Disclaimer: I don't own this series, any series that makes a cameo, or the people who make Bo-bobo (if I could, I would make them animate this fic lol). I do, however, own this fic.
--
Poppa Rocks was enjoying the sound of the tidal surf... being chopped up by the speeding boat making its way back to the mainland! "WHEEEEEEE!"
A frail old man with a LONG beard suddenly shot out of the water. "I'm the Old Man of the Sea, and I think you should--" Before he could finish his sentence, the boat that was commandeered by Bo-bobo and allies plowed right over the bearded old sea hermit.
"Wow! We totally mowed down that defenseless old man!" Jelly was impressed, and pulled out a tiny book. "I'm jotting down a hundred points in my book! Another three hundred, and I'll get a free cupcake!"
"YOU PREFER BAKED GOODS OVER YOUR SENSE OF DUTY?!"
Before Beauty could even contemplate what was going on, the sea was being parted at near Mach 1 speeds, with the pitter-patter of the exaggerated feet of the Old Man of the Sea, immediately keeping up with the boat. "HOLY MAN!" Hatenkou was more amazed than panicked. "His feet must be solid water!"
"Old Man Fist of the Sea!" With that the waters started swirling around him. "TIDAL HARD... LAUNCH!"
And like a springboard being pushed down by a determined rodent, the very ocean shot the boat high into the horizon, duly noting Beauty's complaint that "That's what happens when you mow down random peoplllllllle..."
With a meditated calm, the mysterious miser nodded in tranquil. "No one MESSES with the Old Man of the Sea..." A sea serpent defied this, however, and was greeted with the swift backhand of the old man.
--
Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo: Video Crisis
Yum-Yum Crisis 2: What's with the Sorries?!
--
"I'm sorry, everyone, but I must return to my friends!"
Dengakuman announced, as his tiny suitcase was tiny packed, with tiny treats, and a tiny vanity. All around him, the people in the station that he worked with for the amount of time he was sent flying from the Seven Yacht Masters fight, were seeing him off. A final goodbye before he would return to the data world to aid his comrade Bo-bobo in battle against the Bald Empire.
"You all have been very kind to me!" Dengakuman had to keep himself composed enough not to burst into tears. "And I'll never forget the way you encouraged me when I scrubbed the toilets, massaged your brains, cleaned your satellites, and force-fed grilled tofu dipped in miso on a stick!"
"I'll say!" Said a random guy with three tofu sticks in his mouth.
"But I must return to aid my comrade and pal Bo-bobo!"
"FOOL!" One of them stepped forward, with a long braid and fluffy moustache. "You dare leave the station without saying goodbye to ROYAL EUROPE??" Dengakuman's visage turned determined. "That's more like it! Leave not in tears, but in ROYAL PAIN!! Show me the ACADEMY OF ROYAL EUROPE!!"
Dengakuman sported a crown on his head. "The gales of the Emperor!"
"ESPADA DO MILHO!" (Sword of Corn!)
"ARMADILHA DE FRANGO!!" (Chicken Trap!!)
Dengakuman and Royal Europe were deadlocked in fists! Both shouted, "GAZE UPON THE WEST! IT SHINES CRIIIIIIIIMSOOOOOON!!!"
Dengakuman performed a leap kick into the other man's 'daddy lever', crumpling him down to size! "THAT'S for lying about liking my tofu!"
"You... bastard..." Despite fighting the urge to not pass out from lack of air and composure, the man smiled. "So get... going, and show them who's boss!"
"I WILL! THANK YOU ALL!" And as Dengakuman stepped into the light...
--
"I'm sorry, everyone, but I can't fix your boat!"
Mainland City. A bustling place where anyone and anything lives. Humans, kitties, kogal crocs, robots, minotaur people, orcs, and your garden variety mouse mascots aside, a wrecked yacht was wedged nicely into City Hall.
"As much as we like to believe you're the heroes who were prophecized to save our land from the evil Bald Empire, we are ill-prepared for supplying you with aid of any kind." The kindly mouse mayor lamented. "Especially, when the tip of your boat is thusly tickling my braaaaaaaaaain..."
"Well, that's a might shame." Poppa Rocks sounded rugged, donning gangster clothes. "It would be real disheartening if something were to happen to your fair city."
But Bo-bobo, all pretty in a pink dress and countess bonnet, appeared from behind the mayor. "Oh, you wouldn't dare, you beast! What ever will you do, I do declare?" With the end of his 'southern belle' tude, he daintly smacked Poppa Rocks into the wall, blood seeping out of the candy.
"Since when were you the mayor's daughter?!" Beauty reacted.
"Um," Softon stepped forward to the tiny mayor. "What information then can you tell us about the movement of the Bald Empire as of now?"
