Chapter 1: No, You're Never Gonna Crack
"Bao-Dur!" cried Mira. The Zabrak turned to see Mira running towards him, her robes flying and tears streaming down her face. "Bao-Dur, you have to hurry! Atton and Mical are fighting and they're serious this time!"
Bao-Dur grabbed Mira's wrists as she flew towards him. "Mira," he consoled in his soft voice, "calm down. I'm sure they're just a little restless. You know how Atton gets sometimes."
Mira shook her head. "You have to come, Bao-Dur! If anyone can break it up, you can. Visas is there, but... please, Bao-Dur..." Her green eyes pleaded with him to follow, and he did as Mira led him away from the library.
Mira led Bao-Dur to a circular room, the room where the five of them held most of their meetings and discussions. These seemed to be happening more and more frequently over the past months, and that was not always a good thing, as demonstrated now. In the center of the room was a circle of five unremarkable but functional stools, and in front of these stood Atton and Mical, weapons drawn. Atton jumped up and brought his golden lightsaber straight down in a failing attempt to injure Mical, who blocked it with his own azure blade. Visas Marr stood behind them, yelling at them to stop. She tried to push Atton back with Force powers, but Atton resisted every attempt. The Miraluka looked exhausted from trying.
"Atton," Bao-Dur called out, his voice powerful. "Mical. Stop."
Atton snarled at Mical, his face contorted with anger. Mical looked calm, but his features suggested that beneath his silent exterior, he was bubbling with animosity. It was obvious to everyone why: the rivalry between these two, from before the General left, was still strong, and in recent months had become dangerous. Any comment from Mical seemed to have a double meaning to Atton, and the looks that Atton Rand could shoot would have caused a wiser man to back down.
Mical used to be a wiser man, reflected Bao-Dur. He had left Atton alone, avoiding clashes by meditating on his own or organizing the chronicles of the Jedi that he had recovered. Atton could try to provoke Mical for hours on end, and all it would culminate in was Mical muttering that he had work to do.
And, of course, back before the General left, there had been even fewer incidents. She had always been able to separate them both, to keep them from injuring each other, either verbally or physically. They would listen to her, naturally, Atton with a docility rarely seen in him and Mical with his usual calm.
For Bao-Dur, controlling the two was not so easy. Mical and Atton put away their lightsabers and backed away from each other cautiously. "Good," breathed Bao-Dur. "Now, please, sit down. I don't want to see any more of this. It's getting old."
Mical did as Bao-Dur asked, but Atton stayed standing, still glaring poisonously at Mical. Mira was still tense, almost shaking, next to Bao-Dur, and the whole room had a thick, tempestuous atmosphere. The Zabrak walked heavily, stepping in front of Atton. "Sit down, Atton," he said in almost a whisper. "She wouldn't want you to do this."
Atton seemed to suddenly notice that Bao-Dur was there, and he hunched over slightly, taken aback by the Zabrak's words. Atton's eyes filled with something close to fear: whether it was fear of Bao-Dur's vehement tone or fear of the truth in his words, the Zabrak was unsure. Atton backed away to sit opposite Mical.
Bao-Dur looked at Visas and Mira, who came forward as well, sitting next to each other in the circle and across from where Bao-Dur sat down.
"Now," began Bao-Dur, "I think these incidents are becoming far too frequent. I don't want to blame either of you, but I do think that you've both had more than enough time to stop them on their own. So we're all going to sit here and discuss these, unless anyone has any serious problems with that."
Mical looked at the ground, and Atton shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Mira rested her hands on the table, and Visas made no movement.
"Good. Atton, I want to hear your angle on this first, and then we'll hear you out, Mical."
Atton wasted no time in telling his side of the story. "He told me that if... she... didn't come back, then it was my fault! He said that I should have been more 'sensitive' to her, that she needed to distance herself from me because I was holding her back."
Bao-Dur looked to Mical. "And what's your side, then, Mical?"
"Atton was telling me that she only trained me because I was such a... well, to put it in more pleasant terms, I wasn't as masculine as he seems to believe he is, and she felt sorry for me. So I told him that perhaps if he had been more receptive to her needs, then she might not have gone off to wherever she is now without anyone else."
"Mira? What do you think?" asked Bao-Dur.
"I don't think either of you have told us how, exactly, this started," the redhead observed, looking from one rival to the other.
