Vulnerable
Poem: Dreams are not Real by David K. Z
Mental images,
subconscious sensations manifesting in delirium; You cannot touch them...
sometimes in sleep.
It was awhile before Sakura finally found the strength to bury her pride and return to the camp. However, her gait was slow and forced, as if she were a prisoner walking toward her execution.
Judging by the way Sasuke had acted earlier and what had just transpired with Naruto, she probably wasn't too far off in thinking this…
When Sakura finally reached the edge of the clearing where the camp was located, the first thing she noticed was that Kakashi was not present.
Meaning that Sasuke and Naruto were alone.
Hushed voices only solidified her assumptions.
"What the hell did she say to you Naruto?" Sasuke whispered lividly, the sound of the Uchiha heir grinding his teeth in frustration was loud enough for even Sakura to hear.
"I want to sleep." Naruto mumbled in a strained voice. The slight tremor in his tone settled in the pit of Sakura's stomach, giving her a heavy feeling.
"Don't lie to me." Sasuke snapped and the sound of shuffling and struggling bounced off the trees surrounding their tent. Sakura clenched her eyes shut, imagining the passionate look in Sasuke's eyes.
She'd only ever wanted Sasuke to acknowledge her. She'd never hoped to see the passion blaze in his eyes when he looked at her the way it did when he looked at Naruto… but to be acknowledged…
"Naruto…" Sasuke's voice was stiff and demanding. "Would you quit being so stubborn and tell me what the hell she said?" Sasuke hissed quietly and his hand must have lightly thumped Naruto over the head, for the other boy gave a startled yelp.
"So that you can rip her to shreds like the possessive bastard you are?" Naruto growled back in irritation, probably rubbing his head because of habit rather than pain.
A tense silence followed, in which Sakura steeled her jaw against the response she knew Sasuke was going to give.
"She's my friend too, Naruto." Sasuke murmured in a soft voice.
Sakura's strangled gasp of shock was drowned out by Sasuke continuing.
"I'll admit I'm furious with her…but I don't think I'd rip her to shreds… unless she did something really nasty." The smirk was evident in Sasuke's voice, but Sakura judged from the pregnant pause that followed, Naruto didn't find the humour in this statement.
"We should have told her Sasuke." The muffled quality of Naruto's voice indicated that he and Sasuke were close. Embracing perhaps…
"What would we have said?" Sasuke countered irritably, "Oh by the way Sakura, we're madly in love with each other, there's nothing you can do to change that and from now on you're going to be a third wheel?" The bitter edge in Sasuke's voice rang clear through the thin material of the tent.
"Maybe she wouldn't have been so mad," Naruto's voice cracked and he released a shaky sigh, "I just wish-"
"Did you apologize to her for being with me?" Sasuke suddenly interjected with venom in his tone.
Sakura had to admit she was surprised at the abrupt and out of place topic. Apparently, Naruto was equally as startled.
"…Sasuke?" His voice was laced with concern as a low growl emanated in Sasuke's throat.
"Just answer the goddamn question. Did you, or did you not apologize to Sakura?" Sasuke snapped and the sound of two bodies disengaging dragged upon the grass beneath them.
"I apologized for a lot of things Sasuke," Naruto started and Sakura could just see the dim, clouded expression in his eyes, "but I never apologized for loving you." His voice was sturdy.
"What the hell do you need to apologize for?" Sasuke's aura bristled with discontent.
"She's hurting Sasuke…" Naruto attempted to reason, but Sasuke would have none of it.
"Yeah well, so the fuck are you."
"Sasuk-"
Naruto never finished his sentence, seeing as his lips were suddenly captured in what Sakura could only guess was a passionate kiss. The sound of their lips smacking echoed through her mind on repeat, bringing other images to the forefront.
Objective truth
is
harsh.
Unwavering,
uncaring,
unsympathetic.
Quant-
ifiable,
"Go to sleep dobe, you're tired." Sasuke murmured affectionately before rising to his feet and leaving the tent. His confident strides led him to the campfire, which he easily stoked back to life.
If only friendship was rekindled so easily, Sakura thought sadly as she tentatively approached. Some part of her hoped that Sasuke wouldn't notice her presence as she made her way to her tent, but the logical portion of her brain knew no such event was going to occur.
"Sakura." Sasuke stated in a sharp tone. He was seated on a log in front of the fire with his back to Sakura.