"All I know, is that the trees hate the mountains, delaying things until February 10 is unreasonable, the Bald Empire is holed up in a mountain base somewhere in the Far North, and my favorite animated show, 'Detergent', is about to start in three minutes!"
"Detergent?!" Poppa Rocks peeled his face off the wall, giddy despite the bloodstains present on his cheeks. "I played the main character in that show for the first twenty episodes, until they fired me for taking their donuts, replaced me, and gave the show a new title! It was actually supposed to be called 'Fabric Softener'!"
(Movie Preview: Detergent ep. 10 "Not without my Dryer Sheet!")
"MINNA!" Poppa Rocks, portrayed as the protagonist in gold armor, Blueberry Ichisaki, was standing next to a Torpedo Girl-looking girl named Cagal Rukichi, and a sentient blender with arms and legs named Bin. "Keep your eyes open! Who knows when the dreaded Filled will strike!"
And soon enough, a clear zombie keg the size of a skyscraper flickered into the scene. The bubbling green ooze inside it was spurting violently out of its mouth. "MWAHAHAHAHA! I will drench the living of this world with my amniotic mucus of the undead to bring humanity one step closer to despair!!"
"Oh no!" 'Cagal Rukichi' airily panicked. "It's a Filled! And it looks like the Mas Pequeno variety!"
Beauty commented with, "THAT'S THE SMALLEST THEY GOT?!"
"Hmph." The main character scoffed. "Let him try that tactic of his. I'M ALREADY UNDEAD."
Hatenkou sighed. "That's so cheesy..."
"LEEK SWORD!" 'Blueberry Ichisaki' whipped out his trusty leek, with a pop-out blade, and began channeling a strange aura into the vegetable. "TAKE MY AURA AND...!!" With a mighty explosion, that coincidentally killed of Bin and the other one, a mighty glowing veggie took its place. "BE BORN, BEAM DAIKON!"
"And remember, to always eat your vegetables!" Bo-bobo quipped.
The pink-haired sighed. "Since when did we also MST?"
"HAHAHA!" The monster roared. "BRING IT ON, YOU--" And in less than one hundred slashes of his Beam Daikon, the green viscous fluids flowed rapidly from the cracks of the beast, bringing him down to death. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo..."
"And that's..." 'Blueberry Ichisaki' acted all cool, sheathing his Beam Daikon. "How it's done, minna!" He looked at the seared goodness of his gone companions. "Hahahaha... ewwww..."
(End Preview; Detergent 'Dumb Hero' Season Two coming out in 2008.)
"Poppa Rocks," Beauty asked. "How many times do I have to call you an idiot before you get the point?"
"4,294 times!" The orange candy countered, with a mock idiot tone. "Because I, AM, STU-UUUU-PID!!"
--
"I'm sorry, everyone, but you must understand that I HAD to beat you all senseless for attacking me."
Marmalada Jiggler chided her four followers, Larry, Sidney, Stumpgrinder, and P, for unintentionally slamming a fist into her orange face of prettiness!
"We apologize, my Lady." The four apologized in union.
"Would one of you at the very least explain to me why you did what you did?"
"Well," The living armor started. "We were devising a strategy to take out Bo-bobo and his minions."
"That's correct my Lady." P added. "We realized that we were defeated because that afro-ed fool and his cronies deliberately utilize parody and shenanigans to throw us off guard and make us appear foolish, thus leaving us wide open for direct attacks!"
The orange beauty was agasped at the situation. "Intriguing! And P, that was so eloquent and fluid as well! How did you garner the word power for that?"
"Oh." P was excited once more, pointing out, "I mind-hack Larry." The Shadow Spy proved that point, in the form of his bugged-out eyes and now collapsed body.
"Well," Arn was startled. "P my main man, I'm not even gonna ASK how you did that."
"I am pleased with this report, gentlemen." She smiled an infectious, evil smile. "I will alert our field agent about this tactic of yours, while you four resume getting your health back. Understand?"
"Yes, Lady Marmalada!"
Saluting, the orange flavored tokoro walked out of the room, with the collapsed Larry recomposing himself. "Hmm... That's strange. Didn't you guys notice something weird?"
"What ho, what do you mean weird?" Sidney asked.
"The whole accepting our plan, the salute, the walk-out, it all seemed so... staged."
Arn felt a lightbulb come to life above his head, just before deciding to screw it into a nearby dimming lightpost. "What about that weird shuriken-like dealy sticking out of her head?"
"SHURIKEN-LIKE DEALY?!" P and Sidney were flabbergasted.
"I know, I thought I was the only one who noticed it!" The Shadow Spy looked towards the door, and got another idea bulb, ignoring the fact it decided to quarrel with the suave Arn's idea lightbulb in a comical scuffle. "Well boys, if you don't mind, I'm gonna do some investigating. If I don't come back, avenge my death!"
