Summary: Tommy has started dating Sadie, and Jude's upset. So she's decided not to get mad, but to get even. Her plan? To hire a hot new producer... maybe even hotter than Tommy.
Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Instant Star. I mean, come on. If I did, would I be writing mediocre fan fiction and posting it on this site?
Author's Note: This is in Jude's POV.
Rating: R
The Plan
I can't believe it. I just cannot believe it. Tommy and Sadie. Sadie and Tommy. No way. How could they do this to me? Sadie knows how I feel about him. So does Tommy. It makes me think that there must be something wrong with me. I mean, it can't be the age thing since Sadie isn't much older than me. True, she's an adult in the eyes of the law, but it's not like I'm a kid. I've been through a lot in my life. I've had my heart trampled on by two different guys in one night. Sadie never even went through a break-up. Every guy she's been out with always falls head over heels in love with her. I just hope Tommy won't be one of them. It hurt enough when I caught them kissing. It nearly killed me when I found out they were dating. So I know that I would die of a broken heart if they ever got serious. Like moving in together, or marriage. So I know I have to do something about it. And fast. I can't exactly change my age to make myself older, so I'm going to have to come up with a plan. I'll call it "Plan Get-Tommy-Away-From-Man-Stealing-Sadie". Or, you know, just "The Plan".
----------------
I walk into G-Major with a long black coat on. So begins Phase One. I stride with purpose into the control room. Georgia, EJ, Kwest, and Tommy are all there waiting for me. I notice that Tommy doesn't even glance my way.
"Hey, Jude, you sure you want to audition new producers? I've been talking to Tommy, and he's willing to produce your next album you know." Georgia says, looking back and forth between Tommy and me.
"Believe me, I'm sure." I say rather coldly. I say it so calm and collected, I surprise myself. Because inside, I'm a complete nervous wreck.
"OK, as you work on a new song for the album, Shane Roberts will work beside you. And if you feel that you two are connecting musically, then we'll sign him to a contract as your new producer." EJ explains.
"Cool. Let's do it." I say a little excitedly, for I just noticed the way Tommy's attention suddenly increased upon hearing Shane's name.
A couple of days ago, when I told Georgia I wanted a new producer, she told me that Shane had been interested in producing me a while back. But she didn't think it was a good idea to have him audition, for Tommy and him didn't get along. They used to be friends a long time ago when Tommy was still in Boyz Attack, but Shane had supposedly stolen Tommy's girlfriend. The way it sounded to me, he was perfect for Phase One.
I walk into the recording booth and see Shane sitting on a stool next to the mike strumming an electric guitar. He has on head phones and doesn't seem to notice my presence. I stand there a couple of moments, admiring his body. He has dark blonde hair that's a little spiky, a tight black shirt on, and jeans. He's hot. Actually, let me say that again: He's hot.
"The famous Jude Harrison." he murmurs with a smirk, without looking up. Then he does, and straight into my eyes. His green eyes bore into mine, and for a moment, it was like, "Tommy who?"
"Um, hi." I say after regaining my composure. "It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."
"Yeah? Hope it's all good."
"Most of it." I smile.
He smiles back. I think he knows exactly what I'm talking about. He glances over where Tommy sits behind the glass, and back to me.
"Want to play?" he whispers mischievously.
"Yeah, totally. I have a couple of songs I've been working on..."
"I didn't mean music."
I stand there for a moment wondering what the hell he was talking about. Then it dawns on me. He means Tommy.
I smile coyly. "I'm ready if you are."
He gets up and places his guitar down. He's taller than me, but not too tall. The perfect height for kissing.
Wait! What am I thinking? I love Tommy. Not this new guy. Right.
Georgia's voice interrupts our stare down over the loudspeaker. "Are you two ready? We're going to play a beat, and you guys are going to work on the lyrics."
Shane moves the hanging microphone in between us. All of sudden, pounding rock music fills the room.
And it's time. Time to take off my jacket. I untie it slowly and oh-so-casually, then throw it over the stool, revealing a deep red halter dress and black stilettos. My back is exposed, with a little hanging chain dangling where it is tied in the back of my neck. I smile. I look hot. I feel it. And I feel everyone's eyes upon me. I don't dare look at Tommy. That will make him think that this is all for him. And it is, but I can't let him know that.
Shane just smirks a little. He doesn't say a word. All he does is look at me in that smoldering way of his. I know Tommy is the only one for me, but damn, this guy could make a girl think otherwise.
I wait for my cue, then start singing the beginning of a song I've been working on ever since Tommy and I split professionally.
The lyrics are very provocative, and I wasn't sure how Shane would react. But he sang right back, and I got to admit, the guy knew exactly what to say. Before I knew it, we were dancing with each other as we were singing. It was mind-blowing, every time we touched. I had such a rush every time we grind against each other. I could tell he wanted me, and I'm not going to lie. I wanted him too. But not as much as I want Tommy.
