Hmmm...this is in chronological order, from Joey's POV. Beginning before the first season (TOW The Flashback), and ending in an AU Emily and Ross' London, the end of the fourth season.
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When Joey had first met Chandler, he'd thought he was gay. It hadn't bothered him exactly, it was just…weird. Like living with a girl who was attracted to him, except without the breasts and the hair and with something that decidedly got in the way of Joey's version of 'hot'. But the apartment was inexpensive, and the empty bedroom had a nice view, and he'd been living in a studio apartment with a guy that thought he was Batman since he'd moved out of his parents' place, so Joey was borderline desperate. It didn't matter that the guy downstairs who always wore a bathrobe was a little creepy, or that his potential roommate was a gay guy with a Satanic-looking beard who thought his name was Jerry. He would just deal with it, and hope that Chandler wouldn't hog the TV when Baywatch was on.
He'd been surprised, and a little relieved, when Chandler had been confused when Chandler had no idea what Joey was talking about when he'd subtly brought it up.
Joey wasn't even sure why he'd thought his now-best friend was gay. Maybe it was the beard.
When Joey had been friends with Chandler for three years, Phoebe made a comment.
Phoebe always made comments, and they didn't usually make sense to anyone but Phoebe. But this was different, because it concerned Joey and Chandler, and everybody seemed to understand Joey and Chandler more than Joey did.
She'd said, in her usual off-hand fashion, that Joey and Chandler were lobsters.
After the Ross/Rachel phenomena, this was a little shocking to hear.
It was one thing for Phoebe to comment that Chandler was gay, because Joey figured that she still hadn't realized what Joey and everybody else had- that Chandler liked women just as much as Joey did.
But Phoebe had never directed her comments at Joey before, and definitely not at the both of them.
Joey wasn't homophobic, but he didn't like the idea that people might think the same way Phoebe did.
He followed that train of thought for a while, and his conclusion, brought on by Günter confusing the two of them, a Days of Our Lives part, an offered apartment, and a licked spoon, was that he should move out.
"We're not gay puppets!" Chandler had shouted at him that day.
And Joey thought, 'Exactly.'
Anyone could testify that Eddie was a crappy roommate. He took the water out of fruit, imagined trips to Vegas, laughed creepily, watched Chandler sleep, named a goldfish cracker after Chandler, and hated Baywatch and foosball. Who hated Baywatch, anyway?
But even before Joey was given reasons- good reasons- to hate Eddie, he hated him. And he had no real, logical reason to: after all, Joey was the one who moved out. Why shouldn't Chandler get a new roommate? (Even if it was less than a week after--wasn't that a little too soon to move on?)
It was just that… Joey and Chandler were always just the two of them. He couldn't remember a time when it was just Joey, all alone, and Maurice, though remembered fondly, just didn't seem to matter anymore.
Joey had thought Chandler couldn't either. He should have remembered all those years Chandler had with his dysfunctional family, and how they'd had an impact, however crappy. He should have remembered Kip, and Ross, but he didn't, mostly because he tried not to remember Chandler's old roommates. But Joey couldn't forget Eddie- not when he was right there, complete with moving boxes, and would probably be there for quite some time. And Joey wanted to hate Chandler for that.
Joey couldn't quite manage it (hating Chandler); it was just that, for the two weeks that Eddie lived with Chandler, Joey really wanted to rip out someone's hair, and it was a hard call if he'd rather rip out Chandler's or Eddie's.
And sometimes, Joey kinda saw Eddie's point of view. Because sometimes, Joey would catch Chandler asleep on the couch, mouth slightly open, and there was something about the scene that made it impossible for Joey to shake him awake. He would never sneak into Chandler's room to watch him sleep or anything, because he never thought much of the way watching Chandler sleep made him feel.
Because some things seemed so natural that Joey never questioned them. When Chandler was asleep, Joey forgot that Chandler didn't think the same way that Joey did, no matter how close they were.
Joey didn't like long relationships. He didn't like the awkwardness that came with the morning after sex, and the hopeful way the girl looked at him when he said he'd call her. That one look was enough to make him toss her number in the trash and head over to Monica's for pancakes and a hopeful blind date arrangement with one of Phoebe's hot friends.
