Disclaimer: I do not own this set of books.

Baudelaires, I'm sorry. But to any other reader, like Mr Snicket advised, you may like to go to another story. You may like to see another fan fiction section. The Harry Potter section sounds very good.

Anyway, I'm responsible for your demise. I am the Unfortunate Events Master and have been secretly trying to help you, but ended up making things worse. You have no idea how many times I will say I'm sorry in this chapter alone. Dismal, I know.

When I went past Count Olaf's house (if you can call it that), soot fell from the mansion's direction. Upset, I had to punch the first thing I saw. Then Count Olaf came back from the supermarket. You know what I did next.

It was too depressing to tell the Baudelaire orphans the news that I knew happened (my route from Olaf's and Briny Beach had the mansion in the middle) so I let banana-skilled banker (Mr Poe) do the talking. They had to go to the home of the stinky-footed no idea eyebrow solo tattoo twit.

I went to visit them one day, but if Olaf caught me, I'd be next to Sunny in a neighbouring cage. I might even be replacing Violet in a remake of his play. Disgusting. I know.

I saw Violet climb the tower to save Sunny. I didn't help because you were the type of person that could fight off an alien army from 3 planets. You could climb up a tower more than Klaus could read 12 books in 2 hours and a half, including toilet breaks and snacks. You could do it more than Sunny could cut a tree down with her four teeth alone.

On came 'The Marvellous Marriage', his "original" play. Knowing the Baudelaires were going to be in it, I watched it to see how they were doing. As the Baudelaires weren't being treated well, I took my 824 use stone skipper 3000.

After the "I do", once Olaf had been defeated, I used the stone skipper's 94th use, battering weapon. Someone bumped me and the stone attached to the wire hit the light switch instead.

I'm so sorry I let Mr. 'Nothing-for-brains' Poe tell them the news. I'm sorry for letting Olaf intimidate me. I'm sorry for letting Violet worry of falling back up in the tower.

I'm sorry for allowing the play finish. I'm sorry for missing Count Olaf and hitting the light switch. I'm sorry for writing a depressing story and posting it worldwide. I'm sorry for your misery. I'm sorry for everything.

Please, don't give a bad review. I've said sorry enough this chapter.