"NO PROMISES!!" Enraged, P throttled Larry into the wall, destroying a wall that revealed a tiny, bald man bathing in a soapy bath.
"Excuse me," The bald man stated in a wimpy voice. "The air is making me cold. Will you kindly close the walls, please?"
"Oh, sorry about that." The living armor knight pulled down a curtain covering the hole in the wall. "Well, that was most disturbing."
--
"I'm sorry, minna, but I just don't know where we have to go!"
Bo-bobo cried outloud, with the rest of the gang looking at him in an 'Are you out of your--wait, this is how you always act' look.
"Bo-bobo," Softon added. "The mayor already said that the Bald Empire base was to the far north. We were walking for twenty minutes already before you decided to break down any walls."
"But... but they're fun to break down!" The afroed hero giddily thrust his arm out to his right, unknowingly breaking through a conveniently placed house wall.
"HEY!" Poppa Rocks reacted. "THAT'S WHERE I HUNG MY GREAT-GRANDMAMA'S PORTRAIT!! You bastard!!" The candy took it upon himself to club Bo-bobo with the ruined portrait!
"THAT'S NOT EVEN YOUR GREAT-GRANDMAMA!" Beauty reacted, pointing out the flaw in the picture: it wasn't a Rocks-like being, but an elderly looking grey tokoro.
"Guys, would you mind keeping it down?" Jelly came out of the shower, with towels wrapped around his waist and his head. "I got interrupted in the shower by the sound of you guys making a ruckus--" His eyes widened in horror at the sight of it all. "NOOOOO! GREAT-GRANDMAMA'S PORTRAIT!" Now in a fiery rage, his blobby hands gripped themselves around... Gasser.
"HEY! WAIT! WHAT'D I DO?!" Gasser answered before being strangled. "IT WAS... BO-BOBO!!"
"WHAT?!"
"Yes... it was I who did it." Bo-bobo solemnly stated, relieved to see the white-haired teen released by the lychee-flavored man. "I encouraged her to follow her dream. She told me to tell both you and your sister, that she was proud of the both of you." His tears flowed slowly from behind his shades. "She's now... lint-flavored jam!"
In deep sadness, the Jiggler let out a bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-- Wait a minute..." Jelly was now confused. "I never had a great-grandmama."
"Really??" Hatenkou thought hard, pulling out an unappetizing grey jar of jam. Poppa Rocks and Softon were eating it with grimaces on their faces. "Then what have we been eating for the last three days?"
The soft-serve headed one of the group clutched his stomach, keeling over. "Ugh..."
"What's wrong, brother?" Beauty ran to Softon's side. "Please tell me it was something you ate..."
"I think that's the case, Beauty..." With one last sickened look, he hurled up his lunch... in blood.
"OH MY GOD!!"
"I know!" Bo-bobo was in much shock as Beauty, but ignoring the fact that he was dressed like Beauty too, he pointed something out. "Hey, is that a hairpin?"
"Hey! It IS a hairpin!" Softon recomposed himself, cleaned it, and handed it to Jelly. "What do you think this is?"
"This is... a Gold Hairpin..." The tokoro mused before realizing a grim fact. "This belonged to OLD LADY JAM-JAM!!!" Once more, his tears flooded the grass around him, blooming into tokoro flowers.
"A new plant species?!" The female of the group pointed out.
"OH, STRANGER, I FEEL FOR YOUR PAIN!" A random teen popped out of nowhere, in blue jeans, a red shirt, pink hair, and bare-foot. He hugged the lychee-flavored man, with tears coming down his face as well. "That old soul nursed me back to health, and I am indebted to her!!"
"OH STRANGER!" Jelly hugged harder.
Hatenkou was merely crying like a gimp. "OH WHY DO THE GOOD ONES DIE SO YOUNG--" The non-afroed blond suddenly pulled out a spare key, and threw it fast in the direction of the teen, watching him dodge the attack and using Jelly to absorb the attack.
"OW!!! THE BULLSEYE OF MY PANCREAS!!"
"Who do you think you are, punk?" Hatenkou questioned, his tone now serious, with everyone eventually snapping out of it.
"Well, aren't you the deductive one, key-boy?" A shining object appeared in his hand, in the form of a thick daily calendar. "Of the Bald Empire Intarweb Corps, I am Barnaby of the Calendar!"
Beauty whipped out her fan, and Gasser positioned himself. "We should've known!"
"How would we have known?" Poppa Rocks punched the three teens hard. "We only met him fifteen seconds ago, you punks!!"
"Why was I involved in that?" Barnaby of the Calendar reacted. Brushing off that cheap shot, he smirked evilly. "But never you mind that; now, it's time for you to feel the power of my calendar!"
"Um, hate to tell you this," Bo-bobo wandered up to him innocently. "But that's yesterday's date..." He ripped off the date off the calendar, netting the current day as well as knocking Barnaby off his feet.
