Moony:
Sirius. Remove your feet from my bag. I need more parchment.
Padfoot:
You do NOT need more parchment Moony, you're taking way too many notes as it is mate. Hey, just how many fireworks do you think we'd have to set off before Binns would notice...?
Moony:
Too many. And I do need parchment because if I don't take notes then you, James, and Peter are all going to FAIL.
Padfoot:
I'm much too brilliant to fail anything ever, don't know about poor Peter though.. hmmm, I'll just give him some parchment and tell him it's his job today.
Aww, but Moony, having History of Magic with the Slytherins is much too good an opportunity to waste, and besides Snivellus is looking far too interested than can be healthy (though I suppose I shouldn't say that to you, as you're rather mad about all your classes) I wonder how many fireworks we'd have to set off before HE'D notice?
Moony:
Not even one. He's learned to stay semi-alert in our double classes and you know it.
And it's not unhealthy to enjoy learning! Can you ever leave the fellow alone? I still don't see why you and James feel the need to torture him so...
Speaking of James, he and Peter look like they're 3/4 of the way to dreamland. Neither of them can take decent notes right now.
So move your feet. You're probably crushing my spare quill and you might break my ink bottles and then it will spill all over the ONLY DRAFT of the map.
Padfoot:
Oooo, that was dirty, threatening me with harm to The Map. Unfair tactics! Where is your Gryffindor spirit, madam? (You do not get to be called "mister" anymore as you so obviously care about boring, unmanly things such as NOTE TAKING. You're almost as bad as Evans, and James doesn't even fancy you! Though that might be a plus...)
Ha, Prongs is awake now! I just sent a sneezing jinx his way, poor Prongsie's glasses actually fell off his face! He was glaring at me in a very myopic way, which was even more amusing than the actual sneezing bit. Poor cross-eyed chap.
Well it isn't my fault Snape is a great big git, is it? Honestly, you act like he didn't just try to poison Peter last week in Potions. (And NO, I DON'T care that Peter was the one who added the fennel seed too early, I still say it was Snape's fault.)
Moony:
I assure you that I am quite male, thank you very much. And James not fancying me is definitely a plus. We would have cross-eyed, sneezy, blind, lunarly-crazed, note-taking little children and your world would just completely end.
And you'd best watch out, you know Prongs will get you back for that one. Somehow.
The fact that Peter did indeed make a mistake cannot be ignored and full blame cannot be placed on Snape.
Oh, and thanks for moving your feet. But I think Prongs has the map today anyhow. Or you might even have it...
Padfoot:
Haha, gotcha! And (surprise, surprise) Binns didn't even notice that I Accio'd your parchment right out the window. Too bad I accidentally thwapped Snivellus while it was on the way out, though (I should have spelled it to give him papercuts. Bloody annoying, papercuts are)
And Prongs is much too unimaginative and rather too smitten with Evans to bother pranking me, unless he had help, which I know you are MUCH too nice of a bloke to be doing behind your best mate's back, eh Mr. Moony? (And yes your are back to Mister now, as I've rather noticed how male you are, what with your great bushy eyebrows and skinny arse. You'd make a ruddy awful bird, y'know.)
So are we still on for breaking into Greenhouse 5 tonight? Eh eh?
Moony:
Why Padfoot, I didn't know you cared. I'll see you there on the twelfth of never. There are nasty evil plants there.
So glad to notice that my masculinity has not gone unnoticed, though you have killed any hope I had in the career track of a cross-dresser. What a way to shatter my dreams. For shame Mr. Padfoot!
I have many best mates. Would it be so bad to go behind the back of one for the good of another? I would watch my back if I were you.
And not just for me, Snape looks pretty miffed about the whole parchment thing. Oh, and thanks for your recent donation to the Remus Lupin Parchment Collection, your donation will be greatly appreciated and used immediately.
Padfoot:
Oh! You WOUND me, Moony! So many insults, I do not even know in which manner I should attempt to address them (though I must say no plants are as evil as you're being to me. Cruel, cruel Moony)
I know you like me best out of all your best mates (don't deny it, I've asked the draft of The Map, it told me so, and it also told me about the Knickers Incident. Moony, you dog! ... er don't comment on that)
Cross-dresser? Is that what those Muggles call it? And anyway it'd hardly be a bad thing if you put on some eyeliner and glitter, I hear that's big now. ooooh, we can start a BAND, here at HOGWARTS, wear leather trousers, and write the most brilliant songs! Here's one now--
Oh your touch is magic
I love how your
bushy eyebrows wag
But this song is tragic
Because me you won't
shag
Ooooh, Ooooh, Moony, yeah (repeat 10 X)
Ah, lyrical genius, that is. Don't worry, I'll let Peter be in the band, maybe he can be my backup? You will of course be playing the drums (because I know how much you like to make noise, don't deny it, your books do not fool me!)
