Disclaimer: I do not own CSI

AN: Last chapter, enjoy! Many thanks for all the kind words, your reviews really made my day! THANK YOU

chapter 11

He knocked on the door, his hands were shaking, his whole body was. When he heard her footsteps coming closer to the door he took a deep breath.

She opened the door and was slightly surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"They found the real murderer." He said softly. He stared at her, not knowing what to say next.

"I'm glad that you're free then." She said avoiding to look at him, making him wonder what she really thought.

"Can we talk Sara?" He asked almost pleading.

"I… I don't want to talk Gil." She sighed.

"Please." He whispered. "Please Sara."

"I don't want to talk Gil." She spoke louder, she sounded desperate. "I… I want to leave the past behind and you…you make it feel as if…as if…"

"Sara there are things that I have to know and…"

"…it took me two years to roughly get over what happened back then. I…"

"I deserve an explanation Sara." He told her more confident.

She looked down to the ground and was lost in thoughts for a while. Then she nodded and looked up again. She stepped aside and opened the door wider to let him enter. She closed the door behind him and walked over to the bed, she took seat on the edge of the mattress. "Ask."

He raised an eyebrow.

"You said that you need to know certain things so ask. I will answer."

"I…all the time I tried to figure out why you left. I…I know that I said that I would understand you but in fact I…I never did. Until… until the accident had happened I felt like we were on a one way street to heaven…"

Softly he caresses her stomach. They're both lying on the sofa, she's leaning against his chest with her back. He kisses her neck and then whispers into her ear how much he loves her.

She turns to face him. "I love you too."

They share a couple of soft kisses while his arms slip tighter around her waist.

"You made my life complete Sara." He tells her seriously.

A soft smile flashes over her lips. She leans her forehead against his. His hands slide back to her stomach. He softly caresses her soft skin, then he kisses her again. "I think it's a boy."

She chuckles. "You were the one who wanted this to be a surprise… so stop making theories. Yesterday you were sure that it's a girl and you bought a pair of pink baby-slippers."

Grissom smirks. "I just thought that since your pregnancy was a surprise it should also be a surprise whether our baby is a boy or a girl."

Sara kisses him again. "You're cute."

"I'm in love." He tells her grinning. Then he kisses her again.

"…and then you left. You left me and I…I felt like living in hell." His voice turned desperate.

He stares at the calendar on the wall. Three weeks and four days. Three weeks and four days since she had left him. His gaze is drawn back to the bottle in his hand. He doesn't know how many bottles of beer he already drank today but he doesn't care. All he wants it to forget the pain for a while, even if it's only for a couple of hours, it's better than nothing he thinks.

After a while he leaves his seat to get another bottle. He glances around the room and suddenly a framed picture on the bookshelf catches his attention. The picture shows him and Sara and it had been taken on the day that she had told him that she was pregnant. He remembers how happy he felt back then and then he can't bear the frustration anymore. He grabs the picture and smashes it against the wall.

A second later he stares down on the shards and he realizes that these are not only the shards from the frame but are in fact the shards of his life.

"I'm sorry." She told him softly and he saw that tears were rising up in her eyes.

"Why did you leave Sara? Was …was it my fault?"

The tears started running down her cheeks. He wanted to wipe them away but he didn't know if she'd want him to.

"Was it because… because I did not care for you during the accident? Was it that I… that we…" He breathed faster, unable to control his body anymore. Tears rose up in his eyes.

"I…" She walked over to him. "I thought that…"

He felt the tears running down his cheeks and his whole body was shaking. He did not realize how close Sara was to him until he suddenly felt her hands on his chest.

"…after the accident…" her voice calmed down. "…I searched for someone whomI could blame for what had happened. I… I started blaming you because… because it's always easier to blame the others. But… when I was at home again, after the hospital and… you took care of me all the time… you did everything for me, you… you were there and you, all you thought about was comforting me and you didn't care about yourself… and then I… I realized that I could not blame you. All that hadn't been your fault. I was the one who wanted to continue working until it would get visible that I was pregnant. I was the one who was leaning over the balustrade… and when the light went out and the whole gangway was…I…I started blaming myself. And… I couldn't live with all the self hatred I felt. I… I was so confused and all the confusion made it impossible to just continue mylife the way it had been before."

He twined his arms around her and pressed her close to his chest. They stood there for a while, crying in each other's arms. And then Grissom realized that this was the first time that they were both lamenting their baby together.

After a long time and after they both had calmed down a bit, he pulled away from her. "Sara?" He whispered and wiped a few tears away from her cheek with his thumb.

"Yes." She answered softly.

"Do you still blame yourself?"

She shook her head. "It took me almost twenty months until I realized that this was an accident and that neither you nor I nor anybody else is responsible for what happened in that night. Something horrible happened but… it's impossible to change it." She sighed and completely broke away from his embrace. "It's just that…talking about it always… brings back these feelings and…" she sat down on the bed again. "…can you ever forgive me?" she asked hesitantly.

He started shaking again. He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. He held her close to him and his hands slipped over her back. She twined her arms around his neck and buried her hands in his hair.

Sara is sitting on a blanket on the lawn, suddenly a baseball lands right next to her. Grissom is laughing. "Hey, now that was pretty close!"

Sara chuckles when their son runs over to her. The blue eyed boy sits down next to her and grins brightly. Grissom follows him and leans forward to kiss Sara. Sara reaches out and takes the base ball cap off his head. Grissom smirks and takes it out of her hand again. Then he puts it on her head and kisses her again, before he takes seat in front of her, he leans back against her and she twines her arms around his chest. She places several soft kisses on his neck and laughs softly when she notices that their son is softly tugging on the sleeve of her shirt. "What's up Mickey Mouse?"

"Mom!" Michael complaints. "I'm six years old now."

"You'll always stay your Mom's Mickey Mouse, better get used to it." Grissom tells him grinning. Then he stands up again and reaches out for the baseball. "Come one, when you want to become a real baseball star you have to practise a little bit more."

"Yeah Mickey, hit the next one for me." She calls out. "I want to see a homerun!"

"You've heard her Michael." Grissom winks.

THE END

I hoped this wasn't too fluffy...and I hoped that you liked it at least a bit : )

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR READING AND MANY THANKS FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL, NICE REVIEWS