"True. Visas?"
"I agree with Mira. Why did the subject come up in the first place?"
Mical and Atton glared at each other for a few seconds, each daring the other to talk, until Bao-Dur sliced the silence sharply. "Mical. What were you doing?"
"I was upgrading my lightsaber," Mical said unflinchingly, "and Atton kept brushing me aside and telling me that I wasn't doing it right. So he would put each piece in, even though I was doing just-"
"That's not true," cut in Atton. "You-"
"That's enough," said Visas. "Mical, please continue."
Mical shuffled anxiously. "Well... that's all."
"Atton?"
"He was doing it wrong. He would have asked me for help anyway if he had even noticed I was there. But he was totally caught up in that lightsaber. I just tried to help him put it in. I may have joked about him being slightly... effeminate, but I didn't mean it."
Mira looked at both men, then at Bao-Dur. Visas leaned back in her seat. Bao-Dur looked up at the ceiling and breathed in deeply before beginning to speak.
"I know that this has been hard on all of us, especially you two. I know it's been a year since... maybe even more than a year."
"A year, three months, sixteen days," corrected Atton mechanically, staring at a spot on the floor ahead of him.
"Exactly," continued Bao-Dur firmly. "But she wouldn't want us to fall apart. She told us what she needed us to do before she left, and I intend to honor the General's commands. I'm sure that each of you do, as well."
No one said a word. Mical seemed to be concentrating on the same spot as Atton, and Mira met Bao-Dur's intense gaze humbly. Visas nodded emphatically but silently.
"And we're going to keep following the General's command until she gets back. We're going to keep this Academy strong. We're going to keep training our students in the ways of the Jedi as well as we can until she gets back. Unless anyone has any other thoughts about it."
Bao-Dur looked around the circle.
"Atton?"
Atton looked up and matched Bao-Dur's stare with an equally fierce gaze. "I'm not going to be the first to let her down."
"Mical?"
Mical looked straight across at Atton. They made eye contact, each challenging the other. "Nor will I," he said, almost defiantly.
Bao-Dur nodded, a vague smile on his face. "Good. Then I don't expect to hear about any more of these incidents."
They adjourned. Mical and Atton left, briskly, in opposite directions, and Visas left more calmly down another hallway, presumably to teach her class.
"You know," said Mira, "I've worked with some pretty powerful guys, but I've never seen anyone quite as strong as you."
She looked up at Bao-Dur curiously. "She was right to put you in charge here," Mira stated. "I have to admit that I wasn't sure at first, Bao-Dur, but she was right."
Bao-Dur looked Mira in the eye. His gaze, which had been piercing only moments ago, was tranquil now. "Thank you, Mira," he said quietly.
"Don't mention it," she said. "Guess we'd better get going. The day's barely started."
Atton Rand drank down another watered-down juma juice. This planet is nothing, he thought, can't even get a half-decent drink around here. Perfect place for reestablishing the Jedi Order or whatever, I guess. He laughed to himself. "Whatever it is we're doing," he muttered.
The cantina was, as always, quiet. Atton always felt as though he was being watched, and he was constantly looking over his shoulder, just in case. His hand shook as he raised the pathetic drink to his lips. As he placed the drink back in front of him, Atton ran his fingers through his dark hair.
Why do I do it? Why do I sit there and teach a bunch of little hopeful imbeciles when I don't even know if she's coming back? He inhaled sharply. What if I snap one day? I mean, sure, those naïve little Jedi wannabes are annoying, but I don't want to hurt them. What if that little part of my brain that would love to torture them, kill them, jumps back into the pilot's seat?
"She'd kill me if that happened," he said under his breath.
But what if it does? I can't put them at risk. I'd be putting everyone at risk.
"I've gotta get out of here before I kill them all."
That would be failing her. That would be disobeying her.
"Better to fail her than to kill everyone close to her."
Is it really? This isn't Nar Shaddaa. There are rules here. Too many rules, all crossing and conflicting. I can't deal with this.
Atton quickly chugged down the rest of his drink. He never even knew it was possible to have internal conversations like this until she came along. Alainna, he thought, why did you leave me?
Laying his coins on the bar, Atton turned and walked away, his robes flapping behind him. Maybe he needed to clear his head, if he was going to start having moments like this.
