There Is No Charm
Just A Penniless Writer
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and elements from the Harry Potter series belong to J.K. Rowling. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Plea: Eh. Don't particularly care for it myself, but it wouldn't stop pestering me til it was done. I suppose there IS a part of me that is still the hopeless fangirl that wants Hermione to get knocked up. So there. Barely edited. Lots of sex mentioned, none described. Word of warning: Wait for it. Enjoy if you can.
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"How could this have happened? I was so careful..."
"Really, my pet, I thought you knew. There is no contraceptive charm."
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There was no contraceptive charm.
There was no contraceptive potion.
There was no contraceptive anything in the wizarding world.
The differences between the Muggle and Magical worlds had always been a matter of notice to Hermione, but never had they been so blaringly obvious. Muggles had an entire industry revolving around the prevention of pregnancy. Why was there no such thing for witches?
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"This is every bit your fault as mine!"
"And I accept that responsibility. You are making a terrible fuss out of nothing. It is but a simple trip to the Ministry to be wed."
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Of course, she would never have been aware of the deficiency had she not attempted, and failed, to lure a wizard to her bed. One night with a drunken Hufflepuff had opened her eyes to the wonders of sex. Unfortunately, that drunken Hufflepuff was horrified when he woke and refused to repeat the experience. She'd accepted it with poor grace but decided his refusal gave her plenty of time to research the subject thoroughly. What she found was a plethora of information on positions, styles, and assorted other tricks of the trade she was simply dying to experiment with.
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"Wed? I'm not marrying you!"
"My pet, what choice have you? Our... debauchery guaranteed this would happen eventually. I assumed your willingness to participate in such intimate acts indicated no argument against betrothment."
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However, there was only so much one could do herself; no willing partner in the matter could be found. Sex, or at least sex before marriage, seemed a taboo no one was willing to partake in. It was a mark of her upbringing that she'd never thought to question the culture regarding intercourse amongst magicals. After all, Muggles were introduced early to the idea that simple precautions were all it took to prevent unplanned pregnancies. How could she have known that witches did not have such luxuries - and that wizards knew this very well?
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"No! When we started this, we agreed there would be no taking it further. We agreed marriage would have no part in this!"
"I was also under the assumption that no child would be conceived. Obviously your ridiculous Muggle methods were as pointless and crude as I had imagined."
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Her insistence that her new Muggle birth control would prevent ill suiting fatherhood fell on deaf ears. She was frustrated and confused until she discovered, once again, that this was a mark of the culture. Wizards had, for ages, been warned of accepting the word of a witch when it involved birth control. 'But I'm on Muggle contraceptive!' had been a trick amongst witches for securing a husband for longer than Muggles had been making contraceptives.
It seemed Hermione was simply out of luck. While the occasional urge could be satisfied by a Muggle man, some of the more interesting positions in her research used magic. So she resigned herself to waiting until a wizard wised up to realize what she was offering or until she found one she liked enough to marry.
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"You can't go back on our contract!"
"And why can't I, my pet? What will you do? Will you tell your dear friends that you struck up a deal with a Death Eater? That you bought my body for your pleasure? Which do you believe they will find more acceptable: that you paid to be fucked every which way for months under their very notice, or that a drunken dalliance resulted in me doing the first honorable thing they believe I have ever done?"
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A year of ill-suiting celebacy had left her frustrated and rich. Her efforts to invent a contraceptive potion had produced an assortment of other useful potions... but nothing she wanted. The money she garnered from the sale of her accidental discoveries kept her well off, but still did nothing for her sex life. She concluded that wizards were inherently too proud, and too few of those whose morals were looser were attractive enough for her consideration.
Such was it that when Lucius Malfoy unexpectedly came through her office door, she saw him with new eyes.
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"As if you know anything of honor! I don't trust you as a husband, and I certainly will never trust you with my child!"
"Our child, Mudblood. You cannot deny me this."
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As tempting as Mr. Malfoy was, she still held back. He was a released Death Eater, a villain, a Pureblood supremist, and, more importantly, a client. Hermione was nothing if not professional.
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"You will never see it!"
"They stole my money, my home. They stole six years of my life. No more. I will not let you steal my child!"
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As a professional, she had been capable of putting aside her personal feelings, as well as the protests of her friends, to present his case to the Ministry. While they had been unable to have the bulk of his seized holdings returned, there was enough in the settlement for Lucius to finally move out of his son's flat and into his own cottage.
In happiness occurs a form of temporary personality adjustment, Hermione later decided. She had been invited to Lucius' new home to celebrate their partial success and had a bit too much wine. As unaccustomed to inebriation as she was, she fell victim to its tendency to act as a truth serum. While most of her statements that night had been completely innocuous, she had made the somewhat dreadful mistake of mentioning her successfully failed attempts at a contraceptive potion and her reasons for trying.
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"This was never supposed to happen."
"So you say. But it has, and I will not let you disappear with mine own. Now now, my pet, this is not the end. The agreement does not have to change. Think of it. An unmarried witch with a child is not looked kindly upon in this society. The Weasley matron will surely not care who you marry as long you marry -- and I will not let you marry anyone else. Everything we have done so far, all the magnificent debauchery -- we will now have forever!"
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His words regarding his own suspicion of being incapable of fathering another child himself had managed to find their way through her inebriated mind and hit a resounding chord. Perhaps he wasn't as young as she would have liked, but didn't the books say experience was all the more important than enthusiasm in sexual matters. Yet, judging by the way he indulgently enjoyed his wine, the way his eyes had sparked during the case, enthusiasm wasn't likely lacking either.
It was with that in mind that she found herself kissing him.
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"And what are you getting from this? You don't want to marry a Mudblood!"
"And why wouldn't I? When the Mudblood is carrying my child, of course I would. Money, political freedom, regained social status, nightly activities that would make Casanova jealous... you are quite the opportunity. I would be as bad as a Weasley if I did not count you as an exception."
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The next morning, when she should have been questioning the content of the wine or otherwise feeling regretful, she instead smiled and instigated another round. It wasn't until far into the afternoon that they got around to discussing a possible deal. Money for sex, no strings attached, no fantasy unfulfilled. Whatever his reasons for agreeing, she never questioned, though she found herself curious over time. A man like Lucius Malfoy never had simple motivations.
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"You horrible man! I will not have my child raised with such ridiculous beliefs!"
"I do not give a damn how you raise our child, but it will be with me. The child is a Malfoy."
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She had shown him her Muggle birth control pills, which she still took despite his word that he was unable to father another child. His interest had not be feigned, and she misconstrued it as fledgling acceptance that Muggles were not as hopeless as he thought. Though something always tickled the back of her mind every time he fetched the daily medication, it was easy to forget when he provided so many wonderful distractions.
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"The child is a half blood!"
"No one will dare speak down to a Malfoy, even if it is a half blood. You will find no better offer. Would you rather it be the bastard offspring of a Malfoy who would not sully himself with marriage? Refuse me and I will do everything in my power to bring you down."
"And if I marry you? What then?"
"We live a slightly more public version of the life we live now. Your inventions will more than fund the rebuilding of the Malfoy reputation. By the time the child is grown, the world will be ready."
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It was only when she realized she wanted more from him than the deal allowed that she began to examine his actions. After all, she needed to know where exactly she stood with him before she could begin to coerce a true relationship. What she found was that coercion wasn't necessary at all.
When she began to take her own fertility potion, she knew it was only a matter of time.
However, she also knew she could not leave all the power in his hands. There had to be a way to guarantee fair treatment.
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"If we do this, you cannot treat myself or my child as a servant. We will be equals."
"As you wish. Are we in agreement?"
"We are."
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