Speaking of Tommy, I looked over at him after the song ended. Let's just say he didn't look too happy. I smile to myself. Now that Phase One was complete, I could move on to Phase Two. And Shane is going to be my partner-in-crime. He'll make Tommy jealous, thus making Tommy realize that he wants to be with me. I mean, Shane is the same age as Tommy, and he doesn't seem to care how old I am. Which might make Tommy realize he shouldn't care either.
----------------
Shane and I walk into thecontrol room and I notice right away that no one is saying anything. It's pretty obvious that a fight happened.
I stand there, waiting for someone to say something - anything. The air is thick with tension. Finally, Georgia speaks up.
"Do you want Shane as your producer?"
I look over at Tommy. He is looking straight ahead into the recording booth.
"Yes." I answer.
----------------
"Georgia, what happened in here?" I ask her after everyone else had left the room.
"Tommy is what happened. He thinks that Shane would be a bad influence on you. Everyone else - myself included - think you two sounded great."
"Everyone but Tommy?"
Georgia nodded her head. "You know, Jude, just because he's with your sister doesn't mean you two can't work together anymore. You two have something that most people only dream about."
"No, we had something. But he ruined it. And I can't be around him anymore. It hurts too much."
"OK. But tell me you're not just using Shane to make Tommy jealous."
"No, I'm not."
Just at the moment, I realize I'm not lying. I'm not just using Shane to make Tommy jealous. I think I might actually be into Shane.
"OK. I'll go get the paperwork to sign him." and then Georgia walked away.
I stand there for a few moments, remembering of when I first came to G-Major and learned that ex-boy band member Tommy Q was going to be my producer. And I felt incredibly sad. What if The Plan doesn't work? Will I lose Tommy forever?
"Thanks for picking me as your producer."
I turn around and see Shane.
"Hey." I smile weakly.
He seems to sense that something's wrong. "You all right?"
"Yeah." I say unconvincingly. "Yeah."
"Well, how about we celebrate our new partnership tonight. Ever been to Desire?"
"That hot new club? No. You have to be eighteen to get in."
"I could get you in. It'll be fun." Shane smiled.
I smile back. There's just something about him that makes you want to smile. "OK. Pick me up at eight?"
"Yeah. I'll see you tonight." And then he walked off.
Tommy suddenly walked over and followed my eyes, which were watching Shane leave.
"So where's he taking you tonight?" Tommy spit out rather harshly.
"That would be none of your business." I turn to him and glare.
"Jude, if you're doing all this to make me jealous..."
"God! Get over yourself! Did it ever occur to you that I might actually be over you? That I might actually like this guy?"
"He's too old for you."
"Funny, he doesn't think so. "
"He's only using you to stick it to me."
"Why is it so hard for you to believe that someone could actually want to be with me?"
Tommy rolled his eyes, looking away.
"Right. We can't talk about that. Because it never happened, right?"
"Jude..." Tommy warned.
"Oh, don't worry. I won't tell anyone. Actually, I completely forgot about it. I've moved on." I lie.
"Really?" Tommy asked, obviously not believing me.
"Yeah, really. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date tonight." I turn away.
"Just so you know, you're only his flavor-of-the-week. Before you know it, you'll be yesterday's news."
I turn back around and walk right up to him, looking at him square in the eyes.
"Kind of like the way you treated me, huh? I guess you two aren't so different after all."
"I'm nothing like him, and you know it."
"Actually, you're right. He's much hotter."
Tommy just stared at me. I turned and walked away. I opened the door, leaving G-Major. I walked a few more steps until I felt the rush of tears pour down my face. I hate that he has the power to do that to me. Well, that is it. I'm determined to forget about Tommy and move on to someone who doesn't break my heart every time they open their mouth.
----------------
I rummage through my closet, throwing clothes left and right. I come to the conclusion that I have nothing to wear. So I do the ultimate girl thing: call Kat for advice.
She agrees to come right over for a fashion emergency. She brings over some of her own clothes, and together, we create the perfect outfit. A black suede mini-skirt, an electric blue silk halter top, dangling black earrings, and black stiletto boots. She also brought over dark brown hair dye. I'm a little reluctant since red is my trademark hair color, but I decide to go for it. I need a change, and maybe this color will make me look more grown up.
We put on Ashlee Simpson. The song "LaLa" plays, and we dance around. The lyrics are so sexy. Makes me want to do things with Tommy that I really shouldn't be thinking about.
----------------
After a half hour or so, "Giving It All Away" plays. It's my favorite song on her album. My thoughts once again drift to Tommy, as they always do. I think about him a lot, but more so when I hear a song that reminds me of him. I wonder if he's listening to music right now, thinking about me.
