It's a fun life on a boat

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we gotta move."

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Here it is, the final chapter. If you want a particular group to be used next time (which won't actually be started until at least the summer, damn uni work) do give them a shout out in your review. If a group gets a majority vote, I'll write them next.

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Chapter 12 – Home sweet home

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"Look, there it is, it is land, sweet, merciful land!"

Magneto sighed as Piotr grinned happily out of the window as the ship started its way back into port. You could have sworn the huge mutant had just been cleared of a death row sentence, been given a sack full of cash, and a puppy to sweeten the deal.

"Yes, Peter, it is land", he sighed, "where are the rest of the Idiot Patrol"

"LAND!"

"….I'll go find them on my own then", said Magneto, muttering as he left "I knew I blackmailed the wrong Rasputin, I bet his sister is tougher than he is"

Still muttering to himself, he walked into the casino, where Remy was still playing away. The Cajun looked up at his arrival, grinning.

"Erik, you're here! Great!", he said, "Quick, give me de keys to your Mercedes, this is a sure-fire bet, an' we'll win a pool!"

Magneto narrowed his eyes.

"There's no way in hell I'm going to let you put a bet on my car"

"But I'll win!", said Remy, "aww, come on, a pool! T'ink of de fun we'll have with a pool!"

"No"

Remy pouted.

"Spoilsport"

"I don't care", said Magneto, "get ready, we're about to dock"

With that, he turned on his heel, heading for the exit. Remy watched him so, still pouting, before grinning, opening his hand and looking at the car keys he'd swiped from Magneto's pocket.

"Boo-yah"

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"And I can reach you on this number at any time, Daddy?"

Jason gave his best fake smile at Regan as he handed her the number of the nearest Deli.

"Of course", he said, "any time, day or night"

"An' if ya call between eleven an' twelve, ya get a free soda", said Sabertooth with a grin form where he was trying to claw a lobster out of it's tank in the dining room.

Jason shot him a withering glare, then smiled at Regan.

"He's part cat, the water's done something to his brain"

"Oh…kay", Regan blinked, then skipped off, "bye Daddy!"

"…If she finds me, I want you to promise me you'll bite my head off", said Jason.

"Can I do it anyway? Y'Know, just in case?", grinned Sabertooth.

"Not surprisingly, I'd rather not", he replied.

"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty"

Sabertooth dropped the lobster he had caught and jumped away form the tank as he heard the sound of kitty biscuits being shaken in their box.

"I smell", he paused, sniffing, "Meow Mix!"

Jason arched a brow as Sabertooth grinned, running off to the sound.

"I want chicken, I want liiii-ver", sang the feline mutant, "Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliii-ver!"

Sabertooth didn't get too far when a metallic humm sounded, a huge cat crate closing around him.

"Hey!"

"I'm sorry, Victor", said Magneto, "but the captain insisted that all livestock are to be kept under control"

"I'm not livestock!", whimpered Sabertooth.

"That's a matter of opinion", said Jason.

"….You could have at least given me my biscuits", sulked Sabertooth.

"Shut up", said Magneto, "where's Pyro?"

"He muttered something about flambé", said Jason, "I stopped listening after a while and he went away"

"Oh dear God, the kitchen!", said Magneto, floating off.

"…I'll just stay here with the cat, should I?", asked Jason.

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"I'm gonna have a burny, burning time, I'll burn all daylooooong"

Pyro was singing happily from where he'd broken into the kitchen, the staff fleeing for their lives as one of the ovens became a metal box, surrounded by a big ball of fire.

"Yes, all day long, I'll be singing the burning song", sang Pyro, "one more time now…."

"NO!", snapped Magneto, hovering in, "no more times!"

He looked around at the carnage with a tired sigh.

"St.John, how many times have I told you about setting kitchens alight?", he said.

"More than once, but less than a million?", tried Pyro.

Magneto rubbing his forehead.

"I'm getting a migraine", he muttered, "just put the damn thing out"

"…..But it's so pretty", said Pyro.

"Put. It. Out. NOW!"

"Okay, okay, seesh", said Pyro, waving a hand at the fireball, making it dissipate, then looking up as Remy walked in, "hey, Gambit, stay away from Magsie, he's ruining everyone's fun and being mean"

Remy glanced at Magneto's clearly not happy face, and gave a nervous laugh.

"….I can see dis isn't a good time for you…I'll come back later"

Magneto narrowed his eyes.

"What have you done?"

"No'ting", said Remy with a smile, "…..well, not'ing much, anyway…"

"Gambit", growled Magneto.

"Okay!", yelped the Cajun, "I may have lost your car in a bet"

"You did what?", snapped Magneto, "how did you even get the keys from…oh, look who I'm talking to"

"Don' worry, we'll get a new one!"

"I liked that one", said Magneto, "I took my wife for our first date in that"

"……You had a wife?", blinked Pyro.

"Sure he did", said Remy, "Magsie, he cries about her when he's drunk"

"Magda, Mag-da!", snapped Magneto, "and she died, I have a right to be upset"

"I never thought anyone would want to date him, let alone marry him", said Pyro.

"…..Where do you think the twins came from?", asked Magneto.

"I thought you'd created them in a lab or something", said Pyro.

Magneto looked at him steadily, before walking out.

"We are getting off this boat", he said, "and when we get home, I expect you to all go away and leave me alone for a long, long time"

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"Who missed her Daddy? Did you miss your Daddy? Yes, yes you did!"

Sabertooth was currently cuddling Rabid tightly, speaking in a semi-coherent baby-babble at the tiger.

"Did Warren feed you right?", he asked.

"Considering that sizable chunk of feathers that have gone missing from one of his wings, I'd say so", said Jason.

"Well, he deserved it", sad Sabertooth, "he's a freak anyway, right? Yes, yes he is?"

"Do you two want a room or someth'ing?", asked Remy, arching a brow at him.

"Shadup, Cajun", snapped Sabertooth, "it's your fault Magneto locked us in and went off ta get drunk"

"I knew there was a downside to living in a metal sphere that only a metal manipulator could open", said Pyro, "I just never thought of it 'till now"

"I am just glad to be back on land", smiled Piotr, "my head feels normal. I can eat again!"

"Yeah, it wasn't dat bad of a trip", said Remy, "I got about twenty eight phone numbers, we had adventures on a deserted island, Jason met his daughter"

"We do not speak of her!", said Jason.

"…Geez, Remy, which cruise were you on?", asked Sabertooth, "'cause it sounds more fun that the one we were on"

He paused.

"You weren't high or nothin' were ya?"

"……Dats de last time I try and put a positive spin on anyt'ing", muttered Remy.

"God bless us, every one", said Pyro

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And we now bid our Acolytes adieu. Remember to give a shout out to whatever group you'd like to see tortured next. Do review. Thanks for reading!