Disclaimer: Wishing I was somehow her again. Wishing I could have her money, her power and her endless creativity. But as I say, it is all a wish and even though I think a younger version of Severus should be the man that I marry one day, I just don't own him. A well, as long as I am allowed to dream about him...Also the song in this fic is not mine. It belongs to that man, oh what is his name, oh yeah, andrew loyd webber. He wrote those beautiful lyrics for the Phantom of the Opera.

A/N: I was listening to the soundtrack of the Phantom of the Opera (movie soundtrack) and I absolutely love this song. It is so beautiful. I just spend the day reading several Severus/Hermione fics and some of them are absolutely brilliant. It is a couple that would work perfect, but it will never happen. Though I was inspired to write this fic. The title of the song is Wishing you were somehow here again. Christine sings it when she is visiting her father's grave. I only changed one word in the lyrics. Well, just enjoy it. Spelling and grammar are not my strongest points (well, that is because I'm 100 dutch), hope you don't mind.

Well, on with the story.

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In the cold night, snow falling from the sky, 22 year old Hermione Granger, walked at a silent graveyard. Tears were streaming down her face. This was the hardest part every year on Christmas night. Every year they would celebrate the victory of Harry Potter, defeating the Dark Lord. Every year they would remember those who gave their life during the first war and the final battle. For Hermione it was the remembrance of someone she loved and lost. A sad song that remembered her of everything she loved and lost played was in her head.

You were once my one companion . . .
you were all that mattered . . .
You were once a friend and lover -
then my world was shattered . . .

She could remember the day she realised that there was more then meets the eye. His dark and evil image was nothing more than an act. This act was born from his past. His decisions are regretted. He realised that his actions were the wrong ones. He chose to fight at the light side. First as a spy, but on the battlefield he came out as a lightsider. Hermione bite back more tears when she remembered how he fell. He was standing next to her, fighting side by side.

Both fear and strength running through his veins. Fear for the girl he loved, fighting next to him. Strengthen by her love. He send curse after curse towards the Death Eaters coming for him. They wanted revenge for his betrayal. Betrayal of his former "friends", betrayal of their Dark Lord. He fought several battles, but then it happened. In the corner of his eyes he saw Bellatrix sending a curse at his love. Hermione deflected it with a strong shield charm. They were quite a match for each other, deflecting and sending curses. Hermione send a cutting curse which Bellatrix couldn't deflect. The curse hit her right in the chest. He hoped it would be enough when he saw her fall. How wrong could he be.

Wishing you were somehow here again . . .
wishing you were somehow near . . .
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed,
somehow you would be here . . .

Hermione fell on her knees, trying to compose herself. That was what hurt her the most. He sacrificed his life in order to save hers. His love for her saved her that night. The man they all thought wasn't capable of loving sacrificed his life for the one he loved. Tears were now running freely, but she was numb. She couldn't feel anything, not even the cold ground. Hermione stood up and walked further.

Wishing I could hear your voice again . . .
knowing that I never would . . .
Dreaming of you won't help me to do
all that you dreamed I could . . .

She decided she wanted to become his apprentice. That was what she wanted after graduation, to become a potion mistress. She loved the smell of the potions. He gladly accepted her proposal to become his apprentice. They worked together on several potions. They had heated discussions and could talk for hours when it came to potions. With the passing of time they become friends. It took a while for him to lighten up. She finally found a way to break trough the walls he had build around his heart. He shared his past with her. She didn't reject him because of his past. She could just look at the man he was now and not who he was in his past.

One night when they were working on a potion, he suddenly gasped. His left arm burned like hell. He shot her a look and she could only nod. He saw the fear in her beautiful chocolate brown eyes. He collected his Death Eater robes and his mask and walked to the door. 'Wait!' She ran towards him, hugged him and told him to get home safe. He returned the hug and ended it quickly. He ran to apparation point in the Forbidden Forest and apparated away.

That night he didn't return. She knew it had to bad. Hermione stayed in his chambers, hoping he would return. Halfway the night she fell asleep on his couch.

She woke up when she heard the door. There he was, covered in blood, looking paler than ever. He collapsed in the doorpost. She ran to the fireplace and flooed to the headmaster. A mere second later the headmaster was standing beside her. Together they picked him up and lay him in his bed. 'Go get Poppy'.

With one last glance at the pale man in the bed, she ran to the infirmary. Worries filled her heart. That moment she realised there was more than just a friendship. She fell in love with a man she never thought she could love. What happened that she fall in love with him? She already knew the answer. He was intelligent, witty, has a great sense of humour, albeit slight sarcastic. He made her feel like she was his equal. Not to mention that he is tall, dark and handsome. Working close to him made her realise that he was quite good looking. His hair is really not that greasy. His dark hair frames his beautiful face with the strong lines. She even loved the lines around his eyes. And when he smiles his whole face lights up. And she noticed that he smiled more often when he was around her. She could make him laugh and she loved it.