Dantooine was almost worse, Atton had decided, than any other planet he had been to. And Atton had gone across the galaxy looking at some of the bleakest planets that could possibly exist. What was there on Dantooine? Grass. And kinrath. And the occasional kath hound. Mostly, though, there was grass, and that did not help Atton's mood. Khoonda was a small settlement, though it was larger than it had been the first time he came here with the Ebon Hawk. All it had to offer was a cantina, really, and since this was such a Jedi town, the cantina itself had very little to offer.
Atton looked at the setting sun and sighed. He could almost hear her beside him. Atton, she would have said, calm down. At least you can't fall for hours with one misstep here.
In a way, she would be wrong. You can fall here, Atton thought, and I think maybe I am.
Atton felt shivers go down his spine, and he turned for the Jedi Enclave. As boring as it was, at least there he was safe, hopefully even from himself. He looked once more at the desolate colors of the sunset. You'd better come back to me, Alainna, he thought. Either way, I'll find you.
Visas was interrupted from her meditation by a presence walking behind her. Turning, the Miraluka sensed that it was Atton. Visas arose and turned to the hesitant figure.
"Yes?" she said aggressively. "What is it?"
Atton stepped forward, clearing his throat. "I feel like you have something to say. What is it and why didn't you get it out with the rest of the interrogation?"
Visas stepped closer to Atton. As she did, he backed away. "Don't be afraid, Atton," she said, "I'm not going to bite."
Atton seemed unconvinced. "Then you did want to say something?"
"I wanted to say that it's disgusting how much you bully Mical. You're not giving him a chance to progress and learn when you keep pushing him down."
"What? I- hey, he's supposed to be the all-knowing historian guy!"
"That's what he already is, Atton, not what he can be! You have to try and see him like she did, Atton. Do you think she would have brought him along if she didn't think he could be more than he was?"
"What is it with you people, talking like you know her better than I do?"
"Atton, I may be the blind one, but you see even less than I do."
Atton backed up a step. "What are you talking about? More cryptic Jedi riddles?"
"You're as much a Jedi as I am. And I'm talking about how your love for her blinded you from seeing what she saw. You didn't care why she did what she did. You followed her- blindly, as did Mical."
"Don't even compare the way I-"
"I wasn't. I'm just saying that you never needed to know exactly why she did what she did. I'm not criticizing that. But we all needed to, Atton. So we had to see things from her point of view before we could completely follow her."
Atton dropped his head to the side. The room was filled with silence.
"Do you understand me?"
Atton looked up slowly. "Yeah," he mumbled, "I think I might."
"Good." Her tone softened. "I don't want you to feel like you've done anything, Atton. I just need you to understand. For all of us."
Atton turned around and left.
Revan lay on the surface of the planet, blood soaking the ground around her. I've seen worse, she thought. Hope the inside of the ship turned out better, though. Funny... I can't feel my legs. Revan desperately tried to either move or speak, but neither seemed to work.
"Hey," called a voice, "what happened here?"
The voice grew nearer, and another voice behind Revan spoke. "Whoa! Are you alive, ma'am?"
Revan groaned. She lifted the tip of her finger, pointing towards the shuttle. Footsteps ran in that direction. "Call for backup and a med team! We need to get help for her," commanded the first voice. Revan assumed that they were planetary officers of some kind, hopefully from the Republic. She inhaled through her nose, trying to smell anything distinctive about this world. She smelled the dirt, but nothing to set this planet apart from any other Rim world… still, something seemed incredibly familiar about the air here. Revan felt instinctively that this was where she wanted to be. Maybe it was always where she wanted to be. She felt something unlock in her mind, and she knew somehow that this was the best place for her to be.
"Can you move?" said the other voice, next to her head. "Or speak?"
Revan stayed still. "Carth," she coughed, "Carth Onasi..." She still could not remember just how she had gotten here.
The officer's jaw dropped. "What?"
"Tell... him..."
"Hold on. Don't speak. Hey, Lieutenant!"
The first voice called back to the soldier near Revan. "What?"
"She's calling for Admiral Onasi!"
Revan smiled faintly. He had made the promotion.
"Well, don't tell me! Get moving!"
The ground swirled in front of Revan as the soldier beside her called for backup. The colors melted into a single darkness, and that darkness consumed the rest of the world.