Geez, I can't believe I wrote this in such a short amount of time… I heard this song on the radio while I was driving home from the mall. Damn, I missed this song!
Crack Songfic: "Foxy Baby"
Disclaimer: Song and lyrics for "Foxy Lady" are by Jimi Hendrix. And please, for added humor, you've got to imagine Hinata doing the dance to this song! Don't know it? If you've ever seen the movie "Wayne's World", the character, Garth (played by Dana Carvey) does this super hilarious dance for his dream woman and it SLAYS!
Naruto and Hinata (and everyone else) belong to Masashi Kishimoto. If ANYONE is OOC, it's because they're under the influence!
The current Hokage got up from her alcohol-induced slumber with a great idea and called up her good friend, Yuuhi Kurenai, with the details. Konoha was going to host its first annual Talent Contest! Since the country was currently in a state of peace (having signed treaties with its surrounding nations), Tsunade figured it would be a great way to bolster everyone's good spirits. It was decided that every family in Konoha (minus the Uchiha) would have at least one participant in the performance, and the usage of chakra would be strictly prohibited.
The sign-up sheet had been posted up in the hospital for days now, and the only thing the young woman could do was STARE at the bulletin board it was stapled on. She came here every day since the Godaime's announcement with a pen in her hand… she just couldn't get herself to write her name in. Or walk within 3 feet of it for that matter.
She was that terrified. But that was then, and this was now. Today was the deadline.
She clicked her ballpoint pen several times, deep in thought. 'So many names, so many talents... but what can I do?' Nearly eighteen years of age and Hinata was still fairly unsure of herself, even if she had proven to her teammates time and time again that she was worthy of anything she set her pretty little mind to.
The Hyuuga heiress flipped through the pages. Kiba, Shino, Sakura, Ino, Chouji, Lee, Tenten, even Shikamaru of all people were entering in a talent. She tried to look for Neji or Hanabi's name. Surely, if one of them entered, she wouldn't have to go out and embarrass herself and her entire family...
But she did want to take the chance to impress a certain somebody. Even though she didn't think she had much to offer.
She thought she could dazzle everybody with her Tea Ceremony performance, but then when she ran the idea by her team, they didn't seem too interested. She sighed.
She sorted through the pages again and wasn't too surprised to find his name at the very top of the first page in bold lettering.
U Z U M A K I, N A R U T O.
He had been the very first volunteer. That put a big smile on her face. She loved his eagerness. It was one of his many special qualities.
She sighed again, chewed her lip thoughtfully, and then sighed once more.
Un-clicking her pen, she signed her name the same way Naruto had signed his.
H Y U U G A, H I N A T A.
There was no turning back now.
-H-Y-U-U-G-A,-H-I-N-A-T-A-
Whoops, she changed her mind. She crossed her name out. She couldn't do this, wouldn't do this. She could already feel her body turning fifty shades of red from the possibility of future humiliation.
At that moment, two nurses had walked past her, telling one another what they were going to do to try to impress Naruto-kun.
Maybe I failed to mention that Naruto was HOT and now that Sasuke was gone doing Lord Knows What with Orochimaru, Naruto was now Konoha's #1 Eligible Bachelor and declared Konoha GQ's 'Shinobi of the Month'.
Hinata looked back at the list and balled her fists. It was settled then.
-H-Y-U-U-G-A,-H-I-N-A-T-A- H Y U U G A, H I N A T A
She rewrote her name and underlined it this time. There was no turning back! She icily glared at the two women's backs as they walked away. They shivered and buttoned their cardigans. Brrr! It was 10 degrees cooler in the hospital all of a sudden!
She needed an act. Something that would knock Naruto's socks off.
She ran out to look for Kurenai-sensei. Her former teacher always had a good idea.
Three days later and Hinata was a nervous wreck. Sitting in the auditorium now, she had just become aware that Konoha had a fairly huge population. She began to fidget with her hands.
Her father, cousin, and sister would not be here tonight. They were out of the country- diplomatic relations and whatnot. She let out a sigh of relief. Even though she and her family were on good terms now, she still had the tendency to worry about her father's approval. She knew her dad wouldn't be too pleased with what she was about to do tonight.
Finally, the show started and Naruto was up first.
Naruto's performance was a comedy act. He, much to the Legendary Sannin Jiraiya's chagrin, had decided to do orate stories about some of his misadventures with the ladies. That had earned him a room full of laughs, as well as a swift kick to his ass delivered to him by one angry Hermit.
Kiba's act was cute. He had lined up all his dogs as they barked a rendition of "How Much Is That Doggy In The Window". Kakashi had sighed happily giving Pakkun an affectionate rub.
Shino had his hive make creative patterns in the air. There were collective oohs and aahs as the designs became more and more intricate.
Chouji- Chouji had an AMAZING baritone voice! There wasn't a single dry eye in the audience as he sang Josh Groban's "To Where You Are", dedicated in the loving memory of the Korean BBQ shop owner who moved to Snow Country last month.
