Oh the Humanity!

From the coffee fuelled mind of Invader Sideos. P.S 3 o'clock was the time I wrote the ending at, but I'm talking A.M people.

I don't own Zim. I own a computer! And a right to write fic's about him!

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Down below the surface of the earth there was hidden a great and deadly power. A mass of tunnels, corridors, labs and other strange rooms existed in an unearthly base. Above ground most people stayed away from the strange glowing green house and even more so from its strange green inhabitant and the insane pet he kept. For this was the house of the most deadly threat to earth in its entire history. Residing below in the horrific mass of tunnelled labs sat the greened skinned, red eyed Irkin Invader silently planning and plotting the ultimate downfall of human kind...

"G.I.R don't you touch me with that ICE CREAM! AGGGGGG!"

"Awww come on just try a bite...it wont hurt a bitty wit!"

"That's just it G.I.R it will hurt. ALOT!" Currently the deadly threat was being attacked with ice cream by his robot servant.

"G.I.R look that...moose wants some ice cream in the...other side of the lab…yes" Zim hoped that his robot slave would fall for it. He had done the last 20 times he'd used that distraction.

"Really? I couldn't find him last time. But OK!" and with that G.I.R ran of to find the non existent moose. Zim sighed a long sigh of relief. He then took the chance to run to his observatory room. This was his favourite room, it was tiny with only enough room for him but from here he could watch almost any point on earth he chose. He could command all his base defences and he could access all of his computers files. Zim relaxed back into his comfy chair and smiled, yes he really did love this room. Cracking his fingers he pulled up the video notes on skool and began observing the day to see if he could find any new weaknesses in the pathetic humans, especially the Dib human.

As he watched the day roll by he began to notice certain things. In the 5 years he'd been here he had noted that the human children grew but had never paid much attention to it. However watching the videos he saw how the other children looked at him strangely...more strangely then they used to. When it got lunch time he found that his spy cameras had picked up on a conversation two future girl slaves were having. Zim leaned forward listening intently.

"Yea that Torque is cute and tall and sooo strong"

"But I heard he was going out with Zita"

"That bitch don't appreciate him like I do thou"

"Don't let her hear you say that..." just then Zim walked past in his disguise muttering something about human stink worms. He was notably much smaller then the two girls.

"Hay have you even noticed how small Zim is"

"Yea and how his voice is all squeaky. I mean he's never even grown an inch since fourth grade. Hasn't he even heard of puberty?"

"I know HAHA" the two worms walked off and Zim leaned back into his chair.

"Computer", he said in a curious tone "Show me all the information you have on 'puberty'" Zim had a quizzical look on his face. Could this be the answer to why the Dib human had become taller then Zim? And why his head always turned from insulting him whenever that PATHETIC Gretchen girl walked past?

"Puberty. The human process of changing from a child into an adult. The process involves growing more hair, deepening of the voice in males, accelerated growth, development of..."

"STOP" Zim cried out "Accelerated growth? Of course that is why he is taller then I am. I ZIM! Must also appear to go thru this 'puberty' if I am to continue my mission here on earth. And if that involves beating Dib at his own biological game that so be it. Computer bring me the DNA samples of Torque. He is a modal human. I shall analyse it for chemicals that appear in teenage DNA and add them to mine". Zim's eyes narrowed "Oh yes Dib you think you can become taller them me...you just wait." and with that Zim exited his observatory and made his way to the chemical labs laughing insanely. That night he worked constantly tearing apart the sample, monitoring the experiments,

Calculating calculations and drinking Irkin sodas. Eventually he finally lifted a needle above his head the bluish liquid contents sloshing round inside "YES I the great amazing ZIM have once again proved my AMAZINGNESS!" Stopping for a second he mused "Why am I so amazing?" before rolling up his sleeve and readying his arm for the injection.

"Zim wait" the computers voice sounded unusually anxious "The solution may have undesirable physiological and physical side effects"

It began pulling up charts onto its main screen showing dangerous looking graphs "Human puberty is a continued changing process and..."

"QUITE! I am ZIM! No human side effect will affect me! I am superior to those pathetic bugs". And with that he pressed the needle into his arm and emptied the contents.

