tears are running freely down my face and I can't seem to stop them. I fight hard not to sob. Luka pulls me to him and I let myself fall into his arms. I hold onto him tightly, like there's no tomorrow, my head on his chest, soaking his shirt. He places gentle kisses on my head as he tries to soothe me, saying we're going to be alright.
We stay locked in this embrace for several minutes, neither of us willing to move. When my sobs stop, I look up at him. He gently brushes the remaining tears away with his thumb and kisses me so softly and lovingly, that it almost makes me forget about everything. When he pulls back, he smiles sweetly at me, still holding me tightly.
"What do we do now?" I finally ask after a moment of silence. I rest my head on his chest again, listening to his heartbeat. He runs his hand through my hair and kisses the top of my head.
"I don't know." He says honestly. "Let's just take one step at a time, I guess." I nod and look up at him. "Wanna go some place quiet so we can talk?"
"Yeah." I say and let go of him. He keeps my hand in his though, not ending our connection. I smile at him. "Let's go." I say and we walk to his car. He opens the door for me, waits until I'm settled in, and then walks around the car and gets in.
I'm fighting to find my keys inside my purse. We're standing in front of my building, it's freezing cold but Luka waits patiently with his hand slowly caressing the small of my back. I finally find them and open the door. We go up the stairs and he waits again for me to open my apartment door. I open it and let ourselves in, taking off my coat and shoes and dropping my purse and my keys on the table. Luka does the same and follows me to the kitchen.
"Do you want some coffee?" I ask going over to the coffee machine. Luka pulls out a chair and sits.
"Sure." He says. "Do you want me to do it?" I look back at him and smile.
"No, that's ok. I've got it." I say already turning on the machine. "What were you expecting?" I ask, curiosity getting the best of me. He looks at me confused.
"What?"
"When I told you I'm pregnant earlier, you said it wasn't what you were expecting." I explain.
"Oh." He smiles shyly. He looks so adorable when he does that. "Well, yeah, it really wasn't what I was expecting. At all."
"What were you expecting?" I ask handing him a cup of coffee and head into the living room. He gets up and follows me to the couch.
"Well, uh, I thought you were going to break up with me." He says shyly. I smile at him and take his hand in mine.
"Break up with you? Why would I do that?"
"I don't know. You said we needed to talk and I thought, that's it, she's gonna dump me." He says and I can't help but giggle. "Turns out it was the complete opposite. Sort of." He says with a smile. "How did you find out?" He asks, his thumb gently massaging my hand.
"I was three days late and I'm never late. So I bought a test and it was positive.
"Why didn't you tell me when you first suspected it?" he asks.
"I didn't want to freak you out for nothing; I wanted to be sure first." He nods and waits for me to go on. "So I decided to run a blood test. And I got the results this morning, right before you came up behind me." I say with a small smile.
"So that's why you were so jumpy." I nod. I put my mug on the table and he pulls me over to sit on his lap. I rest my head on his shoulder as his arms encircle my waist.
"What are we gonna do?" I ask, breathing in his scent.
"I don't know." He says kissing the top of my head. "I'm still processing all this."
"Do you think we could do it?" I ask looking up at him biting my lip. He looks at me for a minute and then smiles.
"Yeah, I think so."
"But it's such a big deal, Luka. I mean, we'd be responsible for a child's life. There's no going back. It's forever." I say. I still don't know how I feel about all this. A part of me is yelling 'Bad idea! Bad idea!' over and over, but the other part… I don't know…
"I know that." He says and then looks at me when he feels my uncertainty. "What are you afraid of." He asks kissing my cheek.
"The baby could be bipolar and I'm not sure I can handle that." I say in small voice.
"You know the chances are very slim, Abby." He says. "You're not bipolar."
"Yeah, I know, but still…" I trail off. "And I don't think I could be a good mother. I don't even know how to be a mother. I've never had a good example to look up to, you know." I say with a sigh. His hold around me tightens.
"I think you'd be a great mother." He says, his hands resting on my belly.
"You think so?" I ask.
"I know so." He says. "I've seen you around kids, Abby, you're great."
"Yeah, but they weren't my kids." I try to reason with him.
"I know, but still…" he begins to say but stops himself. "Look, Abby, it's up to you. It's your decision."
"I don't wanna lose you." I admit in a whisper.
"You won't, I promise." He says. "Whatever you decide, I'm gonna be by your side.
"Promise?"
"I promise." He says and I lean up to kiss his lips.
"Merry Christmas." I say and kiss him one more time.
"Merry Christmas." He says kissing me back. I fall into the kiss, relieved.
Whatever happens, I know we're going to be ok.
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