Black Blood

A/N: I had a little too much fun writing this chapter. I'm sure you'll see why. I may have gotten a little bit carried away… Oh well. Enjoy!

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Chapter 11 – Children

Raven closed the door after Remus and turned to find Sirius reclining across her couch with his arms folded behind his head. "So… what are we gonna do, now that we're alone?" he asked, then motioned for her to come join him.

Raven perched on the end of the couch, down near his feet, and Sirius quickly swiveled into a sitting position and moved as close as possible to her. She sighed. "Not that."

An extremely sexy smirk slowly made its way across Sirius's face as he deftly pulled her into his lap. "Not what? You don't know what I was thinking."

She put her hand over Sirius's lips as he leaned in toward hers. "Yes, I do."

Frowning, Sirius yanked her hand away and held it in his. "Why can't I kiss you? You're my girlfriend, aren't you?"

"Yes…but every time you kiss me, you get too carried away."

"That's the whole point, isn't it?" Sirius grinned, stroking her cheek with the thumb of his free hand.

Raven sighed. "Oh, come on, there's got to be something you'd rather do than have sex…"

Sirius's smirk was back. "Name one thing that's more fun and we'll do that instead."

"Well…" Raven thought for a moment, "they say the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach," Raven shrugged. "If you stop trying to get me into bed with you, I'll… bake?"

Sirius glowered at her. "You thinking cooking is more fun than sex?"

Raven ignored his question to tempt him with another. "Chocolate chip cookies?"

He was suddenly distracted by the mental image. "…Maybe if they're warm and gooey with extra chocolate chips?" he asked, excitedly.

She smiled. "Sure."

"If you let me kiss you one more time," Sirius bargained.

Raven sighed. "What makes you think I don't want you to kiss me? I just don't want it to turn into more than that because it was your dumb idea to wait until we've been together longer."

"If you thought it was such a 'dumb' idea, why the hell did you agree to it?" Sirius argued.

"Because you made it sound like it was important to you, to 'do things the right way for once.' Those are your own words!"

"Well maybe I changed my mind!" he exclaimed.

Raven was quick to retort, glaring at him, "Maybe you've lost your mind."

Sirius groaned and leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes, bringing one hand up to rub them.

Frowning at him, Raven asked, "What?"

He let out a deep sigh and answered, lowly, "When you glare at me like that, I want you more than I can stand."

Blood flooded through Raven's cheeks. "You've told me… I forget not to; it's become a habit."

Quickly, before she had time to react, Sirius put a hand behind Raven's neck and pulled her face toward his. He wasn't going to go down without a fight and was considerably stronger than she was on a normal day, so once she began to kiss back, he wrapped his arms around her waist tightly. Raven sighed and parted her lips as she rested her hands on his chest, ready to push him away when she had to. He kissed her more deeply, moving down to her jaw, her earlobe, her neck, her collarbone, and back up again. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Raven registered that Sirius was very good at this; it was almost impossible to keep a coherent thought while he moved fluidly from kissing one body part to the next. Heat began to rise up her throat and she had to fight to keep it down.

But as Sirius's strong hands started to find their way under her shirt and up her back, Raven broke his hold on her. "Black…"

He grinned again, keeping his forehead against hers. "Ooh, I like it when you say 'Black' that way, too."

"I know…" As he leaned toward her yet again, Raven quickly continued, "but you said one more kiss. Now we make cookies."

Sirius snorted. "We? Love, I can't cook, remember?"

"I think that's just an excuse to get women to cook for you."

He shook his head. "It's not."

Raven sighed. "Fine, would you rather go through my underwear drawer now?"

Sirius's eyes went to her chest. "I'd rather see what you've got on already…"

She narrowed her eyes on him and crossed her arms over her front. "There's no chance of that happening."

Sirius scoffed. "Oh come on, why not? I already know what size they are anyway: 34 B," he stated, confidently, then continued, after some thought. "You're a full B, though. You could wear a C."

Raven rose an eyebrow. "You can tell the size of women's boobs just by looking at them. That's definitely something I didn't care to know about you, Black."

Sirius giggled excessively. "Haha… boobs…"

"I hope Remus gets back soon," she sighed for the thousandth time.

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"So basically, when Sirius inhaled the gaseous emissions of the plant—"

Remus had to pause while Sirius giggled like a little boy. "Gaseous emissions? The plant farted on me? Hahahaha…"

He sighed and continued, addressing Raven. "Kind of like how a dementor sucks the happiness out of you? The plant that infected Sirius feeds on maturity."

"Well obviously…" said Raven, surveying Sirius, who was now wearing a pair of her bright chartreuse knickers over his jeans and trying to stuff five chocolate chip cookies into his mouth at once while continuing to giggle. "The effects will wear off, though…right?"

