Hope Dangles On A String
"JT, did you try to kill yourself?" she asked. He started crying, but said nothing. "What were you thinking? Leaving me alone with all this?" Liberty asked, raising her voice.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"I'm sorry too," was all she replied.
"I screwed up okay? Don't take it out on the baby," JT begged.
"We both screwed up," she paused for a moment. "I'm going to the adoption agency."
He couldn't hold it in any longer; he broke down and cried again, unable to grasp what she was saying.
"JT, it'll be for the best."
He wanted to scream at her, to tell her she was wrong. But he couldn't even open his mouth. How could she do this to him?
JT remembered the day like it was yesterday. But it wasn't. It was almost three months ago. And it was the last time he'd spoken to Liberty. She walked right out of his life that day, and he didn't want anything to do with her either. He just wanted his baby.
Liberty's dad worked out a deal with Mr. McKay. JT had to work for free to pay off all of the pills that he stole. He also had to go to a support group and was closely watched for a long time. After two months, all his debts were paid off and his psychologist deemed him fit to return back to his normal life. JT had done a complete three-sixty. He wanted to be a father. He was just hoping that Liberty would change her mind.
Between going to school, going to meetings, and working at the pharmacy, JT also got a job at The Dot as a waiter. He saved all of his money and put it into an account for the baby. He was determined.
It had been three months since he tried to kill himself. He wasn't like that anymore. And he wanted this baby.
"JT, I thought you should know," his friend, Emma, told him over the phone.
"You're there right now?" he asked.
"Yeah. Are you going to come?"
"Of course. This is my last chance," he said, hanging up the phone.
Five minutes later, JT was at the hospital. This was it. Liberty was having the baby.
"Do you think she'll talk to me?" he asked Manny, who was also waiting.
"Probably not. I'm sorry but I don't think she wants to," Manny told him.
"I'm going to try anyway," he said, walking straight into the room. Her parents were at work, so they weren't there yet. Liberty was lying in the bed, trying to sleep. "Liberty?" he asked. Her eyes snapped open and she glared at him.
"JT what do you want?" she asked harshly.
"Please reconsider what you're doing," he blurted out, getting straight to the point.
"I'm not going to do that," she told him in an annoyed tone.
"Liberty this is my baby too! I should have a say in what happens!"
"JT, this is my body. I'm the one having this baby. You proved that you weren't mature enough to handle the situation. I am the person who will decide what happens to it."
"It? You're calling our baby an it?" he said.
"Listen, I already found people to adopt the baby. They wanted the sex to be a surprise. And I don't want to know anyway. I never want to know," she said, trying not to cry. This wasn't as easy for her as she made it seem, but she couldn't break down, not in front of JT.
"You can't do this!" he said, raising his voice.
"Get OUT!" she screamed. A nurse came running at the sound of their yelling.
"Is there a problem in here?" she asked.
"I want him to leave," Liberty said calmly.
"I'm the baby's father," JT told the nurse. "I have a right to be here."
"I don't want him in here!" Liberty yelled.
"I'm sorry sir, you'll have to wait outside with everyone else then," the nurse said, ushering him out the door.
"I already bought everything. What am I going to do?" JT asked his friends. They were still waiting for the baby to be born.
"What do you mean by everything?" Toby asked. He had long since forgiven JT for his harsh words three months ago. He understood that JT was just having a tough time in his life.
"I got diapers, wipes, clothes, bottles, everything! I even bought a crib that's being held for me at the store, and a stroller. Tobes, there's a car seat in my car!"
"Do you want help bringing it back?" Manny asked quietly.
She couldn't believe Liberty was giving the baby away either. After what happened with her, Manny wished every day that she could have her baby back. And if she hadn't gotten the abortion, she would have kept it. But she couldn't say anything about it because she'd just be a hypocrite.
"I don't want to take it back!" JT snapped. "Sorry," he said.
"I know this is hard for you, we all do, but you just have to try and move on," Emma told him.
"I can't Emma, I just can't."
Just then they could hear crying. The baby was here. JT jumped up and made his way to the delivery room, but his friends held him back. He leaned against the wall and tried not to cry. A few minutes later, two nurses wheeled the baby out, toward the nursery. He stopped them.
"Is this Liberty Van Zandt's baby?" he asked.
"Yes," one of them answered. "A baby girl."
JT looked down at her and fell in love. The nurses kept going, taking his baby farther away from him.
"A baby girl," he repeated to Manny, Emma, and Toby. "I have a daughter."
Long after Manny and Emma left, JT still sat outside Liberty's room. Toby stayed with him. He saw the woman from the adoption agency go into the room. She was with a couple. The adoptive parents. JT stood by the door and listened to them talking.
"Thank you so much for doing this," the woman told Liberty.
"Are you sure you don't want pictures, or updates on how the baby's doing?" the man asked her.
"I'm positive. Thank you for giving my baby a home. I'm sure that you'll be a perfect family." Hearing all of this made JT worse. How could she be happy about giving her daughter away?
"Now, Liberty, you just have to sign this paper," the woman from the agency told her. "This relinquishes all of your rights as a mother. You will not be able to take back your decision. Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked.
Just say no, JT willed. This is the last chance.
"I'm sure." She signed the paper and it was done. She no longer had a baby.
JT hung his head and let a single tear fall. He stepped away from the door before the three people came out.
Then an idea sparked in his head.
"Excuse me, can I speak with you for a minute?" he asked the woman.
Toby's head snapped up. What was JT doing?
"Sure, do you need help with something?" she asked.
"Yes, I do. Do you mind if we talk alone?"
"This will only take one minute," the woman told the couple. "Then I'll take you to see the baby. JT and the woman, Mrs. Gaines, as he later learned was her name, moved to an empty room. "What can I do for you?" she asked.
