Summery: Join our two ghost guides, Azara and KP, as they host the TV show EGGTRAC also known as Evil Ghost Guides Torture Random Anime Characters. As the title says we will start season 1 off by torturing the Yu Yu Hakusho cast.

Disclaimer: We do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.

Shen: If you have any torture ideas…Please do tell. (In other words review) WanderingFlame was the other author of this story (check out her bio)!

EGGTRAC: Season 1

Chapter 1: Hiei

Our short tempered, not to mention short height, demon was in a dark room when bright lights were turned on forcing him to blink.

"Welcome to the first season of EGGTRAC! AKA: Evil Ghost Guides Torture Random Anime Characters! Today's volunteered victim is the Master of the Jagan…Hiei!" A snazzy announcer voice called as the audience cast in shadows clapped.

"What the…?" Hiei asked completely confused.

"Now let me have the honor to introduce to you the best, the perfect, the dead, the smart, the evil Azara and KP!" Two girls came on stage. The first had ash blonde hair, pasty white skin, dark green/black eyes, and wore a black kimono with silver dragons. The second had short spiky blonde hair, one grey eye, one crimson red eye, slightly tanned skin, and she wore baggie black pants with a blood red t-shirt. Her skin was splattered with many colors from a previous fight with markers.

"Welcome Hiei, my name is Azara. We would like to thank you for volunteering." The one in the kimono stated as she ran her fingers through her waist long hair that was held back by a black ribbon.

"What! I didn't volunteer for anything!" Hiei yelled.

"Pfft! Of course you didn't." She rolled her eyes and turned to her companion. "KP, tell him about you."

The short girl blinked her multicolored eyes. "Erm…what? What am I suppose to tell them?" Confusion showed on her face.

Hiei muttered under his breath, "Baka Onna."

KP's head whipped toward him and her eyes narrowed into a glare. "What was that tri eye!" She demanded.

"Hn…," was Hiei's response.

"Fine I'll start. See I died one of the coolest death's ever! I drowned in a vat of glue!" Azara said as if it was the greatest thing ever happened to her. Hiei starred. Who was happy about dying?

KP smirked at his expression and stated, "Well I died in an even cooler way! You see we were doing a project in class and I had just gotten into a fight with some markers." At this point she held out her marker splattered arms and continued. "I then slipped on a marker, fell, and had another marker stab me through the throat!" She smiled proudly. Hiei starred at her in disbelief.

"Isn't it Awesome!" Azara squealed.

"No!" Hiei said shocked. Azara frowned.

"Anyways, to start the show off we will begin by tying you to a chair, duck taping your mouth, and make you watch little kid shows!"

Hiei growled. "You're dead human!" He leapt up and punched her only to go through her with a look of disbelief on his face.

KP snickered and kneeled down next to Hiei, who was now sprawled on the floor. "You just don't get it do you?" She asked him.

"Shut up onna." Hiei growled and sat up.

KP whispered in his ear, "We're the living dead. You have no chance." Her crimson eye glowed and seemed to penetrate into his very soul.

"KP, stop freaking out our guest." Azara said sternly. "We get to do that later!" She said that with a nasty smirk. "Now grab his arms and take him to the chair." Together they dragged him kicking, yelling, and cursing to the chair and tied him down. "KP the duck tape."

KP nodded and seemed to grab a roll of duck tape out of thin air. She quickly ripped some off.

Hiei struggled against his binds and yelled, "Don't you dare!" He growled, but no use. KP duck taped his mouth shut. He glared at her and tried to yell, but all of it was muffled.

"What was that? I can't hear you. You seem to have duck tape over your mouth." KP said smirking. She received a death glare from the apparition.

Azara began to laugh. "Announcer fetch me thy TV!" She shouted. She turned the TV to the little kid's station. "We shall return in 15 minutes." They walked off.

15 minutes later.

When they returned both of eyes of Hiei's were twitching and he was sending glare 27 'Shut up or I'll unleash my Dragon of Darkness upon you' at the TV. "Come my evil, deceased companion, now is the time to freak him out." All of the sudden a ghost turkey named Pobble walked up saying, "Leave Hiei alone. Hiei Master."

"Quiet Vapor Brains!" Azara snapped. Hiei sweat dropped. What a hypocrite.

KP stared at Pobble, slightly baffled. "Erm, what's with the chicken?" She asked, poking Pobble.

"Turkey. Turkey." Azara pointed out.

"Toads shall consume you. Peanuts shall rule the world. Penguins will burp." Azara and KP stared at Pobble. Hiei sweat dropped again. At least they forgot about him.

KP stared at Pobble. She then looked at Hiei. "Dude it called you master. I can't believe you of all people would be the master to a chicken." KP stated while shaking her head.

"For the last time. IT'S A TURKEY!" Azara screamed in their ears. KP looked unfazed, Hiei winced, and Pobble said "Gobble Pobble. Gobble Pobble.

KP looked at the turkey. "Gobble Pobble?" She asked. Then she got an evil look in her eyes and a knife appeared in her hand. "Oh, I'll gobble you alright. I'll gobble you down with mashed potatoes and gravy!" She said and advanced toward the turkey.