"The shopkeeper gave me a potion that will counteract the plant's—"

"No!" came Sirius's suddenly childish voice. "No medicine! I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I WON'T drink it!"

James giggled.

Remus's and Raven's heads swiveled around in a millisecond to stare at him, accusingly. Raven's eyes were wide.

"Oh hell no, not you, too…" she moaned. "Don't encourage him!"

"What?" A smirk grew around James's lips as he answered his own question. "He's infectious… If Sirius gets an excuse to be an immature git, I have to join in; I can't resist! How much harm could he actually—"

A pair of purple, lace knickers soaring through the air and hitting James right between the eyes cut him off.

Sirius snickered. "Now you know why we call you 'Thongs'!"

James remained frozen for a few seconds, then threw himself across the room after his best friend, who let out a shriek and, still laughing, sprinted from the living room. As Sirius and James ran around them, giggling like prepubescent schoolboys, Raven and Remus stared into each other's eyes, silently wondering how long this could reasonably keep up.

"You just had to bring James…"

Remus gestured helplessly into the air. "Well, he called to ask if I could take his shift tonight—he thinks Lily is getting close—and I wasn't sure whether you'd need my help or not..."

Sirius skipped by them both, catching Remus's arm and trying to drag him along. "C'mon! Moon-Me, Sperm-whale, Mad-foot and Thongs! Hey, where's Sperm-whale been lately…"

Raven rolled her eyes and watched them go; James now came to her side.

"So, he really told you he wanted to wait to have sex?"

"When he wasn't masquerading around as his alter-ego 'Mad-foot', yes."

"Wow…" mused James. "Must be the real thing, huh?"

Raven bit her lower lip and smiled sheepishly, then turned back to watch as Remus attempted to wrestle away from Sirius in a dignified manner, clearly trying to demonstrate that he wasn't going to join in on the party like James had, even if Sirius tried to force him.

Sirius finally let Remus go, only to sidle up next to Raven again seconds later, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and speaking into her ear, using that velvety voice again. "Hello, my future- and soon-to-be-lover. You just say the word and I'll make these two get lost."

Raven let out an exasperated sigh. "Weren't you ever shy?!"

At the utter absurdity of an idea such as that, he, James, and Remus all laughed in unison, Sirius pulling Raven more tightly back into him and moving her hair back so he could kiss her neck.

"Guys…" she gave James and Remus a pleading look.

Sirius's arms stiffened around her, his head snapped back up, and his body went rigid with excitement, mistaking her reproving tone for one of surrender. "You heard the lady, boys! Out, both of you! Be quick about it!"

Raven scoffed and pushed him away, heading toward her bedroom, grumbling under her breath.

James smirked, turning Sirius's body to face him and reaching to fix his hair, straighten his shirt, and appraise his general appearance. Sirius's eyes followed every step Raven took. "Okay, now don't be late again. You look great, honey."

Sirius clapped James on the shoulder. "Thanks, dear."

He followed after Raven a little too eagerly and was on her heels before she even reached the doorway. Therefore, he was taken by surprise when she suddenly did a one-eighty to face him, stretching her arm across the doorframe to block his access while she glared at him.

"Where do you think you're going? I'm locking myself in my room to escape from you. Let me know when my boyfriend re-inhabits his body."

"Raven, love…" Sirius sighed, "I don't see how I can help wanting you." He reached down and took her face in both his hands, looking down into her eyes. "And I know you want me, too."

"Sirius," began Remus in a warning tone, "how many times does Raven have to tell you 'no' before you'll get the point?"

Scowling, Sirius rounded on his friend, letting go of Raven's face. "Are you trying to say I'm thick?? I do get it!"

"Then maybe you should back off," Remus continued.

Sirius rolled his eyes, then glowered. "Maybe you should put on some lipstick if you're gonna act like my mother."

James snorted.

"Black, take the potion," tried Raven, pleading.

"No!" Sirius answered, emphatically.

She narrowed her eyes on him. "Take the potion or I'll dump your sorry ass!"

Sirius gasped hugely and dramatically. "You wouldn't!"

"Oh, she would…" James replied confidently.

"Would not!" he retorted.

"Would too!"

"Would not!"

"Would too!"

"Would not, would not, would not, would not!" Sirius took a huge breath and yelled, louder, "WOULD NOT, WOULD NOT, WOULD NOT, WOULD NOOOOOOOT!"

James yelled, too. "WOULD TOO!"

"NOT, NOT, NOT! NOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!"

Raven and Remus sighed, collectively.

"Yes she woooooould," sang James.

