Chapter 7

Warrick has gone on a shooting spree in a stereotypical bell tower. We can now give him screen time because he has escalated to Random Violent Black Man With a Weapon.

"Brown!" says Ecklie, shouting upward as the fountain behind him is pummeled with bullets. "You're on one-week leave with-"

Ecklie has been shot through the heart and head. If he were human, he would die, but instead he turns into silver metal-soup. He is either a Terminator or one of those Capri Sun people. Back at the lab, he has returned to his human form and is plotting a way to make Grissom look bad. It is unknown whether he will actually do any work. Ever.

"Stop, Warrick!" says Catherine, reapplying her lip gloss and adjusting her cleavage. "If you die/go to jail/conveniently leave the show I've lost the last thing that I can make entirely about me that's still mildly interesting and new. I mean, let's face it: even I hate the girl who plays my daughter. We can't subject people to her angry pout-face any more. Also... I'm carrying your child."

"How is that possible?" asks Warrick, stopping to reload.

"After six years haven't you learned to just abandon logic completely? Shock value is all that matters. Take your shirt off - that's usually a good distraction."

Nick arrives on the scene as well but Warrick doesn't recognize him. He raises his gun and aims.

"Die, Hitler!"

The gun is fired, but Nick moves his head a quarter of an inch and the bullet rips off his moustache instead. Just go with it. There are parades in the street. The people rejoice.

Warrick is shot down by the FBI. No one notices.

Grissom enters the morgue and Doc looks up from his child torture and pornography subscriptions.

"I just got your page, Doc - what have you suddenly realized now that at the time you couldn't tell me but suddenly makes sense and can solve the case in a timely and efficient manner? We have two minutes."

"The girl committed suicide," says Doc, but with flashbacks this takes a minute and a half.

"Huh. How'd we miss that?"

Doc shrugs.

"Wait," says David. "So that's it? There's no post-episode follow-up like on Law and Order... we're not continuing any of the personal romantic storylines... and what about Warri-"

Tune in next week for an episode about Compulsive-Eating Swinging Midget Transvestite Cat Suit People on Acid Who Are in A Cult.