Three months later…

d2: + 3 years

d3: − 2 days

Part XXI: The time it takes to get from here to there

A single drop fell from her hand and she let her eyes follow it on its way down, watched it colliding with the still surface of the water and sending tiny ripples through the tub. But the drop was so small, the whole spectacle only lasted a second.

She would leave around noon. Even if there were any delays she would still arrive in due time. Enough time to take care of last preparations, check with the back-up team her employer would send along, and wait for Amador to call and give her the exact location. Forty-eight hours from now it would all be over.

Amador. He was the pivotal point in the entire operation. If he stuck to the plan they would all go home with more than what they had come with but if he tried to screw her… But why should he. It hadn't been hard to convince him, once she had explained the upsides of the deal. And there were no downsides. Not for him. And she knew that he had enough respect for her not to underestimate her. She was prepared, had her back-up, and dealing with Amador directly he would get all her attention. He wouldn't be so stupid as to try anything and if he did her instincts would tell her. Forty-eight hours from now she would be free.

She closed her eyes and tilted her head further back, and felt Nick pulling her a little closer. They would be free.

"What are you thinking?" he asked close to her ear.

"I'm thinking it's getting cold in here."

"Then one of us will have to move and let some warm water in," he remarked.

"I guess so," she agreed, not moving though to reach for the faucet either.

"I'd do it," he exclaimed, "but then you would have to move anyway."

"True," she stated with a dramatic sigh. "Then I guess we'll both freeze."

He chuckled.

"Or," he implied, nuzzling her neck, "there's always another way to keep us warm."

"Really," she sneered, turning just a little bit to look at him.

"Yeah. There's this thing I remember from boy scout camp."

Her turn to chuckle, but he silenced her with a kiss that lasted long enough to make her forget why she had been laughing. She was still smiling though when he withdrew from her, slowly, softly, his eyes still closed, his forehead resting against hers. He suddenly seemed serious, and when he finally looked at her again, an almost sad expression in his face, she moved her hand from the back of his head to his cheek.

"What is it?"

"If something happens," he started, but she shook her head slightly.

"Nothing's going to happen."

"You don't know that," he objected, calm but insistent, and for a second she felt tempted to promise him that nothing would happen. Not that she could, but for a second she wanted to tell him anyway.

"If something goes wrong -"

"I promise," she tried to reassure him, "I don't have any intention to let anything go wrong."

"I know," he sighed, displaying a thin smile. "I know."

Of course he did, but she could tell he was still worried. And so was she suddenly. Just not about the same thing.

They had talked it through. She had explained to him that this was the one deal she had been waiting for, the last one if everything went according to plan. He hadn't asked about details, just seemed relieved that the day had finally come. Just tell me where and when we'll meet afterwards. And she had. But there was something – she didn't know how to tell him.

"If something goes wrong," she started. Yeah, if… "If something goes wrong, I'm going to have to take care of it."

He nodded but remained silent, casting his eyes down for a moment. This was the part he was still uncomfortable with.

"Nick," she insisted, forcing him to look at her again. She needed him to know. To understand. "This is it. It's either everything or nothing. I don't think there will be any complications but if there are…" She just wanted him to be prepared. If something went wrong, if Amador tried anything or they got set up, she would have to push everything else aside and do what was necessary. There would be no room for second thoughts or doubts, for that human side he was so proud of having restored. "If there are, I'll have to -"

"Just…do whatever you have to," he cut her off, his eyes telling her again what he had already told her before. I don't want to know. He didn't want to know details of the job, didn't want to know what she would deal with or who. And thinking of what it was that she was supposed to purchase for her employer, she was actually relieved. Nick would have a hard time coping with it, and although she had no intention to actually deliver the virus, although she wouldn't have anything to do with proliferating something that could kill millions of people she couldn't help but be uncomfortable with the whole situation as well. She knew Amador would sell it anyway and someone would buy it no matter what, either to use it or to get it off the market. The whole thing wouldn't just go away simply because she abstained from taking the one chance she had to get out. Just like the world wouldn't be a better place with or without her in it, active or inactive.

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I don't want to know.

Nina hinted a nod and he knew she had understood. He really didn't want to hear about it.

The academic term was over, he was on vacation, and had spent the last month with her in Africa. She had been against it at first, even refused to discuss it with him but in the end she had caved and told him why she didn't want him around permanently. She had told him about Jack's whispered threat, about the promise to keep an eye on her and pay her a visit if she ever got attached to anything. Or anyone.

In a way, Nick could understand Bauer. So did Nina. I took his wife from him, the mother from his daughter, she had explained. Jack is the kinda guy who believes in an-eye-for-an-eye. It would be the only truly fulfilling revenge for him to take someone from me who I care about. And despite the seriousness of the situation, Nick had failed to smother a smile, and in response to the frown on Nina's face he had explained: it's just the closest you've ever been to telling me that you love me. It hadn't been a complaint. He had never used those words either.

He had argued that, although he didn't know Jack the way she did, he couldn't believe he would be capable of doing something like that. He won't come after me. He might come after you – and he couldn't say he wasn't worried about that – but he wouldn't kill me just to hurt you. He's maybe acting on his anger much more than you but he wouldn't go that far.

She had admitted that he had a point but maintained that she wasn't willing to take a risk. But he had told her that he was. I'm willing to bet my life on it. If it meant he could be with her - and he really didn't think Bauer would be able to keep his promise. There was no doubt on Nick's mind that Jack would be able to kill Nina – but an innocent man, a stranger he didn't even know? He won't kill me. In the end, Nina had given in.