"Hold it." Azara said. "We're forgetting why we are here." They both turned their heads to give Hiei creepy smiles and stares. Hiei sweat dropped for the thousandth time that day. Oh shit.

KP disappeared and reappeared next to Hiei.

Hiei jumped still tied up. "The Hell!" He nearly yelled.

KP got real close to his face and her crimson red eye glowed.

Azara cackled only to be interrupted by Pobble yelling "No! Not gobble master Hiei gobble!"

"That's it! KP, you take care of Hiei while I depose of this Tur-Key." With that she grabbed the turkey by the feet and dragged it off stage.

KP blinked, her eye going back to normal, and starred after Azara. "Dammit, I wanted to eat him too!" She pouted.

Hiei scooted the chair while KP was distracted. "I'm outta here." He muttered muffled by the tape. He had almost reached the end of the stage when KP turned around and starred right at him. He froze.

"And where do you think you're going?" She asked him as she walked across the stage to him. Grabbing the back of the chair, KP drug the demon to the middle of the stage. She ripped the duck tape off.

"OWW!" He yelled and glared at the girl.

Azara trampled back on stage with an ocean blue bundle in her arms. "KP! Look who I found! It's Potato!" She held up the bundle which turned out to be a small kitten. She opened her eyes revealing sapphire colored irises. In the blink of an eye she was in front of Hiei cutting the ropes. Potato leapt out of her arms and onto Hiei's head making a nest of his hair.

Hiei tried pulling her off. Didn't work. "Dammit! Why won't you come off?" He shouted. Potato turned her head to KP.

"Hello Mistress." She said in a high pitched voice.

KP's eye twitched. "Get off his head Potato," KP hissed at the cat. A look of murder came in her eyes.

Hiei blinked, baffled by the look in her eyes. "Hn."

KP leapt at Potato.

Azara tripped her. "Leave Pot alone. Besides, aren't we trying to annoy him?" She bent down and whispered in KP's ear. "Don't get attached. When evil ghosts love they go bye-bye." Azara straightened. "Now how are we going to torture him?" Hiei groaned. Were they ever going to leave him alone?

KP laid there. Azara's words played over and over again. She wasn't supposed to get attached, but how could she not. She sighed and stood. "You didn't have to trip me," she told Azara in a dull tone.

"I know. But it was fun." She said with a goofy smirk. "Now Hiei, we shall stick you in a room with small singing children and before he could blink he was in a room with bright yellow paint. Azara locked the door and then they walked off to play PS2.

Six hours later

"You think we should check on him?" Said Azara.

KP put the game on pause and looked at Azara. "Yeah, we probably should," she said. Her once bright eyes were now dull and her voice showed no emotion what so ever.

Azara gave her a strange look and began yelling, "Cheer up or else I shall be forced to strangle you to death!" Azara paused. "Oh, wait, you're already dead. Well, that idea went out the window. Anyways it's your turn to pick a torture.

"Hn…." Was KP's reply. She leaned against the wall and looked right at the door Hiei was behind. "So I open it or do you want to?" Came KP's now emotionless voice.

Azara's eye began to twitch. "If you don't be happy, or as happy as a dead person can be, I shall have to…" She shuddered. "…be good." Azara then opened the door expecting Hiei to be crazy only to have him walk calmly out. "Hey why aren't you insane!" Azara accused.

"I killed them all." Came Hiei's short reply.

"Hmm. The director isn't going to be happy 'bout that." As an after thought she added, "Where's Pot?" Hiei pointed to the door. Azara looked in and saw Potato lapping up the blood on the floor. "Stop that! You're ruin your dinner.

KP raised an eyebrow at the cat. "That cat has more problems than me." She muttered. She yawned bored and asked "What now?"

Azara sighed. Why can't they make her job easy? How hard was it to let someone torture you? "You can go now ya stinkin' statue. But since you are our first guest, who gets tortured next?"

"Yusuke." Hiei said cruelly.

"Alright! Adios!" Azara said waving a black hanker chief. Where she got it? No one knows. "Anything you want to say to our guest, who by the way, acts more dead than we do."

KP nodded and took a deep breath. "BOOGATY BOOGATY BOO!" She yelled loudly.

Hiei starred at the short blonde at muttered, "Save me from these insane ghosts."

"Insane? Insane!" Azara sniffled close to tears. "That's the meanest thing any ones ever said." She wiped her pearly white tears away. "I'm soo Happy!" She wailed.

KP looked Hiei straight in the eyes and stated, "Luckily for you, you said insane and not crazy." She then walked over to Potato and gave her a good hard kick yelling, "FOUR!" Potato went flying through the air yelling loudly. Noooooooooooooo! Potato!" Azara screamed. She then turned on KP and began chasing her around the stage. Hiei sweet dropped.

KP ran from Azara screaming and flinging her arms about like a moron. "SOMEBODY SAVE ME FROM SANTA!" She screamed as she ran past Hiei.

"I am NOT Santa you Moron! And no one will save you!" Azara cackled evilly. "I shall lock you in a bottle for all eternity!"

The producer, a balding man in his forties, spoke. "Announcer, take it away."

"This has been the first episode of EGGTRAC brought you by NorthWaste Airlines providing you a horrible plight plane and HolidayEnd for their gruesome bed and blood! See you next time!"