And we MUST go to Greenhouse 5 TONIGHT, because there is something afoot I must show you (and before you ask no, it is not another poison-ivy plant, bugger who knew it could infect dogs?)
Moony:
Cruel? I prefer honest. And the plants would be wounding. The poison-ivy plat will not be soon forgotten. Nor will the other dangerous and unknown plants that you find so amusing. And I particularly don't want these nasty plants on my feet. Because then I couldn't walk and would have to rely on you to carry me everywhere.
Eyeliner, ok, Glitter, no, leather trousers...do you want to die? I'd rather have continued circulation down there, thank you very much.
Any songs written by this non-existent band (I refuse to wear leather trousers) will not have any references to my poor eyebrows or my currently-non-existent-by-choice sex life.
...you would really let me play an instrument that gives me sticks with which I could beat you? How brave.
Padfoot:
You'd wear eyeliner, really? Normally I would be very excited about our Mr. Moony going glam but I feel the effect would be ruined since the great hairy worms that have eaten their way across your forehead (the ones you call eyebrows) would block the dramatic effects of eyeliner from sight. don't worry though, you can compensate with the GLITTER and LEATHER trousers, which you will most certainly wear. Ah, I can wax lyrical about it now--
Moony's leather trousers makes me
sing
And the girls think the glitter makes up for his 'brows
So
their knickers to the stage they do fling
And Mr. Moony howls
before he bows
And I know you are going to comment that I can't rhyme "brow" with "bows", but I assure you I can, unless you want that last line to be, "And Mr. MOOny is short for Mr. I-look-like-a-cow"!
You know I'm just taking the mickey about your eyebrows and your looks, right? Because I actually think you are a bit of all right (or at least you would be in LEATHER TROUSERS! those are ace)
"non existent by choice" eh? If it makes you feel better.. though I suppose it's more respectable than Prongs, whose sex life is non-existent because Evans thinks he's a git. (And also because he has "circulation problems" down there, though not 'cos of leather trousers, most likely)
Haha, look at Snape, he obviously thinks we are plotting something (which we ARE, because you ARE coming with me to Greenhouse 5 tonight. Bwa ha ha ha)
Moony:
Oh fine, I'll come. But if I die, you're buying me a very nice coffin, you hear?
My eyebrows are insulted. They shall not waggle and be happily bushy anymore in your presence. They will be sad-bushy. Very sad.
No glitter. No leather trousers. Glitter looks bad on me and leather trousers are bloody uncomfortable.
I do not look like a cow and your lyrics need help. Badly.
..I hope the knickers are at least CLEAN. Yuck.
And you know, if the trousers make you sing, then I don't wear them, you have no reason to sing, right? Right. Good. No more singing about my eyebrows then. Or any part of me. Even if I do look 'a bit of alright'
Padfoot:
How DARE you besmirch my songs? That's it, I'm singing them for you right now--
-- Haha, and Binns didn't even stop lecturing (though I think I just woke up all the class, poor Peter, he was happily drooling while in dreamland)
Oh stop looking so horrified Moony, you asked for it! I had to prove to you my lyrics really are ace (and plus it's good advertising for our band, which shall be called, "Black's Pack." haha, catchy eh?) Really, you can push your eyeballs back into your head now. Honestly, you think you'd be used to my adorable antics by now
Oooo does Moony not like knickers? Even bright pink lacy knickers, full of wonderful girl-scent and possibly stray pubic hairs caught in the fabric? (I'm giving myself bad mental images, so I have to stop now. That rather backfired..)
You shall not die Moony, good ol' Padfoot'll protect you to the very end. You do know that, right? I'm like your guardian. All poisonous Moony-eating plant specimens shall wither as I growl ominously (or at least raise one of my back legs ominously, heh heh, because no plants are a match for Padfoot, EVER! I shall pee them to death.)
Oh Good, Handsome Moony, Moony With The Perfectly Shaped Eyebrows, you will not regret tonight-- and no explosions this time (or at least none that Professor McGonagall will find out about, like last time).
Hmm, do you think I'm a bit of all right? I mean, I know everyone else thinks I'm the most gorgeous bloke at this school, but does ickle Moonikins thinks so too?
Ha ha look at Finnegan, she's glaring at Peter, apparently his drool ruined her parchment...
Moony:
ADORABLE! You do realize that we have this class with Slytherins and I am now going to hear about my eyebrows and how I won't shag you for the rest of...of...FOREVER!
...Bad mental place. Almost as bad as your lyrics. Please, let us not revisit pink lacy knickers.
Ickle Mooniekins does not exist and therefore cannot think. Moony thinks that Padfoot is being a bit vain. Just a bit.
I'd forgotten the potency of Padfoot pee. It certainly smells bad enough.
Better not be any explosions. Or fireworks. I do NOT want to scrub those darn trophies again.
Moony was written by LilaPotter (on Livejournal); Padfoot was written by me.
Reviewing is good karma:)