It wasn't just that, though. When you were single, you were free- simple as that. It wasn't just that you could have sex with whoever you wanted, but that you could do whatever you wanted. There were no dates that got in the way of Knicks tickets; no meeting the parents that got in the way of Hammer Darts. When he was single, he could have sex anytime he wanted- if he was dating someone, she'd be the one scheduling it, and she might want to have it when he was supposed to watch Baywatch with Chandler! Gheesh, talk about priorities!
After all, if he'd agreed to go on a second date with- was it Betty? He was pretty sure it was Betty- he wouldn't be watching a Star Trek marathon (it wasn't as geeky as he'd thought- Baywatch could use the female star fleet whatsit) with Chandler. Ross would have been there too, but he was going on his first official date with Rachel, and anyway, there were only two inflatable sheep. Joey was a little relieved Ross hadn't come, because Joey knew how much Ross could whine when he felt left out, and he definitely would feel left out when he had to use a regular pillow instead of souvenirs from Rachel's Halloween costume.
That was one of the reasons, anyway.
There was just something about camping (well, if making a tent out of sheets and sofa cushions in the living room could be considered camping) that was only meant for best friends.
And, Joey hated to admit it, but Ross wasn't a best friend.
And now, it was just Joey and Chandler and the Trekkies, while the rest of their lives stretched out before them, infinite as the sky. There was no need for any outside influences.
That was how things were meant to be, and Joey should have realized it sooner.
All he knew then was that the beer was good, and that their sleeping bags clashed in a strangely comforting way (Joey's metallic blue that was the same color as Maurice's space suit, and Chandler's red and green plaid that faded into the background as much as Chandler had a tendency to do), and that Chandler's cologne smelled so good that he had to use some on his next date.
As it turned out, Chandler didn't wear cologne.
When they had been friends for five years, Joey had a semi-serious girlfriend.
She was smart (but not a show-off), and pretty (but not in the big-breasted, blonde way Joey usually associated himself with), and she liked the Knicks, which was always a plus. She was also funny, in a way he didn't always understand, but that was okay, because he knew when to laugh, having had a lot of practice on cues with Chandler's jokes. Her name was Kathy.
It took Joey around twenty-six hours to realize that Kathy acted like Chandler. A lot. In fact, during their dates, Joey started making a list of how many jokes Kathy made that Chandler easily could have made instead, and Joey wouldn't know the difference.
Twenty-two, he counted on their third date, and it probably would have been more if he hadn't stuck his tongue down her throat during the cab ride back to her place. The way her eyes sparkled when she laughed was just so sexy, although Joey couldn't help but think that Chandler did the exact same thing, and it looked so much better with blue eyes than with brown.
Suddenly, with no warning, he stopped looking forward to having sex with Kathy. It made no sense, because she was as hot as ever, as smart as ever, as funny as ever. But he just wasn't attracted to her anymore. To fix this small problem, he went out with another girl at the same time, but she hadn't been that appealing either. When the engine fell out of the car and he'd groped her in the backseat, it had just felt degrading.
So he called Chandler and told him to apologize to Kathy for his lateness (he'd scheduled a date with her for the same night), and Chandler's voice had sounded nice, if a little stilted, over the phone.
It was kind of endearing, the way he half-lisped (lisped wasn't the right word- there wasn't a word invented for the way Chandler talked) his s's, and emphasized strange words.
Joey had been in a surprisingly good mood, considering he was pretty sure something was severely wrong with him (not wanting sex? Had Phoebe cursed him like she'd said she would when he never called her friend back?).
The good mood sky-rocketed when Chandler bought him a lot of cool new furniture, but then…Chandler kissed Kathy.
Technically, he'd kissed her before the new furniture, but that just made it worse. Because Chandler was trying to bribe him. That wasn't not what friends did to each other, Joey knew that.
Joey had thought that Chandler hated Kathy, and he'd been slightly confused at that, because after all, Kathy was practically Chandler's long-lost twin sister. But Chandler had always had a low self-esteem, and Ross had told him once that that meant you thought less of yourself, and didn't you think less of people you hated? So, in a twisted Chandler-way, it made sense.