She paused in the myriad of shadows being cast by the blaze and stared at his back with a growing feeling of dread.
Of all the people she feared passing judgment upon her, it was Sasuke's perception she feared most.
Sakura said nothing and stood still, immobilized with fear, as a deer caught in headlights.
The gentle way Sasuke stoked the fire was reminiscent of the way he tenderly caressed Naruto as they…
No.
The hush continued until Sakura was under the impression that she was dismissed. As she made to move away, Sasuke turned a piercing ruby gaze on her.
"From this point forward you are not going to blame Naruto for the sight you stumbled upon." Sasuke's voice could almost be considered business-like as he addressed her with cold calculation. That is, if there hadn't been a far too personal hint of anger tainting his tone.
"And who would you rather I blame? You?" Sakura hesitantly stepped towards Sasuke piteously. She hadn't expected his pity. But his friendship… she'd heard from his own mouth that he considered her a friend.
"The dobe is stupid enough to put weight on your opinion." Sasuke said as means of reply.
Sakura knew how that sentence was meant to end, "I, however, do not."
"What do you expect me to do Sasuke?" Sakura begged in a desperate tone, quiet enough so as to not wake Naruto if he were in fact asleep. "I love you!"
"And I love Naruto." Sasuke replied matter-of-factly. Sakura shuddered at these words.
How could Sasuke possibly love Naruto?
"But…he's annoying and loud and-"
"You aren't?" Sasuke interrupted skeptically, his eyebrow raised cynically.
"You want to hurt me don't you?" Sakura accused wearily as she took an unsteady step away from Sasuke's piercing glare.
"As long as hurt Naruto, I will hurt you in return."
measurable. The
Truth. ...it is cold...
Sakura started at this, she hadn't expected such a response. She'd expected--no hoped-- that Sasuke would act as Naruto had and tell her that he wanted to make things right.
Better.
Sakura was on the verge of retreating to her tent to shudder with dry sobs, but paused. There was something inside of her that wanted to prod Sasuke, push his buttons the way he was toying with and testing hers.
"If I were to tell you that what I'd said earlier -of hoping that Naruto will pass way on this mission- was true, how would you respond?" She kept her face and voice calm, a difficult feat for a girl as expressive as Sakura was.
Sasuke's eyes narrowed.
"I would kill you with my own hands regardless of the consequences if he died and you had any part in it."
That was certainly unexpected, Sakura thought with a jolt as she took in the burning emotion in Sasuke's eyes.
It was the passion she'd never before been able to evoke in him. Yet, even now, it wasn't really her that that emotion was blazing for.
"Well then, I'll be wary to cover my tracks so that Naruto manages to get killed with his own fool brain." Sakura murmured and walked away, a part of her marveling at the detached tone in her voice.
"The Sakura I befriended would never say such things…"
Sakura stopped.
Sasuke had just…
No…
He'd called her his…
Friend?
All at once, Sakura came crashing back to her body and into her regular frame of mind, only to find that she was shaking.
What had happened?
She'd said all those things with her own mouth, only it hadn't been her speaking.
It had been words that perhaps Neji or Sasuke would say, but never her.
Perhaps sudden situations and wounds of the mind and heart attacked more than your emotions.
Perhaps they affected sanity as well…
"Have a good night Sasuke-kun." Sakura whispered and continued to her tent.
How can a dream be
real?
You aren't possible;
but you exist:
Once within the confines of her tent Sakura sat down upon the mossy ground and clenched her eyes shut, drawing forced, but steady breaths in an attempt to calm her shaken body.
She'd just insinuated that she wanted Naruto dead.
Her closest friend.
She was horrified with herself.
Was she really that desperate to prove to Sasuke how much she loved him?
Was she really that desperate to be with him?
Except, Sakura knew that if she harmed Naruto she would never be with Sasuke…
'It leaves you wherever you choose to be left.'
Kakashi's words flickered through the open file of Sakura's thoughts and she bit her lip.
She'd already lost… she'd already been left.
She'd threatened to kill her closest friend, she'd made him apologize for circumstances beyond his control and she'd begrudged him the happiness he'd never before had.
She sighed and lay down, wondering how people like Itachi and Orochimaru could live with the sins of their betrayal with detachment while her sin, a mere thought never to be acted upon, tore her apart from the inside and spit her out for the world and her own hazy green eyes to observe.
The worst part was, she'd brought this upon herself.
How could you?