I run into the bathroom to wash the dye out. I blow dry my hair to get it super straight, and I am taken back by my image in the mirror. The color compliments me really well. I look more sophisticated. Not to mention I look a few years older. And it's the color that's polar opposite of Sadie, so it's perfect.
Next up: make-up. Kat applies a black eyeliner, then sweeps a black eyeshadow across my eyelids. The result? A smokey look that really brings out my blue eyes. She then brushes a light powder all over my face to make my skin look flawless, and then applies a clear, shiny lip gloss. She does an excellent job. I swear she's just as good as a make-up artist at any one of my photo shoots.
I wave goodbye to Kat as she gets into her car. Then I close the door and lean against it, closing my eyes. My thoughts return to Tommy, and I wonder what he's doing right at this moment. I realize that he's probably out with Sadie, like he always is.
The kiss that I had caught them in comes flooding back, and I resist the urge to cry. After all, I don't want to ruin my make-up.
All of a sudden, I hear a knock behind me. I open the door and give my best fake smile. Shane smiles back and hands me a CD.
"What's this?" I ask.
"Well, I was going to get you flowers, but you don't seem to be the type. I figured you'd much rather have a copy of our earlier performance."
"Awesome! Thanks!" I stuff the CD into my purse.
As I close the door and we walk towards his car, he speaks again.
"You look amazing tonight Jude. And you're music is amazing. I'm so happy you chose me as your producer."
I stop dead in my tracks and turn to face him.
"Do you want to produce me just to make Tommy angry?" I ask bluntly.
"Yes." He answers without skipping a beat. "Do you want me to be your producer just to make Tommy jealous?"
"Yes." I admit.
"OK, then we're on the same page." Shane laughs.
We get in his black corvette. Before he starts up the engine, he turns towards me.
"You know, Tommy isn't the only reason I want to produce you. I also happen to think you're awesome. Not to mention incredibly hot."
"Thank you." I smile. "And the reason I'm going out with you tonight has nothing to do with Tommy. I like you"
Shane just smiles.
"By the way, how did you get me on the VIP list of Desire?"
"Easy. I just dropped your name, and 'Jude Harrison' was instant put on the list. When you're as famous as you are, people tend to overlook your age."
"Funny how some people do that, while others constantly remind you how old you are."
"Are we talking about Quincy?"
"That obvious?" I offer a weak smile. The last thing I want to do is scare the poor guy off.
"I don't think age really matters, as long as you are an adult. And you are an adult Jude. Don't let Tommy make you think otherwise. Besides, it's his loss, not yours."
"Yeah!" I suddenly feel myself cheering up.
"And, it's my gain." Shane adds.
I laugh. He's right. I am an independent woman. If Tommy doesn't want me, then fine. I'll move on to someone who actually wants to be with me. I'm not sure if Shane's the right guy, but he likes me, and I like him too. So being with him is a step in the right direction of getting over Tommy.
Yet part of me doesn't want to get over Tommy. I want to be with him, and I don't want to give up hope that someday we can be together. So I decide to continue with The Plan. And I don't feel bad about using Shane. He admitted to wanting to use me too. So while we're "using" each other, maybe we can have a little fun in the meantime.
Shane pulls out of the driveway and speeds down the street. When we reach Desire, I'm shocked to see how crazy it is. There are so many people in line, hoping that the bouncer will let them in. Thanks to my dark hair, a lot of people don't recognize me, which is good. Last think I want is a hundred cameras flashing in my face. It feels pretty damn good to be able to act like a normal person and be treated like one. Not that I would ever give up my life and all the fame that comes with it. I'm just saying that this might end up being one of the best nights on my list.
The all-time best night, though, was when Tommy kissed me at my Sweet Sixteen party. Overall it was a rotten night, but it was made better by Tommy. Then he had to go break my heart by forcing me to admit that whatever happened between us never existed. So it was also one of the worst nights on my list.
After a few minutes of talking with the bouncer, Shane takes my hand and leads me inside. The club is amazing. I've never been to one before, so I didn't know what to expect. But it's so cool. It's quite dark, with several colored lights flashing. The DJ finishes his song, and Shane walks towards the stage. He whispers something to the DJ, and the DJ nods.
Then before I know it, the DJ announces to everyone that "Jude Harrison" was in the house, and that she was going to sing a song. So much for being normal tonight.
I plaster on a fake smile and walk up to the stage. The DJ hands me a mic and I hear the beginning beats of the new song I was working on along with Shane. As I sing, the crowd goes crazy. Maybe because the lyrics are so sexy. Then, just as I am about to sing Shane's part, I hear his voice as he's walking up to the stage as well. He sing and dance together, and before I know it, the song is over, and I'm panting. So is he. Our performing together is just another form of foreplay.