But then, if Chandler kissed Kathy, and maybe Joey wasn't as smart as everyone else, but wasn't that incest?
This stuff was only supposed to happen on soap operas.
Besides, it was betrayal, simple as that. It didn't matter that he'd been planning to break up with Kathy anyway (between her suddenly low sex appeal and Chandler's apparent hatred of her, he'd figured it was the best thing to do). What Chandler did was wrong. Kissing someone just because you hadn't had sex in a while!
But then Chandler explained that he was in love with Kathy, and Joey had never wanted to punch his lights out more than he did right then.
When Kathy and Chandler got back together (they had only been broken up for about five minutes, and it was all Joey's fault anyway, but it still counted), Chandler had asked Joey later if he was really all right with it. Joey had said "Of course" because that was what he was expected to say, and it would be wrong to be honest in this case, and they debated over whether they should do a "lame cool guy handshake" or a hug.
Chandler had went to hug him, and Joey had held out his hand for the handshake, and somehow Joey's hand had ended up pressed into Chandler's crotch.
After they broke apart awkwardly, Joey went toput his plate in the sink. Because the plate was empty (he reasoned), not because of what had just happened.
Chandler's eyes were several different shades of blue.
Joey had actually made a list of the different shades- only because he was bored, he told himself, and he couldn't go out to get pizza or prank call Chandler at work because the phone line had to be free. Estelle was supposed to call him with his audition results.
Sometimes they were blue-gray. They were blue-gray when he was making a sarcastic comment- and they were blue-gray a lot, though not as often as you'd think.
Sometimes they were hazel- green more than blue. They were that unique shade when he was making a joke he actually thought was funny- not one his defense-mechanism had flung out. They were that shade less often than you'd think.
And sometimes, they were bright blue- the kind of blue that could usually only be made on Chandler's Photoshop (Joey wasn't sure why he had that thing- he never used it) when he'd been cheated on. When he was talking about his dad. When he was about to kiss someone. They were that shade more often than you'd think, but almost never for the reason Joey would have liked.
"I hate salmon," Joey muttered, glowering at the toothbrush poking out of the side of his mouth. "Stupid British food making me throw up."
"I think that was the alcohol, Joe," Chandler slurred, sprawled on the hotel bed. "Salmon's not a British food. And, you know, you could have picked the chicken dish- Ross and Emily gave us choices, remember?"
Joe rolled his eyes and the reflection of Chandler in the bathroom mirror, before rinsing out his mouth. "It feels weird to think Ross and Emily, y'know? I still think Ross and Rachel."
"Yeah," Chandler muttered, throwing an arm dramatically across his forehead. "Lobsters."
Joey choked and promptly swallowed the mouthwash. After a moment of gasping for air while Chandler managed to lift his head a couple of inches to cock an eyebrow at him, Joey strode to the bar to get a drink (or two, or seven) that he would make Chandler pay for later.
The next morning, they both woke up naked and squeezed into the same single bed. Joey woke up before Chandler, and listened in a detached sort of way to Chandler's slightly feminine squeal and then a dull thump as he fell out off of the bed.
Joey peered over the edge of the bed at him. "Are you all right?" he asked, and then, "Do you remember if we used a condom?"
Chandler said, "…"
Joey wasn't sure how to handle it; him, them, not remembering anything, and the unfairness of it all, but then Chandler clambered awkwardly back onto the bed, sheet wrapped tightly around his torso. His eyes were that particular shade of blue, and he wasn't talking about his dad. He wasn't dating anyone, so there was no one to cheat on him. There was no one else in the room for Chandler to kiss but Joey.
Just in case, Joey leaned in first. And yeah, that salmon didn't taste so bad after all.
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Hehe, my first Joey/Chandler slash fic! Please review!
Um...the thing where the handshake and hug turned out with Joey's hand pressed into Chandler's crotch is from TOW Phoebe's Wedding with an interaction between Mike and Ross. The thing where Joey and Chandler use inflatable sheep as pillows when they went "camping" is from TOW No One's Ready. Maurice is mentioned in TOW The Embryos.