I had a sudden urge to rewrite the big confrontations in all the HP books. So we start with Philosopher's Stone. Mainly parody, a lot of innuendo (explaining the rating), slash (Quirrel/Harry in this one…), abuse of OMG and WTF (I'm no good with these terms…), and drug references…I'm sure you're all wondering what I was on when I wrote these. It's energy drink. You do NOT want to see me on energy drink. I get high. I have hangovers afterward, too…
Anyway…here it is. Characters not mine, although the parody idea might be. "Emoificus" belongs to Colin, Laurel, and I. "Slashify" is mine, and "Gothica/Gothicus" is Colin and Daniel's respectively. (I don't think these apply yet, but they will. Eventually.)
If you can pick up various quotes from various shows/movies, all the better for you.
Harry: And I will walk through the fire…there's Snape…OMG it's Quirrel! Snape didn't kill you!
Quirrel: No, he only an – never mind! Point is, I'm evil.
Harry: OMGWTF
Quirrel: The Mirror…you get stoned by the mirror…
Harry: I think you mean "The Stone is in the Mirror."
Quirrel: Well, aren't we Mr. Know-It-All?
Harry: Hermione's fault.
Quirrel: Now, how do we get the Stone? Or get stoned...either works...
Voldemort: Use the boy…
Harry: Please don't mean that like I think you did…
Quirrel: Come here, boy…
Harry: Damn.
Quirrel: Now just face the Mirror…
Harry: (is Stoned)
Quirrel: It burns, it burns!
Harry: Take this, you evil pedophile!
Voldemort: I am surrounded by idiots.
Quirrel: (burns and dies)
Harry: You fail!
Voldemort: FREEEEEEDOOOOOM!
Harry: 'Damn' the sequel. (passes out)
Never fear, there is more to come!
Once, a reader like you reviewed. SlashyKitty (only it was AOPT there) explained there would be a slight delay due to lack of betas. Someone didn't review, and therefore didn't find out, and spent the next month really pissed off at Kitty. She sensed this, and to amuse herself, made the wait longer.
Moral: Review.