----------------
Later on that night, I find myself in his car. We're making out like crazy, and neither of us seem to want to stop. But the night must end, so I kiss him one last time, say good night, and get out of the car. As I watch him speed off into the distance, I begin to walk towards my house. Then I realize something. In the driveway is Tommy's car. Strangely though, no lights are on. And then it hits me. Of course no lights are on. Mom's probably asleep, and Sadie and Tommy are probably in her room. Unless they're playing pictionary, I highly doubt they would want a light on for what they're doing.
There's no way in hell I could be inside that house right now. If he wants to be with Sadie, than fine. I'll be with Shane.
I dial Shane's number, explain the situation, and in ten minutes he's back at my house. I rush into the car and he drives away, no questions asked. I realize that I don't have any clothes or anything with me, but I'll just get it tomorrow, when no one's in the house.
When we arrive at Shane's apartment, I feel extremely nervous. The only guy I've ever spent the night with was with Jamie, but that was so totally different. Jamie's just a friend. But Shane has become more than that. He's now my producer and my sort-of boyfriend. So what should I do? Should I offer to sleep on the couch? Or should I just get it over with and be with him? I know he wouldn't mind if I backed out, but I don't want to. I am beginning to feel something for Shane, but I am in love with Tommy. I've always wanted Tommy to be my first, but now I'm not so sure.
We head up the stairs and reach his door. He opens it, and I look around. It looks just as I imagined. There are acoustic and electric guitars all around. Some on display, some laying around. There are papers scattered everywhere. I pick up a few of them, and some are scribbled lyrics on composition paper; others are sheet music. There are a lot of Rolling Stone magazines, and tons of band posters on the wall. Multi-colored graffiti and paint splatters cover the brick walls, and it looks awesome. So punk rock.
As I'm looking around his apartment, Shane heads into his room. I faintly hear water running. A minute later, he emerges with linen, a blanket, and a pair of sweat pants with a tee-shirt.
"The couch folds out, and I thought you could use some clothes to change into."
"Thanks." I smile. I don't know whether to be rejoicing the fact that he doesn't expect me to sleep with him, or disappointed that I won't.
"No problem. I'm going to go take a shower. I'll see you in the morning."
"Night." I called after him as he walks back into his room. As he does so, he pulls off his shirt.
I sit down on the couch. I see the cordless phone right on the table, so I dial my home number. The answering machine comes on, and I leave a message for Mom saying that I'm spending the night at Kat's and that I'll see her in the morning.
Then I hang up and begin to undress. I change into the sweats and shirt Shane lent to me. Then I open up the couch and dive right into bed. I am completely exhausted. Within a few moments, I feel myself drifting off.
----------------
I awake to the sound of a guitar playing, and open my eyes. For a second, I have no idea where I am, but then it all comes flooding back. I look over at Shane, and he seems to be concentrating rather intensely on his song. And it sounds awesome. But I can't help but resent him a little for waking me up from a very pleasant dream involving Tommy.
"Sorry, did I wake you?" he suddenly looks up from across the room.
"It's OK, I have to get up anyway. I have to get home before my mom figures out where I've really been."
I gather my clothes and walk into the bathroom to change and freshen up. A few minutes later, I emerge.
"Shane, thanks again for letting me crash here last night."
"Don't sweat it. That's what friends are for." He gives me a tight little smile and then turns back to his guitar.
I stand there like a fool for a minute or so, waiting for him to say something more. Like, how much he likes me. Or that he wishes I would come over again sometime. Or even a goodbye. But I get nothing.
So I leave. As I walk down the steps, I can still here him playing. I open the door to outside, and look around. How the hell am I supposed to get home? I can't go back upstairs and ask Shane. And besides, if my mom saw me get out of his car, she'd know I was lying.
So I try calling Kat first, but there is no answer. Then I try Jamie, but no answer either. Then I remember that they're at school. I would be too, if only I could get home and change.
I decide I have one one option left: call a taxi. As I begin dialing the number, someone grabs my phone out of my hand and shuts it. I turn around pissed, thinking someone's stealing my phone, when I come face-to-face with Tommy.
"How did you know I was here?" I ask suspiciously. Secretly, I'm thrilled to see him.
"It was kind of obvious where you were, Jude. I called Kat after I heard that message you left last night, and surprise surprise! You weren't there."
"Great. Now I'm going to have to face Mom's wrath when I get home. Thanks a lot Tommy!"
"Don't worry, I didn't tell anyone. I came close, though. But I figure you're a big girl. You can handle yourself. You'll find out for yourself exactly what Shane is."
"I've already found out what he is."
"Really?"