Just do whatever you have to do. His own words echoed in Nick's mind now. He still wasn't happy with what it was she was doing and preferred not to talk or know about it. She had been off for jobs twice throughout that month, and he had hated to sit around and wait, imagining what she might be doing. But he could live with it as long as he knew she wasn't enjoying it and as long as he knew that it would soon be over. So, in a way he was glad she was leaving tomorrow, leaving for her last job. But also knowing that it was a major deal, something big, something worth a lot of money, he couldn't help but be scared. And it was enough to make him not care too much about what she would or wouldn't have to do in order to come back to him. As long as she comes back alive…

What did that say about him? Had he changed that much? Was he really that indifferent?

Nina pulled him closer for another kiss and then turned around again to lean back against him, and he wrapped his arm around her and held her close. She would leave around noon while he would stay behind a couple of hours more before it was time for him to get to the airport as well. She had wanted him to take a plane to South America and wait there until they would meet again the next day. But he had insisted on making a stop in the States and going to see Phil first. There was enough time anyway, and since they would have to disappear for good afterwards he really wanted to see Phil one last time. He had sensed Nina's hesitation and she still didn't like the idea of him being on American soil but maybe she had remembered that she owed Phil as well. She hadn't argued about it. Alright. Stay there until you hear from me.

He had called yesterday and Phil had sounded more than happy. It had been too long. Nick wondered if he should tell his friend that it would be the last time. Would it make things easier or harder? In any case, he would have to say goodbye eventually.

He didn't know where Nina would be in the meantime, didn't want to know, of course, but he had made one demand: he wanted to be able to reach her. And much to his surprise, she hadn't objected but simply given him a phone number. Don't use it unless you have to. She would call him when the first part of the deal was done and tell him where and when they would meet. If they would meet. If everything went according to plan…

He felt Nina's hand reaching for his under water and squeezing it gently.

"We'll be fine," she said softly, as if she had sensed his restlessness. "Don't worry."

He answered by wrapping his other arm around her as well and placing a kiss on her hair. Her reassurances didn't make him feel better and he knew if he spoke she wouldn't buy it. But he didn't want to bother her. She needed to be calm and focused. One last time. Hopefully…

He wasn't stupid. He had no illusions. She wouldn't just throw her gun away and renounce all violence. Whatever it was she would try to pull off tomorrow, it wouldn't make her less of a target. And no matter how much money she would have, no matter how many miles, countries or continents she would bring between herself and those who wanted to kill her, not to look over her shoulder would forever be a luxury she couldn't afford. He knew that. A situation like the one with Travis and Jared might occur again. A situation where someone found her and she would have to protect herself and do everything that was necessary to cover her tracks. Maybe it would never come to that but he knew there was a possibility. And he was glad that he felt he would be able to live with that as well. Because even if she really had to do what she had done countless times before, and even if it was for basically the same reason again he knew that something still wouldn't be the same anymore. Simply because she wasn't the same anymore.

And because I don't want anything happening to her.

Feeling her fingers running over his, he remembered something Phil had said all those months ago. About Eileen. She'd love me anyway, regardless of what I did in the past. As long as I am the person I am today. Back then, he had thought that Phil was probably right. That it would be more important to his wife what kind of person he was now. But he would never even have thought of applying the same logic regarding him and Nina. Besides the fact that he hadn't felt that way about her then, there was just no way to compare what she had done with what Phil had felt forced to do. Still, feeling the way he felt today, he knew he would be fine with whatever Nina would be forced to do – as long as he could see that she was not the same person anymore he had met at Division.

"Just promise me to be careful," he whispered. and although he couldn't see her face he could practically feel her sneering. Not that he could blame her. It was probably the most ridiculous thing to ask of her.

"You'll just have to trust me," she replied mockingly.

"I do." He hesitated for a second. "Do you?"

He could tell she tensed just a little bit and imagined the frown on her face.

"What do you mean?"

I know you've never trusted anyone in your entire life...

"If you had to trust me – would you?"

"With my life?" she asked, her intonation completely serious now.

"If that's what's at stake," he nodded, wondering why he was even asking. He already knew the answer. She had never really trusted anyone but herself.

"If I had a choice to rely on either you or me, I'd always pick me," she stated almost casually.

Not exactly a surprise.

"But I guess what you're asking is if I would trust you if I couldn't make it on my own," she continued, pausing a moment as if to think about it. "I would."

It took him a moment to figure out how he felt about her answer. He was a bit surprised, glad because he knew it was probably the best and most honest one he could get, and a bit insecure if there shouldn't be more than that. All at once.

How about I'd give my life for you? How about I'd die for you? Was that just highly overrated romantic sentiments or shouldn't she feel that way if she really…cared about me. The psychologist in him quickly considered the explanatory arguments. The good intentions behind a deed that seemed so purely altruistic, and the notion that it was a selfish act nonetheless. The idea of giving up the only truly essential thing for someone else and the suspicion that the real reason behind it, albeit not consciously considered, was to avoid the grief of watching the other one go and living with the void that was to come. It was a dispute that could never be won and it didn't get him any further. The question was still there because altruistic or selfish – you wouldn't want to save someone you didn't love, and you wouldn't want to fear the grief over someone you didn't care about. Still, he would never ask her for an answer because he knew he would have to start with himself. And he also knew that there was a limit as to how far he was willing to go, how much he was willing to give. Wanting her to live and be with him was one thing but he couldn't dismiss the fact that she deserved death in so many ways and for so many reasons. Ultimately, he knew he couldn't provide a satisfying answer. It would depend on the situation. If it was about something she had done or something she was about to do, something he really couldn't justify despite his feelings for her…

He wouldn't ask her.

And placing a soft kiss on her shoulder, he decided not to waste any more time on the whole issue. It wasn't exactly the kind of questions normal people would deal with anyway. And maybe it was time to get used to just that – acting like they were normal people.