She was starting to hyperventilate. She would be up soon.
She walked backstage where she saw Kurenai and the Godaime enjoying the show.
"Hinata-chan, you're on in five minutes after Konohamaru, Udon and Moegi!" said Lee.
"O-okay... t-thank you, Lee-kun!" She groaned. She wasn't feeling too good. She walked up to the two women standing nearby.
"Hinata, are you feeling okay?" asked Kurenai, placing her hands on Hinata's cheeks. "You look awfully pale."
"M-maybe I n-need some water… I'm f-feeling a little thirsty." She looked at Tsunade, who was holding a cup. Hinata thought she had poured her a drink of water.
"Ah, thank you, H-Hokage-sama…" she said bowing as she straightened up and chugged the chilled liquid down.
Tsunade could only look at her in shock. That wasn't water. And it wasn't for Hinata's consumption, either. She couldn't even scold her- Hinata had already walked away. Godaime and Kurenai looked at each other and bit back their raucous laughter.
Hinata frowned. Maybe she shouldn't have had a sip of the strange drink. It looked like water, but it didn't even smell or taste like water... She wasn't feeling entirely like herself. She felt very... lightheaded.
She stumbled into her dressing room where moments later she managed to vomit all over the blue summer dress she was wearing. "Ugh... oh no! What am I supposed to wear now?" She looked all around the room... the only thing hanging on a wardrobe rod was a soft, caramel brown colored velour tracksuit. Oddly enough, it looked to be her size. Locking the door behind her, she removed her soiled clothing and tried on the outfit. It fit like a glove, contouring to her every curve. Speaking of gloves, there were a pair of white ones laying out on the vanity dresser. She decided to put those on, too. It was getting kind of chilly backstage.
There was a knock at the door. "Hinata-sama! Thirty seconds!"
"H-hai!" It was now or never. She put on her headset microphone and walked towards the stage.
She didn't know that her sensei had placed illusionary fox ears on her head and Kyuubi's nine tails on her costume. She was, however, aware of all the eyes that were glued to her as she stood in the middle of the platform. She gulped.
She gave a bow to the audience and spoke softly into the microphone. There was an awkward high-pitched FWEEEE sound and she winced. Damn reverb.
There was an awkward silence after that. She flushed slightly.
Finally Shiranui Genma fixed the sound problem. She mouthed out a small 'thank you' in his direction. He gave her a flirty wink in return.
Lord Almighty, Genma is so HOT!
She tried to speak into her headset again, this time her voice a bit more clear.
"K-konban-wa, my name is Hyuuga Hinata and I will be performing a song and dance."
She bent her head forward and took a deep, calming breath. 'Come on, Hinata! You can do this!' She gave a nod to Genma as the background track to her song began to play.
An electric guitar rift could be heard and Hinata began to sway seductively to the music causing her furry appendages to move with her body.
She placed her hands on her hips, bounced on her haunches twice, and thrust out her pelvis. She repeated the motions.
Foxy.
She placed her hands on either side of her head, cupped and bent them for every syllable in the word, 'foxy'.
Jaws everywhere dropped.
She closed her eyes to shut out the images of the shocked audience members. It calmed her nerves slightly. Then Hinata conjured up the image of Naruto in her mind. Naruto telling her not to give up and do her best.
She snapped her eyes open, finding her fire. She wouldn't be scared. She was doing this for him.
Uncharacteristically, Hinata smirked as the remainder of the lyrics flowed from her mouth.
Foxy.
Not too surprisingly, everyone turned to look at Konoha's #1 Ramen Consumer.
Naruto was rendered speechless.
The audience turned back to look at Hinata.
A few jealous glares found their way back to Naruto. She was doing this for HIM? Lucky son-of-a-bitch…
There was an eerie red glow in the back of the auditorium. No, Itachi and Sasuke weren't present, and Kakashi hadn't activated his eye, either.
Instead, it was Jiraiya, with a camcorder in his hand.
He had the most lecherous grin on his face.
'Heh, the quiet Hyuuga girl. Who knew she had it in her?' he thought mischievously. He zoomed in on her bouncing beauties and then panned out to the rest of her body. He did that several more times before Tsunade walked up to him and crushed the electronic device in her hand.
Jiraiya couldn't believe his misfortune. 'Damn flat-chested bitch...' he thought angrily. When Tsunade walked away, he took out his cell phone and began recording with that instead.
You know you a cute little heartbreaker. Huh.
Foxy. Yeah.
Naruto mouthed out the word, 'Me?' and pointed to himself.
And you know you a sweet little love maker. Huh.
Foxy.
Hinata was in a world of her own as she shook her groove thang. She felt so… liberated! Such was the power of vodka. Make many a woman do crazy things. She began to strut across the floor like she owned the whole damn show.
I wanna take you home. Uh huh. Yeah.