"Yeah. He's my boyfriend." I lie.
Tommy doesn't say a word. I can't tell what he's thinking. He doesn't seem jealous, but he doesn't seem happy either.
"Look, let's not fight, OK? Just let me give you a ride home."
I look around, weighing my options.
"Fine."
----------------
I walk into my house and am greeted by silence. Mom is at work, and Sadie's at school. So I have the entire house to myself. I really should go to school, but I feel like playing hooky. I think I deserve a day off.
I head up to my room and lay down on my bed. I fall asleep for a few more hours before being awakened by the doorbell. I head downstairs and open the door. There stands Tommy, holding up a tabloid. The front page title reads: JUDE'S HOT AFFAIR WITH NEW PRODUCER.
I practically rip the paper out of his hands and open to page 5. In there are pictures of Shane and I provocatively dancing at the club, Shane and I kissing in his car, and Shane and I walking towards his apartment building. Then there was a picture of Tommy and an article about how my ex-producer has a feud with my new producer.
Tommy just stares atme. I wonder how it made him feel to see those pictures.
"I'm going to go. I'll see you around." he murmurs right before he walks away.
"Tommy!" I yell out before I am able to stop myself.
He turns around, looking rather surprised. "Yeah?"
Now I'm at a loss for words. There's so much I want to tell him, but not right now. It's not the right time. There may never be the right time. So I say nothing.
He turns away and continues to walk to his car. I watch him drive off before going back inside the house. I head back to my room and blast some music. It's only then do I let myself break down.
--------------------
Later on that morning, it hits me. Lyrics for a new song. I jump out of bed and grab my electric guitar. I start singing whilestrumming.
If you don't want me
If you don't want me
Tell me and it'll be OK
If you want her
If you want her
Tell me and I'll go away
All the feelings I have
All the moments we've shared
It doesn't matter anymore
Because you never really cared
If you did
Then don't lie
Don't look in my eyes
And tell me you want to be with her
Now someone wants me
Now someone wants me
And he knows how to treat a girl
But he's your enemy
But he's your enemy
Because once upon a time he stole your girl
Now everyone's talking about me
And my guy in the magazinesDoes it hurt you to know
Like a really low blow
Kinda like the way
Isaw you with her yesterday
If you want her, just let me go
Just let me go
Just let me go
Stop doing this dance with me
Just let me go
Just let me go
And let me be free
I finish scribbling the last lines in my notebook and close it. Then I smile. I have a feeling this song will be a major hit. Not to mention it'll totally get to Tommy.
----------------
An hour later I am showered, dressed in my ripped jeans and band tee, and carrying my guitar on my back, ready to head to the studio.
The doorbell suddenly rings, and I rush down the stairs. I open the door and see a million lights flash before my eyes. I stand there like a deer caught in headlights before a hand grabs my arm and pulls me through the crowd. I am dragged towards a black corvette and notice that it's Shane who is pulling me away from the crowd. Behind me, I hear the media screaming questions like, "Jude, Shane! Are you two together?", "Shane, Jude! Are you two having a secret love affair?" and "Jude! Are you having Shane's love child?"
I am seated in Shane's car and start laughing hysterically at the absurd questions. Shane climbs in the driver's seat and looks over at me.
"What?" he asks, starting to smile himself.
"Love child! Where do they get this stuff?" I start to calm down.
"They do that all the time. They manage to catch me with some woman, and all of a sudden the two of us are together. It's crazy."
"Yeah. When I was publically humiliated by my ex Shay, it was all over the papers the next morning." I say, remembering that night. The night I got my heart broken. Twice.
"Yeah, I actually read about that." Shane says sheepishly.
I laugh. "It's OK. I'm so over it."
Shane backs out of my driveway and begins to drive away.
"So where are we going?" I ask, not really caring.
"The studio. Georgia's waiting for us to record your new single."
"I've actually been working on a new song as well."
"Really? Awesome. What's it called?"
"Let Me Go."
"Cool. What's it about?"
"Um... you'll just have to wait and hear it like everybody else." I say, afraid of telling him the song's about my relationships with Tommy and with him.
----------------
We arrive at the studio and stride in together. I notice that everyone's looking at us.
"What's going on?" I whisper to Shane.
He just shrugs.
EJ comes running over from where she was talking with Georgia and gives me a tight hug.
"Oh my god, this is so great! You two hooking up is great for publicity!" she squeals.
"Calm down, EJ. Jude, can we talk in my office?" Georgia walks up to me.
"Yeah, sure..." I say while following her.
Once we're in her office, she closes the door and motions for me to take a seat on the couch. Georgia leans against her desk.
"Jude, what is going on?"
"I could ask you the same thing."
Georgia picks up a magazine on her deskwith a front cover of Shane and I.
