Memoirs of a Chevron Guy.

Walter's diary or All the reasons this place would fall apart if I wasn't here.

08:12

New plant brought back by the science teams has just eaten half of the commissary and I don't just mean the food supplies.

09:30

Level 14 now resembles tropical rainforest, have just stopped botanists from setting off the sprinklers to make it more atmospheric.

09:45

I never should have let him have that flame thrower. How drunk/hungover/clinically insane was I to think Siler getting his hands on a flamethrower was a good idea. Although I admit, the face splitting grin is about as endearing as it is terrifying…From the looks of things his fresher techs disagree with the first part.

10:27

General O'Neill just staggered into his office. Sense of self preservation is telling me to avoid putting paperwork anywhere near him…I guess this is the reason why frontline combat would be a very bad idea for me. He needs to be briefed for his 11:00 meeting with the new Russian Ambassador. I'll take peace offerings.

10:32

Ah, who needs a white flag when you have black coffee.

10:43

I don't even think he's reading those papers.

10:59

We're going to be late.

11: 01

We're late.

11:46

Huh, who knew O'Neill could sleep with his eyes open…

12:32

Just introduced General O'Neill to the new Russian Ambassador, he was actually quite civil to him, he didn't try to shoot him, not even once. I think command of the base has really brought him down to earth.

12:37

The Russian Ambassador has gone missing. General O'Neill looked a little too innocent when I brought the subject up with him. Shit.

12:38

Have just sent every available airman off around the base to locate the missing Ambassador. General O'Neill is back to playing with his yo-yo, the yellow one. Now I know he's done something. Think, Walter, think. What would O'Neill do? Shoot him? No, I only left them alone for five minutes, he couldn't have cleaned it up that quickly. Oh, God I'm beginning to panic now.

13:59

Shit.

14:12

Where the hell is he!

15:29

That's it! That. Is. It. I am going to kill him. Saviour of the Earth or not General Jonathan O'Neill is a dead man. How the hell am I supposed to explain this to General Hammond? Sorry sir, I left O'Neill alone with a Russian for five minutes, during which time he duct taped him, dumped him in a storage room and painted him yellow.

I hate my job. I really need to relax.

15:32.

Iris opens, Iris closes. Iris opens, Iris closes. Iris opens, Iris closes.

Siiiigh, that feels better.

Iris opens, Iris closes, Iris opens….Why am I getting strange looks?

16:29

Have just been contacted by gate guards. Senator Kinsey has just arrived for a surprise inspection. Shit.

16:33

General O'Neill is not pleased.

20:17.

Well that was eventful. Seven off world activations that required General O'Neill's immediate attention during the tour, three floors inaccessible due to chemical spills and two self destruct countdowns. Although I think my personal favourite was the evil plant that tried to kill the Senator, at least we thought that was what it was trying to do at first. Turns out its less of an evil plant and more of an affectionate one. Very affectionate…and with very poor taste.

Siler outdid himself by setting fire to Senator Kinsey. The grin on his face hasn't twitched for the last half hour, am beginning to get scared. O'Neill's talking of promoting him. Wonderful idea, just what Siler needs, extra encouragement to set fire to things.

21:00

Oh Gods. Siler just asked if I knew why the new recruits were afraid of him.

21:04

Ok, so telling Siler they were terrified of him because they think that he's an injury attracting evil pyromaniac may not have been the best response. Although to be fair to me I've had a very trying day.

21:06

Siler upset by the fact the tech's think he's evil. General O'Neill suggested he do some bonding with them…why do I have a bad feeling about this?