Sirius growled in frustration. "Would not, would not, would NOT - TIMES INFINITY!!!!"

James rolled his eyes. "You are SO immature, Padfoot…"

Sirius grinned smugly.

"Just take the damn potion!"

"NEVER!!!!"

Sirius sprang to his feet and fled the room, closely followed by James, the former screaming; the latter yelling obscenities that he'd never say in front of his wife.

With one quick look at each other, Remus and Raven concurrently drew their wands and cast their spells as James chased Sirius back into the room. The both of them fell to the floor.

"Okay…let's think about this rationally," began Remus.

James's full-body bind had been lifted at once, but Sirius lay in the middle of the floor, out cold. Raven had gently pulled his head into her lap to make him feel less betrayed when he was revived since it was her spell that had rendered him unconscious. She kept her hand against his cheek.

"How are we going to get Sirius to take the potion?" Remus continued.

After James was finished rubbing his bum and glaring at Remus for the hex, he answered, looking to Raven. "Well, clearly, the thing he wants most is you, Raven. And he needs to get that potion into his system so he'll go back to normal, right? We're going to have to find some way to compromise."

Raven suddenly went rigid. "No, that's not happening."

"But Ashe, you don't have to actually sleep with him, just, ya know, strike a bargain with him. Tell him you'll sleep with him after he takes the potion," James finished in a rush because of the glare he was receiving from her, "and then you don't have to actually do it because he'll be back to normal!"

Raven opened her mouth to retort, but then closed it again. She sat pensively for a few seconds and then turned questioning eyes on Remus. "Is the antidote, by any chance, instantaneous?"

He shook his head. "No. The shopkeeper said it would work gradually. The effects will eventually reverse, but it could take hours depending on how much is actually in Sirius's system."

Nodding, Raven turned back to James. "So your compromise-slash-bogus seduction idea is out."

"Come on, Raven, that's the only idea we have!"

"I won't 'compromise' that way!" refused Raven.

"But compromise is our only shot!" James insisted.

"You want me to compromise my virginity, James?!" asked Raven, through gritted teeth.

There was silence for fifteen long seconds while Raven's face flushed with red.

"No…" came James's apologetic voice.

"Then I suggest you keep it out of your sodding ideas from now on." Her teeth had refused to unclench themselves.

"Right." He gulped. "Will do."

The two of them looked to Remus.

"Short of holding him down, plugging his nose, and pouring the stuff down his throat, I got nothing."

Looking back at each other, James and Raven both shrugged. "That might be Plan B," said the latter. "I'll try and reason with him first, though, at least… But, I mean, he's already got cookies and underwear, what more could we be expected to tempt him with?"

Raven looked at the other two and, exactly at the same moment, all three of their faces lit up and, in turn, they exclaimed:

"Of course!"

"Why didn't we think of it before?!"

"BURRITOS!"

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Sirius sat on the floor, still adorned with several of Raven's undergarments, chewing an enormous bite of beef burrito with gusto while still trying to grin from ear to ear.

When he spoke, his voice was dazed and dreamy. "Raven Ashe… I want to marry you… Right now…"

He stuffed the last of the burrito into his mouth and moaned with satisfaction as Raven wound her fingers through his hair, beaming. "That's nice, love. Just finish the other half of the potion if you want anoth—" She stopped abruptly on the last word as she registered what he'd just said. "What?!" she screeched.

Remus had frozen and then hastily covered his mouth so as not to laugh, and James was looking from Sirius to Raven to the plate of burritos she'd just made with wonder in his eyes. "…I think I want to try one of those."

As James reached for the platter, however, Sirius screamed and slapped his hand away. "MINE! She made them for me!"

Immaturely, he stuck out his tongue and made a raspberry sound with his tongue and lips which splattered James with spit.

Slowly, with his eyes scrunched up, James wiped his face with his sleeve and then glared at his best friend.

Raven handed Sirius the rest of the potion, which he downed in one gulp, then took her face in his hands and kissed her enthusiastically.

Raven squealed and pushed him back, giggling. "Aww, sick, Black! I don't want that crap in my mouth!"

"My apologies." He gave her a magnificent grin, then began shoveling burritos into his mouth with record speed.

James's laugh was cut short when an owl swooped through the open window and deposited a crimson colored envelope neatly into his lap. James's eyes widened as he hastily tore open the envelope, his heart skipping several beats. There could only be one reason for a howler addressed to him…

The voice that issued from the envelope was absolutely livid. "JAMES POTTER!!!! WHERE THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU?!?! I'M HAVING A BABY!!!!"

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A/N: Hope you got a few laughs out of this one. Leave me a review, will ya? It would mean a lot. Thanks so much for reading!