"Oh." I say. "Look, nothing happened..."
"Nothing happened? There are pictures of you and Shane walking to his apartment."
"So I spent the night at his apartment. Nothing happened! Really! I just slept. That's all."
"Tommy's really upset about this." Georgia sighed.
"What does Tommy have to do with this?"
"Well, for one thing, he knows as well as I do that this is not the type of publicity that is good for your career."
"But the papers have it all wrong! There is nothing going on between us."
"Good, because he's twenty-three and you're only sixteen. Not to mention he's your producer."
"Yeah, I've been given this talk before, remember?"
"Tommy. Right. But nothing ever went on with you two."
I remain silent, playing with the strings on my faded chuck taylors.
"Right?" Georgia asks, examining my face.
"Yeah." I say rather unconvincingly after a few beats.
Georgia continues to stare at me.
"Spill." Is all she says.
"OK, well, after my sweet sixteenth party, Tommy um, Tommy kinda..."
"Kissed you?"
"You knew?" I ask incrediously.
"I figured something had to have happened the way you two fought."
"Yeah. And now he's with Sadie." Imutter bitterly.
"No matter what has happened between you two, he still cares about you. You should of heard him this morning, ranting about the magazine pictures. He claims he is going to kill Shane when he sees him."
"So I better get out therebefore there's anyblood shed." I say, rising from my seat and opening the door.
"And tell Tommy that if he still wants to kill Shane, not to do it on my studio floor. It'll leave too much of a mess."
I smile at her before leaving the office. I walk down the stairs and look around, but I don't see Shane. What I do see is Tommy and Sadie, kissing as usual. I grab my guitar and head into the studio. Kwest and Shane are sitting behind the controls.
"Ready when you are, beautiful." Shane smiles.
I walk into the recording booth and begin to play my guitar. I look up and see Tommy and Sadie walk into the control room. I take a deep breath before beginning to play my new song. I steal a few glimses of their faces as I sing. Every one of them appears shocked, to say the least.
----------------
Later on, after I record a few more songs including the one I have with Shane, I head into the kitchen andsearch for something to eat.
"Hungry?"
I hear a voice from behind me. I don't have to turn around to know who it belongs to. Who else? Tommy.
"Not now, Quincy." I say while sniffing a container from the fridge.
"That was a really good song, Jude. Is that how you really feel about me?"
I turn around.
"Oh, are we actually going to talk about things now? Or do you just want me to keep quiet so Sadie never finds out?"
"Look, I'm sorry I hurt you, OK? But I'm still your friend..."
I roll my eyes and begin to leave.
"Wait! Let me finish. I will always care about you. And I don't think that Shane is a good idea. Professionally speaking."
"Professionally speaking?" I mock him. "Why can't you just say what's really on your mind?"
"Fine, you really want to know what I think? I think you're giving your heart to someone who's going to smash it into a million pieces - even worse than Shay."
"Even worse than you?" I add.
Tommy looks away. I can't stand to be there with him any longer. So I grab my guitar, head outside, and dial my home number for Mom to pick me up.
Before I can even press 'Send', someone grabs the phone out of my hand - again.
"Do you know that's the second time you've done that today?" I ask without even turning around. I don't have to. I already know who it is.
"C'mon, let's just go." Tommy walks ahead of me towards his blue viper.
I just stand there, looking around, thinking of my alternatives. Realizing I have none, I follow him and get into the passenger seat.
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The ride home is extremely quiet and full of tension. I realize we haven't said one word the entire time as he pulls into my driveway.
Before I can get out of the car, his arm stops me. I turn towards him questioningly, and before I know it, his lips are pressed against mine. But it only lasts two seconds before he pulls away. Before I can say anything, he speaks.
"Goodnight."
"But Tommy..."
"Goodnight Jude." he says again, a little more forceful.
I take the hint and get out of the car. I walk towards my house and open the door after fumbling with my keys. The whole time I can feel his eyes watching me.
When I close the door behind me, I hear him speed off.
"Was that Tommy?" Sadie asks from the top of the stairs.
"Yeah, he gave me a ride home." I try and appear nonchalant.
"Why didn't he come inside and see me?"
"Um... he said he was really tired. But he said he'll give you a call tomorrow." I lie though my teeth.
Sadie ponders this for a moment. "Oh, OK." she says before heading back to her room.
As soon as she's out of sight, I lean against the door for support. I can't believe Tommy kissed me. Why did he do that? And the biggest question of all: Will he do it again?
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I walk up the stairs to my room and shut the door. I lay on my bed and stare up at the ceiling in the dark. I can still feel Tommy's lips upon mine. I mean, I shouldn't obsess about it. It was only a kiss. It didn't mean anything, right? It was more like a peck, and it lasted only two seconds. I definitely shouldn't tell Sadie. I mean, why get her upset over nothing? As much as I would love to see them broken up, I don't want to be the cause of it. Despite everything, she's still my sister and I'd hate to break her heart. Even though she did break mine. But whatever.