I won't do you no harm, no.
You've got to be all mine. All mine.
Ooh! Foxy baby.
She found Naruto and maintained eye contact with him as she recited the next couple of verses.
Naruto swallowed the lump he felt in his throat.
Foxy.
Foxy.
Now uh, I see you, I'm down on the scene.
Aww, Foxy.
Hinata ran and slid forward on her knees, pointing at the object of her affections.
You make me wanna get up and scream!
She slid her hand from the top of her head, across her face, down the long, delicate column of her neck, in-between the valley of her breasts and then rested it just below her stomach panting heavily.
Foxy.
Aww, baby listen now.
Naruto nodded his head. He was listening. Hinata had every ounce of his attention. To put it bluntly, not even a lifetime's supply of ramen would sway him!
She winked at Naruto who could only lick his dry lips in response.
I've made up my mind.
I'm tired of wastin' all my precious time.
You've got to be all mine. All mine.
Foxy baby. Here I come!
Hinata continued to undulate to the music wantonly. The young woman could easily put poor Madonna to shame! Yes, this was indeed a VERY racy performance.
Naruto, Tsunade and Kurenai crossed their fingers and hoped that Hinata wouldn't do anything more… risqué. Like strip. That would be a very, very bad thing. They each wanted Hinata to still be able to maintain her dignity (being of Konoha nobility and such) after tonight.
Jiraiya, Kiba, Kakashi, Ebisu (the closet perv), Kankurou, Gaara (yep, the Kazekage and his sibs were all here), and a whole bunch of hot-blooded men sitting at the edge of their seats crossed their fingers hoping that she would do something more risqué.
Foxy.
Foxy.
Foxy.
Foxy.
Naruto didn't like the predatory gleam that came from her eyes. Kyuubi, however, having been awakened to the sounds of his nickname being called, shared a completely different opinion on the matter, having a good look at Hinata's Nine-Tails costume from behind Naruto's ocean-blue pupils. He was definitely flattered.
"Hey, Kid- you gonna do anything about this?" whispered Jiraiya, who was still recording the entire event. "She's obviously calling out to you."
True enough, Hinata had thrown Naruto a 'come-hither' look and gestured for him to walk up to her with an elegant finger. Jiraiya keeled over, all the while fantasizing a familiar ample-chested woman with the the prettiest brown eyes doing the same to him.
Our favorite fox boy didn't know what to do as his legs had decided to move on their own volition leading him step by step towards the pretty blunette. He had always known Hinata was a pretty and nice girl, but he didn't know she was this nice.
Kakashi conveniently placed a bar stool on the middle of the stage for Naruto to sit on.
He held his breath as Hinata sauntered over towards him and pressed herself against his back, rubbing lazy circles into his chest.
There were encouraging screams and whistles in the audience from all the ladies. Ino, Sakura, Tenten, Anko and Temari all jumped from their spots and shouted,
"Yeah! You GO, Hinata!"
The men were barking in appreciation of Hinata's show.
Yeah.
I'm gonna take you home.
I won't do you no harm, no.
You got to be all mine. All mine.
She lightly traced the shell of his ear with her tongue. "All mine, Naruto-kun" she whispered into his ear. Naruto shivered.
Foxy baby.
Here I come baby.
I'm comin' to get ya.
She sustained her gyrating motions around his unmoving form. Naruto's heart was thundering wildly in his chest.
Oww! Foxy baby. Yeah, yeah.
Ooh! You look so good.
Foxy, foxy.
Aww yeah. Foxy, foxy.
Yeah.
He could only stare into Hinata's spellbinding milky white pools. Hinata felt the heat radiating off his body and could only focus on his lips as she continued to sing. Ohh yeah. Hinata was definitely someone he could like!
Foxy, foxy.
You make me feel like uh.
Foxy, foxy.
Foxy.
Foxy, foxy. Yeah.
Foxy.
When the song was over and the music began to fade out, Hinata received a standing ovation and chants for an encore performance. She wasn't quite finished yet. She grabbed Naruto by the collar of his shirt and crushed her pillowy lips against his hot mouth in a soul-searing kiss that the kitsune-vessel reciprocated happily as her fox ears and tails poofed away. The audience went into a frenzy.
Backstage, two of Konoha's finest, the 5th Hokage of Konohagakure-no-Sato Tsunade and Jonin Yuuhi Kurenai gave each other a high-five. The whole talent show had been a conspiracy to get the two teens together and it had obviously worked.
Naruto, still in the midst of swapping spit with Hinata, pulled a kunai out from his pouch and threw it through a rope holding the theatre curtains up. The large fabric dropped, thus ending the final act. The men groaned in disappointment. They wondered if Hinata knew any other songs. It would be something for every man to fantasize about when they got home.
There would be no encore performance that night, just a private one back at Naruto's apartment. And yes, she did knock his socks off.
And his shirt. And his pants…
THE END