Immediately he began to feel strange, week and dozy but then a terrible pain entered his body. "AGGGGGG why does it hurt?" he shouted. He felt his insides turning and before he knew it he threw up on the floor where he collapsed and fell unconscious shivering from pain.

"Master? Master is that you?" G.I.R's voice sounded echoic and distant "Master your all grow'd up!" the delighted squeal from G.I.R triggered in a headache.

"Grrrrr beee quuuuiiitttte" Zim's voice was slurry and sounded strange. Deeper but still contained its grainy Zimness. Zim opened an eye but quickly regretted it. Everything was swimming round and blurry. He could just about make out a slivery object in front of him. Which he took to be G.I.R. He could feel strength returning from his back as his PAK began to correct his vision and headache.

"Thank the control brains for Irkin PAK's" he spoke out loud shutting his eye. There was that strange deep voice again.

"Who's that? Who's there?" he spoke louder now as his PAK finished off re-strengthening him. Then he realised that the voice was coming from his own mouth. He opened both his eyes.

"Master you got all new voice...I WANNA NEW VOICE!" G.I.R screamed and bounced off somewhere. Zim picked himself up and found that everything seemed to have shrunk. He pondered for a second before..."Computer show me ZIM! An active hologram of myself." The computer, thankfully recognising Zim's new voice, obeyed, and brought down a light bulb like devise in front of Zim and projected a hologram.

"WOW!" Zim's mouth dropped open as he saw the hologram. He was taller, much taller not as tall as the tallest but still more then a match for Dib. He had developed a more athletic look but was still thin.

He also noticed some thing around his mouth..."COMPUTER why is there hair around mouth!" He had noticed a black goatee had grown on him.

"Hair is one of the side effects of the solution" the computer replied coldly. Zim had also noticed that his clothes were now very tight on him.

"Computer get me some new fitting clothes and boots, Oh and something to eat, all this growing takes it out of you"

G.I.R sat on the couch waiting silently. His master had told him to sit and wait of the unveiling of Zim the taller. He was so excited he was shaking, that or he had drunk too much sugar. He heard the bin open and sprung from the couch onto the floor landing on his head

"Look a pone the new taller ZIM!" Zim posed with his fists on his hips and a brave look on his face. He wore black boots, black pants, a pink striped shirt which had small shoulder blades and black gloves. Basically the same as he always wore. He was also wearing his disguise and had his elvis wig on and contacts in. The only real difference was the blackish goatee around his mouth which went smartly with his black wig.

"WOW master you look sooo COOL. I wanna be like YOU one day." G.I.R's statement only fuelled Zim's 'taller' ego more.

"SUCCESS! Now to go and rub it the face of the Dib at skool, well cya later" and at that he walked out the door whistling the theme tune.

Dib had changed in the last 5 years. His hair had developed a smaller second spike like his dads and he had of course grown taller. But he still wore the same glasses and black (but longer) trench coat, pants and boots. The only real difference in this looks was that his head now fitted his body and that he had changed his t-shirt from the usual face to a Z? logo he had ordered from his favourite comic. Now he was older and loving it. He had towered over Zim and he knew that it gave him the physiological and physical edge in their continued battles. However a new fascination had crept into his life...

"Why don't you just ask her out?" Gaz's monotone voice cut into his daydream.

"Wha what?" Dib answered nervously looking to his constantly grumpy sister. Gaz had also grown taller but not by much and she still wore the same clothes she always wore. She also still had no respect for humanity; possibly even more so now that boys had began to notice her.

"That Gretchen girl you always goggle at. Ask her out and be done with it so she can reject you and I can watch your heart be crushed"

Dib ignored the last part "I don't know what you're talking about. And besides I can't have relationships while I have to fight Zim."

"Like that's hard to do, he's a little shrimp". Dib smiled

"Yer I mean back when we were kids we were evenly matched but now" and he stretched out his arms as if making a point.

"I can beet him every time. Maybe I should talk to Gretchen..." he turned to look at Gaz but she had walked ahead after getting bored of Dibs voice. He sighed and ran ahead to catch up.

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Well...Here it is in all its glory. Dispite the X-mas holls just round the cornerI still refuse to write Christmas themed stories. I'm going to be updating this ever two days with two 'chapters' each time in order to make it easier to read. Unlike the mistakeI made with the last ficI published.