But now I'm getting angry. Not at Sadie, but at Tommy. What right does he have to put me in the middle of his relationship with Sadie? He's totally playing with my emotions. Well, you know what? I'm not going to take this. I'm not going to wait around for him like a little lost puppy again. He chose Sadie over me... and I choose Shane over him.
I stuff a change of clothes into a bag and quietly sneak out of the house. I had grabbed Sadie's keys on the way out and head over to her bug. I get in the driver's seat and start the ignition. I back slowly out of the driveway and onto the street. I'm not sure exactly where Shane's apartment is, but I have an idea.
An hour later, I pull up in front of his apartment building. I got lost a few times, but at least I made it. I turn off the car while looking at the time. 1:35 AM.
I walk towards his apartment and head up the stairs. When I reach his door, I'm a jumble of nerves. I stand there, considering my options. I could always bail and head back home. Sadie will never know that I took her car out for a spin. But then I think about Tommy and that kiss, and I knock on the door.
After a few seconds, Shane opens the door. He leans against the door frame and crosses his arms while smiling.
"Well, well... Jude Harrison. At my apartment. At..." he checks his watch. "1:46 AM. What ever could she want?"
"Don't get any ideas. This isn't a booty call." I playfully tease him.
"Damn." he smirks. "And you had gotten my hopes up."
I laugh as he motions for me to come in. It's then that he notices my bag.
"Planning on staying the night?" he asks with a smirk.
"If you'll let me." Ianswer hopefully.
He moves closer and closer to me until we're inches apart.
"Well, you see, any girl who wants to spend the night has to do a fair amount of begging."
"Oh, really?" I say while closing the distance between us. "Please, oh great one, let me spend the night?"
Shane laughs. "Now that was pathetic. Try again."
I think for a moment. "Pretty please let me spend the night on your comfy couch?"
"No, I'm just not feeling it." he teases.
I suddenly know exactly what to say. I put my arms around his neck and stare deep into his eyes.
"Please let me spend the night in your bedroom?"
He smirks. "Now that was more like it Harrison."
And then he's kissing me passionately. He moves his hands up my shirt and pulls it off. I do the same with his shirt. My bare skin is pressed up against his, and he suddenly has me pinned to the wall. I run my hands down his chest and reach for his belt. After I slide it off I realize something. I've never gone farther than this with any guy before. But that doesn't mean I want to stop.
He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. It's then that he carries me into his room and shuts the door. We continue to make out for a couple minutes before he undoes my jeans. At this moment, I realize, there is no turning back. I can stop, make up some lame excuse, and head back home. Or I can stay and lose my virginity to a man that isn't Tommy. But who am I kidding? I'll never get to make love to Tommy. I'll never get to be with him. He doesn't want me. But here's a man who does.
I make a decision. The most important decision I've ever made. I give myself to Shane. And even though I don't love him, the night ends up being amazing. It ends up being better than I ever thought it could be.
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The first rays of the morning sun reach Shane's window, and I smile. I never went to sleep afterwards. I had so much to think about. Shane stayed up a little while afterwards, and we talked about everything from music to what our favorite cereal is. Then he fell asleep and I was left alone with my own thoughts. I felt like playing the guitar and writing a new song, but I didn't want to wake him. So I just laid there beside him, watching him sleep. And I wondered if he was dreaming about me.
I slowly and quietly get out of his bed and wrap a sheet around my body. I head into the living room and start putting on clean clothes that were in my bag: a red tank top and black jeans. I also put on my black studded belt that was on the floor and my chuck taylors.I head into the bathroom to apply some makeup and brush my teeth. Then I walk back into Shane's room and pick up the clothes I was wearing last night thatare on the floor.
"Leaving so soon?" a groggy voice makes me jump.
I look and see that Shane's sitting up in bed, complete with bed hair, looking sexy as ever.
"Yeah, I have to get home before Sadie notices her car's gone." Iexplain while I continue picking up clothes.
"Will I see you at the studio later?"
"Yeah, I'll be there after school."
Shane puts his head in his hands and groans. "Shit. I totally forgot. You're still in school."
"Look, don't worry about it. You didn't take advantage of me or anything. I wanted it just as much as you."
"Yeah, but Jude... if this gets out..."
"Hey, listen." I walk over tothe bedandsit down next to him. "It was just one night. It doesn't have to mean anything."
Icalmly wait for his answer. It would kill me if he thought of me as just some one-night-stand.
He looks up and stares into my eyes. "But what if I want it to mean something?"
I smile.
"Jude Harrison?"
