Disclaimer: I don't own.

Pet Problems
By Mint Pizza Queen

It was a quiet evening as Edward read the latest book that he got from the library. He licked his flesh thumb and turned the page, overlooked the book to the man across the room reading the evening post. The other man's eyes rose from the paper and met with his. He winked. The blonde winked back and went back to the book.

There was a shuffling of paper and the creaking of a floorboard, and then a set of arms wrapped around his torso and tightened into a comfortable hug. Ed smiled and leaned back to the touch, eyes still skimming the page.

"Ed."

"Yes Roy?"

There was a pause. "We need a pet."

Ed's eyes shot up from the book and he flung his head back, narrowly missing Roy's chin. "What?"

Roy lowered his head to Ed's neck. "We need a pet. It's too quiet."

"Play your phonograph."

"Eh, the music—it gets boring after a while." Roy nuzzled him. "Besides, who's going to keep us company when one of us is away?"

Ed sighed. "No."

"How about a cat? They don't make too many messes—"

"Absolutely not." Ed turned so he faced Roy, who moaned sadly when the neck was taken away. "It's bad enough whenever I go to visit my brother there's a wave of cats waiting each time I open the stinking door. Then there's the litter box to clean, and you know very well that I'll end up cleaning that thing. Plus, they dig. They claw. They scratch, and if there was a single mark on my automail, Winry would have a cow."

"Okay," Roy leaned forward to claim that neck but stopped when he felt the couch dig into his stomach, "how about a dog?"

"Okay, sure. We can get a dog. You can walk it, you can clean up after it, and you can feed it." Ed crossed his arms with a scowl.

Roy sighed. He placed his head in his hands, but then an idea hit him. He raised his head with a smile. "I'll let you name the pet."

"Eh, what's in the name?"

"Okay then, we don't get a pet." Roy strolled around and seated himself beside Ed. "I think it would be good enough to make...oh...you the pet of the house."

Ed's eyes widened. "You wouldn't dare—"

Roy grinned. "Here Rex."

Ed glared. He snapped his book shut and climbed to his feet. "Grab your jacket. We're going to the pet store."

-----

Roy grinned triumphantly as he held up the yipping pooch. "Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the newest member of the Elric-Mustang family." The puppy barked happily and wagged its tail.

Fuery crooned, but then saw Havoc approaching the dog and pushed him away, warning him to not even mention making him into a stir-fry.

Riza smiled as she watched Black Hayate approach Roy with a wagging tail looking up anxiously at the pup. "So, what is his name?"

Roy faltered and frowned. He looked away and mumbled something.

"What was that?" Ed called out from the other side of the room with a grin. "I didn't quite hear you."

"His name is Shithead."

Riza blinked and Breda let out a laugh, which was a cut off by a snort and some feigned coughing. Fuery blinked and sputtered.

Roy looked at each face. "Hey, it's not my idea. Ed named him. And it's a much better name than the first one he was going to give him."

"I still say we should call him 'Get the Hell out Of My Way You Little Bastard'."

Fuery nearly fainted.

End