"I'm that baby's father. And you can't take her."
JT approached his grandmother with caution. He struggled to steady his hands that shook from nervousness. It was now or never. Sitting down at the table where she was reading, he patiently waited until she looked up at him.
"I did something that I won't take back. And if you don't want to support me on this one, I'll understand," he told her.
"What is this all about James?" she asked in a calm voice.
"As…as you already know…um, Liberty signed away her parental rights…and I uh, you see, I spoke to the agency and they can't give her away without my signature. And I…um, I refused," he finished, making the last part sound as confident as he could.
Tears welled up in his eyes as he saw the look of disappointment slowly creep across her face. She sighed and rubbed her temples before addressing his little speech.
"James, I know how hard this had been on you, but you need to know that none of it will get any easier. You've got a long road ahead of you, but I won't let you face it alone. I will never pay for any part of this child; that is your responsibility. But you also have to know that if you revert back to your old habits, I will take her and raise her on my own. Is that clear?" she snapped.
"Yes Ma'am. Crystal. Um…how did you know it was a girl?" he asked, curious.
"Toby called. He was worried about you."
"Did he tell you what I did?"
"Yes, he did. But I knew I had to let you come to me first," she explained.
"Oh…" he trailed off.
"Now," his grandmother said, gently folding her hands. "Has my great-granddaughter got a name yet?"
"No," JT answered truthfully. He hadn't even thought about it.
"Well then, we better go see her and try to get some inspiration. She needs a name before she comes home."
The two went straight to the hospital. JT had just come from there, but he didn't mind. He loved seeing her. She was beautiful.
Outside the nursery, he pointed the baby out to his grandmother. She praised him on how much the baby looked like him. A nurse saw them looking and brought the baby out.
JT held her and admired her beauty. Her light brown skin was the only trait she'd gotten from her mother. What JT noticed first were her eyes. They were exactly like his. She also had a few locks of curly hair.
"Naiya," he whispered.
"What?" his grandma asked. She hadn't heard him.
"I'm going to name her Naiya. Naiya Isabella Yorke." He stated proudly.
"That's a perfect name," his grandmother said. Isabella was her name.
"Do you want to hold her?" he asked. She nodded her head and he handed her over. Just in time to see Liberty walking by. She was leaving, with her parents. She said a few words to them, and they kept walking out the doors. But Liberty came back and stood in front of JT, not even glancing at her baby.
"How could you?" she yelled. The baby instantly started crying.
"Liberty, please, you're upsetting my daughter," JT said in a calm voice.
"Daughter?" she asked softly.
"That's right. Do you want to see her?" he asked.
"No, of course not. I don't believe you JT. You won't be able to handle it. You're too immature." She turned and started to walk away.
"Hey Liberty!" he called after her. She turned around and glared.
"What?"
"You should ask yourself that question," he stated.
"What question?" she asked, curious.
"How could you?"
"Are you sure you're going to be able to do this?" Emma asked JT. She, JT, Manny, and Toby were all on their way to homeroom the next day.
"Yes, I'm positive. I could use some help though," he confessed. "My grandmother watches her while I'm at school, but that's it."
"I can baby sit when you have to go to work," Emma offered.
"I'll help too," Manny said.
"And if you ever need a little bit of money…a little," Toby stressed, "You can always come to me. Provided you pay me back," he added.
"Thanks guys. I'm lucky to have friends like you."
"When do you get to bring her home?" Manny asked, excited.
"Tomorrow," he stated proudly.
Three months passed and JT was a proud father. He took millions of pictures of Naiya and brought them to school to show off. He took her everywhere with him besides school and work. He couldn't bear to be apart from her for very long.
All of his money that he earned from The Dot, including tips, went to his daughter. It paid for her food, clothes, and doctor visits. JT didn't mind. It was all worth it.
If she was sick, even if it was just a cold, he would stay home from school and take care of her. Toby always brought him his assignments when that happened. Emma and Manny came every day during the week and watched her while he went to work. JT had the weekends off and spent every second of that time with his daughter.
One Saturday, he decided to go shopping for some new clothes for Naiya. Pushing the shopping cart with one hand, and cradling his daughter with his other arm, JT left the baby section with five new outfits. He bumped right into Liberty.
He started to push the cart around her, but she stopped him with her hand.
"Hi JT," she said.
"Hello Liberty. What do you want?"
"I…I just wanted…."
"Feeling guilty?" he asked, smirking. He caught her off guard, but she wouldn't admit her real feelings.
"No…not at all," she stated coldly. She turned and began to walk away, but he grabbed her arm and spun her back around.
"Look at this baby and tell me you don't feel one ounce of guilt!" he said loudly.
Liberty looked at Naiya and smiled. She reached out and touched her cheek. Not recognizing her touch, the baby started to cry. Liberty's smile faded almost instantly.
"JT…I'm sorry," she confessed. "Can I…hold her?"
"It's too little, too late. You should have thought about how sorry you'd be before you signed her away like an object!"
"But…" he interrupted her before she could say anything.
"Excuse me; I have to get my daughter home. She's upset." In the same way she walked away from her daughter, JT finally walked away from Liberty and out of her life.
I am vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...
A/N: The End! I hope you liked it. Please please please review! The lyrics and title are from the song "Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional and they own it. The flashback (the part in italics) is what happens at the end of Tuned Out Part 2 with JT and Liberty…I only have it as well as I could remember what they said. If I made a mistake, then sorry about that. So I guess Degrassi owns that little scene. I don't really know his grandmother's name, I just made up that it was Isabella….that's why he picked that for the middle name. Naiya is pronounced Nye-Uh. I just really like the name, so that's why I picked it. I also don't like Liberty at all, which is why JT didn't take her back when she apologized.
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or any of its characters.
I do own Naiya Isabella Yorke.