"Yes?" I smile even wider.
"Will you be my girlfriend?"
I hug him tightly. Then I kiss him on the cheek. Just like I used to do with Tommy.
"I'll take that as a yes." He laughs.
"OK, I better get going. I'll see you later!" I get up and run excitedly out of his apartment.
Then I run down the stairs and open the door to outside. I walk over to Sadie's bug and get inside. As I'm just sitting there, it hits me. I'm no longer a virgin. I feel happy that I finally lost it, but at the same time, kind of sad. Like I'm no longer innocent or something. Like I'm no longer me.
I start the ignition and drive out of the parking lot. Luckily I got home quickly and without getting lost. I try and park the car in the same exact spot as it was last night, and then I grab my bag and walk towards the house. Just as I'm about to open the door with my keys, the door opens by itself. There stands Sadie, fury in her eyes.
"Where the hell have you been! And with my car!" she yells.
"Shhhhh! You'll wake Mom and Dad!" I whisper.
Sadie thankfully lowers her voice, but she doesn't appear any less angry.
"Answer my question! Where were you?And why did you take my car?"
"You promise you won't tell anyone? That includes Tommy?"
Sadie nods and closes the door behind her so we're both outside.
"I spent the night at Shane's."
Sadie's eyes get all wide. "What!"
"I'll tell you more later, OK? Right now I need to get some sleep before I go to school."
"OK, but I'm not letting this go. You better tell me everything!"
"Come by the studio after school. I'll tell you everything then."
Sadie smiled. Of course she would go to the studio. Tommy would be there, after all.
I push past her and head to my room. I'm not really tired, but I just didn't feel like telling Sadie at the moment. I kind of like having this secret. So I just practice my guitar and write down some new lyrics.
Two hours later, my alarm clock begins ringing, and I gather up my stuff and head off to school.
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I am playing around with my guitar in one of the empty rooms at G-Major when I hear the door open.
"Room's being used!" I yell without looking up to see who it is.
"Maybe we can use it together."
I hear his voice and I smile. I turn around and see Shane, arms crossed,leaning against the door frame.
I get up and kiss him hello. One kiss turns into two, two into three, and before I know it, we're having a steamy make-out session.
All of a sudden, the creak of the door is heard, and Shane and I turn to see who it is.
Sadie stands there with her hands on her hips.
"Jude, it's 3:30. You promised we'd talk, remember?"
"Uh... I have to go spend some quality time with my sister." I explain lamely to Shane.
He shrugs his shoulders. "Whatever." Then he walks out.
"Charming guy." She somments sarcastically.
I pick up my guitar and walk out of the room with Sadie following me.
"So you promised to tell me everything."
"OK." I say as I sit down on one of the comfy chairs. "Shane and I are kinda dating."
"Kinda?"
"Well, it's a secret relationship. No one can know, Sadie!"
"And why not?" she asks, obviously already knowing the answer.
"Because he's my producer."
"You're forgetting that he's twenty-three." she says giving me a pointed look.
"Oh, you're one to talk!" I say, nodding in the direction of Tommy, who was across the room.
"I'm of legal age, Jude! You're not."
"He likes me, and I like him. So it shouldn't matter."
"Did you sleep with him?" Sadie suddenly blurts out.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me."
I don't answer, but my face must say it all.
"Oh my god! Jude! How could you?"
"How could she what?" Tommy interrupts the conversation.
Sadie gets up and gives him a kiss.
"Nothing, we're just talking girl talk." she says while giving me another look.
Tommy sits down next to Sadie.
"I want to hear." he playfully smiles.
Secretly, I know why he wants to hear the conversation. He probably thinks I'm telling Sadie about the kiss he gave me last night.
"Well, OK, you can listen." she says.
I shoot her an evil glare.
"So, Jude..." she begins. "What kind of tampons do you prefer? Kotex or Tampax?"
I glance towards Tommy. He looks mortified. I decide to play along.
"I'm going to have to say Kotex. I mean, with the new absorbent braid, it actually pulls moisture away from you..."
All of a sudden, Tommy's out of there like a bolt of lightening.
I burst out laughing and Sadie joins in.
"See? You can trust me." Sadie smiles warmly at me.
I smile back. "Then my secret is safe with you?"
"I pinky-swear." she holds up her pinky. I wrap my pinky around hers.
"But just remember Jude Harrison..." she warns half-jokingly. "If I ever catch you stealing my car again, you are so dead!"
Then she gets up to go find Tommy, and I grab my guitar and head into the studio to record my new song. I find Kwest and Shane in there.
As I pass Shane, he doesn't even look up. I'm a little hurt, but then I realize that he must be acting. And I realize that I must act like I don't care when I'm around him too, or else we could get in a lot of trouble.