"THAT WAS A DIRECT HIT?!"
"Ugh..." The Bald Empire minion brushed his mouth again. "You found the source of my life energy, you parodius bastards... If all the pages of my daily calendar are ripped off, then my game's over!"
"You've got to be kidding me..." Gasser and Softon shared an exasperated sigh.
"THANKS FOR THE TIP!"
The squeaky voice came out of nowhere, as the ground erupted from under Bo-bobo's feet, launching him into the air! It was none other than our good pal Dengakuman, back and looking all regal in a crown.
"Now to finish you off, Mr. Bad guy!" A regal blue energy swirled all around the tiny white being, as he throttled himself underneath the enemy. "Dengaku Style, Academy of Royal Europe: ROYAL... MIRACLE..." He halted to give Barnaby something. "Here's some grilled tofu dipped in miso on a stick."
"Wow! Thanks! I love tofu dipped in miso on a--"
"SHINRYUKEN!!!!!"
Coated in a pillar of flames, Dengakuman pummeled upwards, dealing fiery hit after fiery hit with his 'Royal Europe' inspired fighting attack. The enemy's tofu hit the ground in a gloppy mess, as well as incinerating a good chunk of his calendar, along with a spray of blood, knocking it out of his hands.
"NO! MY CALENDAR!!!"
"Okay, minna!" Bo-bobo miraculously returned, feeling their collective auras come over their beings. "Let's cut up that calendar!" His octave-deep battle cry, channeled all their forces together! "Fist of the Unified Nose Hair!!" A white flash, and everyone was suddenly sitting around a table, innocently making origami with the calendar pages. "ORIGAMI CUT CLASS!"
"AAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!"
"Hey, look, I made a swan!" Dengakuman chirped.
"Man, swans are SO old-school!" Poppa Rocks clapped the back of the white guy's head. "Now swallows, that's a challenge in itself!"
"Man... I'm really struggling with this..." Gasser admitted, suddenly feeling Beauty's hands on top of his.
"Here. Let me teach you how it's done." Beauty smiled endearingly.
"Aww! That's so cute!" Hatenkou couldn't help himself, as he saw the scene, while Softon did an origami of a poop.
"I made mine out of two hundred sheets! And it's me!" Bo-bobo said, proudly demonstrating his 'origami Bo-bobo'.
"Really, though, ONE of you is enough." Jelly admitted. "Ooh! There's one date left on that calendar! MINE!" The tokoro was about to rip it out, but his attempt proved futile. As much as he tried, he couldn't rip it out. Soon, everyone tried ripping it out with their combined strength, but it just wasn't enough. "Hey! This one isn't coming out!"
"HahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The laughter echoing from the fallen Barnaby, now soaked in red, as he stood up with ease. "Fools! I faked you out into my open trap! The true reserves of my life energy are in that last date!"
"Wait!" Gasser pointed out. "How can you stand after losing so much blood?"
"Please!" Barnaby scoffed. "What you see here are time-activated packets of ketchup and my own blood, to goad you into thinking that you had me on the ropes by ripping up my calendar..." He was dazed a little. "Wooo... I'm getting woozy..." He shook it off, and stared down his opponents. "Tell me, Bo-bobo. What does that last date say?"
Curiously, the Bo-nafied hero complied. "It's November twelve." (The day this chapter was released lol)
"YES! Now it's time! Calendar Art: SUMMON FAMILIAR!!"
From that last page, an unspeakable horror rose up from it, with grisly arms, a muscular body, stick-like talons, and shadowy tentacles slithering out of its back. Its deep ocean eyes intimidated Beauty and Dengakuman, and its snarling fangs lashed out at the gang, loosing a bellow.
"Bo-bobo and companions, meet my loyal familiar, bestowed upon me at my birth, and living since the beginning of time: November 12!"
"Hey..." The orange candy looked up at the frightening beast. "that's not an intimidating name--" And his face met the cruel appendage of the monster. "AUGH!!!"
"POPPA!!"
The lips of the monster snarled. "April Fools, betch!"
"No!" Barnaby pulled out a spray bottle, and started spritzing the monster, hearing it whine and groan. "It, is, NOT, April Fools day, 12!"
"Is that acid or holy water?" Jelly asked.
"Vinaigrette."
"Oh, that works just as well."
"It's a good thing I received that strategic tip from Lady Marmalada before I encountered them. They're already with their backs against the wall." He thought to himself before the teen snapped, just as November 12 reconstituted itself. "Now fools! Your journey to save this pitiful cyber realm will come to a screeching end at OUR hands! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
--
Have Bo-bobo and friends finally met their match?
Will the Bald Empire finally succeed where the real Bald Emperor failed?
Will Shadow Spy Balder McBaldington find his information?
And will these chapters be updated more consistently??
We'll find out next time!