Passing bells and sculpted angels,
cold and monumental, seem, for you,
the wrong companions -
you were warm and gentle . . .

She continued her walk, passing the several sculpted angels. They were indeed his wrong companions. He was warm and gentle. She still remembered their first kiss.

She was reading in his library. She did that often when she had to wait to add an ingredient. He was sitting across her, looking at her. She felt his stare burning and looked up. A blush on her face and he gave her a smile. 'you know that you look absolutely beautiful when you read?' She shook her head. He stood up and sat next to her on the couch.

'I can't hide it any longer. Since the moment I woke up after the last Death Eater meeting and I saw you sitting next to me I knew I could not deny it anymore. That moment, when I saw the fear and relief in your eyes, I knew that I wanted to comfort you, hold you in my arms and never letting go. But still, I said to myself I would and could never happen. You are my student, you are 18 years younger then my. Why should you love someone like me when you could have so much better. And still, I cannot deny it any longer. I have to tell you how I really feel."

A single tear left her eye. He wiped it away with a single brush of his thumb. He cupped her face in his strong and lean hands and locked his dark eyes with her glistering brown eyes. 'I want to be with you. I need you in my life. You make me the man I want to be, capable of laughing, caring and most of all loving. God, life is hard when you are not around.' She looked at him, still not saying anything. 'I know, I can't force you to share my feelings, but I just cannot hide them any longer. I understand it when you don't want to be with me.'

She couldn't resist any longer and gently kissed his lips. He returned her kiss and felt her smile against his lips.

Too many years fighting back tears . . .
Why can't the past just die . . .?
Wishing you were somehow here again . . .
knowing we must say goodbye . . .

Their love was deep, passionate and true. Sometimes it scared her, how could their love become so deep in just this moment of time? She spends most of her time in his chambers. She felt his arms around her waist and his chin resting on her head. She turned around and kissed him— his face, each cheek, each eyelid and brow above it. Her fingers followed lightly along the creases in his forehead and crowfeet. She smiled. He returned her smile and they sat in silence, enjoying each others company.

Try to forgive . . .
teach me to live . . .
give me the strength to try . . .

She reached his grave, a mausoleum with hanging moss. She kneeled and completely lost herself. Tears were streaming down her face. 'Please, give me the strength to move on. Help me say goodbye.'

She was back at the battlefield, holding him in her arms. 'NOOO'. She couldn't believe it. Not him, not her rock, her strength. This couldn't be the man she loved. No, this was all a nightmare. Tomorrow she would wake up, feeling his warmth and his strong arms around her. She would snuggle in his form, savouring each moment. She would rest her head on his torso, listening to the beating of his heart. He would wake up and she would greet him with a smile he would return. No, it couldn't be him, the man she loves, he is not dead. The battle was still going strong around her, but she didn't seem to notice. All she could do was stare at him in disbelieve. A sudden bright light was all around. The light side finally defeated the dark. Harry Potter defeated the Dark Lord. But she couldn't care less. She already lost everything. The only remembrance of their love was the ring on her finger. He proposed to her just one week ago and she said yes. They were going to spend their lives together, starting a family of their own. A life filled with love and friendship. But it was all a lost dream; it could never be more than a dream. Everything went black after that.

She was still there. He gave her the chance to continue her live. She still had her dreams, but she couldn't find the strength to fulfil them without him. He was the one who gave her the chance to become a potion mistress. And she fulfilled his dream. She was now the youngest potion mistress ever. She would keep him alive in her work. His old chambers were now hers. She took his position as the potion teacher. She lost herself in her work. But there was one thing that kept her sane.

She discovered it when she was recovering in the hospital wing. The last night they shared was a night full of passion. With the thoughts of the coming battle they had spend the night making love with each other. His passion overwhelmed her. That night was the night she got pregnant and he never had the chance to be a father. She knew he would look down on both her and their child, but still she missed him. Eight and a half months after his death she gave birth to his beautiful daughter. She reminded her so much of the love of her life. She named her daughter Brenna Aislinn. Brenna has his dark hair, but her curls. Her eyes reminds of his eyes, both dark as loving. Hermione made her the centre of her universe.

With tears still running down her face, she stood up, shot one last glance at the gravestone in front of her.

In loving memory Severus Amon Snape

A true hero and loving man and father

Never forget

No more memories,
no more silent tears . . .
No more gazing across
the wasted years . . .
Help me say goodbye